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Worlds are colliding! Two of my obsessions have weirdly converged: while looking through the semen retention subreddit, one of my favorite sources of weirdo misogyny to write about, I ran across a post from someone who had used ChatGPT to write a poem celebrating semen retention.
It’s not a very good poem. It could be called dreadful. But then again, I’m not altogether sure it’s possible for anyone, human or AI, to write a good poem extolling the imaginary benefits of semen retention. But it is amusing how it works the various fixations of the serious Retainers into something that resembles a poem, even if the lines rarely scan and many of the rhymes are strained, to put it mildly.
Here it is:
To tap into the power, of masculinity’s core
Retaining the seed can open up new doors
To walk tall and proud, with a confident stance
To achieve great fortunes, and take life’s chance.
Retain your seed, and you will find
Your energy levels reaching the Divine
A newfound strength, deep from within
With greater clarity, focus and discipline.
Find does not actually rhyme with “divine.” Two points off!
The fog that once clouded your mind
Will be lifted as a new perspective you’ll find
The drive and motivation to pursue your dreams
Will grow only stronger, no matter how extreme.
Embrace the energy, let it fuel you to thrive
And witness a transformation of self that’s alive
A peace in spirit, your soul will be fed
For retaining your seed, will lead you ahead.
Your relationships will take on a deeper hue
As you radiate positive energy anew
In intimate moments, beyond the physical delight
The spiritual connection you find, will shine bright.
So do not underestimate the power of your seed
For retaining it sets your passions free
A journey of self-discovery, both exciting and new
With semen retention, you’ll find your greatness through.
Well, that was a piece of shit, poetry-wise, but no worse than the semen retainers deserve. Indeed, a number of the subreddit regulars praised the poem, with their assessments ranging from “very touching and motivating” to “pretty good.” (Several commenters disagreed, pointing out, among other things, that “the rhythm is all over the place.”)
One commenter was even inspired to write a poem of his own, and lo and behold, it was even worse than ChatGPT’s. I’m not even sure it counts as a poem.
Within the power of semen retention, I seek and sooth the minds inner detention. Too many days of craving, lost in haze with thoughts hot blazing now transmuted onto each up coming sentence.
Because it’s mental health neglected, each time on a streak the universe giving out testing’s, trials and tribulations god shows if it’s really you? who is destine.
So as the days pass there’s no point counting, cause things will start to synchronise as you climb each mountain, the fountain of youth empowered with truth, tower within each thought, subliminal images will heat raw and fry receptors.
Women showing bright energy detected. therefore this is ur simulation so set a streak selected.
Yeah, I don’t think this guy’s stuff is going to win any awards any time soon. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, that was bad. Indeed, it may be the worst poem I’ve ever read.
Anyway, I was going to have ChatGPT write a rebuttal to these poems, pointing out that there’s some evidence that masturbation can reduce the possibility of prostate cancer and so forth, but then I realized that there was only one way to fight a poem and that is with another poem.
So I got ChatGPT to write a poem against semen retention. Here it is:
In the realm of men’s health, a tale is spun,
Of semen retention, under the sun.
A practice ancient, some men uphold,
Believing it turns their spirit to gold.But let’s delve deeper, into this lore,
To understand what we’re truly in for.
For science speaks in whispers clear,
That benefits claimed, may not be near.In the body’s rhythm, there’s a natural flow,
A cycle of life, that we all know.
To disrupt this cycle, may seem unkind,
To the balance of body, and of mind.Semen retained, where does it go?
Back into the body, as some may know.
But is this healthy, or cause for dread?
The answer lies in the path ahead.The body aches, the pressure mounts,
In the name of benefits, that no one counts.
“Blue balls” they call it, a painful plight,
A testament to an unnatural fight.The evidence is scant, the science thin,
On whether retention is lose or win.
But one thing’s clear, as clear can be,
Nature intended release, like the river to the sea.So listen well, to your body’s song,
Forcing retention might be wrong.
Balance is key, in all we do,
For a healthy life, and a happier you.
Huh. It starts a little awkwardly, and there are a few duff lines, but overall it’s a better poem than the pro-retention one. It makes some good points; the rhymes actually rhyme, and it scans, most of the time, anyway.
So the winner of this poetry slam is … ChatGPT. The losers? All of us who struggled our way through those first two poems.
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May they all retain their semen, for ever and ever, Amen.
I had my suspicions, but now I’m sure. ChatGPT contains secret technology reverse-engineered from the Roswell saucer.
Which came from the Vogons.
@Lizzie: Amen from me.
@David: I trust you will understand that I skipped the actual poems.
I preferred artificial intelligence when it was just trying to wipe us out and take over the world.
At least then we’d get to play naughts and crosses.
Team Rocket’s new intro is a shit
Oh Lord.
Save us from souls who think all poetry must rhyme.
In my experience, it’s pretended immortality, secondhand authority.
And it doesn’t work usually.
Rhyme in my experience, is really only found in English.
And in the modern usage, creates a very juvenile vibe.
As to the idea of abstaining.
I honestly don’t know what to say.
It’s a personal habit.
But I feel like it’s A factor contributing to my issues with intimacy, both sexual & otherwise.
Dear would be alpha here’s something for your mouths, you’re following something truly faulty, while your life is truly schaulty, but please proceed, don’t bother us, go ahead, get on that bus, If your fluid is retended, thank god almighty your line has ended,
A bit O/T, but thought this might be of use.
CW for sexual offences talk.
There’s been an another acquittal in a rape case here. That’s prompted all the usual comments about “false allegations” and demands for the victim to be prosecuted.
I did a vid a while ago on this; that attempts to explain the law and debunk the myth that not guilty verdicts mean the victim wasn’t telling the truth.
So just in case you ever need to shoot that down, here’s the vid…
Woman’s orgasm matters too
Andro, it’s not always just about you
Dao, Tantra, diverse arts there are
To teach retention and make you a star
Practice and learn, doesn’t matter if you’re short
This is one way you can avoid divorce court
The Manosphere told you, “you are the prize”
Even though you cannot produce orgasmic cries
Cries of joy, not of pain in the hearts of a mate
Learn to do it if you ever want to go on a date
Seek out a master, beg her to tell
The secrets of not becoming another incel
@Alan, surely there’s also the “beyond reasonable doubt” part too? I believe the law doesn’t put a number on it (you’ll obviously know better than me) but let’s say the jury feel they need to be 90% sure before convicting, and they’re only 80% sure.
So the jury acquit even though they believe there’s only a 20% probability that she’s a liar.
Is that how it works?
I think we need to educate young men that many rape victims freeze, like a possum. They never say no because they literally can’t make their mouths move.
@ sheila
Indeed. I address that in the video; although over here we use “so that you are sure” rather than BRD. Theoretically they’re the same standard though. But it’s a very high standard. 80 or 90% doesn’t even come close. It’s pretty much “100% barring aliens did it”.
And remember it’s a two limb test. The jury can be perfectly satisfied then victim hadn’t consented.
But they also have to rule out the mens rea element. So unless they are totally sure that the defendant knew or didn’t care about whether the victim had consented, then they have to acquit.
@jmc7r:
Rhyme in my experience, is really only found in English.
A statement implying that the speaker’s experience is limited to English. In fact, the English language’s poverty of rhymes is a shortcoming that tests the ingenuity and resource of poets writing in that language; this was a point made in 1984, as Winston Smith learns the details of a fellow inmate’s thoughtcrime:
‘To tell you the truth — ‘ He sat down awkwardly on the bench opposite Winston. ‘There is only one offence, is there not?’ he said.
‘And have you committed it?’
‘Apparently I have.’
He put a hand to his forehead and pressed his temples for a moment, as though trying to remember something.
‘These things happen,’ he began vaguely. ‘I have been able to recall one instance — a possible instance. It was an indiscretion, undoubtedly. We were producing a definitive edition of the poems of Kipling. I allowed the word “God” to remain at the end of a line. I could not help it!’ he added almost indignantly, raising his face to look at Winston. ‘It was impossible to change the line. The rhyme was “rod”. Do you realize that there are only twelve rhymes to “rod” in the entire language? For days I had racked my brains. There was no other rhyme.’
The expression on his face changed. The annoyance passed out of it and for a moment he looked almost pleased. A sort of intellectual warmth, the joy of the pedant who has found out some useless fact, shone through the dirt and scrubby hair.
‘Has it ever occurred to you,’ he said, ‘that the whole history of English poetry has been determined by the fact that the English language lacks rhymes?’
No, that particular thought had never occurred to Winston. Nor, in the circumstances, did it strike him as very important or interesting.
A poet writing in French who needs a rhyme for “vie” has at least hundreds of options (https://www.rimessolides.com/rime.aspx?m=Vie); a poet writing in English has little to rhyme with “life” besides “wife”, “knife” and “strife”—which is fine as long as their topic should happen to be O.J. Simpson. English rhyme is a game played on hard mode (and that’s even before considering the complications of polysyllabic rhymes, such as “nation” and “station” or “history” and “mystery”.)
I live in flabbergasted awe of the sort of rappers who can ad-lib rhyme on a dime (and why isn’t that a standard academic test of verbal intelligence?…We know why.)
@ FMO
I’m really struggling with my poem Silver Orange.
I like how people use old written rhymes to reconstruct accents and dialects. Like we know Shakespeare (and presumably his audience) must have had a west country accent because a lot of the rhymes only work if that was so.
@Alan: I remember as a young’un complaining that some 18th-19th century poems didn’t rhyme. My mother, with a BA in English lit, said I should try them in an English accent.
So I pasted on my best “Masterpiece Theatre” accent and by golly, then they did!
@FMOx:
I must admit to a snerk coming out of my nose at that. I don’t think you can work in “fife”, though.
I can’t even keep up with rappers’ flow when I already know the words, much less extemporize rhymes on the fly.
I think that’s the situation where you need to bend things a little bit. Say, “’tis but a trife” or something like that as an abbreviation of “trifle”.
@ gss ex-noob
Just to be art nerd, there’s a technical definition of masterpiece. It was the piece of work you submitted for consideration to be admitted to a guild or academy.
So, for ex, if you wanted to be a stonemason you might show your best bit of carving. Or you might have a painting to get into an art academy. So pedantically speaking you can only have one masterpiece to your name.
Another bit of trivia, Artemisia Gentileschi was the first woman admitted into the Florence Academy. That was important as without admission you weren’t allowed to buy art supplies. Previously her dad and Caravaggio had bought them for her.
@ Alan Robert shaw
That was something I read about a long time ago. How US popular culture portrays Masters as being these wise wizened sages on mountaintops with nigh supernatural skills always speaking in riddles, but the truth is the more boring bit where Master is just a term to designate someone working in their field, owning their own business, teaching, etc. Could be the most incompetent and useless blacksmith ever, but as long as you got some level of accreditation and are running a shop, you are a Master. (Not much has changed really, just the names)
“Master” could also be a term of address for a young boy.
(Or a high-ranking Jedi)
Yeah. There’s a butcher’s chain here…
(The family that own those were the second richest in the country; then it turned out they’d like not been paying tax for a few hundred years)