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alpha males beta males domestic violence grandiosity mansplaining men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny penises precious bodily fluids PUA red pill

"Whilst my canteen of a d*ck wast roaming her cavern" and other bon mots from the worst short story ever written

2010-Roosevelt-Dime

I think I may have discovered the worst piece of short fiction ever written. It’s on a manosphere/pickup-artist blog called Colonel Crimson (slogan: “The Colonel of Truth”).

Here’s how it starts:

So I’m in bed with a dime and she says to me, “Willis, what are your goals in life?”

“Simple, Adime,” I respond with my larynx. “To explore the caverns of dimes throughout the world.”

And it only gets worse from there. I would quote the worst bits, but then I’d have to quote the whole thing. Pretty much everything is a worst bit.

There’s some domestic violence, some utterly horrifying descriptions of sex, a lot of mansplaining, and even a sammich joke. There’s an element of self-parody to it — or at least I hope that’s what I’m seeing there — but the author seems to actually believe all the things he’s gently satirizing. You should of course go and read the whole thing immediately.

If you’re hesitating, here’s another sample:

I remind her of her last gentleman suitor. Average height, median weight. Put the schlub in the word schlub. “Do you remember when he strapped on his kneepads and proposed marriage to you?”

“Unfortunately I do.”

“And do you have any recollection of how the beaver felt in that moment?”

“Dry.”

Oh, and in case you were wondering, a “dime” is a Hot Babe 10. Either that or the dude is having hallucinations about talking currency.

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antifeminism evil women false accusations harassment internal debate men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA oppressed men playing the victim rape culture

As the worms turn: Men's Rights subreddit mod now defends spamming Occidental College with false rape reports

Oh, Men’s Rightsers, can you just make up your minds? Only a couple of days after blaming trolls for the spamming of Occidental College’s rape reporting site with false accusations, rather than acknowledging it as the work of Men’s Rightsers in his own subreddit who were proudly encouraging and taking credit for it themselves, Men’s Rights subreddit mod sillymod is now defending the false rape reporting as “unpopular” but thought-provoking activism.

sillymod 6 points 7 hours ago (13|7)  First you have to believe that we did something wrong in order to want to get our reputation back. Sometimes people fighting for a cause are going to do something that is unpopular in order to make a statement.  I don't think we do need to get our reputation back. I think the act stands for itself, and it will get people to stop and think.      permalink     source     save     give gold     hide child comments  [–]TheIdesOfLight [+20] 15 points 4 hours ago (22|7)  So I guess that whole "We were trolled"/"It was SRS!" bullshit is off the table? You can't pass the buck and convince yourselves everyone else is guilty but you and now it's become an act of bravery?  Wow.  Yeah, watching you flip flop on this for the past three days has been both alarming and rewarding. You didn't make any kind of statement, Sillymod. The entire internet and media is sneering at you and you still can't just say WE DID A TERRIBLE THING. PERHAPS WE SHOULD REFLECT ON IT AS A WHOLE.      permalink     source     save     parent     give gold  [–]ninioquiroz 6 points 3 hours ago (12|6)  No, because that would require a level of maturity and self-awareness that this "movement" clearly lacks.  But, does anybody else think feminists are to blame for all the world's problems?

This whole exchange is worth reading — it continues on for a number of comments beyond this, with sillymod’s rationalizations becoming increasingly baroque. It’s extremely rare to see critical remarks like those from TheIdesOfLight actually get upvoted in the Men’s Rights subreddit. The Occidental College fiasco has divided the Men’s Rights subreddit like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Some are appalled by it; others are digging in their heels.

Speaking of which, here’s former subreddit mod Celda defending the false rape reports in much more straightforward terms than sillymod:

Celda [-1] 5 points 18 hours ago (9|4)  I agree that the subreddit deserves some responsibility for that.  But - there was nothing wrong with those actions.  I saw the news articles in which it says they were spammed with hundreds of reports, of being raped by fictional characters, accusing the staff of the Dean's Office (the form is run by the Dean's Office), etc.  Those reports are non-harmful - and the goal of shutting down the online form is quite a laudable one.  I am actually quite disgusted by the number of people who are defending the existence of an anonymous online form intended for reporting people as rapists.

Elsewhere, Celda has called the false reporting “quite moral and laudable.”

Thanks to the AgainstMensRights subreddit — which, again, is not actually against rights for men, but against the reactionary clusterfuck that is the Men’s Rights movement — for keeping close track on all this.

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a voice for men are these guys 12 years old? attention seeking drama kings evil women false accusations johntheother men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA oppressed men rape culture slacktivism

John "The Other" Hembling on MRAs spamming Occidental College with false rape reports: "Go forward, brothers, and f*ck their sh*t up!"

This has to be my favorite quote to come out of the whole Occidental College fiasco; it’s staggering in its moral blindness and fanaticism and its complete lack of self-awareness. It also captures well the peculiarly self-defeating quality of so much Men’s Rights rhetoric and, er, “activism.”

johntheother [-37] -8 points 3 hours ago (11|19)  "‘Men’s rights activists’ conspire to cripple college rape reporting system with false reports"  GOOD! Go forward, brothers, and fuck their shit up.  rape is a crime. If somebody has a report to file of being the victim of this crime - file that report with a POLICE ORGANIZATION, not with some jumped up kangaroo court or administrative star chamber. And when operating in an environment where the star-chamber rules - FTSU with the same fraudulent reports they've tuned their system to process against you.      permalink     source     save     give gold     hide child comments  [–]O-Fortuna 3 points 35 minutes ago (4|0)  This came off so silly and juvenile I thought it was one of the troll comments the mods talked about, but you seem to be some kind of widely known mra. In favor of making false reports. Appalling.

The backstory here: the commenter in question is none other than John “The Other” Hembling, the Number Two (or Three? I can’t tell) boy at A Voice for Men. He’s responding to an article on Raw Story that’s indicative of the incredibly (and justifiably) bad press Reddit MRAs have gotten for spamming Occiental College’s anonymous rape reporting website with false reports of rape, some of which may have named real people at the school as the “perps.”

At this point in the story, even the normally obtuse Men’s Rights Redditors realize they have a disaster on their hands, and are trying to blame anyone else they can.

But Hembling thinks it’s the perfect time to cheer on the false accusers amongst the MRAs.

That’s right: apparently jealous of all the attention Reddit MRAs have gotten for their cloddish “activism,” he’s decided to jump aboard this train — after it’s left the station, derailed, and fallen into a ravine.

That response is classic, too

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antifeminism doxing false accusations gross incompetence harassment hypocrisy irony alert men who should not ever be with women ever not me playing the victim rape culture reddit shit that never happened that's completely wrong

Men’s Rights subreddit mod blames “Not Me” for Occidental College vigilantism

The diabolical Not Me strikes the Men's Rights subreddit yet again
The diabolical Not Me strikes the Men’s Rights subreddit yet again

Some updates on the Occidental College situation.

First, for those who didn’t see my post yesterday, a quick recap: Yesterday, Men’s Rights Redditors discovered that Occidental College has an online form that allows victims of and witnesses to sexual violence to report the incidents anonymously.

Although the information is being collected to track trends, and no one will be charged with anything as a result of such a report, a number of Men’s Rights subreddit regulars decided it would be a great idea to flood Occidental College with false reports to basically break the system, and they suggested this to much acclaim; others proudly reported that they’d sent in bogus reports.

So what has happened since then? The story has been picked up by a number of sites, including Gawker, Business Insider, RawStory, and LAist. In a followup post, Adam Weinsten of Gawker confirmed that Occidental College had indeed been hit with some 400 bogus rape reports in the past 36 hours — that is, after posts encouraging false reports appeared on 4chan and the Men’s Rights subreddit.

Meanwhile, on the Men’s Rights subreddit, after belatedly realizing that this whole thing makes them look kind of bad, the subreddit’s mods are trying their best to make the whole embarrassing thing go away — and not really doing a great job of it.

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antifeminism are these guys 12 years old? evil women false accusations men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA oppressed men playing the victim rape culture reddit slacktivism

Men's Rights Redditors flood Occidental College's online rape reporting form with false accusations

Last night, a regular commenter in the Men’s Rights subreddit — inspired by a thread on 4chan — posted a link to an online form on r/mensrights under the headline “Feminists at Occidental College created an online form to anonymously report rape/sexual assault. You just fill out a form and the person is called into the office on a rape charge. The “victim” never has to prove anything or reveal their identity.”

This headline is not only inflammatory but untrue: Yes, Occidental College has an online form that allows victims of or witnesses to sexual assault to report the incidents to the school. But, as a statement at the top of the form makes clear, the point is to collect data on how much sexual violence there is at the school, who the victims are, and so on.

If the person reporting the crime names the alleged perpetrator,

a member of the Dean of Students Office will meet with that person to share that the person was named in an anonymous report, review the Sexual Misconduct Policy, and inform the person that if the allegations are true, the behavior needs to cease immediately. Information shared in this form alone will not result in anyone going through the grievance process.

I’ve put the last bit in bold to emphasize a point: No one will be charged with anything based only on information gathered using this form. As would be clear to anyone who thought about the matter for more than a few seconds, it’s rather difficult to investigate, much less prove, a rape if you don’t actually know who the victim is.

Somehow this rather elementary fact eluded the OP, and virtually all of those who left the hundreds of comments on the popular post.

Indeed, a host of Men’s Rights Redditors were so convinced of the innate evil of the online form they all had the same bright idea: let’s flood the school with false reports of rape and break the form. Here are some of their comments. (There are more in the thread.) Note the number of upvotes each of these suggestions got. (Click the images to see the comments in context on Reddit.)

SirSkeptic 167 points 15 hours ago (209|45)  That's awesome.  I'd like to see one sent with the name of every member of the Dean of Students Office as the offender. Hey, it's anonymous and no evidence is required.  Sometimes that's the only way fanatics learn.

blueoak9 83 points 15 hours ago (129|46)  The quickest way to shut this one down is to anonymously report random women and let them sweat in the hot seat. This will be over before it begins.  How are they any less expendable, and more to the point, above suspicion that the men?  And if the school treats them any differently, there's your Title 1X complaint.

WhiteThrone 15 points 12 hours ago (24|9)  Step one: Get a list of every 'Feminist' at Occidental College who supported this system.  Step two: Anonymously report them for rape.  Step three: Watch them squirm as their lives are hanging in the balance over a false rape charge.  Step four : Shutdown the BS online form.

Jonathan_Taylor 26 points 11 hours ago (30|4)  I'd just like to say that I don't condone using the form to make false accusations against officials. Flooding the forms with other ridiculous things as a means to demonstrate how ridiculous the form is, on the other hand...

While a few commenters stood up to point out that in fact the school will not charge anyone with anything as a result of anonymous information gathered by the form, they were outnumbered by  Men’s Rightsers gleefully reporting that they in fact had reported false information. Among them:

froggymorning 46 points 15 hours ago (59|13)  I've already filled one out.      permalink     source     parent     save     give gold     hide child comments  [–]Muffinizer1 6 points 7 hours ago (9|4)  Was kind of fun. I swear to god though, if they track us down it would be terribly ironic, however it's mildly likely.

Your_Bacon_Counselor 5 points 6 hours ago (6|1)  Looks like there is an epidemic at Occidental, particularly female-on-female assault.  Even though most of these will be scrubbed, I promise the numbers will be kept and used to justify programs.

 

unexpecteditem 6 points 9 hours ago (11|5)  I like this. Where can I fill it in. I've been raped all over the place. Let's get submitting boys? Has anyone been raped by the dean of women's studies? Surely somebody. I find her a bit creepy.  I've also been raped by the president of the US. And of course by everyone I don't like. Heck, why don't I just go down the phone book. I've been raped by everybody. There. That ought to do it. Nothing like a practical demonstration of the absurdity of an idea.

gonecatfishin 8 points 11 hours ago (9|1)  Filling this out is fun!

It’s one thing to criticize an anonymous reporting system because of its potential for abuse; this is something else entirely.

The post has been up for 17 hours at this point, with more than 700 net upvotes, and some of the calls for “breaking” the form have been up for nearly as long. The moderators of Men’s Rights have done nothing to stop their subreddit being used to interfere with a school’s attempt to assist rape survivors — including men.

“Breaking” a school’s rape reporting mechanism is apparently a form of Men’s Rights activism.

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Roosh V's Return of Kings blog offers sex tips inspired by prison rape

prison-650

So a fellow over at Roosh Valizadeh’s Return of Kings blog has come up with a new way for men to “dominate” the women in their lives. And it’s inspired by … prison rape.

Let’s let him explain. The RoK writer who calls himself raywolf was allegedly hanging out with an alleged old friend of his who’d allegedly just gotten out of prison after 20 years for his part in an armed robbery in which a security guard was killed.

His friend “Jake” was apparently a bit taken aback by the changes that have taken place over the last several decades. Surprised by the ubiquity of tattoos amongst the general population, and by what he saw as a lot of “masculinized” women out there, he concluded that life outside of prison these days is a lot like life inside prison.

And this brings us to the prison rape. Or, as Jake prefers to call it, eliding entirely the issue of consent, sodomy:

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Red Piller: Unless white women start "sh*tting out" more babies, western civilization is doomed

A shipment of white babies.
A shipment of white babies.

So one of the regulars on Reddit’s The Red Pill subreddit — the “TRP Endorsed” contributor who calls himself IllimitableMan — has worked himself into a lather about the coming Whitepocalypse. You know, the impending collapse of civilization that Mr. Man and assorted other racist asshats  fear will come about as a result of white women refusing to pop out the required number of white babies to keep it alive. Sorry, due to white women refusing to “shit out” the required number of white babies. (Mr. Man is quite the defender of family values.)

It pretty much goes without saying that IllimitableMan blames feminism for it all. In fact, over the course of his rambling, repetitive, and rage-fuelled 2,000 word rant he manages to blame feminism for the impending death of the white race roughly half a dozen different times.

Here’s perhaps the most coherent statement of his thesis:

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Video game defenders hold the line against eeeevil women with incoherent rage, obscene phone calls

But Mega Man is supposed to be ... a ... man!
But Mega Man is supposed to be … a … man!

Welcome to the first installment of “what the hell is wrong with people, I mean really,what the hell Saturday.”

Today we’re going to look at a couple of recent controversies in the world of gaming. And by “controversies” I mean “women daring to get involved in the gaming industry and getting harassed by misogynistic assholes.”

First up, let’s look at the tale of a woman who’s now facing an angry internet mob because she drew a picture of the video game character Mega Man … as a woman.

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A Voice for Men doubles down: how dishwashers, TV dinners, and marital rape laws are rendering women obsolete. Also, the apocalypse.

Not the apology that Clint Carpentier is looking for.
Not the apology that Clint Carpentier is looking for.

We met new A Voice for Men writer Clint Carpentier earlier this week, when we took a look at a recent post of his waxing nostalgic about the good old days before marital rape laws, when wives couldn’t say “no” to their husbands and expect the law to take this no any more seriously than a husband intent on rape.

In a second posting, he’s doubled down on the whole marital rape thing and incorporated into a vast and fantastical vision of the past and future of humankind that bears so little resemblance to reality that it’s worth quoting in detail as a sort of case study in Men Going Their Own Way delusions.

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Vox Day: Don't call your wife "the boss," because women are dogs, or something.

You may now lick the bride's face.
You may now lick the bride’s face.

Some married men like to jokingly refer to their wife as “the boss,” generally in a patronizing manner that suggests she’s nominally in charge of the boring everyday stuff in the household that he doesn’t really care about anyway.

But our old nemesis Vox Day isn’t having any of it. To refer to your wife as the boss, even as a joke, is to threaten to loose the forces of anarchy and chaos and feminism upon your family. Also, women are dogs. On his Alpha Game blog, he writes,

If you let a dog think he’s the boss, he will cease to defer to you and begin objecting, violently, when you interfere with what he now believes are his prerogatives. Women are no different.

That’s right. Give in an inch to your wife, and the next thing you know she’ll be sitting on the furniture and insisting on eating “people food” at the table.

It’s a tad ironic that Vox here has decided to degrade women by comparing them to dogs, when his whole “alpha” schtick is based on misguided notions about the behavior of “alpha dogs” and wolves.

It’s one thing to turn over your social calendar to your wife due to a lack of interest in the various social obligations of the family. But checking in to see if there is scheduling conflict, or simply being courteous enough to see if your wife minds if you go to the football game does not make you an employee or a child. Therefore, it does not make her the boss. And what might have been an ironic jest in the days of Mad Men is often taken quite literally now.

Marriage: an endless power struggle in which the wife must always lose.

What a lovely vision of the world!

I should also add that you should never ever, even jokingly, refer to Bruce Springsteen as “the boss” either, because if you do he’s going to be hounding you to hand in your TPS reports and forcing you to work on Saturdays. You don’t want that.

EDITED TO ADD: In the comments on Alpha Game, cailcorishev expands a bit on the whole “women-as-dogs” thing in what he evidently thinks is a humorous way:

 Since you mentioned dogs: virtually everything about disciplining a dog and being the pack leader applies to leading a woman (or children). I’m convinced that, if you took a woman on a 45-minute walk every day, as Cesar Millan recommended for dogs, it would eliminate a lot of her problems. Just make sure you lead her, having her take your arm and follow you where you want to go — or use a leash if she’s into that kind of thing.

I can only hope his wife — if there is an unfortunate woman holding this position — pees on the rug and chews up all his important paperwork.