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Alex Jones’ Heartbreak: Today in Tweets

Alex Jones had a long night

By David Futrelle

In the wake of last night’s missile strikes on Syria, Trump is declaring “mission accomplished!” (Haven’t we heard this before?) Meanwhile, his fans on the far right, from literal Nazi Assad lovers to not-quite-Nazi America Firsters are crying foul. Alex Jones is literally crying.

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TRUMP ANGRY! LAUNCH MISSILES! Today in Tweets, Friday the 13th Edition [UPDATED]

McCabe is Comey! Comey is McCabe! Black is white! Tyranny is freedom!

UPDATE about 5 minutes after this went up: TRUMP ORDERS MISSILE STRIKES ON SYRIA

Here are a few initial reactions to the strikes on Twitter, followed by my original post:

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Humorless dudes explain humor to funny women in inadvertently hilarious Twitter thread

As I have conclusively proven, the humor of Andrew Dice Clay is truly the pinnacle of human achievement

By David Futrelle

At this very moment — as you read this very sentence — some dude somewhere who completely lacks a sense of humor is explaining to a woman who does not that women just aren’t funny like men.

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4channers embrace YouTube shooter Nasim Aghdam as “goddess of retribution,” dream girlfriend

Nasim Aghdam: 4chan’s “girl” (Meme from 4chan)

By David Futrelle

When rumors began to spread yesterday afternoon that the YouTube shooter was “a woman wearing a head scarf,” many on the right assumed that their gut instinct was right: the attack on YouTube, although it took no lives other than the shooter herself, was an act of Islamist terrorism. When the name of the shooter was released, and it turned out to be Nasim Aghdam, this was all the confirmation the Islamophobic right needed.

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“Honesty is merely a decoy in women’s arsenal of weapons,” explains MGTOW who’s not very good at metaphors

A woman almost entirely free of the curse of honesty

By David Futrelle

Here’s today’s tidbit of wisdom on the mysterious creatures known as “women” from one of Twitter’s many Men Going Their Own Way.

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Deplorables insist the Austin bomber, a right-wing Christian, was AntiFa or a “deep state sleeper agent”

Alleged Austin bomber Mark Anthony Conditt: Right-wing Christian homophobe who was somehow also an antifa supersoldier?

By David Futrelle

We don’t know much about Mark Anthony Conditt, the man allegedly responsible for a string of bombings in the Austin area that killed two African-Americans, injured numerous others, and terrorized a city. But what we do know is certainly suggestive: Conditt, who seemed to have been targeting prominent African-Americans, was a conservative homeschooled Christian who blogged about his  opposition to abortion, same-sex marriage and sex offender registries.

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What about the men (who are not polar bears)?

Cold.

By David Futrelle

Here, courtesy of Australian funny lady writer Bec Shaw’s Twitter, is what may well be “the most amazing ‘what about men’ of all time.”

The pic above I mean.

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Slutty oranges and tuna vaginas: The sexy sex insights of Reno Omokri

Dontcha wish your girlfriend was an orange like me?

By David Futrelle

If you regularly partake in the Twitter, you may have seen this lovely tweet making the rounds in recent days:

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Fake Melania, meet Donald Trump’s fake charitable contributions: Today in Tweets

There’s definitely something a bit … off about her eyes

By David Futrelle

When is Melania Trump not Melania Trump? When internet conspiracy theorists decide that the Melania Trump-looking lady standing next to our illegitimate president is a secret imposter. Never mind that this women is OBVIOUSLY MELANIA WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT.

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He said, she said, she said, she said, she said, she said … : Today in Tweets

Not a big fan of Harvey Weinstein

By David Futrelle

Today seems to be a bit of a slow news day, at least for the Trump Era, though that could change in an instant if that dude in the White House decides to do or say something monstrous.