We Hunted The Mammoth
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Worlds are colliding! Two of my obsessions have weirdly converged: while looking through the semen retention subreddit, one of my favorite sources of weirdo misogyny to write about, I ran across a post from someone who had used ChatGPT to write a poem celebrating semen retention.
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Twitter’s @amerix, a self-professed guru on men’s health, has a lot of advice for men on a wide range of topics, including masturbation (“reckless ejaculation”), older women (“old camels”), carrying a woman’s purse (“treat her bags as a fatal infectious disease like leprosy”), and margarine (the devil’s toast spread).
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So my post last week about brains floating in semen got me thinking again about one of my old obsessions, the Semen Retention subreddit. And so I took my first peek into that strange place in a very long time, and it wasn’t long before I discovered an 1100-word manifesto on the subject of semen retention and female nature, so I thought I would share it with you. Not the whole thing; I’m no sadist. But some selected portions.
Just fucking wank it, ok? New research in the journal Sexualities discovered that people who engage with anti-masturbation communities tend to feel more suicidal after a perceived “relapse.”
I‘m not sure that Redditors are always getting the best possible advice from the Demons subreddit, a hangout for people who think literal demons are pestering them in real life.
Fellas! Do you remain baffled by the mysteries of Female Nature?That’s probably because you’re trying to understand women by trying to understand women. Because it turns out, according to this dude I found in the semen retention subreddit, the only way to master female nature is by first mastering your semen (and not master-bating).
The folks on the NoFapChristian subreddit are not exactly fans of Satan or his ongoing efforts to ruin their no-fap streaks by seducing them into looking at porn. But I haven’t seen any discussions of Satan and porn get quite as weird as the one I encountered there today.
Let’s take a break from doomscrolling with (another) little visit to the Land of Magic Sperm, also known as the Semen Retention subreddit.
The guys in the Semen Retention subreddit are just really, really, really into their own semen “the real Elixir of the human body.”
I‘ve been rooting around in the Semen Retention subreddit again, and the insights I’m gaining about the wondrous power of my precious bodily fluids … well, they’re actually pretty terrible and I’m fairly certain that none of them are true.
