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>Humorless dudes: Women aren’t funny!

>

What a hideous beast!

It’s weird the lengths that the dudes of the manosphere will go to try to prove things that simply aren’t true. Like the idea that women aren’t funny. (Seriously, if you can’t immediately reel off the names of ten women who are fucking hilarious, you just might be — to paraphrase one famously hackneyed male comedian — a misogynist. If you get stuck, maybe this will help.)

The standard misogynist line on the alleged unfunniness of women is rooted, as are so many misogynist ideas, in sexual insecurity and resentment: Men are funny, the argument goes, because, unless they’re George Clooney or Ghengis Khan, it’s the only way to get women to have sex with them. Meanwhile, all that most women have to do to get men to have sex with them is to exist.

In an old post on Gucci Little Piggy which I just ran across today, our friend Chuck (who sometimes posts comments here), offers his version of this argument.

Humor and oppression are strongly correlated. Oppression leads to a sense of irony and keen insight about human nature and life in general. …  And nobody is less at the bottom of the social heap than women.

Actually, maybe men are inherently more funny than women, because so far Chuck’s explanation is hilarious. His proof for this: there aren’t a ton of gorgeous white women comedians. Listing a a small batch of female comedians — among them Ellen Degeneres, Joan Rivers, Wanda Sykes, and Chelsea Handler — he remarks:

Take a look at the list of famous female comedians and notice that none fit the “prototypical” (average) woman. In other words, they aren’t white, beautiful, and straight. … They weren’t handed a golden ticket, like many of their straight-and-narrow sisters. In the same way that Jerry Seinfeld, Milton Berle, and the Marx Brothers inherited a legacy of humor from their Jewish ancestors, lesbians, fat broads, and ethnic women have used the same tool: humor. … female comedians are almost universally unattractive or lesbian or ethnic.

You may have noticed a few problems with this argument. Aside from the fact that there have been plenty of completely hilarious women who were also utterly gorgeous — uh, Marilyn Fucking Monroe? — that several of the women on his list are actually quite conventionally hot, and that most of them are white, all Chuck has done is to show that many female comedians, like many male comedians, tend to be outcasts and misfits with less than model-quality looks. Not that “women aren’t funny” or even that women are inherently less funny than men.

The fact that Paris Hilton is not what you’d call a brilliant wit — she’s his example of a beautiful unfunny lady — doesn’t mean that “women” collectively are unfunny, any more than the fact of Tom Cruise’s humorlessness means all men, or even all Scientologists, are unfunny. (Well, maybe the bit about the Scientologists.)

But the funniest part of the whole thing comes in the comments section, where one bravely anonymous commenter offers his own — utterly sincere, unintentionally hilarious — explanation of the “women aren’t funny” meme:

Well, you’re speaking of a culture/society that’s been decimated by Cultural Marxism. The comedians you mention are using the Frankfurt School’s Critical Theory to criticize and breakdown (criticize/critique) what remains of White Western Civilization. There were plenty of excellent white comedians, both male and female, before the open immigration act of 1965 turned the USA into a third world shit hole. There’s a reason they’re not white.

Yeah, that’s gotta be it. Joan Rivers is staying up nights reading her dog-eared copies of the treatises of Max Horkheimer and Theodor Adorno, perfecting her dialectical critique of ugly Oscar dresses.

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>Apocalypse Any Time Now

>

Practice with these guys first

Stop the presses! The Happy Bachelors Forum regular who calls himself hhb has … gone Galt! Here’s his announcement:

Feminism is a joke. I have refused to take part in this screwed-up society. I have sold my business and I will sit on my ass until conditions change.

HHB

It’s only a matter of time now until civilization collapses in a heap. Start your countdown clock. Stock up on food and ammo. (Since my weapon of choice is the Potato Gun, food IS ammo!)

I do wonder, though, what hhb’s “business” was. A paper route? A lemonade stand? Selling “Gone Galt” t-shirts on Zazzle?

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>Heil Hitlary!

>

Hillary Clinton: A legless Nazi?

Some very, er, interesting observations on world politics from SingleDad on the angry-man internet hub known as The Spearhead. 

I think things will get much worse in ways we cannot imagine today. Why do you think our secretary of state has done nothing except meet with women all over the world non-stop.

I mean, we’re in two wars, North Africa is coming undone and where is Hitlary.

I’ll tell you. She is meeting with and creating a world feminist Cabal to be a non-elected shadow government.

What can we expect, more men in prison, less boys graduating high school, less and more dangerous jobs for men, more wars (to reduce the male population, a win/win for Hitlary), and world wide demonization and extermination of heterosexuality.

They hate men, women that like men, children and families.

Use your imagination … they are doing all this in secret as they know what they have in mind is unethical and could not tolerate the light of day.

Note: When he refers to “Hitlary,” SingleDad is, I believe, trying to draw a humorous parallel between our Secretary of State and the lead character in the 1980 Pakistani film Hitlar, in which the aforementioned Hitlar, son of Hitler, terrorizes a Punjabi village. In case you missed this film when it was in theaters, here’s a bit more on it from IMDb:

The movie starts with the premise that Hitler never died at the end of WWII, but that he escaped and started a family somewhere in the Punjabi heartland. The movie shows Hitlar, the son the world never knew about, sending his goons out to ravage the local villagers and terrify them into submission. Sultan Rahi witnesses the brutal murder of an innocent villager and vows to take revenge. and his quest for vengeance pits him against Hitlar, son of Hitler!

That might seem like sort of an obscure reference for SingleDad to make, but apparently The Spearheaders are huge fans of Pakistanti cinema. (I’m more of a Bollywood man myself.)

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>Could it be … Muslims?

>

Secret Muslim operatives.

So who invented feminism? If we’re to believe the conventional historical accounts, it was invented by a bunch of ladies. But all good misogynists know that ladies can’t invent their way out of a paper bag, so obviously it was some dudes who did it. Some Men’s Rightsers with a conspiratorial mindset have suggested it was the evil Rockefellers, deviously using feminism as part of their plot to depopulate the world. (Presumably because feminism encourages lesbianism and abortion, not necessarily at the same time.)

Over on the brand new* mgtowforums.com, avoidwomen offers another possibility: Islam! Avoidwomen is essentially asking and answering the classic conspiracy theory question “Cui Bono?” — which, if I remember correctly, either means “who benefits?”or “where’s Bono?” (My Latin is a little rusty.) Let’s try to follow the logic here:

I have to wonder if the Muslims had a role in planning feminism in many countries around the world? No violence would be needed, simply outbreed the feminists! It’s no surprise that Islam is the least feminised and strongest patriarchal society and religion. It will become a world religion and a major society in as little as two decades! Women will be treated under Islam as men are under feminism. Frankly, I don’t care about women and neither do millions of oppressed men. It may sound unfair, but the reality is you can’t have “equality” without oppressing men and destroying society. It’s a fact that the strongest patriarchies are the ones that breed the most and become the dominant society. Matriarchies become weak and die out in a couple generations, as was the case in the past.

Makes sense to me. I just wonder how Bono fits into the equation.

Some commenters agreed; others didn’t. AussieSteve, for one, welcomes our future Muslim overlords:

I fully expect Australia to become Muslim in my lifetime. I don’t dread it. … I should be old enough by then that it shouldn’t affect me too much, I don’t drink a lot. I’m sure I’ll be able to cope without my daily glass of Bundy rum.

I say, bring it on. I want to sit on my porch quietly laughing at bitches in burkahs as they cry about how men didn’t come to their aid when the muslims rose to power and kicked their feminist pedestal out from under their big fat arses.

Dontmarry points out the inconvenient fact that avoidwomen’s main goal — avoidingwomen  — won’t exactly help fertility rates in the Western world either. But he still blames feminsts, manginas and overeducated women who are, er, riding the “bad boy cock carousel.” 

Men going their own way also contributed to the low fertility, but hey, it’s better to be unmarried and childless than to be raped financially and have the state attempt to break your spirit at every turn.

Moreover, we merely reacted. Feminists started the problem; women exacerbated it, cheered on by manginas. Women, too highly educated for their own good, prefer to delay marriage, chase their careers, and ride the bad boy cock carousel. Gradually, time catches up with them, and they wonder ‘why are there no good men left’?

Clearly, Islam is devious indeed.

* Just a little non-sarcastic note here: The newly formed mgtowforums.com is basically a replacement for the old MGTOW proboards forum, which was recently taken down by the proboards administrators, apparently because of complaints from a feminist blogger. (There’s more on what apparently happened here; the comment I’m linking to is apparently a cut-and-pasted comment from that blogger.) Obviously, I do not approve of people taking down sites they disagree with.

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>Lady Killers

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Feminist Training Camp

There’s only really one rule to follow if you want to get upvoted on The Spearhead: make sure you say something hateful about women! If you follow this rule, you can say almost anything you want, no matter how completely batshit insane it is, and still get a couple of dozen upvotes. Works every time!

Consider, for example, this peculiar wisdom from one fellow calling himself Anonymous age 68, taken from a long, rambling comment that, the last time I checked, had 35 upvotes and only 11 downvotes. Take it away, you lovable old kook:

For 45 years, the man-haters who run this country have been saying privately they want to kill most men. I read MS. in the 80?s, and it was there. In recent years, they have shushed the stupids who have been saying it publicly, but you can be sure they are privately saying, “NOT YET, STUPID!” …

Killing large numbers of men is the only one of the original feminist goals which has not yet been achieved. And, all the other things they have done to men were directly or indirectly in the original lists.

I subscribed to MS magazine in the 70?s and 80?s, until my stomach would not take it any more. They told right out in there, their original goals. The world cannot be safe until most men are terminated.

I tried to tell other men, who treated me like s**t. “Why do you worry about things like that? This is the USA, and nothing like that will ever happen. …” 

Exactly what the Jew leaders told worried Jews in the 20th Century.That worked out real well.

Just in case you didn’t subscribe to Ms. in the 70s and 80s, and you’re wondering what the other original feminist goals were, here’s the whole list:

1) Buy comfortable shoes
2) Create Lilith Fair
3) Kill men.
4) ???
5) Profit!

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>Can’t cook, can’t clean. What can you do?

>

Silly woman, that’s not how to wash a baby!

It was a question that baffled even the brilliant Dr. Freud: “What do women want?” Freud died without ever knowing the answer to this crucial question, but luckily we won’t have to. Because douchebag blogger MarkyMark has figured it out. What do women want? They want to not get fat.

Did you ever notice how women will fret all the time about whether or not they look fat, even if they don’t?  Did you ever wonder why?

I have a theory as to why women go crazy over gaining weight: their sex appeal is ALL they have.  Modern women, in their heart of hearts, know that they have nothing else to offer a man.  They cannot cook; shoot, some women can’t even boil water!  They cannot clean.  They cannot offer good companionship, because they’re not good companions; if anything, they’re man hating battle axes who would curse a man by being with him.  Yeah, I said it!  The modern woman curses a man by being with him!  The modern trollop, er woman, offers NOTHING to a man but her sex appeal, and that’s why she freaks out over any weight gain.  For me, it’s as simple as that…

Can’t cook, can’t clean. Damn. Now I’ve got this Adam Ant song stuck in my head:

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>My feminist mistresses: A clarification

>

Word has gotten out recently in the comments here about my feminist masters — that is, mistresses — whose orders I follow with unthinking obedience. I just want to reassure you all that my mistresses are in fact very nice ladies, and are not up to anything nefarious. I hope that this snapshot of them on a recent camping excursion will reassure you all on this point. I believe they are making soup. All hail the Goddess!

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*Yes, that was a Bioshock reference.

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>Roissy Reconsidered

>

No date tonight!

The other day I made some critical remarks about some dating advice from pickup guru Roissy — specifically, a list of things prospective Don Juans can do to keep the ladies “on their toes” and generate a certain level of mystery, always enticing to the fairer sex. I have reconsidered one suggestion of Roissy’s, which I now realize is sort of brilliant. That is:

Cancel dates. (Make the reason seem apparently legitimate, but suspicious.)

Your success in using this tactic, of course, is largely dependent on how good you are at concocting vaguely plausible but not completely convincing excuses for canceling. Here are several to get you started:

“Sorry, babe, can’t make our date tonight. I’ve lost all my shoes.”

“I’m going to have to take a raincheck on our weekend getaway in the Berkshires, snuggle-bunny. I have gotten my head stuck in a bucket.”

“Oops! No go for tomorrow, sugar-tits. I just realized our salsa dancing class conflicts with my speech at the 93rd Annual Dirndl Appreciation Society meeting.”

“Tuesday night is out, cupcake. I have climbed up a tree and I just can’t seem to figure out how to get back down.”

“I feel terrible about this, stinky, but there’s no way I can make it tonight. I have completely lost my sense of direction and have been walking in circles for the past ten hours.”  

You may use any of these you want. You’re welcome! And suggest your own, if you wish.

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>The ultimate PUA video

>Now that we’re talking about pickup artistry, I feel I would be doing my readers a disservice if I didn’t post the SINGLE GREATEST PUA VIDEO EVER. Paul Rudd and David Wain show us how it’s done in this report from the field. 

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>New and Improved Cheap And Easy Ways To Raise Your Value To A Girl.

>

Recently, “game” guru Roissy offered his readers a list of “Cheap And Easy Ways To Raise Your Value To A Girl.” Most were fairly standard pick up artist tricks of the “act like an aloof jerk and she’ll worship you” variety. According to Roissy, though, these little tricks will miraculously enable guys

to date women one to three points higher than you could be expected to get by societal standards. Do these to a girlfriend and you will be a god to her. A god among penii.

A few examples:

Don’t call back right away. Done properly, you will start to hear girls say things like “I didn’t hear back from you. You were making me nervous!”

Don’t live together. It’s much harder to project mystery living under the same roof, watching each other fold laundry every week. (Not to mention side action will be more difficult to coordinate.)

Cancel dates. (Make the reason seem apparently legitimate, but suspicious.)

Muse wistfully about past lovers.

Never do her a favor before you’ve had sex with her.

Never laugh at her jokes, even when they’re funny. If you must, chuckle under your breath.

When at her place, eat all her food, leave the seat up, change her TV channels, and torture her cat. Act like it’s your second home.

Bo-ring. These tricks may have worked on women once upon a time, but today’s women are far too sophisticated to fall for these tired old ruses . If you really want to score with the hot babes of today, you’ve got to kick your game up a notch — or three. To help, I have come up with some “New and Improved Cheap And Easy Ways To Raise Your Value To A Girl.”

Wear a banana peel on your head like a hat. This will help to create an aura of “mystery” around yourself, as well as a lovely banana-y scent that will follow you everywhere.

Poke her nose playfully after sex and say, in a cheerful voice, “Hitler was right about you!” She will ponder this one for days.

Never laugh at her jokes. Instead, fall to the floor and begin singing “Rock Me Amadeus.”

Go out on “dates” with imaginary people. Introduce her to these people, and slyly suggest a “threesome.” (Or a “foursome,” if you are dating two imaginary people at the same time.)

Muse wistfully about butter.

Don’t buy her gifts. Instead, sneak clumps of dirt into her lingerie drawer.

Never call her back right away. Instead, hide under her bed and make low moaning sounds.

If you end up in an argument with her, shout out “mom always loved you better!” Then set her couch on fire.

Don’t move in with her. Instead, move into the apartment above hers, and watch her through tiny holes drilled in the floor.

When at her place, eat her cat, torture her TV, and replace her toilet with a sack of potatoes. Act like Meryl Streep in Sophie’s Choice, including the accent.

Go forth, my young apprentices, and score like never before!

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