UPDATED 7/10/19
Unmoderated or too-loosely moderated internet forums quickly become shitheaps, so we have a few rules here.
One thing to remember right off the bat: this is a feminist blog, designed (mostly) for a feminist audience. You don’t have to be a feminist to post here, but if you don’t think the world would be a better place without so much fascism and misogyny, you’re not going to fit in. You have a right to your opinions, but you don’t have a right to our attention.
First comments from new commenters – or old commenters changing their name – automatically go to moderation. Regardless of your politics, if you start off here with a jerky or tediously argumentative comment, or if you trigger some other red flag for me, your first comment will never see the light of day.
So what are the big no-nos?
You’re NOT welcome if you’re: a racist, a misogynist, an antisemite, a homophobe, a transphobe or TERF, a MAGA-hat-wearing Trump fan, a fat-phobe, an edgelord, an asshole, a bad-faith comment policy tester, or just a blathering dingus that no one wants to have to listen to. This list is not all-inclusive; I can ban you for being offensive and/or annoying in ways not specified here. Sending me long whiny emails afterwards won’t help your chances of being reinstated.
Some things to avoid: slurs (c*nt, tr*nny, etc; keep in mind that TERF is not a slur); piling on; blaming someone’s bad ideas and/or behavior on mental illness or other medical conditions (though it’s ok to mention mental illness if it’s relevant); disrespect towards working-class or poor people, old people, young people, disabled people, people with mental illnesses, people literally or figuratively living in their mom’s basement. Don’t attack people based on their physical appearance.
No threats or violent comments. That includes telling someone to “die in a fire” or remarking that so-and-so would probably be better off dead. No calls for violent revolution or political assassination or any of that bullshit.
No gratuitously nasty personal attacks. Yes, discussions can sometimes get a bit contentious. You’re not required to be perfectly nice all the time. Just don’t be a total asshole.
No doxxing or posting of personal identifying information. Don’t spread rumors or speculate without evidence on the possible criminal activity of anyone else. Don’t use this site to organize harassment of anyone.
No rape apologism, pedo apologism, victim blaming, and so forth. No slut-shaming; no virgin-shaming. (Suggesting that people with terrible ideas about women might have trouble getting dates is fine, however; it’s also true.)
Don’t misgender anyone. If you do it accidentally, apologize and get it right the next time. If you do it deliberately, you’re out.
Don’t attack anyone for their sexual preferences or kinks, so long as they involve consenting adults. Refrain from weird or creepy sexual oversharing. Whatever your opinion of sex work, don’t disparage sex workers, or use words like “whore” as a pejorative. (Feel free to talk about MRAs who are using the word pejoratively.)
Don’t attack people for their religion or their lack of religion.
Don’t be a mansplainer or indeed any kind of ‘splainer. That is, don’t lecture anyone on something they know better than you, particularly if that thing is their lived experience.
Don’t post too much or try to make threads all about you. Try to avoid drama.
Avoid giving unsolicited advice, particularly on medical or weight issues.
No sockpuppeting. No lying. No misrepresentation of yourself or other people. No posting in bad faith – e.g. posting friendly comments here while trashing the site and/or the people on it elsewhere.
Sometimes I do let trolls and MAGA-heads and MRAs through, but only if I think they might be kind of fun for the regular commenters to bat around for a while. I will ban them if they become more offensive/annoying than entertaining.
If someone is violating these rules or being a huge asshole in ways I haven’t specified, don’t just drop a note in the comments, SEND ME AN EMAIL at dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
That’s basically it. If you’re concerned that the rules seem too strict, please read on:
Regardless of all the rules, you don’t have to be perfect to comment here. As sociologist Katherine Cross (@Quinnae_Moon) has noted, very few people arrive “fully formed to the world of activism, the perfect agents of change, somehow entirely cognizant of the ever shifting morass of rules and prescribed or proscribed words, phrases, argot, and thought.”
I want this blog to be open to all those who genuinely oppose misogyny and bigotry more generally, even those who may slip up from time to time.
Still, if you’re new here, or new to feminism, and the regulars here are telling you to avoid certain words, or pointing out something that you’re doing that’s problematic, don’t take it as a personal attack (unless it is couched as a personal attack, in which case email me). If they tell you to avoid particular language, uh, avoid using that language, and don’t explain that in your country calling a person a something-or-other is perfectly fine.
You don’t have to agree with all the rules and/or cultural norms here; but while you’re commenting here you are expected to respect them. If you think a rule is really, really wrong or ridiculous, don’t argue about it in the comments; send me an email about it.
And this brings us to the issue of ableism, which has been a contentious one here.
NOTES ON “CRAZY”
Avoid “crazy” talk. That is, using words like “crazy,” “psycho” and the like to describe the terrible ideas and actions of people you don’t like. It’s stigmatizing to those dealing with mental illness, who really don’t need the extra indignity of being compared to MRAs. Try using words like “ridiculous” or “absurd” or “terrible” instead. Call someone an “asshole” instead of a “psycho.” Try to avoid internet diagnoses of mental illness, and don’t use autism or Aspergers as an excuse for someone’s shitty behavior.
Saying someone is “paranoid,” “delusional,” or “narcissistic” is fine, if you don’t mean it as a diagnosis; these are useful descriptive terms.
If there is evidence that someone you are discussing does indeed have a mental illness, and this is relevant to the discussion, it can be appropriate to bring this up, though you should keep in mind that a hunch is not evidence.
All this said, words like “crazy,” “psycho,” and the like are extremely common, and plenty of people (including feminists, progressives, and people dealing with mental illness themselves) use them casually without intending to stigmatize those with mental illnesses. There’s a difference between saying “crazy people should all be locked up” and “boy, Eraserhead sure was a crazy movie!”
If you’re someone who uses these terms casually, and doesn’t actually want all “crazy” people locked up, it doesn’t make you an evil person, but you need to refrain from doing it here. (Again, if you disagree with this policy, and feel a need to make this disagreement known, DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT IN THE COMMENTS, send me an email instead.)
If you are a regular commenter here, and someone uses a problematic term like “crazy” or “psycho,” remind them gently that this is not how we do things here, and send them a link to this comment policy (and possibly the Welcome Package as well). Unless what they have said is particularly egregious, do not insult them or question their motives.
If they argue, remind them that arguing about this rule is also not allowed. If they continue,do not argue back; send me or the mods a note and they will be banned. (This may take a little while, so be patient and please do not give in to the impulse to argue with them.)
If others have already reminded them of the rules, move on.
Again, if someone is acting really shitty in the comments, whether a troll or a regular, SEND ME AN EMAIL.
One other thing to keep in mind:
MRAs read this blog. So I would strongly urge you to comment here using an anonymous handle that cannot be traced to your real identity. And to be very careful about revealing any sort of personal information on this blog. If you inadvertently post something using the wrong account, or that otherwise reveals personal information, let the mods know so we can remove those comments.
Oh, wait, one other other thought:
Enjoy yourself!
pqaaling astronomidal objects? like women exist anywhere other than here on earth?
If Buttercup (presumably a woman) doesn’t want my attention, then she should be glad that what I want is no do disire her.
sorry for the typos …
If Buttercup doesn’t want my attention, then she should be glad that what I want is to not desire her.
That’s nice, Dean. Please go and not-desire Buttercup Q. Skullpants elsewhere.
Well, shit, Dean Walker, if that’s what you got from Buttercup Q. Skullpants’s post, then you have a reading comprehension problem.
Now go peddle your “miracle cure” somewhere else. You’ve been cluttering up the comments policy thread for too long.
Ewwww. Thanks for the non-boner update, but in the future maybe you should keep that to yourself, Dean.
Oh God, he was typing that one-handed, wasn’t he?
*vomits forever*
One more time, Dean
http://www.lookhuman.com/render/product/7182/7182890862154780/tote13in-w800h800z1-34937-nobody-cares-about-your-stupid-boner.jpg
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/325/428/264.jpg
http://www.chrisg.com/wp-content/uploads/nobody-cares.png
Well, from your standpoint, women may as well not exist on earth, since you seem to be unable to address them directly. But thanks for illustrating my point for me!
?? How did you get from “Buttercup disagreed with me” to “Buttercup is rejecting me sexually”?
Ohhhh right, because all women are sex objects and the only attention men should give them is desire.
This thing of “I hate women but also want them” produces some really ugly psychology in MGTOWs. You’ve decided the solution to this inner discomfort is to remove the “want”, instead of working on the “hate”. Is rejecting women so fundamental to your identity, so difficult to part with, that you’re willing to risk liver toxicity, adrenal dysfunction, and other unpredictable side effects by self-dosing with an unregulated medication, manufactured and packaged God only knows where, that you have to travel to Mexico to obtain? All I can say is, good luck with that.
P.S. If spamming comment sections persists for more than 4 hours, consult your doctor.
Jesus Christ. These people, always about their boners, even when they’re trying not to have boners. Literal dick for brains.
Is Dean still here?
And a Feminist Blog is the best place for this how?
Yeah, we feminists do care about men and toxic masculinity.
No, we don’t care about your boners or the sadfeels they get. We don’t care if you can get laid or if you’re “unattractive to women”. (Which your attitude about how women need to find you attractive and it’s obviously their fault that they don’t obviously plays no part in, surely. [/sarcasm])
Go peddle your shit in the manuresphere. They like this kind of patronizing “It’s still the evil feeemales’ fault, but this should help, there’s nothing wrong with you, schnookums” kind of garbage.
Again, Feminist blog. Words mean things.
Yes, “the gays”.
Hello, I am one of “the gays”. Allow me to give you a couple pieces of vital information:
– As Scented Fucking Hard Chairs has demonstrated, we don’t like being called “the gays”. It’s dehumanizing and silly. And it makes you sound like an absolute bigot.
– There are more than two genders. Transgendered people are a thing, so are nonbinary and agender people.
– “Gay” only refers to cismen who are attracted to cismen. “Lesbian” refers to ciswomen who are attracted to ciswomen. But, this isn’t the entirety of the queer community.
– I’m what’s called “pansexual”, gender doesn’t make a difference in who I find attractive. If I want to put my hand down your choice in lower body covering clothing (and I have my permission to put my hand there), I will like whatever I find.
– Every section of the queer community has its own problems, sometimes problems with the community itself. We pansexuals have problems with our own community trying to erase us for instance.
This has been an informative PSA from your local friendly neighborhood Paradox. Thank you, have a nice day, and remember: No one cares about your boner!
We do. And we manage to stay on topic and not make it all about us because we’re narcissistic jackwagons who feel the need to tell everyone that our boner has a sad.
Just FYI: The topic of this thread is the “Comments Policy” here at WHTM. As in, we discuss what people should and shouldn’t be allowed to post and why.
Not boner feels updates.
Mockery. It’s in the fuckin’ header. Stop making me have to change the damn sign.
*changes the “Days Since Someone Ignored the Header and Asked What the Site was About” sign back to 0*
Make like your nym and keep fuckin’ walking.
Hey Dean,
Go fuck yourself.
Go away.
Never come back and whenever you feel like maybe you should go drone on about your bullshit non-problems to feminists who do not know you or want to know you, just keep fucking yourself until the urge goes away.
Invent fun new ways to go fuck yourself. Maybe go different places to fuck yourself? Maybe fuck yourself to Eye of the Tiger. I bet that’s fun. (Hell, it sounds so fun I think I’ll give that one a go.) Really, any way to fuck yourself you can imagine, go forth and do it to the best of your ability. Then look in the mirror and tell yourself how great it was and that you can’t wait to do it again. Maybe send yourself a “Thank you” card. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Whatever it takes to keep you and your boner updates away, you should do. Alot. I’d recommend a silicone based lube to prevent chaffing. Follow this advice and you might be happier and less of s shithead. We’ll definitely be happier.
Don’t say feminists never did anything for ya. I just solved what appears to be the biggest problem you’ve ever known.
Buttercup, thank you for an intelligent reply. The answer to your question is pretty simple. Having the want was so unbrearable that I’d give anything to get rid of it, even sacrificing my health.
It wasn’t just wanting something unattainable. There also is being hated for talking about the fact that the problem exists. And I’m sure that you have seen how the other people here responded to what I said. The others here are frustrated because their invective did not succeed in putting me on the defensive, but that’s beside the point.
Of course I know where that medicine comes from and where it’s made. What I took was made in France and sold in many other countries, including Mexico, which is where I bought it. In what you said, I detect a certain chauvenism; you assume that anything made in Mexico or bought there is no good.
As for the hate, there is no way to not hate that which causes unbearable suffering. Did Elliot Rodgers and George Sodini know that there is such a thing as cyperterone acetate? Did any of the people who frequent this blog ever know either of these two? If you did, then you would have something very interesting to contribute.
As for doing something about the hate by finding a source of sexual satisfaction, nobody really knows what makes some men attractive to women and some not. Self-pity and anger at women in general are two things that make a man not attractive. That is why the mitigation of the want is a nicessary first step; I wouldn’t view the taking of cyproterone acetate as giving up.
Dean, have you ever thought of going to therapy for sex addiction? Maybe just wait until you’re 30 for your testosterone to naturely go down? Or just using a fleshlight?
You know, a fleshlight would probably cost less and not fucking mess with your body like pills would.
They even come in all sorts of shapes, sizes and textures so once you’re bored with one, you can get a completely different one.
And you’ll never have to cone in contact with another woman ever again and we’d all be greatful for it.
Dean, please, PLEASE, stop talking to us about your sadpenis and its woes.
A psychiatric drugs, prescribed by a psychiatrist, have helped me considerably, because (surprise!) your personal experiences and beliefs aren’t universal truths. Go denounce psychiatrists on Scientology board or something, they love that shit.
I’m a lady gay and I would only comment on my personal romantic experiences and woes on the open thread or a post related to that topic. Go look at the title of this post Dean. I’ll wait.
As you just saw, this thread is titled “Comments Policy” and is in fact about the comments policy. Mexican testosterone reducing wonder drugs are not mentioned in the comment policy.
I can’t believe you’re still here.
http://www.addictinginfo.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/The-Thing-That-Wouldnt-Leave.jpg
Yeah Buttercup, why do hate things bought in Mexico? Are you pro-things not bought in Mexico chauvinist bigot or something?
The sad thing is that Dean probably thought about taking a ~~magical~~ cure all drug before he thought of anything else because working out whatever the hell problems he has would be too much work and popping pills is solo much easier than looking into yourself for whatever problems you might have.
Oh, wait, sorry, I actually didn’t read any of Dean’s posts because he should GO THE FUCK AWAY.
GO. THE. FUCK. AWAY. DEAN.
Dragging sympathy for murderers into your shilling for your almost-certainly-toxic snake oil that is so untested even Google hasn’t heard of it outside of boner quackery sites. Wow, you’re even more disgusting than I thought.
To borrow a phrase from our friends across the pond: You couldn’t go have a wank like the rest of us? I have a high libido myself, and seriously, just go have a wank. There’s lots of health benefits to masturbation. Here’s an article from Men’s Health Magazine on the subject, even.
You still seem to think that it’s up to women to do something about this “unbearable urge” of yours, otherwise you wouldn’t still. Be. Here.
It’s like you blame women for you making a decision to take medicine that hasn’t been regulated by the FDA and are now blaming us for the consequences and side effects.
It’s like you punched yourself in the face, and are looking at us like we somehow controlled your fucking mind to make you do that.
It’s stupid. You’re stupid.
Oh for fuck’s sake.
WOMEN ARE NOT THINGS YOU OBTAIN. WE ARE PEOPLE YOU CAN HAVE RELATIONS (sexy, romantic, or otherwise) WITH, BUT WE ARE NOT OBJECTS TO OBTAIN FOR YOUR PENIS TO BE PUT INTO. WE’RE NOT FUCKING COLLECTIBLES, YOU JACKASS.
Your “problem that exists” isn’t what you fucking think it is, and we’re fucking tired of trying to explain it to you, only for you to go on and on and ON about shit we’ve already corrected you on, explained why you were wrong about, and asked you to shut up about.
Your “problem” wasn’t that you were doomed to be “unattractive” and that “women didn’t want you” and that made us women all meanie-meanie pantses for not taking care of your personal fucking problems, it was that YOU, SPECIFICALLY couldn’t get laid. Now you have a “girlfriend”, you’re not angry anymore by your own omission.
We explained that this problem you have isn’t with women, it was just that you were mad at your own situation and placing the blame on women for shit no one could control because it made you feel better about your situation. Because it took the focus off of things YOU could do to help make it better, and instead placed the onus on women to please your fucking boner that no one here cares about.
So why the fuck are you still fucking here you tremendously stubborn, and selectively illiterate jackass?
Weren’t you the one just going on and on about how awful this medicine is and how terrible it is you had to take it and somehow you’re jumping to this conclusion that because we said that it might not be safe because it isn’t regulated that makes us racists?
What the fuck is even happening anymore?
STOP IMPLYING IT IS SOMEHOW OUR FUCKING JOB AS WOMEN TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS AND RIDING FUCKING MASSACRES FOR SELF-PROMOTION OF YOUR PRESCRIPTION YOU FUCKING UNSYMPATHETIC PRICK.
GO ADVERTISE YOUR “WONDER DRUG” ELSEWHERE.
GO THE FUCK AWAY.
Semi-relatedly, I’ve just discovered there are at least twice as many boner quackery sites as there are feminism sites, not even counting email spam. Way to keep your priorities straight, humanity.
That’s an excellent question, Paradoxical Intention. I don’t know the answer myself, but it seems to involve Mexico and Dean not being a good listener.
Dean Walker: The others here are frustrated because you continue to talk about women as if we were objects and not people; express sympathy for mass murderers like Elliot Rodger and George Sodini; continue to creepily talk about your sad boner feels despite being told repeatedly that this is not the appropriate thread or the appropriate blog or even appropriate at all, and that nobody cares or wants to hear about it; continue to talk push this “miracle cure” pill like some infomercial, despite being told repeatedly to stop; and not leaving despite being repeatedly told to go.
That is why people here are getting frustrated.
Now kindly fuck off.
Dean seems to have a very specific and peculiar fetish. He seems to like waving his penis around on feminist blogs and forcing other people to read about his cock and its woes.
That he’s getting off on it seems to be the only explanation for why he keeps hammering on about his dick on a feminist blog where no 1 curr. He claims he wants to pass along wisdom to other lonely men, but there are waaaaaaay more logical places for him to do that, if that were actually his goal.
I think Dean is just a high-tech flasher, and it gives him a stiffy to know that strangers are reading about his stiffy.
Maybe we should find a topic that will gross him out. Does anyone else get period shits? Nothing like diarrhea cramps on top of menstrual cramps. Right?