We Hunted The Mammoth
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By David Futrelle
One brave “involuntarily celibate” Redditor has come up with what I think you’ll have to admit is an ingenious way to get around the fact that no living human woman wants to have sex with him: have sex with women who are “recently deceased!”
Over on Chateau Heartiste, everybody’s favorite pickup-artist-turned-racist-shithead-with-delusions-of-literary-grandeur Heartiste is getting pretty worked up about Confederate statues and, er, high-speed rail.
When events in the real world challenge our preconceived beliefs, most of us experience a sense of cognitive dissonance; the intellectually honest amongst us ultimately adjust our beliefs to account for these inconvenient truths. Others respond by inventing their own realities in which these truths are deemed falsehoods.
As a mildly internet-famous man, I get fan mail sometimes. Often in the form of drive-by blog comments that show up fairly regularly in the “pending” folder on my WordPress dashboard.
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a cat sitting on a human face forever.
That, at least, is the nightmare vision of the future of these United States that emerges from a recent post by pickup-artist-cum-Nazoid-philosopher James “Heartiste” Weidmann.
Men Going Their Own Way love to fantasize about a future in which women are rendered obsolete — replaced by sexbots (for men to make the sex with) and artificial wombs (for men to make the babies with).
Fellas! Has this ever happened to you?
You’re at the grocery store, stocking up on Hot Pockets and Mountain Dew, when all of a sudden you discover a human female in the middle of the Frozen Food aisle with her shopping cart. You point out that she is blocking your access to the T.G.I.Friday’s Cream Cheese Poppers; she apologizes and moves out of your way.
The millions of women who marched yesterday don’t really hate Donald Trump, at least according to Andrew Anglin of the neo-Nazi tip sheet The Daily Stormer. No, they’re actually really into him.
Ladies! Have you felt your jaw lately? Does it seem a bit … square to you? Maybe a little bit too square?
This could be the result of TOO MUCH FEMINISM, according to some dude who writes for the ongoing internet dumpster fire known as Return of Kings.
Right-wing radio host/sentient ball of rage Michael Savage has a dream: that one day soon (right after the inauguration, in fact) little white boys will be able to join hands with little white girls without having to worry that the mean “interloper … phony .. monster” currently living in the White House will sell them into little white slavery.
