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Lori Alexander–aka The Transformed Wife–is a tradwife influencer with strong opinions on many of the crucial issues of the day. Like, for example, bikinis, witchcraft, lesbianism, cell phones, marital rape, college, and how women should be denied the right to vote. I’ve written about her a couple of times before, but I recently took a look at her Twitter, and found myself scrolling down her timeline, going back a few months. And I was a little surprised by some of her opinions on the issues that matter the most to her. And also a little surprised at what she thinks are the important issues.
Let’s start with the most obviously important of all these issues–by which I mean the swimware of Satan, the too-teeny bikini.
Bikinis are at least as bad as seed oils!
And speaking of rock music, it’s dangerous, and has been known to cause women to sway their hips in public. Even when it’s supposedly Christian rock!
The Transformed wife has some especially strong feelings about marital rape, which apparently doesn’t exist, as getting married to a dude means he gets to have sex whenever he wants even if you say “no” or fall asleep.
This is one of the reasons no one should even date before getting married.
And while wives are supposed to “submit” to their husbands whenever hubby wants sex, it has to be the right kind of sex. In other words, no butt stuff.
Speaking of sex, The Transformed WIfe doesn’t think parents should send their daughters to college, what with all the witchcraft and lesbianism going on there.
Also, going to college wastes some primo baby-having years.
College is bad enough. God forbid today’s woman ever leave the home to earn a living.
Women really shouldn’t be wantonly driving cars around either.
Cell phones are nearly as bad as cars.
Solar energy is also a devilish plot to give people with brain tumors headaches.
But if Costco is Godly, Target is Satanic. You can just tell!
Despite having a lot of opinions about all these worldly issues, the Transformed Wife doesn’t think women should be allowed to express their opinions at the polls. Indeed, she thinks women’s suffrage has been a disaster for everyone, mainly because other women tend to vote for Democrats and perversion more generally.
Ironically, unlike many right-wing Christians, and despite her strong hatred of bikinis, TW thinks it was good for Sports Illustrated to put trans singer Kim Petras and ex-con Martha Stewart on the cover of its swimsuit edition–because what man could lust after either of them?
Huh. Forget Martha Stewart, whom the Transformed Wife only disses because she’s an 81 year old posing in a swimsuit (though not a bikini). I just think TW is perhaps underestimating the lust-inducing power of Ms. Petras. So here’s a video for her latest song, which features simulated fellatio on an … oboe? And a video playlist of the songs on her Slut Pop EP, all of which are utterly filthy.
I’m mainly doing this because I want TW to read this post and watch these videos and, hopefully, to get the chorus of Superpower Bitch stuck in her head.
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This old heffer is spending a lot of time on Twitter when it sounds like she should be on all fours on the living room floor so her husband can use her as a foot rest.
Another declamation from a proud member of the Book Club Where They Discuss Only One Book (That Most Of Them Haven’t Actually Read.) I presume Rachel (a shepherd), Deborah (a judge and general), Lydia (a textile merchant), Huldah (who “dwelt in the college”, and whom King Josiah consulted to interpret an ancient Book of the Law—which sure sounds as if she were a professor), Priscilla (a tentmaker), and Phoebe (a deacon) were Doin’ It Wrong.
Also: seed oils? When and why did those enter the Devil’s arsenal?
Please tell me that:
She writes “… I explained to him that I have a brain tumor…” That does explain a lot of things.
“… I explained that I have a brain tumor…”
Well, that explains a lot of things.
I feel awkward reading her posts about bikinis because, as a teenager, I didn’t want to wear them and I was shamed for not liking them despite having a conventionally good-looking body. The difference is, I wish someone had told me “just wear whatever makes you feel good” or “it’s OK if you prefer another type of swimwear. Your body, your choice.” She gives a bad name to people who prefer not to wear bikinis. We are not all slut-shamers!
Also, in her book “power of a transformed wife” and in her blog, she brags about poking holes into her diaphragm so she could get pregnant again and stay home with the babies. She really, really doesn’t get consent.
http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2011/11/when-husbands-say-no.html
I’d love for the Transformed Wife to discuss this aspect of marriage further.
Then why is she on twitter crusading for this crap. Isn’t that violating at the trad wife shit she espouses. As usual with theses nuts, they have no coherent world view and are hypocrites. They are the triggered snowflakes screaming because not everyone obeys their out of date and repressive worldview.
For someone who, by her own words, deserves no rights or opinions, she makes quite the excessive use of her right to express her, uh, “opinions”. Typical bible-thumbing hypocrite, in other words.
Also, I wonder if she realizes that she actually makes a pretty strong poimt pro-Satanism. Probably not…
Fundie Fridays has done a couple of episodes on this woman. She’s a really, really strange woman. And not in a good way.
I didn’t know about the brain tumor. It could explain a lot. I pray for Lori’s speedy recovery — from more than one illness and for more than one reason.
Have you covered Just Pearly Things here? She wants to take away her own right to vote while toying with the idea of running for political office simultaneously.
And if Harvard grad and gun wielding Texan “cowboy” Daniel Haqiqatjou has anything to say about it, bikinis and most of what women wear will be totally banned, because women dress only for men and it’s a “race to the bottom” (literally) to show more skin.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/8dAoinoRGRI
Seconding RJ Dragon’s recommendation of Fundie Fridays. Jenn and James do a great job discussing various aspects of fundamentalism, often with more compassion than I could manage.
For example, I now have the urge to call the quarters in a Wiccan circle, while wearing a bikini, and using cell phones for the watchtowers. And I’m an atheist.
@Victorious Parasol:
I’m reminded of the Discordian ‘sacrament’ of having cheap hot dogs on Fridays to break as many religious taboos at once as possible: Judaism and Islam (eating pork), Hindu (eating beef), and Catholicism (eating meat on Friday)
(And also breaking the Discordian taboo against hot dog buns, because Discordians never take themselves seriously. Not that Discordianism really has any enforceable taboos anyway given that everybody is a pope.)
@Jenora
That reminds me of Mr. Parasol’s friend who was a Discordian pope. One day Mr. Parasol had bought some slacks at Sears, but the receipt printed the item name as “SLACK.” Knowing of his friend’s Discordianness, he showed him the receipt.
The pope took a sip of his coffee and said, “There’s more for your life at Sears.”
@KMB:
For someone who, by her own words, deserves no rights or opinions, she makes quite the excessive use of her right to express her, uh, “opinions”. Typical bible-thumbing hypocrite, in other words.
Gotta love the sort of women who use submissive self-effacement as a pretext for swaggering jackbooted authoritarianism.
Also, I wonder if she realizes that she actually makes a pretty strong poimt pro-Satanism. Probably not…
Fun Fact: one of the major activities of Goetic demons (i.e., the sort catalogued in Western Renaissance grimoires with portfolios and summoning rituals) was teaching. Here’s a relevant Tumblr post:
https://witchcraftway.tumblr.com/post/143083711638/memeguy-com-that-awkward-moment-when-satan-is-a
@Victorious Parasol:
Well, strictly speaking ‘Slack’ is more of a Church of the Subgenius thing than a Discordian thing, but there’s also a pretty significant amount of overlap. Some folks consider the Discordian’s Eris to be the wife of the Subgenius’ Jehovah1.
And honestly, saying somebody is a Discordian Pope is almost irrelevant; in Discordianism, everybody is a Pope, even if they’re not a Discordian.
(I used to be somewhat more into this sort of thing back in my University days in the late 80s/early 90s. Still have a copy of Reality is What You Can Get Away With by Robert Anton Wilson around here somewhere. And a comic book called ‘Three-Fisted Tales of Bob’.)
I love how these religious zealots make rock music so much cooler and so much better than it actually is. They are the best rock music publicists the world has ever seen.
Why do I think this is just a guy with an AI generated image.
The Satanists are a helluva lot mor fun than this bunny with a stick up her ass.
I was trying to have some pity for her over her cancer. But no. She’s just a monster. Who the hell does that to toddlers and infants?
It’s surprising how many right wing nutjob women make careers out of telling women not to have careers. Must be lucrative.
One thing I agree with her on, though, is that women should not go to Women’s Bible Studies. No one should go to Bible studies.
Men get all het up about women in complete burqas, so it simply proves dudes always be lusting and too many of them can’t keep it in their pants.
I am fully in support of this woman and others of her kind not voting at all. But, of course, the hypocrisy shines through, since by the standards she’s claiming to uphold, she shouldn’t be speaking in public or preaching. She ought to STFU, lie back and think of whatever as her husband does vanilla sex to her, and do the cooking, cleaning, childcare, stuck in the house because she can’t drive.
Seed oils? Pretty sure the BVM was familiar with sesame seed oil and didn’t think it was sinful. Maybe even mustard seed oil, her son had that metaphor about mustard seeds.
(And now I’m jonesing for Chinese sesame seed balls and chikki)
I wonder how the wife’s supposed to get food, clothing, etc. for the family, or take the kids to activities without driving. Or taking them to ER when they get a major boo-boo. You can’t expect The Man to leave work for that. Couldn’t the daughters be sent to Christian colleges to keep them away from the evil heathens who think people should be free to make their own decisions?
Martha makes the rest of us look bad. What with still looking that good, and doing all the lifestyle stuff. Surprised she didn’t also rail against Martha being pals with Snoop Dogg. Kim has too much lip filler, but is otherwise attractive. I’ve seen the Kim and Nicki video a bunch of times, and of course Kim was in that delightfully slutty video with Sam Smith.
The docs didn’t do a very good job with dealing with the brain tumor, methinks.
I wonder if she’s a’scared to go out in the sun? All that solar radiation pouring down every day! I haven’t had a full-blown extended migraine since I got solar panels (knock wood) but I think it’s more because I’d hit menopause beforehand, and the hormones aren’t changing so much now. Is she to the point of lining everything with tinfoil to keep out all the other radiation that’s out there? Electricity! TV! Radio! Cell phone towers! Wi-fi! If she’s Tweeting, she’s got a radiation source she’s using, delivering the radiation to her every time she posts! It’s coming from inside the house!!!
My grandma was super-trad (born 1898). Southern farm wife, raiser of kids, no SJW… and she was happy to get the vote. Stoked to vote in the 1920 election since she was over 21 then. She never would have tweeted; she’d think it unseemly. I don’t, and expect the full set of china and silver I inherited would start haunting me if I did. (I don’t need it and you can’t give the stuff away now, sigh. Anybody want it, it’s good stuff)
@Elaine: Definitely!
@FMOx: She probably doesn’t think the Old Testament heroines count, since they were B.C. Though all the women I’ve known named Deborah/Debra/etc. think their Biblical namesake was pretty cool.
@VickyP: Give me enough time to buy a bikini (at Target) and I’ll join your circle.
@ Jenora Fuer
Yeah, I have those too.
Hello friends,
Let’s hope this works!
(Net’s wonky)
@ Dave,
Oh my, that link is sad and disturbing. If that, like her brain tumor, are even true.
Think about it – how’s a 1 year old baby going to get down stairs and open presents?
If it is true – the kids were just excited. And you could’ve prevented it by saying, before they went to bed, – Santa says to wait for mom and dad! And we have to make sure to take pix to send to grandma! So we have to be sure to wait, if you wake up early, you come wake us up first.
Talk to kids, don’t bark orders at them. They’ll listen.
Instead she
beatsspanks the kids and puts them outside?On Christmas?
Yeah, some Christian ~
We strongly suspect this story is fake. And whether true of false – it’s disturbing that she wishes to convey, and publish for all to see, that she beat, excuse me, spanked, her kids on Christmas.
Just because they were excited.
How sad. The poor kids ~
And she’s literally proud of being mean. Mean, after being upset over something so trivial.
This is – not a good person.
Some silly tales, to take your mind off –
@ Victorious Parasol,
Your “slack” story reminded us –
OK, on the table here I have a small old TV. And by old I mean the sort that has a plastic frame around the screen.
So one time I had it on, sound off, wasn’t really paying attention.
An ad came on, pictures of houses, you could guess what it was for, some kind of insurance or repairs or etc.
Then, up comes the word MEOWNERS.
I saw that, I thought: Oh, is it a special program for people with cats?
Homeowners.
The “HO” was cut off by the screen frame.
One from our pal T, speaking of old men and visuals ~
OK, one time she was at the store, sitting in her car in the parking lot.
She glances over at the car parked next to her, sees a yellow triangular thing hanging from the rearview mirror.
Squints, says to self: Do they have a picture of Grandpa Simpson hanging in their car?
It was one of those “pine tree” air fresheners. They come in different colors / scents.
(Yes, she’s got new eye glasses now.)
@Dalillama:
Honestly, the biggest issue I have with Discordianism and Subgenius and their ilk is less to do with them directly and more that they became magnets for a lot of smug, self-satisfied ‘I’m smarter than you because I’m in on the joke’ people. The same sort of folks that helped make many organized atheist and skeptic spaces toxic environments as well, the folks who have 90% of the same prejudices as this woman but think they’re better and smarter and more rational because they’ve found (non-)religion and the rest of their prejudices are unimportant. Penn Jillette is a star example.
Back on topic:
Yes, this woman is definitely following a more strident and even more hypocritical version of Phyllis Schlafly’s path. Unlike Schlafly, she’s also perfectly fine with saying the quiet part out loud, that this is all about treating everybody who doesn’t believe like her as inhuman demonic forces that need to be wiped out so that she doesn’t have to think about anything outside her comfort zone.
None of the requirements she’s talking about really apply to her, as far as she’s concerned. She’s important. It’s all about Wilhoit’s Law:
She’s in the in-group, so the rules shouldn’t actually apply to her.
(Though I’ll admit that my own brain did a bit of a hiccup and re-read in the ‘did she really just say that’ form when I saw the bit about solar panels and radiation… umm, solar panels absorb radiation, they don’t generate it. Not that I would expect to be able to get through to her, she’s probably also the sort who thinks WiFi radiation from her computer is poisoning her despite the fact that the radiation from local TV broadcast antennae is almost certainly a whole lot stronger.)