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Here’s a question from the AskMen subreddit from some guy who doesn’t understand why it is that no women ever seem to have any interest in sex:
Dude, this is not a woman problem. This is a you problem. The common denominator in all these cases is you.
And I hope your wife divorces you for continually pressuring her into sex she doesn’t want.
This is why people started talking about the importance of enthusiastic consent.
A bit off topic, but perhaps worth mentioning: in BDSM circles (and probably elsewhere) the idea of enthusiastic consent is considered the baseline – basically, the beginner level relationship style which nevertheless requires a little learning and practice to get it right. Reluctant consent is intermediate level, requiring more learning and practice and a lot more communication. Best for most people to start with enthusiastic first. Yet this is seen as the default by much of the general population, and there’s no expectation that you need to learn anything first – which is part of the reason why things often get so unpleasant and messy, because not everyone wants that and not everyone who wants that has any idea what they’re doing. Non-consent* is advanced level and very hard to do ethically, which is why most people who engage in it are abusers. Also most people would very strongly rather not be subject to it (to put things mildly), no matter how much some people might want to believe that all women (or all people of any other subset of the population) desire deep down to be forced or even broken.
*Usually referred to as “consensual non-consent” or CNC when done ethically, though out of context that sounds like an oxymoron. I personally prefer “voluntary non-consent” because it sounds somewhat less contradictory.
Hmmmm…
Option A) My wife doesn’t wanna bang me
Option B) No woman wants to bang anyone
Occam’s Razor has left the chat
I enthusiastically consent to this guy’s wife to divorce his SAing ass.
Also hoping the wife can leave his useless abusive self. I mean, he could always leave her, but then he’d have to do chores and not get his pump and dump ever. Deep down, he knows he doesn’t deserve better.
The wife does — maybe she can get all the Chads, or at least one man who isn’t a self-centered whiny rapey baby. Or maybe she’s having enthusiastic sex with someone else who isn’t an asshole.
I feel the need for a K-pop rerun:
As an asexual person, I feel insulted by that dude. Yes, some people are not interested in sex. We do exist!
I had never heard of the Ask Men subreddit before. I did a search and found it and its slogan:
I have to admit, I was charmed.
This is one of those prime “why patriarchy hurts men” things. I imagine it is upsetting and confusing if your life partner is no longer (or has never been?) sexually attracted to you, but instead of dealing with this hurt this guy’s first instinct is to blame a) Women in General b) Modern Society At Large.
The dating/pulling teeth comment is a red flag but if we were to give him an extremely generous benefit of the doubt, he might be in an extremely non-communicative, dysfunctional and lonely relationship, of which he makes up 50%. But why take a look at that and yourself when you can outsource the problem?
@happy cat
We do indeed. High fives, fellow ace!
Apart rom that, if your partner doesn’t want to be intimate with tou anymore and you feel that it is only out of pity if you do, I got two questions.
1. Why stick with them if it is so important?
2. Ever considered the issueight be with you? Did you ask what the problem is, or discussed counseling? I mean, the answer is obviously no, but…
Yeah, definitely a case for a divorce…
I think our friend here has a reading problem and maybe some longstanding health issues e.I. pre Covid
Reading- because he doesn’t, or won’t, read anything but this mens BS.
Health – because back in the pre-epidemic world hiss dentist doctor physios would have all kinds of ordinary (sometimes utterly daft) magazines as well as pamphlets offering all manner of information and advice. A lot of it about loss of libido after children arrive or why won’t my husband talk to me or, strangely enough, be affectionate in or out of bed.
His comments about mild or major coercion before marriage is pretty self-defeating though. You’d think 10 yrs living together would provoke some reflection on relationship issues like jobs housing, sharing money or chores, and all the rest of it.
Clearly he’s never seen or heard the message that the sexiest thing a man can do is to pick up a broom.
Remember Norman Rockwell’s classic picture “The Shiner”? The lady in David’s frontispiece looks for all the world like that little girl grown up; piss her off at your peril.
Do these guys ever bother asking their wives why they aren’t interested anymore? There are so many reasons why someone may not be interested.
@Kat
I think the ask men Subreddit is a parody of the actual reddit where these men’s rights things get posted. That’s why it’s motto is basically “we mansplain”.
Happy Beekeepers and Persons with epilepsy Day to all who celebrate.
@Love Is: If they were capable of asking that, or of any self-reflection at all, their wives might be more interested in sex with them.