Comments Policy

The comments policy in brief

UPDATED 7/10/19

Unmoderated or too-loosely moderated internet forums quickly become shitheaps, so we have a few rules here.

One thing to remember right off the bat: this is a feminist blog, designed (mostly) for a feminist audience. You don’t have to be a feminist to post here, but if you don’t think the world would be a better place without so much fascism and misogyny, you’re not going to fit in. You have a right to your opinions, but you don’t have a right to our attention.

First comments from new commenters – or old commenters changing their name – automatically go to moderation. Regardless of your politics, if you start off here with a jerky or tediously argumentative comment, or if you trigger some other red flag for me, your first comment will never see the light of day.

So what are the big no-nos?

You’re NOT welcome if you’re: a racist, a misogynist, an antisemite, a homophobe, a transphobe or TERF, a MAGA-hat-wearing Trump fan, a fat-phobe, an edgelord, an asshole, a bad-faith comment policy tester, or just a blathering dingus that no one wants to have to listen to. This list is not all-inclusive; I can ban you for being offensive and/or annoying in ways not specified here. Sending me long whiny emails afterwards won’t help your chances of being reinstated.

Some things to avoid: slurs (c*nt, tr*nny, etc; keep in mind that TERF is not a slur); piling on; blaming someone’s bad ideas and/or behavior on mental illness or other medical conditions (though it’s ok to mention mental illness if it’s relevant); disrespect towards working-class or poor people, old people, young people, disabled people, people with mental illnesses, people literally or figuratively living in their mom’s basement. Don’t attack people based on their physical appearance. 

No threats or violent comments. That includes telling someone to “die in a fire” or remarking that so-and-so would probably be better off dead. No calls for violent revolution or political assassination or any of that bullshit.

No gratuitously nasty personal attacks. Yes, discussions can sometimes get a bit contentious. You’re not required to be perfectly nice all the time. Just don’t be a total asshole.

No doxxing or posting of personal identifying information. Don’t spread rumors or speculate without evidence on the possible criminal activity of anyone else. Don’t use this site to organize harassment of anyone.

No rape apologism, pedo apologism, victim blaming, and so forth. No slut-shaming; no virgin-shaming. (Suggesting that people with terrible ideas about women might have trouble getting dates is fine, however; it’s also true.)

Don’t misgender anyone. If you do it accidentally, apologize and get it right the next time. If you do it deliberately, you’re out.

Don’t attack anyone for their sexual preferences or kinks, so long as they involve consenting adults. Refrain from weird or creepy sexual oversharing. Whatever your opinion of sex work, don’t disparage sex workers, or use words like “whore” as a pejorative. (Feel free to talk about MRAs who are using the word pejoratively.)

Don’t attack people for their religion or their lack of religion.

Don’t be a mansplainer or indeed any kind of ‘splainer. That is, don’t lecture anyone on something they know better than you, particularly if that thing is their lived experience.

Don’t post too much or try to make threads all about you. Try to avoid drama.

Avoid giving unsolicited advice, particularly on medical or weight issues.

No sockpuppeting. No lying. No misrepresentation of yourself or other people. No posting in bad faith – e.g. posting friendly comments here while trashing the site and/or the people on it elsewhere.

Sometimes I do let trolls and MAGA-heads and MRAs through, but only if I think they might be kind of fun for the regular commenters to bat around for a while. I will ban them if they become more offensive/annoying than entertaining.

If someone is violating these rules or being a huge asshole in ways I haven’t specified, don’t just drop a note in the comments, SEND ME AN EMAIL at dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

That’s basically it. If you’re concerned that the rules seem too strict, please read on:

Regardless of all the rules, you don’t have to be perfect to comment here. As sociologist Katherine Cross (@Quinnae_Moon) has noted, very few people arrive “fully formed to the world of activism, the perfect agents of change, somehow entirely cognizant of the ever shifting morass of rules and prescribed or proscribed words, phrases, argot, and thought.”

I want this blog to be open to all those who genuinely oppose misogyny and bigotry more generally, even those who may slip up from time to time.

Still, if you’re new here, or new to feminism, and the regulars here are telling you to avoid certain words, or pointing out something that you’re doing that’s problematic, don’t take it as a personal attack (unless it is couched as a personal attack, in which case email me). If they tell you to avoid particular language, uh, avoid using that language, and don’t explain that in your country calling a person a something-or-other is perfectly fine.

You don’t have to agree with all the rules and/or cultural norms here; but while you’re commenting here you are expected to respect them. If you think a rule is really, really wrong or ridiculous, don’t argue about it in the comments; send me an email about it.

And this brings us to the issue of ableism, which has been a contentious one here.

NOTES ON “CRAZY”

Avoid “crazy” talk. That is, using words like “crazy,” “psycho” and the like to describe the terrible ideas and actions of people you don’t like. It’s stigmatizing to those dealing with mental illness, who really don’t need the extra indignity of being compared to MRAs. Try using words like “ridiculous” or “absurd” or “terrible” instead. Call someone an “asshole” instead of a “psycho.” Try to avoid internet diagnoses of mental illness, and don’t use autism or Aspergers as an excuse for someone’s shitty behavior.

Saying someone is “paranoid,” “delusional,” or “narcissistic” is fine, if you don’t mean it as a diagnosis; these are useful descriptive terms.

If there is evidence that someone you are discussing does indeed have a mental illness, and this is relevant to the discussion, it can be appropriate to bring this up, though you should keep in mind that a hunch is not evidence.

All this said, words like “crazy,” “psycho,” and the like are extremely common, and plenty of people (including feminists, progressives, and people dealing with mental illness themselves) use them casually without intending to stigmatize those with mental illnesses. There’s a difference between saying “crazy people should all be locked up” and “boy, Eraserhead sure was a crazy movie!”

If you’re someone who uses these terms casually, and doesn’t actually want all “crazy” people locked up, it doesn’t make you an evil person, but you need to refrain from doing it here. (Again, if you disagree with this policy, and feel a need to make this disagreement known, DO NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT IN THE COMMENTS, send me an email instead.)

If you are a regular commenter here, and someone uses a problematic term like “crazy” or “psycho,” remind them gently that this is not how we do things here, and send them a link to this comment policy (and possibly the Welcome Package as well). Unless what they have said is particularly egregious, do not insult them or question their motives.

If they argue, remind them that arguing about this rule is also not allowed. If they continue,do not argue back; send me or the mods a note and they will be banned. (This may take a little while, so be patient and please do not give in to the impulse to argue with them.)

If others have already reminded them of the rules, move on.

Again, if someone is acting really shitty in the comments, whether a troll or a regular, SEND ME AN EMAIL.

One other thing to keep in mind:

MRAs read this blog. So I would strongly urge you to comment here using an anonymous handle that cannot be traced to your real identity. And to be very careful about revealing any sort of personal information on this blog. If you inadvertently post something using the wrong account, or that otherwise reveals personal information, let the mods know so we can remove those comments.

Oh, wait, one other other thought:

Enjoy yourself!

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Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

As for the hate, there is no way to not hate that which causes unbearable suffering.

Only if your suffering is 1) caused by a person, and 2) they’re doing it deliberately. That’s just not true, in the case of attraction. Attraction is what it is. Sure, people can be absolute jerks when rejecting other people, but the underlying attraction (or lack thereof) doesn’t have an intention.

Attraction’s not a monolithic thing, either. There’s very few people that every single person on earth universally finds attractive or not attractive. One or two rejections, even a hundred rejections, isn’t a final referendum. It’s painful and unpleasant and it sucks, sure, but it’s only unbearable if you decide to make it that way, if you get trapped in the vicious cycle of rejection –> anger –> rejection –> anger, and pretty soon the alpha particles are fissioning of their own accord and radiating little gamma rays of hatred, and you’ve reached critical rejection mass. It’s awfully hard to turn back from that.

I think people would have more sympathy for you, Dean, if you had experienced any post-medication epiphany, such as “Oh gosh, my high libido was really negatively affecting my interactions with women, maybe now that I’m hormonally calmer I can get my head on straight and try again”. But it doesn’t seem to have changed much of anything, other than allowing you to maintain an “avoid women” attitude with a clear conscience, which really isn’t a good long-term solution, seeing as how women are all over the place nowadays and it’s hard to avoid interacting with them.

Did Elliot Rodgers and George Sodini know that there is such a thing as cyperterone acetate?

AUGH. NO NO NO no no no no no. NO.

NO in ten-mile-high flaming letters.

NO stamped in gold sans serif font across the firmament.

NO written across the entire universe in cursive made out of galaxies.

Those murders would *not* have been prevented by peen medication, because Elliot Rodgers and George Sodini *were not* motivated by unfulfilled lust. Theywere fueled by grandiosity, narcissism, a feeling of powerlessness, and easy access to weapons. Women were just a scapegoat for all of that. Shooting sprees, like rape, are all about victimizing others in order to feel powerful. Lust has zilch-all to do with it (which is why rape victims span all ages, clothing styles, locations, times, sobriety levels, etc).

It’s also morally repellant to suggest that lives would be saved if the peens of these mass murderers could be propitiated by some external force (women, drugs, government-sponsored sex workers). That’s extortion, pure and simple. It rewards evil and reduces women to the level of sacrificial volcano virgins. And would pity sex really make any dent in the aggrieved grandiosity of guys like Elliot Rodgers? From all accounts, he never even approached any women. The rejection he felt was entirely inside his head.

Regarding Mexican products, it’s not being racist to point out that product safety standards vary wildly worldwide. In fact, crappy, dangerous products are frequently the result of U.S. companies deliberately outsourcing their manufacturing centers to countries where regulations are more lax. Corners get cut, safety gets compromised, quality control looks the other way, costs get reduced so Walmart can charge $1.50 for melamine-laced pet food and not pay benefits to its workers. That’s global capitalism for you.

But yeah, I think pinatas should have separate drinking fountains.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
5 years ago

Oops, small blockquote fail up there. Sorry. I was too busy ranting to notice the blockquote mammoth stealthily snacking on my HTML tag.

Policy of Madness
Policy of Madness
5 years ago

Oh, darn. You mean we won’t get to read any more about the weeping of Dean’s cock? How ever shall I manage to get through my life now?

katz
katz
5 years ago

I hear weeping cocks are a side effect of illegal Mexican testosterone-lowering drugs.

Joe America
Joe America
5 years ago

This is actually a MGTOW site. No real man hating feminist site would mention anything about the MRM. Any comments about it would be deleted. Go to the NOW site and see.

sparky
sparky
5 years ago

Actually, it’s not, Joe. If you look at the header, you’ll see “The New Misogyny, Tracked and Mocked.” This blog is about mocking misogyny. There’s also a little blurb detailing this on the sidebar. Also an FAQ.

This is really, really not a MGTOW site.

Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
Pandapool -- The Species that Endangers YOU (aka Banana Jackie Cake, for those who still want to call me "Banana", "Jackie" or whatever)
5 years ago

@sparky

They have to be trolling, especially when they’re commenting in a thread in which many of us discuss our constipation/diarrhea during our periods. I don’t think anyone on MGTOW would do that for many reasons, the number one being that I don’t any transmen would be apart of MGTOW (though I could be proven wrong).

sparky
sparky
5 years ago

Pandapool: Yeah, I know Joe America is trolling. I’m just snarking at trolls during my break 🙂

CinnamonStix
CinnamonStix
5 years ago

Loving the current rules. Also, I find it hilarious people thinking this is a MGTOW site. This exposes all new misogyny, MRAs, the laughable MGTOW, etc.

Goodness!
Goodness!
5 years ago

Dean certainly got all the attention he wanted.

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