UPDATED 7/10/19
Unmoderated or too-loosely moderated internet forums quickly become shitheaps, so we have a few rules here.
One thing to remember right off the bat: this is a feminist blog, designed (mostly) for a feminist audience. You don’t have to be a feminist to post here, but if you don’t think the world would be a better place without so much fascism and misogyny, you’re not going to fit in. You have a right to your opinions, but you don’t have a right to our attention.
First comments from new commenters – or old commenters changing their name – automatically go to moderation. Regardless of your politics, if you start off here with a jerky or tediously argumentative comment, or if you trigger some other red flag for me, your first comment will never see the light of day.
So what are the big no-nos?
You’re NOT welcome if you’re: a racist, a misogynist, an antisemite, a homophobe, a transphobe or TERF, a MAGA-hat-wearing Trump fan, a fat-phobe, an edgelord, an asshole, a bad-faith comment policy tester, or just a blathering dingus that no one wants to have to listen to. This list is not all-inclusive; I can ban you for being offensive and/or annoying in ways not specified here. Sending me long whiny emails afterwards won’t help your chances of being reinstated.
Some things to avoid: slurs (c*nt, tr*nny, etc; keep in mind that TERF is not a slur); piling on; blaming someone’s bad ideas and/or behavior on mental illness or other medical conditions (though it’s ok to mention mental illness if it’s relevant); disrespect towards working-class or poor people, old people, young people, disabled people, people with mental illnesses, people literally or figuratively living in their mom’s basement. Don’t attack people based on their physical appearance.
No threats or violent comments. That includes telling someone to “die in a fire” or remarking that so-and-so would probably be better off dead. No calls for violent revolution or political assassination or any of that bullshit.
No gratuitously nasty personal attacks. Yes, discussions can sometimes get a bit contentious. You’re not required to be perfectly nice all the time. Just don’t be a total asshole.
No doxxing or posting of personal identifying information. Don’t spread rumors or speculate without evidence on the possible criminal activity of anyone else. Don’t use this site to organize harassment of anyone.
No rape apologism, pedo apologism, victim blaming, and so forth. No slut-shaming; no virgin-shaming. (Suggesting that people with terrible ideas about women might have trouble getting dates is fine, however; it’s also true.)
Don’t misgender anyone. If you do it accidentally, apologize and get it right the next time. If you do it deliberately, you’re out.
Don’t attack anyone for their sexual preferences or kinks, so long as they involve consenting adults. Refrain from weird or creepy sexual oversharing. Whatever your opinion of sex work, don’t disparage sex workers, or use words like “whore” as a pejorative. (Feel free to talk about MRAs who are using the word pejoratively.)
Don’t attack people for their religion or their lack of religion.
Don’t be a mansplainer or indeed any kind of ‘splainer. That is, don’t lecture anyone on something they know better than you, particularly if that thing is their lived experience.
Don’t post too much or try to make threads all about you. Try to avoid drama.
Avoid giving unsolicited advice, particularly on medical or weight issues.
No sockpuppeting. No lying. No misrepresentation of yourself or other people. No posting in bad faith – e.g. posting friendly comments here while trashing the site and/or the people on it elsewhere.
Sometimes I do let trolls and MAGA-heads and MRAs through, but only if I think they might be kind of fun for the regular commenters to bat around for a while. I will ban them if they become more offensive/annoying than entertaining.
If someone is violating these rules or being a huge asshole in ways I haven’t specified, don’t just drop a note in the comments, SEND ME AN EMAIL at dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
That’s basically it. If you’re concerned that the rules seem too strict, please read on:
Regardless of all the rules, you don’t have to be perfect to comment here. As sociologist Katherine Cross (@Quinnae_Moon) has noted, very few people arrive “fully formed to the world of activism, the perfect agents of change, somehow entirely cognizant of the ever shifting morass of rules and prescribed or proscribed words, phrases, argot, and thought.”
I want this blog to be open to all those who genuinely oppose misogyny and bigotry more generally, even those who may slip up from time to time.
Still, if you’re new here, or new to feminism, and the regulars here are telling you to avoid certain words, or pointing out something that you’re doing that’s problematic, don’t take it as a personal attack (unless it is couched as a personal attack, in which case email me). If they tell you to avoid particular language, uh, avoid using that language, and don’t explain that in your country calling a person a something-or-other is perfectly fine.
You don’t have to agree with all the rules and/or cultural norms here; but while you’re commenting here you are expected to respect them. If you think a rule is really, really wrong or ridiculous, don’t argue about it in the comments; send me an email about it.
And this brings us to the issue of ableism, which has been a contentious one here.
NOTES ON “CRAZY”
Avoid “crazy” talk. That is, using words like “crazy,” “psycho” and the like to describe the terrible ideas and actions of people you don’t like. It’s stigmatizing to those dealing with mental illness, who really don’t need the extra indignity of being compared to MRAs. Try using words like “ridiculous” or “absurd” or “terrible” instead. Call someone an “asshole” instead of a “psycho.” Try to avoid internet diagnoses of mental illness, and don’t use autism or Aspergers as an excuse for someone’s shitty behavior.
Saying someone is “paranoid,” “delusional,” or “narcissistic” is fine, if you don’t mean it as a diagnosis; these are useful descriptive terms.
If there is evidence that someone you are discussing does indeed have a mental illness, and this is relevant to the discussion, it can be appropriate to bring this up, though you should keep in mind that a hunch is not evidence.
All this said, words like “crazy,” “psycho,” and the like are extremely common, and plenty of people (including feminists, progressives, and people dealing with mental illness themselves) use them casually without intending to stigmatize those with mental illnesses. There’s a difference between saying “crazy people should all be locked up” and “boy, Eraserhead sure was a crazy movie!”
If you’re someone who uses these terms casually, and doesn’t actually want all “crazy” people locked up, it doesn’t make you an evil person, but you need to refrain from doing it here. (Again, if you disagree with this policy, and feel a need to make this disagreement known, DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT IN THE COMMENTS, send me an email instead.)
If you are a regular commenter here, and someone uses a problematic term like “crazy” or “psycho,” remind them gently that this is not how we do things here, and send them a link to this comment policy (and possibly the Welcome Package as well). Unless what they have said is particularly egregious, do not insult them or question their motives.
If they argue, remind them that arguing about this rule is also not allowed. If they continue,do not argue back; send me or the mods a note and they will be banned. (This may take a little while, so be patient and please do not give in to the impulse to argue with them.)
If others have already reminded them of the rules, move on.
Again, if someone is acting really shitty in the comments, whether a troll or a regular, SEND ME AN EMAIL.
One other thing to keep in mind:
MRAs read this blog. So I would strongly urge you to comment here using an anonymous handle that cannot be traced to your real identity. And to be very careful about revealing any sort of personal information on this blog. If you inadvertently post something using the wrong account, or that otherwise reveals personal information, let the mods know so we can remove those comments.
Oh, wait, one other other thought:
Enjoy yourself!
IR/FactFree, stop trying to rules lawyer the comment policy because your dim fee fees were hurt. You are fucking pathetic and stupid, what a toxic combo.
Poor IR, he just wanted to be listened to as he spouted page after page of bullshit in support of his abuser lobbying group. All he wants is for abusers and their supporters to get a fair shake. Why are we so mean to him?
Aww! Lookee! IR is trying to do a smartie!
It would be precious if it was not for the fact that you are a currish flap-mouthed canker blossom, a puny pottle-deep moldwarp, a weedy beef-witted horn-beast of picayune means, mind, and endowment.
I will apologize though for being so thoughtless as to not insult you with demiurgic phrasing. I promise to be much much more inspired in my vituperation of you.
Since this space is for discussing comments moderation, I’d like to suggest that we avoid making reference to IR’s logic vomit outside of what he just puked on this thread.
Though, on-topic — the ‘nurse’ comment was in fact ableist and I think we should be avoiding making links between mental illness and MRA fools. It is a disservice to the mentally ill.
The pants comment, though? That shit was just calling you incompetent, son. Eat it.
I should have said nanny-I was thinking childish.
Like I said, they would rather shoot the messenger than actually address the problem I brought up. They don’t care about learning or improving themselves, they just want to attack people they disagree with because sexism.
Then answer the question I posed:
Where in this:
does it mean that a man can do this:
Otherwise I will go back to castigating you as you are but a beslubbering bat-fowling flirt-gill.
Haha how much time have you spent on MRA sites saying “You know, maybe we shouldn’t be working towards more rape and abuse in society.”
And yeah, it was kind of ableist, unless I missed something about the context. But it’s not really in the same ballpark as advocating for violence.
And again, a hate movement isn’t “neccessary” to address these problems in an actual movement. I mean, the KKK isn’t really in a position to call out some members of the civil rights movement for homophobia, you know what I mean?
“I was referring to this, cretin, not Nurdy Dancing’s article:”
– http://manboobz.com/2012/09/26/what-do-women-want-ask-a-dude-ask-an-awesome-dude/comment-page-5/#comment-207347
I think that’s a slur. Like I said, though, they’d rather hide their own bigotry and scream at people than make any positive change.
Hold up, IR, I need to go check in with the Westboro Baptist Church to see if my language has any etymological biases.
At least the WBC hasn’t actually committed mass murders in the name of their ideology.
Aw, it’s so cute when MRA jackasses try and co-opt social justice terms for their own end without having the slightest idea of what they mean. By cute I mean “really fucking annoying.”
Fuck back off to your own lonely blog, you abuser lobby shill piece of shit.
Otherwise I will go back to castigating you
You’ll reduce yourself to it either way because I disagree with your political views, and people who disagree with those views are worthy of whatever torrent of abuse you can release on them. Don’t pretend that your respect is something I would want to barter for, that’s horribly self-indulgent and pretentious.
I read “nurse” as childhood nurse as well; perhaps it’s because idealoguereview seems like a child.
I certainly am not looking for you to respect me, just answer the simple question I posed.
Until you do, I will enjoy telling you what a frothy earth-vexing pumpion you are.
I dunno, IR/FF, you seem to like the castigation, because why else would you be here? You’re incapable of learning, and you sure a shit aren’t here in good faith, so being berated must be your thing. That’s OK, but there’s other sites better equipped to deal with your fetish.
Positive being Preggo Punchout? How terribly positive that is. How gloriously, munificently, augustly positive you are. To what great ends dost thou envision the great change thou has wrought with this rare spectacle?
You ignorant asshole. We DO call out ableism among our own, even the piddling interpretive ableism that you’re fishing for. You’ve said nothing about my comments because I haven’t given you any scraps to jerk off to.
Now. Comment policy. You have ascribed false motives to us three times in THIS THREAD ALONE, something that you petulantly demanded David start banning people for when you claimed we were doing it to you based on virtually identical (albeit less baseless) rhetoric.
The reason that you see only hypocrisy and bigotry is because it oozes from your pores, sliding over your hooded eyes.
It looks like all you intend to do is shovel more dung on the same dying fire, though, so I’ll bow out with this comment. If you have nothing new to say, seriously, shut the fuck up.
You’re incapable of learning
I’m incapable of adopting your political views because a lot of feminists play lip service to equality and then just go around screaming at people.
@ideologuereview, flowery language aside, what “positive” did you think Preggo Punchout accomplished? What went through your mind? What happiness did you find from it? What significant contribution to the MRM did it represent?
I’m asking for real, because I genuinely want to know. The reason the MRM is seen as a hate movement, the abuser’s lobby, rape apologists, et al, is because of the hate and calls to violence that so many MRAs voice. What was your goal with Preggo Punchout?
Also, because feminists just get so gosh darn upset when you talk about how fun it would be to rape and beat them.
Mean ol’ feminists.
I’m pretty sure “I was almost a feminist, but then..” is this month’s “I have a very equal relationship with a very real woman who is happy and not feminist at all.”
But are you incapable of saying “X is not appropriate ever.” Or “I will tell my fellow MRAs that X is not appropriate.”
Cuz you neither learn nor admit to anything but you certainly whine a lot. And we are fresh out of cheese.
Damn. You finally get an MRA and want to ask them about their beliefs, and they vanish. Why is that??? Most people love to talk about their beliefs.
I’m loving this new “feminists just yell at people” approach. Like, even for Mr. Preggo Punchout, that’s a new level of ignorance and/or dishonesty. Has Paul Elam ever written anything that wasn’t yelling at and/or whining about women?
IRFF, you know better than to spam the comments policy page.