Comments Policy

The comments policy in brief

UPDATED 7/10/19

Unmoderated or too-loosely moderated internet forums quickly become shitheaps, so we have a few rules here.

One thing to remember right off the bat: this is a feminist blog, designed (mostly) for a feminist audience. You don’t have to be a feminist to post here, but if you don’t think the world would be a better place without so much fascism and misogyny, you’re not going to fit in. You have a right to your opinions, but you don’t have a right to our attention.

First comments from new commenters – or old commenters changing their name – automatically go to moderation. Regardless of your politics, if you start off here with a jerky or tediously argumentative comment, or if you trigger some other red flag for me, your first comment will never see the light of day.

So what are the big no-nos?

You’re NOT welcome if you’re: a racist, a misogynist, an antisemite, a homophobe, a transphobe or TERF, a MAGA-hat-wearing Trump fan, a fat-phobe, an edgelord, an asshole, a bad-faith comment policy tester, or just a blathering dingus that no one wants to have to listen to. This list is not all-inclusive; I can ban you for being offensive and/or annoying in ways not specified here. Sending me long whiny emails afterwards won’t help your chances of being reinstated.

Some things to avoid: slurs (c*nt, tr*nny, etc; keep in mind that TERF is not a slur); piling on; blaming someone’s bad ideas and/or behavior on mental illness or other medical conditions (though it’s ok to mention mental illness if it’s relevant); disrespect towards working-class or poor people, old people, young people, disabled people, people with mental illnesses, people literally or figuratively living in their mom’s basement. Don’t attack people based on their physical appearance. 

No threats or violent comments. That includes telling someone to “die in a fire” or remarking that so-and-so would probably be better off dead. No calls for violent revolution or political assassination or any of that bullshit.

No gratuitously nasty personal attacks. Yes, discussions can sometimes get a bit contentious. You’re not required to be perfectly nice all the time. Just don’t be a total asshole.

No doxxing or posting of personal identifying information. Don’t spread rumors or speculate without evidence on the possible criminal activity of anyone else. Don’t use this site to organize harassment of anyone.

No rape apologism, pedo apologism, victim blaming, and so forth. No slut-shaming; no virgin-shaming. (Suggesting that people with terrible ideas about women might have trouble getting dates is fine, however; it’s also true.)

Don’t misgender anyone. If you do it accidentally, apologize and get it right the next time. If you do it deliberately, you’re out.

Don’t attack anyone for their sexual preferences or kinks, so long as they involve consenting adults. Refrain from weird or creepy sexual oversharing. Whatever your opinion of sex work, don’t disparage sex workers, or use words like “whore” as a pejorative. (Feel free to talk about MRAs who are using the word pejoratively.)

Don’t attack people for their religion or their lack of religion.

Don’t be a mansplainer or indeed any kind of ‘splainer. That is, don’t lecture anyone on something they know better than you, particularly if that thing is their lived experience.

Don’t post too much or try to make threads all about you. Try to avoid drama.

Avoid giving unsolicited advice, particularly on medical or weight issues.

No sockpuppeting. No lying. No misrepresentation of yourself or other people. No posting in bad faith – e.g. posting friendly comments here while trashing the site and/or the people on it elsewhere.

Sometimes I do let trolls and MAGA-heads and MRAs through, but only if I think they might be kind of fun for the regular commenters to bat around for a while. I will ban them if they become more offensive/annoying than entertaining.

If someone is violating these rules or being a huge asshole in ways I haven’t specified, don’t just drop a note in the comments, SEND ME AN EMAIL at dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

That’s basically it. If you’re concerned that the rules seem too strict, please read on:

Regardless of all the rules, you don’t have to be perfect to comment here. As sociologist Katherine Cross (@Quinnae_Moon) has noted, very few people arrive “fully formed to the world of activism, the perfect agents of change, somehow entirely cognizant of the ever shifting morass of rules and prescribed or proscribed words, phrases, argot, and thought.”

I want this blog to be open to all those who genuinely oppose misogyny and bigotry more generally, even those who may slip up from time to time.

Still, if you’re new here, or new to feminism, and the regulars here are telling you to avoid certain words, or pointing out something that you’re doing that’s problematic, don’t take it as a personal attack (unless it is couched as a personal attack, in which case email me). If they tell you to avoid particular language, uh, avoid using that language, and don’t explain that in your country calling a person a something-or-other is perfectly fine.

You don’t have to agree with all the rules and/or cultural norms here; but while you’re commenting here you are expected to respect them. If you think a rule is really, really wrong or ridiculous, don’t argue about it in the comments; send me an email about it.

And this brings us to the issue of ableism, which has been a contentious one here.

NOTES ON “CRAZY”

Avoid “crazy” talk. That is, using words like “crazy,” “psycho” and the like to describe the terrible ideas and actions of people you don’t like. It’s stigmatizing to those dealing with mental illness, who really don’t need the extra indignity of being compared to MRAs. Try using words like “ridiculous” or “absurd” or “terrible” instead. Call someone an “asshole” instead of a “psycho.” Try to avoid internet diagnoses of mental illness, and don’t use autism or Aspergers as an excuse for someone’s shitty behavior.

Saying someone is “paranoid,” “delusional,” or “narcissistic” is fine, if you don’t mean it as a diagnosis; these are useful descriptive terms.

If there is evidence that someone you are discussing does indeed have a mental illness, and this is relevant to the discussion, it can be appropriate to bring this up, though you should keep in mind that a hunch is not evidence.

All this said, words like “crazy,” “psycho,” and the like are extremely common, and plenty of people (including feminists, progressives, and people dealing with mental illness themselves) use them casually without intending to stigmatize those with mental illnesses. There’s a difference between saying “crazy people should all be locked up” and “boy, Eraserhead sure was a crazy movie!”

If you’re someone who uses these terms casually, and doesn’t actually want all “crazy” people locked up, it doesn’t make you an evil person, but you need to refrain from doing it here. (Again, if you disagree with this policy, and feel a need to make this disagreement known, DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT IN THE COMMENTS, send me an email instead.)

If you are a regular commenter here, and someone uses a problematic term like “crazy” or “psycho,” remind them gently that this is not how we do things here, and send them a link to this comment policy (and possibly the Welcome Package as well). Unless what they have said is particularly egregious, do not insult them or question their motives.

If they argue, remind them that arguing about this rule is also not allowed. If they continue,do not argue back; send me or the mods a note and they will be banned. (This may take a little while, so be patient and please do not give in to the impulse to argue with them.)

If others have already reminded them of the rules, move on.

Again, if someone is acting really shitty in the comments, whether a troll or a regular, SEND ME AN EMAIL.

One other thing to keep in mind:

MRAs read this blog. So I would strongly urge you to comment here using an anonymous handle that cannot be traced to your real identity. And to be very careful about revealing any sort of personal information on this blog. If you inadvertently post something using the wrong account, or that otherwise reveals personal information, let the mods know so we can remove those comments.

Oh, wait, one other other thought:

Enjoy yourself!

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Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Shit, I’m rereading my (Trans)misogynist Trolls… before posting it and just caught one of his errors….

It’s the feminsit monster again!!

neuroticbeagle
7 years ago

@Kittehs

I don’t recommend doing anything that would bring about Cat Anger Consequences, but mistakes involving another human? Not even worth a Look one gets when trying to engage my beagle in a game of fetch.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

It’s alive!

James, don’t bother, I won’t let your comments out of mod. Or might, and devowel AND comic sans them.

kittehserf
7 years ago

This is true. The warblegarble of humans amongst themselves is of no importance, as long as they know their Duties. Of course it’s different when the humans speak about their overlords. Mads seldom bothers with a Look for that, but she does the Pointed Ears, the Tail Flick and the Studiously Ignoring But I Know You Know I’m Listening.

I am astonished that you brave the Look by trying to play fetch!

CassandraSays
7 years ago

My cat doesn’t deal out consequences, it’s really wierd. I can do stuff that would have caused my previous cat to try to take an eye out and she just looks at me like “the fuck are you doing, human?”. Earlier she fell asleep leaning on Mr C’s shoulder, and when he moved suddenly and she fell she just sort of picked herself up and went back to her previous position. No consequences at all, not even a dirty look.

I think she may actually be a dog.

kittehserf
7 years ago

I think she may actually be a dog.

Perfect lead in to a Sho Ko video or two!

http://youtu.be/OztGJhiBQTo

http://youtu.be/0f2ws5OMm7o

neuroticbeagle
7 years ago

Oh, I have given up on fetch a while ago. Sometimes I’ll point out when the neighbors dog plays fetch- but she doesn’t give me the Really Dirty Look- more of the rolling of eyes type look.

CassandraSays
7 years ago

My previous cat would fetch (my mum taught him, not sure how), but this one just looks confused if I throw things for her.

kittehserf
7 years ago

I can just picture that! 😀

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

He’s using ToR, and, if he used the same email here as his attempts at the Borg, a fake email.

He’s getting marked as spam so I can hopefully get a handle in a pattern if he keeps it up, without having the alert about comments in mod.

EK
EK
7 years ago

I tried to post this on the article about the issue of domestic violence… That you suggest that its a bender based issue… It has a multiplicity of causes… not just one…Well lets hear from Dr Staus himself …who seems to contradict some of your assertions. Dr Straus’s says his early work was done when he was supporting the “feminist” paradigm that he believed in… and thus he found himself self censoring and bias to his own findings. So some of the conclusions in his early work neglects cirtain findings in the conclusions of the study…. He even states that an Author withdrew her name from a good study because she feared for her career. Lets have a look at the rates of abuse in lesbian relationships and see what the rates are. Perhaps surprisingly, statistics have shown that lesbian people experience domestic violence at a very similar rate to that of heterosexual women (Waldner-Haygrud, 1997; AVP, 1992). It has been estimated that between 17-45% of lesbians have been the victim of at least one act of violence perpetrated by a female partner (Burke et al, 1999; Lie et al, 1991), and that 30% of lesbians have reported sexual assault / rape by another woman (Renzetti, 1992). Considering the lack of discussion that takes place regarding lesbian domestic violence and sexual assault, I find these figures staggering —— http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0eSqoXVwjI/watch?v=X0eSqoXVwjI

Dragon Lady
Dragon Lady
7 years ago

You could have posted there, if you wanted to. However, why not post here since you think no one would notice? Go on, make a fool of yourself.

serrana
serrana
7 years ago

Is a bender based issue something that’s caused by an asshole robot? I’m pretty sure I know what bender would say to EK’s post. http://www.mrwallpaper.com/wallpapers/bender-futurama-2560×1440.jpg

serrana
serrana
7 years ago

I know! Zie couldn’t even be bothered to drop a link to the post zie’s responding to.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

why is any one new suddenly a troll

Hello, I’m new here. No one’s accused me of trolling because I haven’t done it. Also, I know how to spell, punctuate and formulate coherent thoughts that don’t revolve around utter assholery. You may want to try that. Your current approach ain’t gettin’ you any love, Jimmy.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Don’t worry, Bina, Jimmyboy was a sockpuppet of someone who got banned ages ago.

EK: protip – if you want people to read your comments, put them in the relevant posts and stop fucking abusing ellipses like that!

biddybobbins
biddybobbins
7 years ago

Hey David @ Manboobz! I just discovered your site today and I think it’s brilliant! My face hurts from all the laughs, way to break down even the most tedious of mental gymnasts! You keep doing your thing, I absolutely love this.

FromAfar
FromAfar
7 years ago

I made a Kitty avatar… but how do I make it show up… I am the IT department, why can’t I figure this out!? Do I HAVE to have a wordpress? 🙁 I don’t really want one. But I want a Kitty avatar. So Much Choices!

serrana
serrana
7 years ago

FromAfar, you just need to upload it to gravatar. http://en.gravatar.com/

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

FromAfar — it’s not you, it’s WP. No, seriously. The newest release fixes an issue with how one of their functions was being “wonky” if passed a null value. If you write a php function for something as huge as the wordpress core, and it gets “wonky” over NULL…I don’t even know what to say to that.

FromAfar
FromAfar
7 years ago

Testing TEH KITTEH!

cloudiah
7 years ago

Who’s a cute kitty? YOU’RE A CUTE KITTY!!!

Ally S
7 years ago

: : claps for FromAfar : :

FromAfar
FromAfar
7 years ago

Yayyyyyy =^.^=

FromAfar
FromAfar
7 years ago

My main concern, honestly, was making my email at all visible to trolls, so I had to make sure I could hide it before associating it with a directly linked account. Yeah. Thanks for the help!

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago
FromAfar
FromAfar
7 years ago

OMFG. It’s so true! Said in a baby voice, no less.

kittehserf
7 years ago

That is the best xkcd ever. It is scientifically proven every. single. day. in our house. (Houses, it’s no better across the veil, I promise.)

FromAfar, squeeee kitty! 🙂

Eliza
Eliza
7 years ago

I just recently became aware of the “manosphere” because my brother sent me a link to an idiotic article (to mock it) from a website called “Return of Kings”. Unfortunately, this website has nothing to do with the Tolkein book of similar name, but is a bunch of straight dudes who are weirdly obsessed with women’s hair. At first I found it funny, but then I realized that these clueless losers were really interested in promoting violence against women. It made me freaked out that there were faceless strangers out there who hated me so much based upon my gender and nothing else, that they’d want to cut off my private parts and rape me! The manosphere isn’t just a place for losers and delusional PUAs- it has some downright sociopaths. That’s why I’m happy I came across your website. You’re a witty guy and a good ally. Thanks

serrana
serrana
7 years ago

Hi Eliza! Here is a Welcome Package for you.

Whitey Joe Young
7 years ago

I don’t understand the mammoth references in the t-shirt store. In fact, I found 2 out of the 3 designs somewhat wanting for explanation. I must be stupid, considering you wrote for Salon and Money and all that. Please explain. thx

cloudiah
7 years ago

LOL, “Whitey.” Try looking here.

dave grohn
dave grohn
7 years ago

hello, i am starting a new radio show fairly soon called “the MGTOW hermit show” which i intend on broadcasting on AVFM. my show will focus on recommending straight men to spend their lives alone with no romantic interaction with women what so ever. the whole point of this starts from respecting the biblical suggestion of chastity before marriage but morphs into today’s modern reality of high divorce, domestic violence, abortion, the ritualistic intolerance toward men , the family unit and other issues that drive that wedge between men and women to get along cohesively. in other words if you cant make it work its better to let go of socializing with women period. it isn’t worth the risk and a marriage strike world wide is a good idea. there no longer is a bond between men and women anymore and there is no hope of ever resolving this problem. if straight men chose on their own to totally stay away from women to start with before any problems could ever start between them the problems will clean up on their own very quickly. this is not only a male problem women are equally as guilty of this. because my family has endured a 100% first and second marriage divorces on both my fathers and mothers side including all relatives this has persuaded my decision to never get involved with a woman and start this show. i am not convinced that love exists nor will it ever, it is a fantasy not reality. the reality is that nobody cares about anything but themselves and that will never change. i never caused this problem but i hope i can promote a solution that prevents things from ever occurring to begin with. i recommend that men abstain from romantic involvement totally and live a solitary life as a hermit well away from the failure society has become. it just isn’t worth it anymore and its time to say goodby.
one of the key elements of my show will focus the “how too’s” of living MGTOW hermit through off grid technology, survival gardening, purifying water, edible wild plants, cabin and shelter building, hunting, fishing and trapping, first aid and medicine, living in the virtues of god through Jesus Christ. my show dose not teach or promote disrespect toward women or anything other than living quietly away from everything society has to offer as much as possible.
sincerely
dave grohn. “MGTOW hermit radio”
P.S i have no problem giving feminists what they want, men completely out of their lives.

serrana
serrana
7 years ago

Just go already then.

Leisha
Leisha
6 years ago

Not men Dave; men like you.

balarick
6 years ago

[B]ecause my family has endured a 100% first and second marriage divorces on both my fathers and mothers side including all relatives this has persuaded my decision to never get involved with a woman and start this show. i am not convinced that love exists nor will it ever, it is a fantasy not reality. the reality is that nobody cares about anything but themselves and that will never change.

This, I think, demonstrates with (almost) pity-inducing hilarity the recurring theme — aside from, you know, incessant misogyny: personal experience + extrapolation onto the entire world and human population + sweeping conclusion(s) whose veracity requires that most of the rest of the human race is lying or delusional = men’s rights movement / men going their own way / etc.

I also find it hilarious that these “alpha male separatists,” or whatever, that call themselves MGTOWs, who have sworn off of women altogether, seldom talk about anything but women, generally including such words as “bitch,” “devious,” or some other attribute that applies no more nor less frequently to women than to men. Seriously, I’ve lurked around the MGTOW fora, and all I ever saw was this or that about women. It’s all they frakkin’ talk about. I mean, they might get distracted talking about a TV show or something for a few posts, but then it’s back to women. Women, women, women.

Hell, you might think from reading their posts that… men need women as much if not more than women need men.

And THAT is what they resent more than anything.

Tell me, Dave, setting aside for a moment the ludicrousness of you plugging your anti-woman show on a site frequented by feminists and anti-misogynists, how does your little pearl of wisdom — that love isn’t real — account for people sacrificing themselves for loved ones — er, um, positively viewed ones — eh? Oh, is it that they selfishly can’t stand the thought of being left without the ones they view positively and thus allow themselves to die, or risk dying, so that they won’t have to live in a world without this person or these persons they don’t love? Mighty selfish, if you ask me.

But, then, if we as a species only care about ourselves, how could someone mean so much to another person that the latter would not want to be in a world without the former to such a degree that one puts oneself in a situation that may well result in death in order to prevent the death of the other?

*facepalm*

I’m sorry. Should I not expect logic from the so-called logical, less emotional half of the species?

For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that your extended family hasn’t remain cohesive. Life’s painful, and love doesn’t always last a lifetime. That doesn’t mean, necessarily, that they never loved each other at all, or that a divorce that arises due to irreconcilable differences denotes a lack of love. Some people, even after divorce, continue to love and respect each other despite knowing that their lives aren’t well suited to cohabitation or a continued relationship. I don’t know what the circumstances were of the divorces in question, but it’s really quite short-sighted and — dare I say — small-minded to make grandiose declarations about the human condition based on what is inherently a small sampling.

I know from personal experience that making general statements about women or love due to a lack of love in one’s own life can seem easier and more comforting than dealing with the simple fact that one has simply not found it, but it’s counterproductive, self-destructive, and patently false. Reality isn’t always easy, but it’s easier to deal with when one confronts it and represents it honestly to oneself and to others.

dave grohn
dave grohn
6 years ago

making this decision wasn’t easy and what i have been through wasn’t ether. going about things this way is better for all since the intention is to prevent problems between the sexes rather than take that unnecessary risk. i don’t expect most people to get what i am advocating because everybody thinks their relationships will never fail, that delusion cost many their dignity at the very least. all men are said to be the scourge of the earth just because they exist and feminists want men all killed. relationships are unsustainable because most people refuse to have any honor since that requires personal responsibility.
there is no reason for me to have any confidence that things will get better between men and women with all this hatred and division that was socially engineered into our society for the purpose of breaking relationships up. this is not an emotional reaction but more of a strategic one instead for the self preservation of men only. relationships became totally meaningless not by my choice, i was born into this crap and i don’t want any part of it. my mother died recently just before Christmas and my father doesn’t look like he is going to be too far behind her, life is short folks. i never provided my parents with grandchildren so my family name will not continue from my end and i have no siblings. my radio show is a reflection of the real world not the fantasy world. being hardened the way i have has at least given me the stamina i need to help men deal with things in the most appropriate and less destructive way possible. real men that are awake will just see a woman, turn around and just walk away. it isn’t worth it. i don’t understand why feminists wouldn’t support that. they hate men and don’t want us around. they are getting what they want. they clearly don’t want men to have any rights ether nor do they show any tolerance for men that stand up for their rights. i have no patients for double standards. guess what feminists, if average men never fought and died in stupid proxy wars to defend freedom you wouldn’t have any ether. without men you will be happy i guess so if this is what you want this is what you get. you do realize that the family unit was always the back bone of a good civil society? now that it’s all falling apart at the seams you can spend the rest of your lives alone the way you want it.
if you must know why i am talking about this on a feminist website is because i have the manhood to take the direct approach and i am not intimidated in taking you on face to face if i have to. misery loves company, so if you think cheap insults works on me you need to rethink that idea, i have dealt with a lot worse people than any of you. i am giving you what you want, a life away from masculine men.
dave grohn,
MGTOW hermit radio.
P.S. if you care to listen to the show it will be aired when AVFM gets set up with their own broadcasting network. i don’t know when that is.

lindwormlady
lindwormlady
6 years ago

Wait. Did you expect anyone to read that?

Rea
Rea
6 years ago

What is meant with “painfully literal thinking” (under “Things I find especially tedious”)?

Sam
Sam
6 years ago

David Furtelle is feminist. This is a feminist run site. Of course they hate MRM’s.

cloudiah
6 years ago

@androphiles, Email David (see email address near his big red head, top right of the page.

@Sam, Damnit! You’ve caught David being a feminist. Whatever shall we do now that you’re onto him?

Michelle.
Michelle.
6 years ago

I cannot stop laughing at “the Wreck of the Beta Male Cuckold”. It’s become an ear worm and I’ll never be able to listen to the song again without thinking of the parody. You truly can’t make this stuff up. Failure to Tame the Wild American Bitch is also priceless. So glad I found this site.

Thixia
6 years ago

You should check out the CDD websites. CDD stands for Chrisitan Domestic Discipline, in which men are in control of the family and can punish any disobedience with spankings. It upset me so much I did an entire blog about it. That blog is closed, but if you want to be attacked and be accused of being a feminist (evil people who are enemies to every man and Christian family) check it out.

Sourcerer
6 years ago

This might be the best comments policy I’ve ever read, and I respect what you’re doing here very much. The blogs I’m involved with are set up more on the “safe spaces” model, because someone has to do that, and it’s just the way our blogs developed. But I’m not opposed to mixing it up now and then, either 😉

I also reserve the right to ban anyone for any reason I want — I just assume every blogger has that privilege, and I tend to tread lightly until I understand the vibe of a particular blog.

And this last is free advice for any commenters who happen to breeze by. Getting placed on permanent moderation is a real pain in the ass. Because that means you might have to wait 12 hours, or 48, for someone to have the time to read your comment and make a decision about it. (Sorry, but making money, spending time with family, and painting pictures just have to come before the blogs.) If you are actually hoping to engage in something like discussion, you really don’t want to get flagged for moderation.

catslave
catslave
6 years ago

Hi, new to this site and just wanted to leave an innocuous comment to get started. I really appreciate the free flow of ideas here. And lurv the confused cats.

Auntie Alias
Auntie Alias
6 years ago

Hi catslave!

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

Hi catslave, namesake! 😀

Have a Welcome Package!

There’s an Open Thread from July still going if you want to introduce yourself at more length. 🙂

Adi Doyle
6 years ago

Fyy

Bitethehand
6 years ago

Ally Fogg, darling of the Guardian’s Comment is Free crowd and increasingly the Father4Justice cabal, plants himself well and truly in the Paul Elam court. Fogg writes in his latest article:

I can see no significant moral difference between Paul Elam‘s satirical ‘Bash a violent bitch month’, misogynists’ so-called banter in the form of rape jokes and threats, or a feminist’s satirical ‘Kill All Men.’

Ally Fogg redefines Sexism and other tales

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