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One semen-retaining Twitterer recently managed to score himself a viral hit with possibly the dumbest Twitter take ever, his newfound fame–and 2.3 million views–driven in part by less-than-complimentary quote retweets like the following:
But Mr. Retentionn Kings | NoFap has many other insights that may have been overlooked by the haters, and I’d like to share some of them with you here now.
Here is another SEMEN RETENTION QUOTE for the ages. It is also not true.
He’s not much of a fan of porn.
Er, dude, that last one sounds like porn actually saved you from being a broken man and made you a king, not the other way around.
Like General Jack D. Ripper in Dr. Strangelove, Mr. Retention Kings denies women his essence:
Imagine making “not jerking off or having sex” your whole life. It seems a little sad.
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Ah! Finally someone with the deep philosophical insight to answer the ancient question:
I had no idea that I had SEMEN in any part of my body. I am stunned.
Okay, now I understand. The SEMEN that my brain floats in was SEMEN I stole from men. But here’s the thing: I was a high school graduate before I ever had sex. So how did I function before I became a THIEF OF SEMEN?
So, can I just check, what is a woman’s spinal fluid made up of?
Anyway I feel reassured that this man is going to be keeping his semen to himself, which seems like a good thing for everyone.
I think he just admitted his brain is his balls and dick. Giving further meaning to him being a dickhead.
Um…did anyone seeing any of those threads ask the author what women’s “cerebral spinal fluid” was made of…? Or were his entire audience both that stupid and that uncaring…?
“Semen is the light of the eyes and the marrow of the bones.” – Anas ibn Malik
Sounds like a quote from some very pretentious hentai…
The idea that cerebrospinal fluid is semen, or at least that semen is derived from it, is not some random idea which these idiots made up; it’s been around a very long time, and is believed to have originated in Old Kingdom Egypt. Which just goes to show that “ancient wisdom” isn’t always wise.
Given that cis women don’t produce semen…what do these people think their brains are floating in? Expensive perfume?
There’s a parfait of sexism going on here.
Protect my energy warrior from what?
Learn to use commas, semen dude.
Hello.
Using a fan picture of Hanma Yûjirô, a man who indulges in every of his whims, sexual ones included (to the point of rape in some occasions) is another proof that this twitterer only researches are the ones from the OOMA University…
Have a nice day.
My favorite is “the brain is a great clot of genital fluid” by Ezra Pound. You can always trust a fascist to provide a fun quote.
Damn, are those guys ashamed of their own desires? Maybe they were scolded by their parents for having wet dreams. Whatever the cause, definitely not a healthy attitude about sexuality.
@ Snowberry
The ancient Egyptians also believed that the heart was where the thinking and feeling happened, not the brain. *shrug* So I guess it didn’t really matter what the brain floated in. 😉 lol
@occasional reader:
Using a fan picture of Hanma Yûjirô, a man who indulges in every of his whims, sexual ones included (to the point of rape in some occasions) is another proof that this twitterer only researches are the ones from the OOMA University…
Moreover, this is one thing Yûjirô did to help his son Baki level up:
He encourages Baki to have sex with Kozue Matsumoto, which eventually triggers his transition into manhood and a drastic change in Baki’s fighting maturity which is seen during his fight with Ryuukou Yanagi.
Fake. Geek. Boys. I’m not even in Grappler Baki fandom, and the above information took me five minutes on Google—along with this; apparently Yûjirô is a bi/pansexual dominance-rapist (warning for self-evident triggers):
In fact, as a result of Yuujirou’s inhumanly high testosterone level, higher than that of any creature on Earth, along with an extension of his arrogance, has made scientists like Kureha believe that Yuujirou thinks of himself as the only truly “male” specimen on the world, and view everyone else as “women” or “wimps” who are under the thumb of his dominance, no matter whether they are young, old, or biologically male or female, they are all equally beneath him in his view. As evidence of this, Yuujirou raped Joe William, a visibly very masculine man, both physically and internally, in such a depraved manner it left the man traumatized and in his own words “realize the woman within him” to the extent that he has risked his life in dangerous adventures as a coping mechanism to reaffirm his masculinity. Much later, and after facing Nomu no Sukune the 2nd, he threatened to rape Tokugawa if he continued to speak after being irritated by his earlier words, which caused Tokugawa to feel both shocked and flattered. As such defining Yuujirou’s sexuality is rather complex, as while he has no problem having sexual intercourse with anybody else, it is driven largely because he is biologically more masculine than any other organism.
“God-Mode Chadzilla” seems to have been their sole takeaway.
@Full Metal Ox
Jesus. Well that was several paragraphs that I would like to forget reading.
I actually knew a trans woman for a while who, sans HRT, had absurdly high T levels – like, high enough that her doctors were worried. She was not a terrifying dominant rapist, or a terrifying anything really. She did however have terrible depression, anxiety, and mood swings, especially if she missed an HRT dose.
I’m foggier on the details for actual men, but I’m uh… pretty sure that testosterone doesn’t work that way.
@Kat: Same here! How had I ever been valedictorian with lots of extracurriculars and getting into several very competitive colleges? How could my brain have functioned without spinal fluid?
@Lizzie, @milotha: Agreed!
@Raging Bee: So if he gets leukemia or other cancers, is he gonna demand they fill his bones with semen? Or his eyes if the vitreous humor goes bad?
I hope he enjoys the prostate problems when he’s older.
Ah sorry I was actually replying to @occasional reader. I blame the awfulness of the quoted text.
Gonna refer to my dick as ENERGY WARRIOR from now on.
“Retain. Restore. Reawaken!”: if I didn’t know the context, I’d guess that this was a fashy slogan. I guess there’s a lot of overlap.
@ moggie
To me it conjured up those leaflets from the council about not putting the bins out so often.
Or maybe that stuff you spray on furniture when the dog’s been on it, or smokers, or smoking dogs.
Indeed, what will Retention Kings see flashing in front of his eyes when he dies?
For me, it will be mostly Twitter, which I sometimes use for porn, but usually it’s for other kinds of entertainment and vacuous social identity building. Retention Kings seems to be on Twitter too, so that’s one data point.
Fishy Goat:
I sometimes wonder, how and when we figured out that brain (or head generally) is where thinking and feeling happens. By now, it seems pretty embedded in “traditional” folk wisdom and turns of phrase.
Hello.
> Full Metal Ox
Yep.
Anyway, the Baki series are full of problematic views. Of course, the manga in itself is an obvious exaggeration, but Itagaki Keisuke, the author, never says in the little blurbs (nor in postfaces of tankôbons) that he presents points of view he disagrees with, neither in interviews (by opposition, as an example, to Hara Tetsuo, who had said many times that Hokutô no Ken is indeed some kind of parody and homage to post-apo genre).
Now this is drawing two kind of audience : persons like me who considers the manga as some kind of caricature and over-the-top fighting manga (like Sakigake ! Otokojuku, which is another one, but less problematic) ; and the ones who believe that the manga have some truth in its ways : while “Strength is beauty (according to the author)” is an acceptable point of view if that is your thing, Strength Makes Right and all other masculinite fantasies the manga is full of appeals to them strongly. And the fact that Yûjirô goes from a horrible father in the first season to an acceptable father figure (i fear that some even might find him a “good” figure, if beating your children is a-ok in your mind) in the third one is far from helping. I have not read the 4th season, and i think i am not going for a while, the third having proved to be a bit too much even for me (and the story is quite disjointed compared to the first two seasons).
> Cyborgette
Hmm ? I think you were right with your quotation, as it is Full Metal Ox who had provided more infos on who Hanma Yûjirô was (and why he is a problematic figure if you do not see him as a caricature).
And for the testosterone, if wikipedia is acceptable, it is said that it is the sexual hormone the most present in both men AND women (even if men have more, to a ration between 7 and 8 times more). It is a steroïd, and it has a role in physical masculine appearance, but that does not mean you are going like a ripped and handsome person just because you have a high testosterone rate in the blood : just look masculine, and if you do not do exercices, your muscles will be the same as other people who are not doing them. It also seems to have an impact of sexuality willingness (and here again, for all genders), but never to the point of rape (hormones have just no correlation with morality…), they are just more ok with sexual relations and masturbation.
Have a nice day.
“Imagine laying on your death bed, and all you can see of your life is a screen and thousands of tweets that display a vast ignorance of human anatomy.”
-Retention Kings | NoFap, probably
Brings new meaning to the Eminem lyric, “What’s a little spinal fluid between you and a friend?”. LOL
Why the appeal of recycling zombie whoppers that have been debunked since the ancient Greeks, I really don’t know.
Considering all of these people seem to end up spouting more or less the exact same kind of disjointed grandiosity I’m starting to think semen retention does actually have some effect, it’s just roughly the same effect as a twenty-line-a-day coke habit.