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Rush Limbaugh offers a gracious apology for his comments on Sandra Fluke. Scratch “gracious.” And “apology.”

Rush Limbaugh wonders momentarily if he is a complete tool, concludes that he isn't.

Hey, everybody! Rush Limbaugh has issued a gracious apology for his attacks on Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown law student who testified before congress on the costs of birth control. Here it is:

For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.

After a long paragraph in which he basically repeats his original argument about birth control, such as it was, this time without directly referencing Fluke, he continues:

My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.

Uh, “I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation???”

“My choice of words was not the best??”

Here’s what he originally said:

So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. … We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

He also called her a “prostitute.”

So let me rewrite that for you, with some nicer words this time:

So my dearest Miss Fluke, and the rest of those who share a love of feminism and the tenets of National Socialism, I would like to present to you a most intriguing proposition: If we are called upon to help finance your purchase of medical treatment and/or various and sundry items designed to prevent pregnancy, and thus to provide financial support to you as you make sweet, tender non-procreative love with your beloved, we humbly request something in return for our investment. To wit, we would like you to memorialize your lovemaking in video format, and for you to graciously place this video tribute on the Internet so we may share in the pleasure of enjoying these tender moments.

Oh, and instead of “prostitute,” why not refer to her as a “courtesan?”

Yeah, that’s not really any better. (And for some reason you still think taxpayers are paying for birth control, when in fact the issue is insurance coverage.)

In an attempt to be humorous, I would like to suggest to you, Mr. Limbaugh, that you stuff your apology up your ass, you worthless piece of shit.

I do not, of course, mean that as a personal attack.

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Attention feminists: Rush Limbaugh wants to watch you having sex.

Sometimes Rush gets a little overexcited

You may recall that  all-dude panel of “experts” at that recent congressional hearing on contraception. One of the reasons it was an all-dude panel was that congressional Republicans wouldn’t let Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke testify on the costs of birth control. (She later testified at a separate hearing held by Nancy Pelosi.)

Apparently stating publicly how much contraception costs when it’s not covered by insurance is basically the equivalent of pooping on the flag to some misogynistic assholes, among them the always charming Rush Limbaugh, who has denounced Fluke as a “slut” and a whore, saying, at one point, that she

went before a Congressional committee and said she’s having so much sex she’s going broke buying contraceptives and wants us to buy them.

Actually, she didn’t testify about her own experience at all.

Also, does Limbaugh even know how contraception works? Yes, the number of condoms one buys depends on how often you have sex. (Or at the very least how often you hope to have sex. Who knows how many boxes of condoms, purchased in moments of optimism, have quietly expired on the shelf waiting for their purchasers to finally get their mojo working. )

But the costs of many other forms of contraception have no relation whatsoever to the frequency of sex. Women on “the pill” take a pill every day, regardless of whether they are having sex that day or not. Women using IUDs don’t run down to the health center to have one installed every time their vagina expects a visitor.

Birth control, in short, doesn’t work like Oxycontin or Viagra, the two pills about which Limbaugh seems most knowledgeable.

Sorry to belabor the obvious, which apparently isn’t so obvious if you’re a right-wing, woman-hating asshole.

Anyway, now Limbaugh seems to think he’s entitled to watch Fluke having sex:

So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. … We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Here’s the excerpt from his radio show in which he makes this creepy demand.

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Listen lady, a WOMAN’S vagina is like a MAN’S money! Why oh why won't anyone date me?

Let me explain once more why your vagina is like my money.

The A(n)nals of Online Dating blog manages to unearth some astoundingly awful and creepy online dating profiles. Looking around on the site’s archives the other day, I came across one profile that reminded me of so many discussions here I felt I needed to share it with you. Here’s some unnamed OKCupid dude explaining just what he looks for in a woman.

He starts off almost reasonably:

Message me if you are intelligent and can hold chopsticks and are not racist.

Ok, that’s a little confrontational, and the bit about chopsticks is odd, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting your date to be smart and not a bigot.

It’s at this point he careens off the road:

Also message me if you can understand that a WOMAN’S vagina is like a MAN’S money.

Go on.

Meaning if we are NOT dating and if I do not KNOW who you are, you will have to be able to provide for yourself.

Are there really a lot of women on dating sites that expect men they don’t know to pay their rent or electric bills?

I am not going to give a little unless you can give a little.

Ah, the transactional model of dating. What’s the over/under on this guy also being a raving Ron Paul fan?

Most women dont want to feel like a whore by giving it up on the first night and dont want to be used just for sex. They also dont want to give it up and then be afraid the man will leave. Thats the SAME way I FEEL about spending my hard earned money on you.

Because women don’t want to feel like whores, you’re going to treat them exactly like whores, by equating vaginas and money?

A lot of women in this town dont follow through with anything they say and a lot of them have A LOT of insecurities along with expecting a guy to buy them food and drinks and then completely walk over them.

By “walk[ing] over them” I presume he means that the women are not having sex with every guy who buys them a dinner while explaining at length about how vaginas and money are the same thing and why Ron Paul is the only hope for our nation.

I dont play that and I’ve dated a few women who are gorgeous who happen to understand what I am talking about.

So why the OkCupid profile? I guess these gorgeous women must not be returning his calls any more.

So if you u understand that my money and time is just as valuable as your body, then we’ll be in agreement to not share anything until there is an understanding.

You’ll need to sign the “sex for dinner” contract here and here, and initial here. And you’re ready to go!

Oh, and if you fellas here (of the heterosexual persuasion) are feeling a little left out, remember, there are some terrible, terrible women out there in online dating land for you as well.

If you like prescription drugs, weird bird feet, and fistfights with jealous Juggalo ex-boyfriends, send this little lady a note.

EDITED TO ADD: Holly Pervocracy has a great post on the wrongness of the vaginas = money equation here.

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Alcuin and out. Or, the KKK with tits.

Insidious gynonazi propaganda

Let’s celebrate this lovely February day with some random stupidity from Alcuin, a brave anti-misandrist intellectual titan who is single handedly bringing about what he calls “the Intellectual Renaissance of the Western Tradition.” Mostly by blathering on and on about how much ladies suck.

Some highlights from recent posts.

We hunted the mammoth, then wrote Troilus and Cressida, while you bitches were eating bon bons and watching The Talk

The history of achievement is, in fact, the history of male achievement to such an extent that, were women absent from human history, we might still be where we are today, but were men absent from history, da wimmin would be in the caves, screeching ‘n hollering at each other. …

Dante wrote the Divine Comedy. Feminists crafted VAWA, the beginning of the end of western freedom.

Shakespeare changed the English language. Sharon Osbourne laughs about the female mutilation of men.

Socrates established a way of thinking and reflection on the virtues that still inspires us. Women falsely accuse men of rape on a weekly or even daily basis.

The KKK – now, with tits!

Feminism is the KKK with tits. The only difference is that western women don’t have any shame, so don’t cover up with white bedsheets. They are openly supremacist. That is why their starting point parallels the KKK, but they tend towards Nazism as well. The Hitlerists were no more ashamed of their supremacism than western women are of theirs. Both bigoted groups, in fact, are quite proud of their prejudicial thinking.

Racial supremacists running around with bedsheets are cockroachy – they run to the darkness whenever light is shed on them. Feminists, like Nazis, prefer the limelight. Will we soon see Nazi-like rallies with tens of thousands of banshees and their manginic self-hating male bozos?

Everybody Loves Raymond, and your female supremacist mom

Men are made into buffoons by Hollywood because male buffoonery sells. Women eat it up as greedily as they inhale chocolate cake and buy useless luxury goods. “Everybody Loves Raymond” is Everyman. Why does your mother like that sitcom so much? Because she’s a female supremacist. Why does your girlfriend like that show? Because she’s a female supremacist.

That’s why the lady is a tramp

Life is too easy. It’s too easy for a woman to become a tramp, and experiment sexually and socially, so she does. What are the consequences? Our society has so much surplus that we’ve eliminated the consequences of bad or irresponsible behavior, at least for women. We are wealthy enough to reject the concept of shame. Thus, we have shameless hussies.

Perhaps because men are still the most creative movers and shakers of our society, men as a whole class have been pushed into being the responsible ones, the moral adults. Women are let off the hook, able to remain perpetual moral children, responsible for none of their behavior, such as drunken sex. Non-issues such as faulty breast implants or police warnings about slutware enrage these people because they face no real injustices or hardships.

Slutware?

Also, here are The Undertones, with “Life’s Too Easy.”

 

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Actual discussion taking place on Reddit’s Men’s Rights subreddit

Just another day on r/mensrights, dealing with the terrible injustices facing men today in a thoughtful and compassionate way.