Comments Policy

The comments policy in brief

UPDATED 7/10/19

Unmoderated or too-loosely moderated internet forums quickly become shitheaps, so we have a few rules here.

One thing to remember right off the bat: this is a feminist blog, designed (mostly) for a feminist audience. You don’t have to be a feminist to post here, but if you don’t think the world would be a better place without so much fascism and misogyny, you’re not going to fit in. You have a right to your opinions, but you don’t have a right to our attention.

First comments from new commenters – or old commenters changing their name – automatically go to moderation. Regardless of your politics, if you start off here with a jerky or tediously argumentative comment, or if you trigger some other red flag for me, your first comment will never see the light of day.

So what are the big no-nos?

You’re NOT welcome if you’re: a racist, a misogynist, an antisemite, a homophobe, a transphobe or TERF, a MAGA-hat-wearing Trump fan, a fat-phobe, an edgelord, an asshole, a bad-faith comment policy tester, or just a blathering dingus that no one wants to have to listen to. This list is not all-inclusive; I can ban you for being offensive and/or annoying in ways not specified here. Sending me long whiny emails afterwards won’t help your chances of being reinstated.

Some things to avoid: slurs (c*nt, tr*nny, etc; keep in mind that TERF is not a slur); piling on; blaming someone’s bad ideas and/or behavior on mental illness or other medical conditions (though it’s ok to mention mental illness if it’s relevant); disrespect towards working-class or poor people, old people, young people, disabled people, people with mental illnesses, people literally or figuratively living in their mom’s basement. Don’t attack people based on their physical appearance. 

No threats or violent comments. That includes telling someone to “die in a fire” or remarking that so-and-so would probably be better off dead. No calls for violent revolution or political assassination or any of that bullshit.

No gratuitously nasty personal attacks. Yes, discussions can sometimes get a bit contentious. You’re not required to be perfectly nice all the time. Just don’t be a total asshole.

No doxxing or posting of personal identifying information. Don’t spread rumors or speculate without evidence on the possible criminal activity of anyone else. Don’t use this site to organize harassment of anyone.

No rape apologism, pedo apologism, victim blaming, and so forth. No slut-shaming; no virgin-shaming. (Suggesting that people with terrible ideas about women might have trouble getting dates is fine, however; it’s also true.)

Don’t misgender anyone. If you do it accidentally, apologize and get it right the next time. If you do it deliberately, you’re out.

Don’t attack anyone for their sexual preferences or kinks, so long as they involve consenting adults. Refrain from weird or creepy sexual oversharing. Whatever your opinion of sex work, don’t disparage sex workers, or use words like “whore” as a pejorative. (Feel free to talk about MRAs who are using the word pejoratively.)

Don’t attack people for their religion or their lack of religion.

Don’t be a mansplainer or indeed any kind of ‘splainer. That is, don’t lecture anyone on something they know better than you, particularly if that thing is their lived experience.

Don’t post too much or try to make threads all about you. Try to avoid drama.

Avoid giving unsolicited advice, particularly on medical or weight issues.

No sockpuppeting. No lying. No misrepresentation of yourself or other people. No posting in bad faith – e.g. posting friendly comments here while trashing the site and/or the people on it elsewhere.

Sometimes I do let trolls and MAGA-heads and MRAs through, but only if I think they might be kind of fun for the regular commenters to bat around for a while. I will ban them if they become more offensive/annoying than entertaining.

If someone is violating these rules or being a huge asshole in ways I haven’t specified, don’t just drop a note in the comments, SEND ME AN EMAIL at dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

That’s basically it. If you’re concerned that the rules seem too strict, please read on:

Regardless of all the rules, you don’t have to be perfect to comment here. As sociologist Katherine Cross (@Quinnae_Moon) has noted, very few people arrive “fully formed to the world of activism, the perfect agents of change, somehow entirely cognizant of the ever shifting morass of rules and prescribed or proscribed words, phrases, argot, and thought.”

I want this blog to be open to all those who genuinely oppose misogyny and bigotry more generally, even those who may slip up from time to time.

Still, if you’re new here, or new to feminism, and the regulars here are telling you to avoid certain words, or pointing out something that you’re doing that’s problematic, don’t take it as a personal attack (unless it is couched as a personal attack, in which case email me). If they tell you to avoid particular language, uh, avoid using that language, and don’t explain that in your country calling a person a something-or-other is perfectly fine.

You don’t have to agree with all the rules and/or cultural norms here; but while you’re commenting here you are expected to respect them. If you think a rule is really, really wrong or ridiculous, don’t argue about it in the comments; send me an email about it.

And this brings us to the issue of ableism, which has been a contentious one here.

NOTES ON “CRAZY”

Avoid “crazy” talk. That is, using words like “crazy,” “psycho” and the like to describe the terrible ideas and actions of people you don’t like. It’s stigmatizing to those dealing with mental illness, who really don’t need the extra indignity of being compared to MRAs. Try using words like “ridiculous” or “absurd” or “terrible” instead. Call someone an “asshole” instead of a “psycho.” Try to avoid internet diagnoses of mental illness, and don’t use autism or Aspergers as an excuse for someone’s shitty behavior.

Saying someone is “paranoid,” “delusional,” or “narcissistic” is fine, if you don’t mean it as a diagnosis; these are useful descriptive terms.

If there is evidence that someone you are discussing does indeed have a mental illness, and this is relevant to the discussion, it can be appropriate to bring this up, though you should keep in mind that a hunch is not evidence.

All this said, words like “crazy,” “psycho,” and the like are extremely common, and plenty of people (including feminists, progressives, and people dealing with mental illness themselves) use them casually without intending to stigmatize those with mental illnesses. There’s a difference between saying “crazy people should all be locked up” and “boy, Eraserhead sure was a crazy movie!”

If you’re someone who uses these terms casually, and doesn’t actually want all “crazy” people locked up, it doesn’t make you an evil person, but you need to refrain from doing it here. (Again, if you disagree with this policy, and feel a need to make this disagreement known, DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT IN THE COMMENTS, send me an email instead.)

If you are a regular commenter here, and someone uses a problematic term like “crazy” or “psycho,” remind them gently that this is not how we do things here, and send them a link to this comment policy (and possibly the Welcome Package as well). Unless what they have said is particularly egregious, do not insult them or question their motives.

If they argue, remind them that arguing about this rule is also not allowed. If they continue,do not argue back; send me or the mods a note and they will be banned. (This may take a little while, so be patient and please do not give in to the impulse to argue with them.)

If others have already reminded them of the rules, move on.

Again, if someone is acting really shitty in the comments, whether a troll or a regular, SEND ME AN EMAIL.

One other thing to keep in mind:

MRAs read this blog. So I would strongly urge you to comment here using an anonymous handle that cannot be traced to your real identity. And to be very careful about revealing any sort of personal information on this blog. If you inadvertently post something using the wrong account, or that otherwise reveals personal information, let the mods know so we can remove those comments.

Oh, wait, one other other thought:

Enjoy yourself!

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freitag235
freitag235
8 years ago

He sure did disappear in a hurry. I wonder why?

cloudiah
8 years ago

Now he pops up HERE? It’s like Whac-a-Troll, metaphorically speaking. (I know if I didn’t add that last he would accuse me of advocating violence.)

nofixedstars
nofixedstars
8 years ago

um, i love your blog & think you should be cloned a few million times. thank you!

PNO
PNO
8 years ago

Please consider writing an article about “going ghost”, how to, characteristics, benefits, consequences. Also whether its the same as “going galt”, grass eaters, MGTOW

Richard Blackmore
8 years ago

I suppose part of my problem with this site is (what seems to me) to be mockery of MRA (mens rights advocacy). As though they have no cause or logic in their goals or presentation. I have found trully stunningly stupid things said, and posted in MRM blogs… as I have found in some femenist blogs ( reducing male population to ten percent of the population as an example. Some of the MRA posters seem to me to be completly non mysogonistic, simply seeking a fair footing in things like military service being equal, or gender nutrality in child custody as examples. Have you considered applying the same tone of mockery. and the same exposure of the more extreme feminist comments?

Jon Curtis
Jon Curtis
8 years ago

Well said Richard, Mr. “Boobz” why do you not mock misandry also. It is just as hateful and disgusting. I hardly ever even see the word misandry on this site. Do you even admit that it exist? Awaiting your reply…….

Bostonian
8 years ago

Make your own blog, Jon Curtis.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Misandry isn’t a thing, Jon. But if you search for it, all your little MRA buddy trolls talk about it here ALL. THE. TIME.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

My toast is all burned on one side! Why aren’t you talking about toasters not working right? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

timetravellingfool
8 years ago

Well said Richard, Mr. “Boobz” why do you not mock misandry also. It is just as hateful and disgusting. I hardly ever even see the word misandry on this site. Do you even admit that it exist? Awaiting your reply…….

Really? We are forever accusing each other of misandry!! Seriously, pay attention, strange troll. For the sake of clarity let’s assume misandry is actually a thing and set it aside for now. I have this awesome blog about buttons. Round ones, square ones, the kind you push- you know, buttons. You know what has never happened? Not one person has come to my blog and said, ‘Sure, there’s tons of stuff about buttons on this blog, but what about zippers? Why, in this entire blog about buttons, are zippers not mentioned once?’ No one has asked that, because they know why I don’t talk about zippers- my blog is about motherfucking buttons. If you want a blog about zippers, why not trot on over to google, enter ‘zippers’ in the search bar, and have at the wide world of zipper blogs out there.

Oh, and Dave is usually kind enough to let us play with the trolls, but, by all means, hold your breath. Seriously, hold it.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

ZIPPANDRY!

timetravellingfool
8 years ago

Totally a thing

katz
8 years ago

Not to mention, no one has talked about boerboels in, like, months.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

It’s part of the feminist-feline conspiracy.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

David has never once blogged about the trials of being short on this misogyny-mocking blog. As a short person I demand that this oversight be rectified immediately, or I will be forced to assume that ALL OF YOU WANT TO KILL ALL SHORT PEOPLE, DON’T EVEN TRY TO PRETEND THAT YOU DON’T.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

Hey, this could become the Things Dave Has Never Blogged About thread. Like that awesome one with all the claims about his superpowers (I shall never forget “Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas, but Chuck Norris wears David Futrelle pajamas.”)

katz
8 years ago

Cassandra, luckily someone else stepped up to fill that void.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Dave has never blogged about the trials and tribulations of having big feet. AS A BIG FOOTED PERSON, I DEMAND JUSTICE.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

He’s never blogged about half-inch leg differentials! WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO WEAR ORTHOTICS?

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

*Hands Cassandra a step stool*

Has David ever blogged about the merits of various types, and flavors, of tea? Perhaps, but has he ever even touched upon the sundry reproductive methods of fish? THIS PROVES HE HATES FISH!!

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

No blogging about tea?

DAVID, WHY DO YOU HATE BOTH CHINA AND INDIA?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

I read that as “various types and flavours of FLEA”.

::scratches madly::

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

David’s never blogged about the yacht which won the 1980 America’s Cup! David, why do you hate Freedom?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

It’s worse than that! Why hasn’t he blogged about John Bertrand and Australia II winning the Cup?

DAVID WHY YOU HATE AUSTRALIANS?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

This blog is not called “Kittens”. Obviously David hates cats and wants to see them exterminated.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

He never blogs about zebras. He’s a zebrandist!

Lizbeth Piel
Lizbeth Piel
8 years ago

David, you’re a hero! I admire you for exposing the bullshit of the extreme wing of the MRM. Some of those guys sound like sociopaths rather than garden variety misogynists.

theycallmesaucy
8 years ago

Cheers to you, David. Nice Website!

Richard Blackmore
8 years ago

Misandry and Misogony are flip sides of the same thing. Mockery, derision, condecending attitudes and hate based on gender. Zippers and buttons as a comparison, to misongeny and Misandry? Some of the replies here seem ludicrous. Tea, Orthotics, Big feet, as comparisons to two issues clearly stemming from the same source such as misandry and misogony? I would think that if the idea is to mock that kind of attitude (misogeny) than the flip side of it would be something just as distusting and needing to be addressed. But ok, this is a site only about misogony… I get it.

princessbonbon
8 years ago

Experience would indicate that apparently, no you do not Mr. Blackmore.

So go read some Terry Pratchett.

katz
8 years ago

I get it.

Falser words were ne’er spoken.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Jesus, Richard, “misogyny” is in the header. It took word to avoid the proper spelling. Are you drunk?

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

^work. am i drunk?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
8 years ago

“Mockery, derision, condecending attitudes and hate based on gender.”

Being a misogynist has nothing to do with gender. Men, women, transgender people can all be misogynists. Nobody here is mocking men for being men, if that’s what your whine is about. We’re mocking misogyny. Biiiiig difference. Oh, and since noticing things isn’t your strong point, there are people of all genders on this site.

And misandry isn’t actually a thing, not in anything LIKE the same sense as misogyny.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

“am i drunk?”

Drunk-stupid is contagious it seems.

Seriously though, were you trying to use every spelling but the correct one?

Also, mmm, tea!

Too Funny
Too Funny
8 years ago

David, you need a real hobby. This is the stupidest blog I have ever seen.

heathenbee
heathenbee
8 years ago

Ok, since I’ve spent half of my winter holiday perusing your fine blog, I guess it’s time to stop lurking and submit myself for moderation. I’m here to enjoy the mockery, and the tea. Alas, not the kitten videos, as my computer’s too old : /

(I’m afraid, for the same reason, I also came to ask, like the nice lady from a few months ago, if there was a way to add a link or button to the first page of comments? When it gets over a hundred or so, it can take fooooorrrrrrrreeevvvvvvvveeerrrrrr to click back to the first one *cries*.)

Lynxster
Lynxster
8 years ago

I have only just found your immensely welcome and entertaining blog but am nevertheless perplexed to see, from glancing through your glossary, that MRA does not stand for Minuscule Reproductive Array as I had always assumed from the contents of MRA websites, still what would I know – I’m only a girl.

Love your website.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Really? A small penis joke? That’s how you want to introduce yourself?

(Also, this isn’t the glossary.)

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Somehow I think we can do without your love.

epixpivotmaster
epixpivotmaster
7 years ago

Awesome blog. I thought the internet was facing a dictadorial misogeny regime, but I finally found light in the darkness!
Btw, any other Brazillians here? :3

Christian K
Christian K
7 years ago

I am currently collecting literature for an anthropological study considering gift giving in dating. Here I naturally wanna make a comparative analysis on gender roles in the west, assumptions, gestures, and dating culture.

my question being : Could you recommend any literature on the subject?

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

What google search terms landed you here, Christian?

katz
7 years ago

Perhaps his girlfriend could gift him some literature.

Christian K
Christian K
7 years ago

I was recommended this site by a friend.

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

Okay, but that’s a really random question. We don’t really do gifts and dating culture here.

katz
7 years ago

Unless, of course, by “a comparative analysis on gender roles in the west, assumptions, gestures, and dating culture,” one means “talking about how those slutty Western women are a bunch of whores who use sex to get presents and shit from hapless men.” In which case showing up here makes perfect sense.

If that’s not what you’re saying, then you’re in the wrong place.

Christian K
Christian K
7 years ago

I understand. What I meant to write, but what my brain could not comprehend before was that I was looking for some literature considering all the above subjects but from a feminist point of view since I have been trying for ages to locate some, but our public library system isn’t very helpful on the matter. On the grounds of this I decided to look elsewhere. If anybody could recommend anything they’ve read or might might have stumbled upon. If not I sincerely apologize for posting an unrelated thread.

katz
7 years ago

Sorry, David, I sounded presumptuous there.