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Bad (Anatomy) Romance: Creepy dudes woo the ladies with some of the most anatomically incorrect DMs of all time

Note: Diagram might not be 100% correct

By David Futrelle

Now, I don’t consider myself an expert on dating, but after spending a couple of hours looking through an assortment of messages that weird and confused would-be-suitors have sent to women online, and which have subsequently been posted to Reddit’s CreepyPMs and BadWomensAnatomy subreddits, it’s become clear that at the very least I am more of an expert than these guys.

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“The greatest value a woman has to offer a man is her sexuality, and eggs,” Twitter weirdo explains

The sexiest woman who ever existed, according to SCIENCE

By David Futrelle

Three guys are hanging out on a stoop when a young woman walks by.

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Throbbing pinkies, misplaced nipples, and breasts that wave: Signs she’s not a virgin?

Saggy ears: Another sign she might have done the sex thing

By David Futrelle

Fellas! How often do you find yourself wondering if the pretty lady you haveĀ  a crush on is the pure, untouched virgin you deserve? The “unbroken hymen” thing is bullshit, unfortunately (and that’s assuming she’s one of those ladies who has a vagina). And besides, you’d probably have to buy her an expensive dinner before she’d even let you have access to that whole area down there.