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Tucker Carlson: White Men’s Rights Activist

White men can’t poop

By David Futrelle

In recent days, Tucker Carlson — the whitest of Fox News’ many white supremacists — has taken a break from calling immigrants “dirty” to focus again on one of his other favorite topics: How gosh darn unfair the world is to men, especially white ones like him.

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Telling dudes not to blatantly stare at boobs is basically castration, if you think about it

Take a picture; it’ll last longer

By David Futrelle

FADE IN

INT.     DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES