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Women are only attracted to men who retain their semen, man who retains his semen declares

Dude must be filled to the brim with semen

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By David Futrelle

It’s nearly Christmas, and so I’ve decided to give myself an early present by giving in to my strange fascination with the Semen Retention subreddit, again.

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Don’t go on a meditation retreat with this guy

It’s PLEDGE DRIVE time again! If you’re a fan of this blog, please help fund its continued existence by clicking the button below. THANKS!


By David Futrelle

Ok, I confess that I wandered into the Semen Retention subreddit again. It’s like an addiction for me.

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The Semen Retention subreddit is leaking (and not how you think)

By David Futrelle

A cryptocurrency guru who calls himself Crypto de Medici is celebrating the start of #NoNutNovember by bringing the gospel of Semen Retention to his nearly 90 thousand Twitter followers.

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Women are sexual vampires who want to steal your energies (and your sperm), Reddit NoFapper warns his fellow non-wankers

This one’s clearly up to no good

By David Futrelle

The Semen Retention subreddit is a place of magic and wonder. That is, many of its inhabitants believe that the simple non-activity of not masturbating for an extended length of time gives them literal magic power. As for the wonder, well, I wonder just what it is they’re smoking.

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Porn, “lustful music” and “vulgar clothing” are lowering men’s “vibrational state,” angry New Age no-fapper declares in epic dumb rant

Lower vibrational energy

By David Futrelle

If you’ve ever wondered what the “precious bodily fluids”-obsessed General Jack D. Ripper from Dr. Strangelove would sound like if he were, like, really into crystals and auras and shit, well, he might sound a bit like this dude I found in the Semen Retention subreddit today, warning his fellow semen-retainers of the alleged spiritual war being waged against their good vibrations.

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NoFap Fascism: Semen-retaining Redditor wants government of, by, and for the semen retainers

“He Won’t Give Them His Essence”

By David Futrelle

These days, fascism rears its ugly little head in the strangest of places. And there are few places stranger than the home of my favorite Reddit subculture — the Semen Retention subreddit, where men go to talk about their hobby of not ejaculating ever because this gives them magical powers or some shit.

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“As a man, you hold the seed of creation within your ballsack,” and other reflections on semen retention from some mystical weirdo on Reddit

No, not THAT ballsack

By David Futrelle

Hardcore semen retainers — yes, I’m back to talking about them again — believe that by refraining from masturbation they can bless themselves with certain magical superpowers, most notably the power of attraction.

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How to become the Warren Buffett of ejaculation, according to some semen-retaining weirdo on Reddit

*makes jerkoff motion*

By David Futrelle

Today, some handy investment advice from … the semen retention subreddit?

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Jews use porn to drain goy boys of their precious bodily fluids and cause women to worship Israeli men, declares semen-hoarding Redditor

General Jack D Ripper: Does not avoid women, but does deny them his essence

By David Futrelle

So I’ve been a teensy weensy bit obsessed with the Semen Retention subreddit for months now — though, emulating the disciplined approach to life that subreddit advocates, I have tried my best not to post about it more than once a month or so. But some days I can’t help but relapse. Today is one of those days.

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Fellas! Don’t let the temptresses get their hands on your cup of everlasting spooge power, Reddit NoFapper warns


Never give the temptresess what they want (your spooge)

By David Futrelle

Sometimes I get the sense that Reddit’s most-devoted semen retainters — the guys who give up both masturbation and sex in order to protect the mystical power of their pent-up love goo — aren’t just embarking on a slightly odd form of supposed self-improvement.