Comments Policy

The comments policy in brief

UPDATED 7/10/19

Unmoderated or too-loosely moderated internet forums quickly become shitheaps, so we have a few rules here.

One thing to remember right off the bat: this is a feminist blog, designed (mostly) for a feminist audience. You don’t have to be a feminist to post here, but if you don’t think the world would be a better place without so much fascism and misogyny, you’re not going to fit in. You have a right to your opinions, but you don’t have a right to our attention.

First comments from new commenters – or old commenters changing their name – automatically go to moderation. Regardless of your politics, if you start off here with a jerky or tediously argumentative comment, or if you trigger some other red flag for me, your first comment will never see the light of day.

So what are the big no-nos?

You’re NOT welcome if you’re: a racist, a misogynist, an antisemite, a homophobe, a transphobe or TERF, a MAGA-hat-wearing Trump fan, a fat-phobe, an edgelord, an asshole, a bad-faith comment policy tester, or just a blathering dingus that no one wants to have to listen to. This list is not all-inclusive; I can ban you for being offensive and/or annoying in ways not specified here. Sending me long whiny emails afterwards won’t help your chances of being reinstated.

Some things to avoid: slurs (c*nt, tr*nny, etc; keep in mind that TERF is not a slur); piling on; blaming someone’s bad ideas and/or behavior on mental illness or other medical conditions (though it’s ok to mention mental illness if it’s relevant); disrespect towards working-class or poor people, old people, young people, disabled people, people with mental illnesses, people literally or figuratively living in their mom’s basement. Don’t attack people based on their physical appearance. 

No threats or violent comments. That includes telling someone to “die in a fire” or remarking that so-and-so would probably be better off dead. No calls for violent revolution or political assassination or any of that bullshit.

No gratuitously nasty personal attacks. Yes, discussions can sometimes get a bit contentious. You’re not required to be perfectly nice all the time. Just don’t be a total asshole.

No doxxing or posting of personal identifying information. Don’t spread rumors or speculate without evidence on the possible criminal activity of anyone else. Don’t use this site to organize harassment of anyone.

No rape apologism, pedo apologism, victim blaming, and so forth. No slut-shaming; no virgin-shaming. (Suggesting that people with terrible ideas about women might have trouble getting dates is fine, however; it’s also true.)

Don’t misgender anyone. If you do it accidentally, apologize and get it right the next time. If you do it deliberately, you’re out.

Don’t attack anyone for their sexual preferences or kinks, so long as they involve consenting adults. Refrain from weird or creepy sexual oversharing. Whatever your opinion of sex work, don’t disparage sex workers, or use words like “whore” as a pejorative. (Feel free to talk about MRAs who are using the word pejoratively.)

Don’t attack people for their religion or their lack of religion.

Don’t be a mansplainer or indeed any kind of ‘splainer. That is, don’t lecture anyone on something they know better than you, particularly if that thing is their lived experience.

Don’t post too much or try to make threads all about you. Try to avoid drama.

Avoid giving unsolicited advice, particularly on medical or weight issues.

No sockpuppeting. No lying. No misrepresentation of yourself or other people. No posting in bad faith – e.g. posting friendly comments here while trashing the site and/or the people on it elsewhere.

Sometimes I do let trolls and MAGA-heads and MRAs through, but only if I think they might be kind of fun for the regular commenters to bat around for a while. I will ban them if they become more offensive/annoying than entertaining.

If someone is violating these rules or being a huge asshole in ways I haven’t specified, don’t just drop a note in the comments, SEND ME AN EMAIL at dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

That’s basically it. If you’re concerned that the rules seem too strict, please read on:

Regardless of all the rules, you don’t have to be perfect to comment here. As sociologist Katherine Cross (@Quinnae_Moon) has noted, very few people arrive “fully formed to the world of activism, the perfect agents of change, somehow entirely cognizant of the ever shifting morass of rules and prescribed or proscribed words, phrases, argot, and thought.”

I want this blog to be open to all those who genuinely oppose misogyny and bigotry more generally, even those who may slip up from time to time.

Still, if you’re new here, or new to feminism, and the regulars here are telling you to avoid certain words, or pointing out something that you’re doing that’s problematic, don’t take it as a personal attack (unless it is couched as a personal attack, in which case email me). If they tell you to avoid particular language, uh, avoid using that language, and don’t explain that in your country calling a person a something-or-other is perfectly fine.

You don’t have to agree with all the rules and/or cultural norms here; but while you’re commenting here you are expected to respect them. If you think a rule is really, really wrong or ridiculous, don’t argue about it in the comments; send me an email about it.

And this brings us to the issue of ableism, which has been a contentious one here.

NOTES ON “CRAZY”

Avoid “crazy” talk. That is, using words like “crazy,” “psycho” and the like to describe the terrible ideas and actions of people you don’t like. It’s stigmatizing to those dealing with mental illness, who really don’t need the extra indignity of being compared to MRAs. Try using words like “ridiculous” or “absurd” or “terrible” instead. Call someone an “asshole” instead of a “psycho.” Try to avoid internet diagnoses of mental illness, and don’t use autism or Aspergers as an excuse for someone’s shitty behavior.

Saying someone is “paranoid,” “delusional,” or “narcissistic” is fine, if you don’t mean it as a diagnosis; these are useful descriptive terms.

If there is evidence that someone you are discussing does indeed have a mental illness, and this is relevant to the discussion, it can be appropriate to bring this up, though you should keep in mind that a hunch is not evidence.

All this said, words like “crazy,” “psycho,” and the like are extremely common, and plenty of people (including feminists, progressives, and people dealing with mental illness themselves) use them casually without intending to stigmatize those with mental illnesses. There’s a difference between saying “crazy people should all be locked up” and “boy, Eraserhead sure was a crazy movie!”

If you’re someone who uses these terms casually, and doesn’t actually want all “crazy” people locked up, it doesn’t make you an evil person, but you need to refrain from doing it here. (Again, if you disagree with this policy, and feel a need to make this disagreement known, DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT IN THE COMMENTS, send me an email instead.)

If you are a regular commenter here, and someone uses a problematic term like “crazy” or “psycho,” remind them gently that this is not how we do things here, and send them a link to this comment policy (and possibly the Welcome Package as well). Unless what they have said is particularly egregious, do not insult them or question their motives.

If they argue, remind them that arguing about this rule is also not allowed. If they continue,do not argue back; send me or the mods a note and they will be banned. (This may take a little while, so be patient and please do not give in to the impulse to argue with them.)

If others have already reminded them of the rules, move on.

Again, if someone is acting really shitty in the comments, whether a troll or a regular, SEND ME AN EMAIL.

One other thing to keep in mind:

MRAs read this blog. So I would strongly urge you to comment here using an anonymous handle that cannot be traced to your real identity. And to be very careful about revealing any sort of personal information on this blog. If you inadvertently post something using the wrong account, or that otherwise reveals personal information, let the mods know so we can remove those comments.

Oh, wait, one other other thought:

Enjoy yourself!

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Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

Licensed Medical Practitioners HATE Him

Dean’s discovery revealed the secret to overcoming inconvenient urges in just 10 weeks of trolling blog comment sections. Read this shocking sales pitch and discover how you can endanger your own health with drugs used off-label and bought from unregulated sources using this sneaky pharmaceutical secret…Free from medical supervision…Free from desiring woman-shaped objects… and absolutely guaranteed to be total bullshit!

(Sorry, couldn’t resist piggybacking on WWTH’s excellent clickbait parody. 🙂 But, Dean, you can kiss off now. You should have done that long, long ago, but still – no time like the present! And take your poor-little-under-served-mass-murderers garbage with you, thanks, bye-bye).

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

@WWTH

I actually found a cure for that! It’s a subspecies of brewer’s yeast called Saccharomyces boulardii. I start taking it a few days before I expect my period to start and have considerably less trouble now.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

While I think POM’s analysis is the soundest, I have to give the points to Paradoxical for a magnificent rant. Well done.

Shut up, Dean.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@WWTH

Diarrhea? No.

I actually often get constipated on the first day of my period, and when I finally do shit, it’s one of the poops that hurt. I hate it. I’m just happy I don’t get cramps, I just sometimes get uncomfortable, like there’s rocks in my guts. Sometimes I get back aches. That’s really it.

Although I bleed like a fucking stuck pig. Like Shinning-level proportions of blood. And it gets fucking everywhere. Luckily I found that tampons really help and even shorten my period, in a way, which is nice.

gilshalos
5 years ago

I still bless the goddess for hitting menopause at 30.
My periods were hell, cramps, sensitivity to cold, and heat, and sitting still, and moving and…
And then they stopped, 20 years early, and life was good.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

@WWTH – I used to have that problem every month! Things have calmed down a bit in recent years. Might be a hitting-my-thirties thing, might be a side-effect from the miracle of childbirth, who knows? I do still cramp like my uterus is caught in a vise, though. Which old wives’ tales had promised me would no longer be an issue after I became a mother. Boo.

Oooh, speaking of childbirth, I bet a description of that would send Dean running. I had two straight-forward, uncomplicated deliveries and they were both still festivals of gore. I’ll save those in case we need to call in the big guns.

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

Damnit WP. Ugh.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I get bad bloating and cramps, but luckily my period only lasts 2 or 2.5 days and is quite light.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I’ve never given birth, but my friend got pretty graphic describing it to me.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

I remember when I first heard that “period blood” isn’t exactly blood, but like parts of your uterus lining. @n@

Why does my body want to tear itself apart so badly?

Oh, and I’m considering starting menstrual cups as soon as I can afford them. Tampons scare the shit out of me because of Toxic Shock Syndrome, and pads don’t do shit for me when I sleep and I find them just to be overall pretty gross in theory.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Oh, and pads are bad for the environment because they’re not made out of biodegradable materials, and this makes my inner (and outer) Nature Lover a little irate.

gilshalos
5 years ago

Also, if you aren’t wearing pads with strong underpants, you can feel the back of the pad waggling as you walk.
Like a duck’s tail.
Or at least that was what I felt like in High School.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

Uterine lining that suppose to turn into a placenta when you get preggers. It’s like the equivalent of mucus in your nose: Sometimes it gets runny and runs out of your nose, sometimes it coats something and makes it into a booger.

And, yes, babies are the boogies in this scenario.

Catalpa
Catalpa
5 years ago

I would highly reccomend menstrual cups. The only stumbling blocks there are with them is that you do tend to get blood on your hands when removing and inserting it, and it takes a bit of practice to put them in so they seal and don’t leak all over the place. I still wear a panty liner to catch stray drips when I use my divacup, to be honest. But I haven’t had any catastophic leaks for a long while.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

@Para – I have a cup, and I like it a lot (yes, I’m one of those people who has to sing their praises any time they’re mentioned). Inserting and removing it was a little bit of a learning curve, but now that I’ve mastered that I’m a happy camper. I don’t have to empty it very often on regular-to-light days, and I haven’t had an “Oh, no, out of tampons!” moment in years. I hope you’re similarly pleased when you get one.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

The one time I used a cup, I had trouble getting it out. The bathroom looked like a horror movie scene. Maybe I should try again. I’m getting tired of trying and failing to keep pee from getting on the tampon string

I so hope Dean’s boner has run screaming into the night, never to return.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Leaks are why I always wear my period panties (though, every pair of panties becomes period panties if you live long enough. ಠ▃ಠ ).

And I’d more than likely try to only remove my cup in the shower, until I get the hang of it, and even then I might only do shower-removal. >.>

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

I have a cup and it is great for really heavy days, but removing it without getting blood all over my hand is like a magic trick. When I can walk a quarter across my knuckles, maybe I’ll be able to master cup removal.

I sometimes use flannel pads but the Always Infinity pads are my favorites right now. Space age technology right in your panties! What could be better?

I told my husband of my plan to masturbate to Eye f the Tiger. He failed to see the allure. Maybe I’ll switch it to The Final Countdown?

Nah. Eye of the Tiger it is.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

I get painfully explodey cysts on my ovaries. I hate them more than Dean hates women not minding his sad boner for him. They call them chocolate cysts but you wouldn’t want to find one in your Easter Basket. They are hit the ground puking, sweating and turning gray painful.
Google pics of “ruptured chocolate cyst” Dean-o. That should cure your sad boneritus.

http://i.imgur.com/4PY3y.jpg

BONERITUS

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Good lord that kitty has some weird anatomy.

Either that, or fluff is making my brain go “Wha?” again.

The neck’s super long.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

Something about that cat isn’t right.

Viscaria
Viscaria
5 years ago

If Buttercup doesn’t want my attention, then she should be glad that what I want is to not desire her.

A lifetime of thinking of women only in terms of their relationship to your pants feelings has evidently convinced you that women think of ourselves that way. Not the case.

Dean Walker
Dean Walker
5 years ago

I have heard that marijuana can ease the pain of menstrual cramps. Queen Victoria successfully used it for that purpose.

Now we know that there are two distinct active ingredients in marijuana: THC, which produces the “high” and CBD, which has medical benefits, such as stopping seizures when nothing else could. One strain of marijuana, which has CBD and almost no THC, is called Charlotte’s Web, because a little girl named Charlotte found that it stopped her seizures.

Which ingredient relieves the menstrual cramps? Maybe you should find out — ask your doctor he right questions.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

I’m just going to sit here a moment and bask in the hilarity of a dude giving out menstrual advice.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@PoM

You gotta give him the credit that he’s not squicked and knows a little something about it.

You know what else weed can do Dean?

Stop boners.

Maybe instead of having dangerous fucking drugs that has all sorts of horrible side effects, you try smoking a blunt every once in a while and chill the fuck out.

And I’m saying that unironically.

What I’m not saying unironically: Get the fuck out of here, my god, Dean, my god just go. Go and take your boner troubles elsewhere.

Or you can stay and not mention your boner problems any more.

Either way, if I hear about your goddamn libido again I am going to be disappointed and then write a post directed at you that is 100x more angry than I actually am IRL.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

You gotta give him the credit that he’s not squicked and knows a little something about it.

I give him no credit, because this takes mansplanation to an entirely new summit. It’s going to be a hard slog for any mansplainer who tries to top this one.

sparky
sparky
5 years ago
katz
5 years ago

Is there any problem in the world that Dean doesn’t think drugs can fix?

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

Is there any problem in the world that Dean doesn’t feel qualified to opine upon?

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@PoM

I didn’t mean “giving him credit” as in give him a brownie point, I meant he at least scanned all the crap that we wrote to gross him out and he came back and gave us advice for it. We were suppose to gross him out, but it didn’t work. Wascally wabbit and all that shit.

NothingClever
NothingClever
5 years ago

Dean, a little advice. I’m sure your intentions are good (or at least you think they are), but when you tell random women on the internet that you desire them (implied because you don’t WANT to desire them), it comes across as a little…creepy.

You’ve burned your bridges here. So here’s the advice part: Cut and run. There’s nothing you can possibly say now that’s going to make any of us view you as less of a creep. I only hope your IRL interactions with fellow hoomins aren’t so awkward.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

Oh my god, he tried to come in and mansplain menstrual cramps and how fucking weed works.

I wish I had some, because I’d need to be high to deal with this shit. (And I’d make it into some edibles too so I’d at least have some cookies or something.)

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@Paradoxical

You know, I’ve always wanted to try weed but, well, you know, currently illegal for recreational use.

weirwoodtreehugger
5 years ago

I like weed but it gives me dry mouth and you can’t go to work high. So it really makes no sense as menstrual cramp relief. Not when ibuprofen (legal and doesn’t have a narcotic effect!) works pretty well.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@WWTH

Yeah, and there’s still a lot of workplaces that drug test and will fire people if they test positive for whatever the test to detect weed for, even if it’s medicinal.

Paradoxical Intention
5 years ago

I live in California currently, so I can get a freebie on the medicinal stuff to a point (if I had a card). It’s legal at the state level, but not a federal, so I can still get busted by the fuzz for it, medicinal or not.

And it depends on where you work. I interned at a place where I’m sure my boss wouldn’t have given two shits. (He offered to help me get California weed to friends of mine in Raleigh once.)

ej
ej
5 years ago

Good lord that kitty has some weird anatomy.

It’s a munchkin!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Munchkin_cat

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@ej

:O

I didn’t know they made squishy faced munchkins.

(At least they’re diversifying, I guess. Those poor cats are inbred to hell and back.)

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
5 years ago

… Is anybody else desperately regretting their TMI gross-posts? >_>;

(David or a mod, could you possibly delete mine?)

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

Which ingredient relieves the menstrual cramps? Maybe you should find out — ask your doctor he right questions.

That’s rich coming from a dude who poo-poos mental health practitioners and self-medicates with drugs he prescribes himself off label.

I’m almost tempted to sally forth with my tales from the childbirth trenches. I’m curious about what Dean will recommend for postpartum recovery.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

I have heard that marijuana can ease the pain of menstrual cramps. Queen Victoria successfully used it for that purpose.<blockquote/)
comment image

That's one spectacularly clueless mansplaination.
Think about how old that info is. Think about how long we've been people with uteri.
No look at your life choices and despair.

Dean,
You don't know your ass from your elbow. Are you even capable of seeing what a stupid douche bag you are? Is it really so beyond you to realize that you are not better informed than we are when it comes to our bodies? Are you that self deluded? Fuck off asshat. Go peddle your woo-woo-bullshit elsewhere.

SFHC,
No regrets.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

@Flying Mouse:

I’m curious about what Dean will recommend for postpartum recovery.

Laudanum, probably.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
5 years ago

That’s awfully recent technology, EJ. I was thinking he’d go for leeches, or a good old fashioned purgative.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

I must disagree, Flying Mouse. Leeches and purges will restore his masculine vigor and have him lusty and arduous in no time. Dean is looking for something that will sap his virility and leave him flaccid and unmanly. For this, one must learn Danish eat quinoa vote Green own a SmartCar take opiates.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

Oh god. Oh god. I just worked it out.

Dean may be here because he posted about his woes in an MRA forum, and they replied, “Hey, if you want to learn to become a mangina, why don’t you go and learn from David Futrelle?”

So he did.

It explains so much: the Ctrl+F Ctrl+V’d initial post, the painful literalism, the not-really-giving-a-shit. Dean is waiting for David to appear, at which point he will kowtow and say “teach me, master.” Until then, the rest of us are just background noise.

EJ (The Other One)
EJ (The Other One)
5 years ago

*Ctrl+C Ctrl+V, not Ctrl+F.

Spindrift
Spindrift
5 years ago

@EJ (The Other One)

Mangina lessons with David sound like a much better investment of time/money than 1-on-1 counselling with Paul Elam, that’s for sure. Dean’s not going about it in a great way though.

Lea
Lea
5 years ago

MAMMOTH! *shakes fist*