Category: magic semen

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“Women want you to retain your semen, nothing more,” jizz-hoarding guru explains

They come runnin’ just as fast as they can cause every girl is crazy ’bout a semen-retaining man

Check out my new blog, My AI Obsession, and my latest post, Jesus on an iPhone

So my post last week about brains floating in semen got me thinking again about one of my old obsessions, the Semen Retention subreddit. And so I took my first peek into that strange place in a very long time, and it wasn’t long before I discovered an 1100-word manifesto on the subject of semen retention and female nature, so I thought I would share it with you. Not the whole thing; I’m no sadist. But some selected portions.

Continue reading ““Women want you to retain your semen, nothing more,” jizz-hoarding guru explains”
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The only way to understand the female is through the mastery of semen: Insights into “female nature” from, well, you can probably figure out where they’re from

Semen retention failure

Fellas! Do you remain baffled by the mysteries of Female Nature?That’s probably because you’re trying to understand women by trying to understand women. Because it turns out, according to this dude I found in the semen retention subreddit, the only way to master female nature is by first mastering your semen (and not master-bating).

Continue reading “The only way to understand the female is through the mastery of semen: Insights into “female nature” from, well, you can probably figure out where they’re from”
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'bating magic semen misogyny NoFap reddit

Women have it easier than men because they don’t lose their life force with every orgasm, explains NoFap philosopher

Man without Life Force, from the movie Lifeforce aka Space Vampires

Let’s take a break from doomscrolling with (another) little visit to the Land of Magic Sperm, also known as the Semen Retention subreddit.

Continue reading “Women have it easier than men because they don’t lose their life force with every orgasm, explains NoFap philosopher”
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Semen is “the real Elixir of the human body,” so DO NOT WASTE IT even if you sort of want to, like REALLY want to, and I mean would it be that big a deal if you did?

Always protect your balls

The guys in the Semen Retention subreddit are just really, really, really into their own semen “the real Elixir of the human body.”

Continue reading “Semen is “the real Elixir of the human body,” so DO NOT WASTE IT even if you sort of want to, like REALLY want to, and I mean would it be that big a deal if you did?”
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'bating bad anatomy bad science magic semen NoFap reddit

“Ejaculating outside a vagina is cheating against nature,” and other uninsightful insights I found in the Semen Retention subreddit

Don’t waste your precious bodily fluids

I‘ve been rooting around in the Semen Retention subreddit again, and the insights I’m gaining about the wondrous power of my precious bodily fluids … well, they’re actually pretty terrible and I’m fairly certain that none of them are true.

Continue reading ““Ejaculating outside a vagina is cheating against nature,” and other uninsightful insights I found in the Semen Retention subreddit”
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eww magic semen NoFap reddit

Reddit NoFappers report that they’re starting to reek of semen – and that the scent drives the ladies wild!

This two-headed woman does not like the scent of stale semen. Also, those are clothespins on her noses, not skinny dildos.

It’s getting funky over in the Semen Retention subreddit. Not funky like James Brown funky. Funky as in musty teenager’s bedroom funky.

Continue reading “Reddit NoFappers report that they’re starting to reek of semen – and that the scent drives the ladies wild!”
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Semen retainers! Beware the secret agents of Big Porn who use “cleverly placed words” to lure you back to fapland

Don’t let them hypnotize you!

Those who deliberately retain their semen say the practice sharpens their mind and their senses, makes them to smell better, renders them irresistible to women.

Continue reading “Semen retainers! Beware the secret agents of Big Porn who use “cleverly placed words” to lure you back to fapland”
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Lesbians! You need to get the D at least sometimes if you want clear skin, explains dude who couldn’t possibly have an ulterior motive

That could be really bad for your health, according to science I definitely didn’t just pull out of my ass

By David Futrelle

Here’s a little public pubic service announcement for all lesbians, as offered by a very public pubic-spirited fellow who couldn’t possibly have an ulterior motive or anything but who nonetheless might be available to assist any lesbians who wish to act upon the important information he is conveying.

Continue reading “Lesbians! You need to get the D at least sometimes if you want clear skin, explains dude who couldn’t possibly have an ulterior motive”
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Malebag: “Women s–k d–k because d–k built and maintained all upon the earth.”

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By David Futrelle

With another month-long-week coming to a close, I thought I would take a few moments to share with you some of the feedback I get from, well, let’s just say these guys aren’t exactly fans.

Continue reading “Malebag: “Women s–k d–k because d–k built and maintained all upon the earth.””