We Hunted The Mammoth
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Worlds are colliding! Two of my obsessions have weirdly converged: while looking through the semen retention subreddit, one of my favorite sources of weirdo misogyny to write about, I ran across a post from someone who had used ChatGPT to write a poem celebrating semen retention.
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Twitter’s @amerix, a self-professed guru on men’s health, has a lot of advice for men on a wide range of topics, including masturbation (“reckless ejaculation”), older women (“old camels”), carrying a woman’s purse (“treat her bags as a fatal infectious disease like leprosy”), and margarine (the devil’s toast spread).
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So my post last week about brains floating in semen got me thinking again about one of my old obsessions, the Semen Retention subreddit. And so I took my first peek into that strange place in a very long time, and it wasn’t long before I discovered an 1100-word manifesto on the subject of semen retention and female nature, so I thought I would share it with you. Not the whole thing; I’m no sadist. But some selected portions.
Fellas! Do you remain baffled by the mysteries of Female Nature?That’s probably because you’re trying to understand women by trying to understand women. Because it turns out, according to this dude I found in the semen retention subreddit, the only way to master female nature is by first mastering your semen (and not master-bating).
Let’s take a break from doomscrolling with (another) little visit to the Land of Magic Sperm, also known as the Semen Retention subreddit.
The guys in the Semen Retention subreddit are just really, really, really into their own semen “the real Elixir of the human body.”
I‘ve been rooting around in the Semen Retention subreddit again, and the insights I’m gaining about the wondrous power of my precious bodily fluids … well, they’re actually pretty terrible and I’m fairly certain that none of them are true.
It’s getting funky over in the Semen Retention subreddit. Not funky like James Brown funky. Funky as in musty teenager’s bedroom funky.
I found this wall of text posted to the BlatantMisogyny subreddit, and I really, really, really want it to be true.
Those who deliberately retain their semen say the practice sharpens their mind and their senses, makes them to smell better, renders them irresistible to women.
