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Fellas! Don’t let the temptresses get their hands on your cup of everlasting spooge power, Reddit NoFapper warns

By David Futrelle Sometimes I get the sense that Reddit’s most-devoted semen retainters — the guys who give up both masturbation and sex in order to protect the mystical power of their pent-up love goo — aren’t just embarking on a slightly odd form of supposed self-improvement.

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Creepy Nazi NoFapper: The Jews “fear men who practice semen retention”

By David Futrelle The other day I introduced you to DiceRollah, a Man Going His Own Way who is also a hardcore semen-retainer who thinks that giving up masturbation and sex will thwart the evil womens out there trying to steal his “life force” and prevent him from being the sort of awesome dude who,…

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“Masturbation is gay” because you’re jerking off a guy, weirdo Reddit NoFapper warns other men

By David Futrelle Last year, weirdo online pastor “Coach” Dave Daubenmire caused a bit of a stir after he warned men not to give in to the devilish temptation of masturbation, because when a man jerks himself off he’s, well, jerking off a man, and even though that man is himself, it’s still totally gay.

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When you jerk off, you’re literally schtupping a sex demon, Christian NoFapper explains

By David Futrelle The NoFap movement has always been home to a certain amount of mystical woo.

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Reach out and we will beat it together: Russian troll farm inadvertently creates the greatest NoFap meme ever

By David Futrelle I‘m not normally a big fan of Russian troll farms. But this wondrous little NoFap meme from Russia’s infamous Internet Research Agency has me reconsidering my position.

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Feminists push porn to make men weak through excessive masturbation, NoFap conspiracy theorist explains

The WHTM PLEDGE DRIVE is almost over! WHTM is ad free and entirely dependent on folks like you for its continued existence. If you appreciate it, please DONATE HERE NOW! Thanks! By David Futrelle NoFappers — they call themselves fapstronauts — give up masturbating to porn because they’ve convinced themselves that it drains them of their “life…

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If not fapping makes you so energetic and creative, why are NoFap memes so lazy and terrible?

It’s PLEDGE DRIVE time again! WHTM is ad free and entirely dependent on folks like you for its continued existence. If you can afford it, please DONATE HERE NOW! Thanks! By David Futrelle The weirdly popular NoFap anti-masturbation movement promises men that they can have more energy, achieve greater mental clarity and even think more creatively if they…

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These philosophical musings on the “Cup of Hermes” from the NoFap subreddit will ruin your dinner

By David Futrelle So yesterday I learned a phrase I sort of wish I could unlearn. It’s “Cup of Hermes,” a term apparently originating in alchemy that has been taken up by practitioners of Sex Magick and the anti-masturbation NoFap movement. If you think for a moment I suspect you’ll be able to figure out…

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“Computer screens are draining your life force!” declares mystical semen retainer

Today we’re taking another peek into the Semen Retention subreddit, the hangout of some of the most intense NoFappers you can find online. In particular, we’re going to look at a post from someone called RealisticGarage, who has a warning for his semen-retaining brothers: your life force can’t just be drained from your johnson. It…

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We Hunted the Mammoth Greatest Hits 2020

As this garbage year comes to a close, I thought I’d dig out some of my favorite posts from the past year. I think they’re all worth revisiting. Enjoy!