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The Semen Retention subreddit is leaking (and not how you think)

By David Futrelle

A cryptocurrency guru who calls himself Crypto de Medici is celebrating the start of #NoNutNovember by bringing the gospel of Semen Retention to his nearly 90 thousand Twitter followers.

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Jews use porn to drain goy boys of their precious bodily fluids and cause women to worship Israeli men, declares semen-hoarding Redditor

General Jack D Ripper: Does not avoid women, but does deny them his essence

By David Futrelle

So I’ve been a teensy weensy bit obsessed with the Semen Retention subreddit for months now — though, emulating the disciplined approach to life that subreddit advocates, I have tried my best not to post about it more than once a month or so. But some days I can’t help but relapse. Today is one of those days.

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Fellas! Don’t let the temptresses get their hands on your cup of everlasting spooge power, Reddit NoFapper warns


Never give the temptresess what they want (your spooge)

By David Futrelle

Sometimes I get the sense that Reddit’s most-devoted semen retainters — the guys who give up both masturbation and sex in order to protect the mystical power of their pent-up love goo — aren’t just embarking on a slightly odd form of supposed self-improvement.

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Women drain men’s life force (semen) and prevent them from hunting mammoths, MGTOW Redditor warns unironically

Semen-filled prehistoric MGTOWs doing some manly man stuff

By David Futrelle

Be still my heart! I’ve discovered a man who is, simultaneously, 1) a Redditor, 2) a MGTOW, 3) a NoFap dude with weird theories about semen who 4) literally wants to go out and hunt mammoths.