We Hunted The Mammoth
By David Futrelle
If you’ve been reading this blog for long, you probably know how terrified many manospherians are of getting spermjacked — that is, having some woman they’ve just had sex with fishing their used condoms out of the trash and using the sperm to impregnate herself so she can live the high life off of the sweet child support cash.
It’s not exactly news that Men’s Rights Activists are obsessed — seriously obsessed — with sperm.
Several days ago, one Redditor took to the Men’s Rights subreddit to warn fellow sperm-generators to keep a close watch on that sperm of theirs, telling the tale of how he allegedly caught his alleged wife allegedly “scooping … up” the sperm he had thoughtfully deposited on her belly during sex and “PUTTING IT IN HER VAGINA!!!” He is now allegedly seeking a divorce.
But this is hardly the first time Men’s Rights Redditors have worked themselves into a lather over the dangers of spermjacking. Or even the hundredth. If you do a search for the word “sperm” on Reddit’s Men’s Rights subreddit, you’ll find literally hundreds of posts — many with hundreds of upvotes and/or comments — on the importance of safeguarding one’s own sperm.
The Redditor who goes by the name vlodia has what can only be described as a unique set of interests: Stocks. Diablo. Leaked celebrity nudes. Anonymous browsing. And semen.
And while vlodia seems to keep most of his semen-related inquires confined to porn subreddits like r/tipofmypenis, he recently wandered into the Men’s Rights subreddit to ask about a semen-related quandary more serious than where to find “Videos Featuring A Guy Cumming Really Fast After Blowjob or Handjob?”
It’s official: Men’s Rights Activists are more obsessed with their “precious bodily fluids” than Dr. Strangelove’s General Jack D. Ripper. Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, many of the regulars are celebrating Boxing Day by sitting around on their computers worrying about evil predatory succubi burgling their sperm. Check out this little post, which has gotten 90 upvotes so far:
