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>Lady Killers

>

Feminist Training Camp

There’s only really one rule to follow if you want to get upvoted on The Spearhead: make sure you say something hateful about women! If you follow this rule, you can say almost anything you want, no matter how completely batshit insane it is, and still get a couple of dozen upvotes. Works every time!

Consider, for example, this peculiar wisdom from one fellow calling himself Anonymous age 68, taken from a long, rambling comment that, the last time I checked, had 35 upvotes and only 11 downvotes. Take it away, you lovable old kook:

For 45 years, the man-haters who run this country have been saying privately they want to kill most men. I read MS. in the 80?s, and it was there. In recent years, they have shushed the stupids who have been saying it publicly, but you can be sure they are privately saying, “NOT YET, STUPID!” …

Killing large numbers of men is the only one of the original feminist goals which has not yet been achieved. And, all the other things they have done to men were directly or indirectly in the original lists.

I subscribed to MS magazine in the 70?s and 80?s, until my stomach would not take it any more. They told right out in there, their original goals. The world cannot be safe until most men are terminated.

I tried to tell other men, who treated me like s**t. “Why do you worry about things like that? This is the USA, and nothing like that will ever happen. …” 

Exactly what the Jew leaders told worried Jews in the 20th Century.That worked out real well.

Just in case you didn’t subscribe to Ms. in the 70s and 80s, and you’re wondering what the other original feminist goals were, here’s the whole list:

1) Buy comfortable shoes
2) Create Lilith Fair
3) Kill men.
4) ???
5) Profit!

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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Factchecking a list of “Hateful Quotes From Feminists”

 

Making a list, checking it twice.

Periodically, in the comments here, someone will post a dubious list of “evil feminist quotes” they have found on some Men’s Rights or antifeminist website. These lists are always faintly ridiculous, filled with decades-old quotes from a handful of radical feminists (most notably, Andrea Dworkin), most of whom have been soundly criticized by other feminists and whose ideas have been rejected by the majority of feminists today. The lists also tend to be very sloppily put together. When I’ve gone to check the accuracy of these lists, I’ve invariably run into problems — one quote may have come from a character in a novel, another may be a quote that doesn’t reflect the author’s own point of view, and so on.

Recently, one of the antifeminists who regularly comments here (Cold) posted a link to one such list, helpfully titled “Hateful Quotes From Feminists.” It’s fairly typical of these sorts of lists: many of the quotes are decades old, there are ten quotes from a single radical feminist — yes, Andrea Dworkin — and the list is sloppily put together.

I decided to give this list a fairly thorough fact-checking. And the results were, well, more or less what I expected, which is to say that the list was a sloppy mixture of truth, half-truth and outright falsehood.

The story, in brief: Some of the quotes I checked were indeed accurate — or mostly accurate. But several quotes were simply imaginary, or uttered by fictional characters; one was a complete misrepresentation of what the author was saying; two were paraphrased, which is to say, words put in the mouths of feminist authors by feminist critics; some were from obscure or anonymous sources, and in a few cases it wasn’t clear if those quoted were feminists at all; several were improperly sourced. There were a number of quotes that didn’t specify where they were from, and which turned out to be impossible to check. And then there were a couple of quotes which were not actually hateful at all.

I didn’t check everything in the list, but –if you have the patience for it — let’s go through what I did check, as a sort of case study in the shoddiness of much antifeminist propaganda.

Let’s start off with the very first quote:

“In a patriarchal society all heterosexual intercourse is rape because women, as a group, are not strong enough to give meaningful consent.” Catherine MacKinnon in Professing Feminism: Cautionary Tales from the Strange World of Women’s Studies, p. 129.

We’re off to a bad start here. This is not a quote from MacKinnon. The words were in fact written by Daphne Patai and Noretta Koertge, the actual authors of “Professing Feminism,” a polemical book critical of feminism. They purport to summarize the views of MacKinnon and Dworkin, though, as Snopes points out in its debunking of the false quote, both M and D have specifically stated that they don’t believe intercourse is rape. Apparently the quote was attributed to MacKinnon in a column by right-wing columnist Cal Thomas, which is evidently how it entered the land of antifeminist mythology. Somewhere along the line, Catharine had her name changed to Catherine.

Then there’s this alleged quote from Andrea Dworkin:

“Heterosexual intercourse is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for women’s bodies.”

According to Wikiquote, this quote is quite literally fictional:

The first appearance of this quote is from P: A Novel (2003) by Andrew Lewis Conn as a quote from the fictional feminist “Corinne Dwarfkin”. The original reads “In capsule form, my thesis is that heterosexual intercourse is the pure, distilled expression of men’s contempt for women.” In the slightly altered form given above, the quote is attributed in several books to Andrea Dworkin. Neil Boyd, in Big Sister (2004) attributes the quote to Letters from a War Zone, however, this quote, nor any one with similar phrasing, appears in that work.

Indeed, our listmaker seem to have a lot of trouble quoting Dworkin correctly. A bunch of the quotes are taken from her book Letters From a War Zone, which I happen to own. The first quote I checked was this one:

“The newest variations on this distressingly ancient theme center on hormones and DNA: men are biologically aggressive; their fetal brains were awash in androgen; their DNA, in order to perpetuate itself, hurls them into murder and rape.” Andrea Dworkin, Letters from a War Zone, p. 114.

It’s a weird quote, which sounds a lot like it’s coming from the the middle of a complicated argument. That’s because it is. And when you read what precedes it, it becomes clear that  it’s NOT a statement of Dworkin’s own beliefs. She was in fact summarizing (in her own words) the beliefs of “male supremacist” sociobiologists like Edward O. Wilson. It may or may not be a fair summary of their views, but that’s not the point: it’s NOT what she thought. Later in the paragraph, in fact, she compared these views to Hitler’s.

The other quotes from the book are more or less accurate. Words are missing, moved from one sentence to another, verb tenses are changed; they’re very sloppy transcriptions, but at least they aren’t complete and utter misrepresentations of what Dworkin wrote.

There’s also quote from Andrea Dworkin that’s listed as being from “Liberty, p. 58.” Dworkin never wrote a book called Liberty. But I found the quote in what seems to be a scholarly work; it’s evidently from Dworkin’s book Our Blood.

Finally, there are a few other alleged quotes from Dworkin; they don’t have sources listed for them. I found the quotes elsewhere online — but only on dubious “quote pages” and other iterations of “evil feminist” lists. They sound Dworkin-ish, but given the listmaker’s track record I have no faith that they are actually real, correctly transcribed Dworkin.

It’s bizarre. How hard is it to find hair-raising quotes from Andrea Dworkin? Dworkin was so radical that most feminists disagree with her, sometimes violently. You could practically pick a sentence at random from almost any of her books and chances are good it would offend somebody — including me. A number of her writings are available online. How lazy and sloppy do you have to be to fuck up your Dworkin quotes like this?

Let’s now turn to Marilyn French’s famously fictional quote:

“All men are rapists and that’s all they are.” Marilyn French in People, February 20, 1983

Oh, the quote is real — she wrote it — but it is not a statement of French’s beliefs. Nor did it originate in People magazine. It is a line of dialogue from her book The Woman’s Room. Wikipedia, take it away:

Following the rape of Val’s daughter Chris, Val states (over Mira’s protests), “Whatever they may be in public life, whatever their relationships with men, in their relationships with women, all men are rapists, and that’s all they are. They rape us with their eyes, their laws, and their codes” (p. 433). Critics have sometimes quoted Val’s dialogue as evidence of French’s misandry without noting that the passage is only spoken by one of many characters in the novel.

Now, it’s true that this sentence was quoted in People magazine — in the issue of Feb 20 1979, not Feb 20, 1983 as claimed. It’s not clear from the rather sloppy People article that this is a line from the book, but it is.

In the article, French notes that the book is partly based on her experience — drawing on the emotions she herself felt after her own daughter was raped.

“Sometimes I felt so violent about it and how the courts treated her,” French admits, “that there seemed no recourse but to go out, buy a gun and shoot the kid who did it, and the lawyers too. I couldn’t help my own child.” Plenty of that rage made its way into The Women’s Room. “I’m less angry now. Being too deep in anger corrodes your interior.”

So, again, it is very clear that the “all men are rapists” quote is meant to reflect a character awash in rage and pain; it is not an ideological statement of misandry.

The “Hateful Quotes” list also contains a bunch of quotes from people I’ve never heard of; they’re obviously not major feminist figures, and may not even be feminists. Gordon Fitch? Never heard of the guy, and can’t find anything about him online.

Hodee Edwards? Never heard of her either, and I can only find a handful of mentions of her online, but she’s mentioned in the footnotes of a Catharine MacKinnon book, and it looks as though she is, or at least was, a feminist with Marxist leanings. But there is no way to even find out what the source of the quote is — a book, an essay, a quotation in a news story? — much less actually find the source and confirm that the quote is real.

EDITED TO ADD: I’ve been contacted by Hodee Edwards’ granddaughter, who tells me that her grandmother never said or wrote the quote attributed to her; while Edwards was indeed a Marxist and a feminist, she was not anti-sex. (The faux quote in question claims that all sex is rape.) Edwards has recently passed away, and her family members have been, the granddaughter tells me, “very distressed to learn that this quote has somehow been linked to my grandmother’s name on the Internet.”

Then there’s Pat Poole:

Melbourne City Councilwoman Pat Poole announced her opposition to renaming a street for Martin Luther King: “I wonder if he really accomplished things, or if he just stirred people up and caused a lot of riots.”

Who the hell is Pat Poole? I looked her up, and yes, she was a city councilwoman in Melbourne, Florida, but I was unable to find out much beyond that. Is the quote accurate? I don’t know. There’s no source given, and I can’t find the original quote online. Is she actually a feminist, or is the author of the list simply assuming she is one because she’s a woman?

And then of course there is the anonymous “Liberated Woman” whose quote ends the list. She definitely sounds like a feminist. We just don’t know for sure if she or the quote are real.

Moving on, I can’t help but notice that a number of the allegedly hateful quotes are in fact not hateful at all. Take, for example, Barbara Ehrenreich’s quote about the family, which is in fact part of a sharply written essay on “family values.” You can find it here.

Here’s another distinctly non-hateful quote:

“Women take their roles of caretakers very seriously and when they hear of someone who’s taken advantage of a child, they react more strongly than men do.” – Kathleen C. Faller, professor of social work at the University of Michigan

Faller, if she did indeed say this, may or may not be correct, but it’s hard to see how this is “hateful.” Women on average spend much more time caring for children than men do and it may well be that, on average, they react more strongly than men. I couldn’t find the quote in question — again, this is because the listmaker didn’t actually provide the source — but her faculty web page is here.

Then there’s this “hateful” quote on religion:

“God is going to change. We women… will change the world so much that He won’t fit anymore.” Naomi Goldenberg, Changing of the Gods: Feminism and the End of Traditional Religions.

The quote is real; Goldenberg is indeed a feminist theologian. But here’s a little newsflash: There are lots of people in the world, feminist and non-feminist, who do not believe in traditional notions of God. Or in God at all. Nietzsche famously said “God is Dead,” Richard Dawkins says God is “a delusion,” and about 80 zillion internet athiests (many of them not feminists in the slightest) regularly compare belief in God to belief in unicorns, fairies, and Santa Claus.

I checked out a few other quotes on the list. The Hillary Clinton quote is accurate; the source is here.  The Barbara Jordan quote appears in a Texas Monthly article here.

The quote from Catherine Comins — a favorite “evil feminist quote” amongst MRAs — has its origins in a Time magazine article, but it is not actually a quote from her; it is someone else’s summary of what she told Time in the article in question. Nor do we know the full context in which she spoke.

I don’t have the time or patience to fact-check the rest of the list. If anyone out there happens to have time and/or patience, or happens to own any of the books that are cited as sources, feel free to fact check it yourself and post your findings. (EDITED TO ADD: triplanetary has risen to the challenge, and has factchecked the rest of the list, as well as offering some excellent commentary on the alleged “hatefulness” of many of the quotes. You can find the post here.)

The numerous errors in this list — some minor, some huge — say something not only about the creator of this list but about all those who’ve distributed this list without, clearly, bothering to check anything in it .  (Or, in the case of Cold, to contine to distribute a list he’s pretty sure is less than reliable.) Is this the result of laziness, or dishonesty? A bit of both, I imagine.

But I think this list is also a symptom of the tendency of many in the Men’s Rights movement to inflate the evils of their opponents. So many MRAs are so determined to prove that their supposed oppression is worse than that of women, and so determined to blame it all on feminism, that they need to make their opponents larger than life and twice as nasty. Given that the feminism they fight is largely a paranoid fantasy, bearing very little resemblance to feminism as it actually exists in the world today, it’s hardly shocking that a number of the quotes on this little list are fictional — and that none of the MRAs posting this list here and there on the internet seem to have even noticed (or, if they have noticed, to care, or at least to care enough to stop distributing the list). When you’re fighting phantoms in your own mind, the truth doesn’t really matter, does it?

Given how poorly this list held up to my fack-checking attempts, from now on I will consider this list and others like it spam, and delete any comments that  link to them.

If any of you antifeminists still feel the desire to post “evil feminist quotes” in the comments here, you may do so, but only if you (or the list that you link to) provides clickable links to the original sources of the quotes in question.  If you can’t provide a link to the source, I’ll delete it.

When I quote from MRAs and MGTOW-ites and other misogynists on this blog, I provide links to the sources. What’s so hard about that?

EDIT: Fixed links, and a few verb tenses.

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>Can’t cook, can’t clean. What can you do?

>

Silly woman, that’s not how to wash a baby!

It was a question that baffled even the brilliant Dr. Freud: “What do women want?” Freud died without ever knowing the answer to this crucial question, but luckily we won’t have to. Because douchebag blogger MarkyMark has figured it out. What do women want? They want to not get fat.

Did you ever notice how women will fret all the time about whether or not they look fat, even if they don’t?  Did you ever wonder why?

I have a theory as to why women go crazy over gaining weight: their sex appeal is ALL they have.  Modern women, in their heart of hearts, know that they have nothing else to offer a man.  They cannot cook; shoot, some women can’t even boil water!  They cannot clean.  They cannot offer good companionship, because they’re not good companions; if anything, they’re man hating battle axes who would curse a man by being with him.  Yeah, I said it!  The modern woman curses a man by being with him!  The modern trollop, er woman, offers NOTHING to a man but her sex appeal, and that’s why she freaks out over any weight gain.  For me, it’s as simple as that…

Can’t cook, can’t clean. Damn. Now I’ve got this Adam Ant song stuck in my head:

If you enjoyed this post, would you kindly* use the “Share This” or one of the other buttons below to share it on Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or wherever else you want. I appreciate it.

*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>The Price of Love

>

Apparently, it’s only 15p!
With Valentine’s day fast approaching, I thought I’d point you all to an interesting little set of online apps, courtesy of the fellows at NoMarriage.com: calculators that purport to tell dudes the true cost of sex — with wives, girlfriends, and what the kids today are calling “randoms.” 
The assumptions behind each of these calculators are pretty revealing: they essentially assume that guys generally resent the women they’re involved with, and only spend time with them because it’s necessary to pretend to be interested in them in order to get sex. The calculators also assume that guys are more or less paying for everything.
 
I ran a few numbers, and the results are telling: for the guys for whom these calculators are basically designed — that is, guys who generally dislike spending non-sexy time with women, and who believe that “every kiss begins with Kay” — the cost can easily be hundreds of dollars for each and every time they and their special ladies manage to set aside their resentments long enough to engage in a grudging bout  of the old in-and-out.

By contrast, for guys going out with independent (and perhaps even feminist) women they actually like and enjoy spending time with, who pay their own way, and who live nearby, the putative cost of sex can literally be pennies a pop. For married men who actually like their working wives, the cost of sex can actually be negative, because it’s cheaper to cohabit than to live alone.

In a nutshell: misogyny costs you, big time. But actually liking women? That makes sense — dollars and sense!

For dedicated Men Going Their Own Way, the calculators, with a little tweaking, can also be used to calculate the cost of NOT having sex. Using the girlfriend calculator, replace “How many hours do you spend having stupid conversations with your GF (per week)” with “How many hours do you spend having stupid conversations with other MGTOW (per week).” Ignore the rest of the questions until you get to the one about your hourly wage. Then, for the question asking how many times you have sex per week, ignore this wording and simply input “1.” Voila! You have calculated the (opportunity) cost per week of not having sex!

So, dear readers, what is YOUR cost of sex?
— 
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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.
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>My feminist mistresses: A clarification

>

Word has gotten out recently in the comments here about my feminist masters — that is, mistresses — whose orders I follow with unthinking obedience. I just want to reassure you all that my mistresses are in fact very nice ladies, and are not up to anything nefarious. I hope that this snapshot of them on a recent camping excursion will reassure you all on this point. I believe they are making soup. All hail the Goddess!

If you enjoyed this post, would you kindly* use the “Share This” or one of the other buttons below to share it on Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or wherever else you want. I appreciate it.

*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>Three 6 Mafia: Probably not regular readers of Feministing.

>

Not on their way to a feminist consciousness-raising group.

I listen to music mostly while doing other things, like reading or working on this little blog, so I generally do my best to ignore the lyrics. For the last few years, I hadn’t been listening to all that much rap, because rap has more words per song than pretty much any music ever, and I found the overflow of verbiage too hard to ignore. But recently a little switch went off in my brain and now I find I can listen to it without getting terribly distracted.  So I’ve been listening to a lot of rap, sort of making up for lost time.

Since I’m not looking for clever lyrics, I ignore a lot of the more “conscious” rap and tend to go for stuff that is fairly mindless, crude and repetitive, heavy with hooks. Lately, for example, I’ve been listening to a lot of Three 6 Mafia, a group not known for great subtlety. Here’s the hook for one of their songs, Ridin’ Spinners, a paean to spinning rims:

I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
It’s rollin’

I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
They don’t stop
I’m ridin’ spinners, I’m ridin’ spinners
It’s rollin’

I should say that I’m assuming, based on the hook, that the songs is a paean to spinners. Maybe it’s some sort of subtle critique. I don’t know, since I don’t know any of the other words to the song.

The other night I decided to look up the lyrics to a bunch of Three 6 Mafia songs to see what exactly I’ve been listening to. Basically, their songs are about drugs and general debauchery, with a special emphasis on drinks laced with cough syrup  (a.k.a. sizzurp, purple drank). Given that one of their songs is called “Sippin on Syrup,” I was not altogether shocked by this.

But the lyrics to the song called, er, Slob on My Knob went a bit … beyond what I was expecting, even given the title. Here’s one of the more, er, memorable parts of the song. (More sensitive readers may want to stop reading at this point. Maybe everyone should.)

First find a mate
Second find a place
Third find a bag, to hide the ho face
Real name Rover
I said bend over
I started to knock, then came the odor
Smelled like mush
Shouldn’t had a woosh
Told her to stop, and take a douche
While she did that
I didn’t want the cat
So I bounced out and never came back

Fellas, I wouldn’t really recommend you put this song on your Valentine’s day mix cd for your sweetie.

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>The Cupcake Files, Part Three: MGTOW Proboards Forum Edition

>

Delicious, but deadly!

As I pointed out in the previous two installments of  The Cupcake Files, the Men Going Their Own Way movement has taken the deliciously innocent word “cupcake” and turned it into a synonym for an evil-she-bitch-from-hell.

Today, quotes on “cupcake” from the MGTOW proboards forum. (I’m too lazy to provide links for every example; they all can be found by searching for the word “cupcake” on the forum.)

Cupcake: Uses more than her fair share of health care resources.

[O]utside of sports medicine, 90% of health care is consumed by cunts. Men usually die from our first encounter with the system (heart attack, accident, violence, etc.) It is the cunts and their breeding that devour most of the health care dollars spent in this country. Probably even higher when you consider most men have chronic conditions as a result of either dangerous work to support cupcake or they live in total and abject stress due to having a manipulative withholding shrew at home who has racked up so much debt the man knows he’ll be working until he is 104.


Cupcake: A monster disguised as a cupcake.

Ever notice how the less attractive females generally have the better personalities? Why do you think that is? Do you think unattractive females are genetically predisposed to have fun, laid-back personalities?

No, of course not. They have better personalities because they are making up for a flaw in another department. They are getting away with the maximum they can get away with, but underneath that fun cupcake is a MONSTER.


Cupcake: Should probably be forbidden from using Facebook

If cupcake has a facebook account you are basically giving her a free pass to cheat on you. She will have old flings on her account, past men she was interested in, all it takes is for you to piss her off one day and she will have one these men provide a “shoulder to cry on”.


Cupcake: Has a loaded gun, and it’s pointed at YOU, mister!

The gun is loaded, cocked and pointed at your head. Cupcake has had her finger on the trigger from the moment you said “I do” and she will pull it the moment you cease to entertain her.

Cupcake: Tired of having sex with you, but enjoys luxury cruises.

I will admit, it feels good to eat, have sex, fall asleep, then wake up in again for morning sex but what guys don’t realize is that this does not last indefinitely .

Eventually, you get pussyfied from all this pleasure and you start putting up with more and more female demands as her pussy chips away at you to the point where you wake up one day and you have 3 kids, no friends, no hobbies, you’re overweight, she refused sex for the second week, and now you have to go to work in a few hours to put in a 12 hour shift because cupcake wants to go on a luxury cruise where she just might have sex with you; but even then, it won’t be all that great because she’s now overweight and don’t care.

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>Call of Rude-y

>Thanks to the good folks at board.crewcial.org, I just discovered a new blog called Fat, Ugly or Slutty, which collects crazy misogyny and other boobery from various gaming sites. A couple of the most inventive examples so far:

Link and link.

NOTE FOR NON GAMERS: “cod” in the first screenshot refers to Call of Duty, not the fish. I think.

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>The Cupcake Files, Part Two: NiceGuys Edition

>

Grr! Argh!

As I pointed out in The Cupcake Files: Part One, the Men Going Their Own Way movement has taken the deliciously innocent word “cupcake” and turned it into a synonym for evil-she-bitch-from-hell.

Today we continue our  look at the characteristics of a truly modern cupcake — relying, this time, on the words of the good fellows at NiceGuy’s MGTOW forum. (I’m too lazy to provide links for every example; they all can be found by searching for the word “cupcake” on NiceGuy.)


Cupcake: A fan of cocaine. And abusive criminals.

What attracts the hottest females today? Simple. He has to physically and emotionally abuse her, have a police record and a cocaine habit (and must share the coke with cupcake) then he fucks her up and down the stairs, gets her pregnant, then leaves her forever off to the next hairy hole.

Cupcake: Less interesting than your dude friends, except you can fuck her.

[T]ake away hormones and what’s left?? You’re going to hang around cupcake for: her intriguing political views?, her love of sports, cars and motorcycles?, her culinary skills and the fact that she’s a selfless friend? Point is most women these days have NOTHING to offer a man & reply solely on exploiting men.

Cupcake: The cause of global warming.

Global warming is caused by women, why do you think rich men tear down the planet to make so much money, because some gold digging cunt has to have $20K in cloths a week, 3 SUV’s a year, 8 million shoes, etc, etc

Women constantly brag that they control the world, well why are we blaming the guy destroying the forest to supply cupcake with bubble bath oil. That’s like blaming the slave picking cotton.

Cupcake: Controller of the Nookie Faucet. Not obligated to stick around if she doesn’t want to.

You can have all the discussions you want, but Cupcake has the unalienable right to Change Her Mind, at any time, for any reason or none.

Social convention, the divorce courts, a tradition of chivalry, and Cupcake‘s control of the nookie faucet all conspire such that if you don’t meet her demands, as they change and evolve, you’re fucking toast, Jack.

Stay tuned for The Cupcake Files: Part Three.

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>Roissy Reconsidered

>

No date tonight!

The other day I made some critical remarks about some dating advice from pickup guru Roissy — specifically, a list of things prospective Don Juans can do to keep the ladies “on their toes” and generate a certain level of mystery, always enticing to the fairer sex. I have reconsidered one suggestion of Roissy’s, which I now realize is sort of brilliant. That is:

Cancel dates. (Make the reason seem apparently legitimate, but suspicious.)

Your success in using this tactic, of course, is largely dependent on how good you are at concocting vaguely plausible but not completely convincing excuses for canceling. Here are several to get you started:

“Sorry, babe, can’t make our date tonight. I’ve lost all my shoes.”

“I’m going to have to take a raincheck on our weekend getaway in the Berkshires, snuggle-bunny. I have gotten my head stuck in a bucket.”

“Oops! No go for tomorrow, sugar-tits. I just realized our salsa dancing class conflicts with my speech at the 93rd Annual Dirndl Appreciation Society meeting.”

“Tuesday night is out, cupcake. I have climbed up a tree and I just can’t seem to figure out how to get back down.”

“I feel terrible about this, stinky, but there’s no way I can make it tonight. I have completely lost my sense of direction and have been walking in circles for the past ten hours.”  

You may use any of these you want. You’re welcome! And suggest your own, if you wish.

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