Yes, this is an actual topic of discussion on Incels.is:
Well, I guess he’s got it all figured out, ladies! Time to confess that you use your cat’s tail to hit your cervix–I’m just trying to picture this–and enjoy his sandpaper tongue on your most sensitive of spots. Sounds HOTTTT.
Follow me on Mastodon.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies on support from you, its readers, to survive. So please donate here if you can, or at David-Futrelle-1 on Venmo.
It’s mystifying that these men have never met a woman in their lives and so have no idea about them at all – but to have never met a cat, either? Where are they growing up and living and what are their daily lives like? They can’t all be deranged brains in a jar in a huge storage laboratory, surely?
(Apologies to all Abby Normal brains in jars that DON’T regard all living things with contempt.)
I’d ask what’s wrong with these people, but we already know the answer:
EVERYTHING.
Oh yes, a cat’s tail. Cats don’t mind at all when you use their tail for your own purposes. They certainly wouldn’t hiss, wriggle, scratch, bite, or rip your face off.
…
…
I got four cats.
I spent last night and night before it trying to get some control to kittens (Lobsang, Mort) not to fuck things up so I could sleep. No such thing happened; I’ve slept REALLY badly this entire weekend.
I absolutely cannot imagine a cat being in any way cooperative as a sex toy, not even the one I’ve trained to beg and eat a bit of freeze-dried chicken from my fingers without biting me.
Do incels ever wonder if women eat carrots? Or do they assume carrots are only used as dildos?
Cats: Animals notorious for being uncooperative little shits and abruptly going from “I love you” to “I’m gonna claw you for shits and giggles”. Yeah, that sounds like something I want near my naked crotch…
Edit: Can’t wait to hear the theory on how the new laws against declawing cats is actually to discourage “foids” from using them in such a manner
“We all know” no you fucking pervert not everything is an extreme porn video. I cant even with these boys
Let’s not complicate things needlessly; after all, aren’t all women witches who can transform into cats, or dogs, or horses, or whatever species incels have decided to be jealous of this week, to enjoy the favors of the furChad of their choice on equal terms?
Why not, as long as we’re basing our worldview on making shit up to be mad at?
Full Metal Ox
Eggsackly!! If women had the skill or desire to do such a thing, we wouldn’t waste our efforts on cats out from a world full of better options .
We’d be practical and sensible. We’d make judgments and record our deliberations in case we need explicit specifications or standard operating procedures for later use.
Then …. a kind friend will show us a colourful attractive catalogue from the local naughty lingerie shop.
Job done!
Dang. I didn’t know incurs read “Leslie’s Wish For Love”.
https://horrortree.com/trembling-with-fear-valentines-2023-edition/
Well from the sheer cluelessness at least we can confirm the user never attempted bestiality on a cat.
@Lizzie:
…you know, that would explain so much…
I once grabbed our cat’s tail because he wa about to jump on my freshly baked cake. He turned and hissed so scarily that I let go and ended up shaving off the top layer of cake instead. Clearly these men know nothing about women or cats.
@.45
This makes me so happy. Is this in the US? The fact that it’s still even allowed in some countries is heartbreaking.
@ Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
To be honest, although it is in the US, I don’t really recall. It was a state or county thing, not nationwide, and my present cat was declawed by her original owners, so it ultimately means little to me personally. Not like I can go to court over the new law and put her murder mittens back on
(I don’t know if this looks bad on the optics front, but given the choice at an animal shelter, I would prefer to take an already declawed cat. They need homes too and I don’t like things getting torn up. Still, hopefully in the years to come, they will expand the laws and I will end up having no choice but to get a fully armed and operational cat)
@Full Metal Ox, @oncewasmagnificent
Wait. If you transform into another species for sexual purposes, but keep your human intellect, is it still bestiality? Because it still hits the fundamental consent issues involved, at least. If you stay human but transform your mind to be on a roughly equivalent level, is it still bestiality? I mean most people would find ways to object to that beyond just “it’s icky”. If you transform both your body and mind, wouldn’t that be just a complicated way of erasing yourself, and wouldn’t turning back (via someone else, or because the magic’s on a timer) be murdering the new person/animal/being?
My knees clamped shut and I think my clitoris inverted and hid as my vagina slammed closed.
I love cats (NOT LIKE THAT, INCEL!) but those raspy tongues are too much for my arms and legs sometimes. Kitty ain’t getting near my pussy, thanks.
Never met a woman or a cat, or possibly another person at all… I’m gonna have to agree with @Lizzie’s theory. Or someone’s been training an AI with incels.is (should be illegal).
@oncewasmagnificent: Co-sign. We’d have most of this worked this out a couple hundred years ago, had the glossy catalogs since the 70s, and now we’d have apps with the spells listed and maybe a timer to turn it off.
Providing having the phone nearby wouldn’t turn the chip to sand, like in the “Rivers of London” books, which I love. I suppose we could use paper books as a coming-of-age present for teen girls, with different spells for all ages.
@.45: I too would adopt a declawed cat. I’ve lived with them before and all my cats are indoor-only. And frankly I wouldn’t miss clipping the pointy bits; my current boy is quite the strong squirmer and biter.
ISTR that San Francisco banned declawing a long time ago, but there was an exception in the 80s-90s for AIDS patients who really needed a kitty who couldn’t break skin and draw blood. Could be misremembering that — @FullMetalOx is exactly my age, so might be able to relate!
@Skiriki with names like that, the kittens are definitely going to be trouble.
I am having way too much trouble picturing this to be appropriately disturbed. A truly absurd number of things would have to be just right. Like…have they ever even touched a cat’s tail?
@RJ Dragon
Yep, they are a handful of girls. Originally named when we thought they were boys. Eh, lil’ bit genderbending is good.
@ Ikarikid The Dumb
Yeah, the tail and it’s total unsuitablitity for the task did occur to me, but then I did the slamming shut thing remembering the time I ended up with a cat on my head, front claws embedded in my scalp, back ones dangling in front of my eyes . . . I was very, very, very lucky and Ginge (yes a ginger boy) didn’t engage his back legs.
I love our sole surviving cat, having known him since he was a week old. I would never even come close to dreaming of using him for sexual gratification: first because Mr. Parasol and I are happily married, and second because in personality he resembles Nanny Ogg’s cat Greebo. He’s just a big softie, really. Though unlike Greebo, he was neutered as a kitten so is not the father of any kittens. Also, he has both eyes. But try to mess with him. I dare you. He may be old, but he is fierce.
@Vicky Parasol: Greebo is legendary. Every description of that cat just adds to its epicness. Terry Pratchett was a genius in his humorous character writing.
Speaking of fuzzy murderballs…