Incel ideology is a self-contained system. And when the realities of the world intrude upon the incels’ collective fantasies, they feel an enormous amount of cognitive dissonance.
One thing they find especially hard to believe is the patently obvious fact that, contrary to incel dogma, women–even Stacies and Beckies– often date and even marry men who are not the Chadliest of Chads. Indeed, many women date men who, to the incels, look average or even ugly. Of course, most incels won’t even acknowledge this; it hurts their brains too much. But some try to come up with elaborate reasons why this is a bad thing … for non-Chadly men like themselves.
One from the latter group has posted a particularly ingenious explanation for this phenomenon on the PurplePillDebate subreddit–one that ends up insulting both the women who date “ugly” guys and the guys themselves.
“As a man, your personality can never make up for your lack of looks or status,” he begins, repeating one of the main incel mantras.
All it can do is make a woman pity date you to feel more safe.
There’s tons of examples of women on here and just in the world in general who constantly go on and on about how some man they dated wasn’t exactly their type or how their neighbor dated a 5’4 goblin because of how funny he was or how some dude with a dental disease just married a 10. This is somehow seen as an achievement, as proof or evidence that women don’t care about the man’s shallow traits that much.
Because maybe it kind of is?
But this is a fundamental flaw. It helps to try to answer this by wondering why a woman decides to care about a man’s looks or status or resources that much. The answer is simple: it’s to ultimately satisfy her selfish desires. And what is one of the most sought after desires by women? Feeling secure that a man won’t cheat on her.
When a woman dates a guy below her league, it’s not because she’s some angel sent down by God who decides to overlook his looks for his charming personality. It’s because she literally looks down on him. She fundamentally disrespects him so much to the point that he is seen as a guy who would never cheat on her.
Plenty of ugly dudes cheat on women, though.
She is not dating him because she genuinely loves him any more. Which is why these kinds of relationships end up in r/DeadBedrooms so much.
[citation needed]
She is dating him because she sees him as so inferior to her that she can’t ever imagine him leaving her.
It’s the same logic as that old song that goes:
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you
Except, of course, with the genders reversed.
She is dating him because of pure and unadulterated narcissism. Any sort of relationship where a severe power imbalance exists like this never ends well. It may last “longer” but only because women want to drag it out for as long as they can in hopes of security.
Yeah, convince yourself of that, so that you can live undisturbed in your incel bunker, blaming the world (and the alleged shallowness of women) for your personal failures.
Don’t even consider the fact that when it comes to relationships (of all kinds), personality matters and that some of the happiest couples in the world aren’t “looksmatches” at all. Looks fade. A good heart doesn’t.
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Incels can’t fathom that personality matters to most people, because incels are miserable shitbags who hate everyone regardless of personality.
Not wanting to be cheated on is so selfish!
I’m about to facepalm hard enough to register on every seismograph in the Lower 48 states and at least half the seismographs in Alaska and Hawaii.
These cretins can never actually fathom marrying someone because you respect and love them. Why? Because they are incapable of either towards themselves or any woman.
They will forever be alone with their filthy rooms, mounds of pizza boxes, cum socks, bottles of piss, and hate.
You are a person who fears and hates women. I’m surprised that you want to talk about personality. I’ve become used to the loathsome personalities of incels, so I thought I was beyond being surprised by them. But you, sir, have surprised me.
This relatively eloquent and coherent incel writer seems to have just reinvented the “betabuxx” theory.
My translation: “If she’d date him, why won’t she date me?”
The answer is he’s not a woman-hating asshole.
A woman who marries an attractive or wealthy man is shallow, but one who marries an unattractive man is narcissistic? Who would a woman have to marry to be neither? Perhaps the writer, but he might easily claim that doing so would prove she has low self-esteem.
The mental gymnastics to make the world how they like it (or, well, hate it, in theid case) is simply astonishing. It’s also proof that no matter what woman does, she can never satisfy their demands and expectations. Why should anyone even try to?
Also, yeah, I’m 100% prinarily with my boyfriend because of his personality. No matter if a guy looks like Brad Pitt or Quasimodo, personality is key. Btw, the thing I want security for most isn’t cheating. It’s not being beaten to death because the dude I end up with is an abusive piece of shit. THAT is my number one concern when it comes to relationships.
This is mildly amusing to me as I am about to set up a second date with a woman who is basically out of my league in almost every way. More physically active, more hobbies, better social life, probably makes more money than I do, definitely better looking in the conventional sense.
Guess she is lying about how much she enjoyed just having a conversation with me, thank god this incel enlightened me. Now what to do with this information? He doesn’t make that part clear…
when your model of interpersonal relationships has a discrepancy when applied to reality, explain it away by removing agency from people rather than re-evaluate the model. that’s the scientific method.
@.45
Your only option is to self-destruct and ghost her. In this way, you will inflict on yourself first the pain and humiliation she would have inevitably inflicted upon you when she dumped you, which you definitely could not recover from like a normal person. You may then feel free to think all types of ill about her, because, you know, that was her fault, she was going to dump you.
Flawless victory.
Wrong email.
@Big Titty Demon, I wouldn’t recommend that. On the contrary, she seems to like him. So, I think that he should continue dating her.
It must be exhausting being an incel, constantly having to find excuses for your pathological hatred.
@Jono
I wouldn’t really recommend it either. 😉 I’m just providing the logical (?) conclusion to .45’s enlightenment.
By the way, can you delete my first comment with red avatar? It was me, I just made a mistake with typing in my e-mail address when I was trying to reply to Big Titty Demon, leading it to go through the approval process. I had no way of deleting it.
Women marry ugly men because they’re rich, powerful, smart, or possibly have developed delightful, loving personalities since they can’t rely on being Chads.
Also, to incels, any ugly man means simply “not a Chad”. Which is… the vast majority of men…
@Viscaria, @Chris, @Milotha: word.
@.45: From what I see here, you seem like a witty chap who can hold an interesting conversation, and you obviously weren’t a total uggo if she’s coming back for a second date. And probably not likely to beat her up, as @KMB mentioned.
The Manosphere has spawn all manner of “mainstream” podcasts and youtube channels, many hosted by women, teaching “femininity” to young woman. Just Pearly Things is the most popular one. Pearl also created The Wife School show. Then you’ve got former The View host, Jedidiah Bila, with her youtube channel. All supposedly putting what they call “modern women” and “city girls” in their place. Jedidiah laughs at young women who want to spend their 20s single, doing what they want, squandering away their “most fertile” years. Meanwhile she herself did not marry or have her first child til 40.
Has anyone else seen these grifters?
In the comments section of these channels you get presumably unattractive “incels” claiming that yes, there are *some* “wife material” type women still out here, but they are “unattractive” and hence un-dateable for them.
There you go!
“A good leg will fall, a straight back will stoop, a black beard will turn white, a curled pate will grow bald, a fair face will wither, a full eye will wax hollow.”
There’s a possibility this incel hasn’t considered:
a) a woman is dating a man who doesn’t fit the “Chad” stereotype
b) the woman (suspenseful pause) finds him attractive anyway
I’d attest to this being my experience…except that I’m an unreliable “foid” and a mere “Becky” and blah blah blah. (Although, to be serious, I’m a bit unhappy right now because my boyfriend left for England again and I won’t see him until the summer.)
@.45 – That’s great! I hope the date goes well.
@Love Is All You Need – Not those ones in particular, but I watched someone picking apart ideas put forth by the Girl Defined channel, which is like that but from a conservative Christian viewpoint. Apparently they’re losing followers so they’re trying to stay “relevant” by getting into transphobia. :/
@Love Is All: Aw, they’re trying to be One Of The Good Ones. Which never works out. And Jedidiah is a boy’s name, so she ought to change it to something more girly. I mean, really — giving girls boys’ names is so “city” and “modern”.
Also, I can’t think of anything more “city” and “modern’ than being a host on a nationwide TV talk show that tapes in New York City.
As the old saying goes “Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes down to the bone”.
If women date Chads, they’re shallow. If women date ugly men, they’re narcissists. But at least they won’t be dating incels, who are shallow, ugly on the inside, pathetic, and probably abusive (certainly emotionally abusive, if nothing else).
Is there such thing as an ugly Chad, I wonder? Has the whole package except for looks? I’d love to see their heads explode at a woman dating such a man.