We Hunted The Mammoth
Fellas! Has this ever happened to you?
You’re at the grocery store, stocking up on Hot Pockets and Mountain Dew, when all of a sudden you discover a human female in the middle of the Frozen Food aisle with her shopping cart. You point out that she is blocking your access to the T.G.I.Friday’s Cream Cheese Poppers; she apologizes and moves out of your way.
Last month, Reddit admins shut down three subreddits catering to the internet Nazi phenomenon known as the alt right. Not because these subreddits were filled with vile bigotry and hate speech — though they were of course filled with that — but because Reddit’s alt-righties had repeatedly violated the site’s rules against doxxing, according to Reddit’s statement announcing the ban.
I’ve often recommended that the terrible human beings who call themselves Men Going Their Own Way should literally go, preferably to some uninhabited island — some frozen rock off the coast of Antarctica or a remote atoll in the Pacific where they could prove their mettle by catching and eating any seagulls that stopped by.
In the midst of all the excitement yesterday, I kind of forgot to do any Valentine’s Day posts. So I’m going to make up for that with a POST-VALENTINE’S DAY 50% OFF SALE ON BELATED VALENTINE’S DAY POSTS.
Two videos have been making the rounds lately that I think capture the surreality that is live in Trumpmerica, and can’t help make you wonder (as many of us have been wondering since November 8) if perhaps we’ve slipped into the wrong timeline.
Let’s start with the Milk Nazis.
Milk Nazis, you ask? I’ll let Mic explain, because I’m lazy:
At the Museum of the Moving Image in New York City on a Friday night, neo-Nazis and other trolls danced shirtless in front of a camera. The livestream setup had originally been established by actor Shia LaBeouf as an anti-Trump art installation. But the project has since become a broadcast outlet for white nationalism.
Amid all the tattoos of Third Reich iconography bouncing around, one thing stood out: The neo-Nazis were all drinking milk. They spat it out as they danced, letting it dribble down their chins.
Milk, the longtime staple for growing children, is now the new, creamy symbol of white racial purity in President Donald Trump‘s America.
See, the idea is that pure-blooded white people have the lactase enzyme that allows them to drink milk without having to run the bathroom afterwards. Or at least are more likely to be lactose-tolerant than most people of color. Or something. In any case, internet Nazis on sites like 4chan and the Daily Stormer have decided, with varying degrees of seriousness, that milk does a Nazi good.
Hmm. I could tolerate lactose (and drink milk) all I wanted as a kid. Now I can’t. So I guess I’ve gotten less Aryan with age?
Anyway, here’s the video. It’s 12 minutes long, though you don’t have to watch the whole thing to get the basic idea. I watched the whole thing because what in holy hell is going on in this word? Also I kind of liked that one of the Milk Nazis looked like he had been teleported to NYC straight from a Skinny Puppy concert in 1989.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTy6f_HyuQU
Milk Nazis, I hate these guys! (And also can’t drink them.)
The other video in question is a much more low key affair, and everyone in it keeps their shirt on.
It’s a Breitbart interview with White House Spokesman Sean Spicer, and for once Spicer is not the embarrassing one here. Let’s just say that the video has the production values of a high school video class project, and that the Breitbart interviewer has all the smooth professionalism of that “boom goes the dynamite” guy.
Wow. I mean, I was in fact involved in a high school public access “news” show (I think maybe it was part of a class?) and for all of our incompetence (which was massive) I think we did better than this. My most vivid memory of the experience was watching the technician for the public access channels putting his hand down the back of his pants to scratch his butt.
I can only hope that is not something that any of the Breitbarters involved in this production does, as it is kind of grody.
PS: Note to Beryl, if you’re reading this: Your now-husband was in the video class with me. After witnessing the butt-scratching incident, he quipped to me that he wasn’t going to be shaking that guy’s hand any time soon.
So the people who brought us the Women’s March on Washington have another big idea: A general strike of all American women. So far the idea looks to be just that, an idea; they haven’t even picked a date yet.
Remember Paul Elam, the would-be Men’s Rights king whose assholish personality and obvious hatred of women (and, to be honest, most men) helped to derail the very movement he was trying to lead, ensuring that its time in the media spotlight would be a brief one?
The lady-botherers at Return of Kings have done the women of the world a huge favor today, offering them one weird trick that will enable them to avoid the icky attentions of the idiots who read Return of Kings.
It’s really quite simple: look like the sort of woman who protests Trump on the regular.
With all the trouble and uncertainty in the world today, it’s sort of heartening to remember that there are still a few things that we can count on to remain the same, forever.
