A new study finds that college students can relieve stress through the simple act of petting a cat. It’s not exactly a revolutionary discovery — lots of studies have found that pets can relax people, which is part of the reason we let them live in our houses in the first place and why there are programs to bring dogs to campuses to help students chill out. Now maybe cats will be included in such programs, too.
Well, not if the folks on Fox News’s “Outnumbered” have anything to say about it. In one of the strangest and meanest segments of any television “news” show ever, the assorted panelists used the study as an excuse to attack student “snowflakes,” suggesting that they don’t need cats so much as they need a good “slap in the face!”
Say what?
Co-host Emily Compagno set the tone for the discussion with a sarcastic opener.
“College students have it so rough these days,” she began.
From climate anxiety to just the idea of a conservative speaker on campus. It is all so stressful! Well now, thankfully, a new study finds intervention with cats on campuses may help stressed-out students. I guess taxpayers picking up the student loan tab wasn’t enough.
Ba-dum, tish!
It just got worse from there, as the Daily Beast made clear in a story on the strange segment.
“This is another example of how we are raising snowflakes,” Fox News anchor Julie Banderas snarled, suggesting that any student who couldn’t handle the stress of college should “just drop out. … Do us all a favor.”
“I don’t think these kids need cats; I think they need discipline,” Compagno declared. “I think they need a slap in the face!”
No one on the panel took offense at the notion that students should be physically assaulted for wanting to pet a cat.
“These are kids that can’t even listen to a conservative viewpoint,” she continued.
They shout out speakers; they chase them off campus. But a cat will make everything better. That doesn’t work in the real world!
The hell it doesn’t. Why do you think Americans own 96 million pet cats?
The discussion rambled on with another of the panelists whose name I don’t know suggesting that giving students a dog or a cat to pet might distract them from studying — because I guess that is all students ever should be doing. “I don’t need to be coddling [sic] a puppy,” she practically shouted.
I need my Organic Chemistry book. … This is insanity! Give me a cup of coffee and a cookie and a stack of books, and I’m set. I don’t need a puppy in my lap to study for exams.
I’m stuck on the cookie. Aren’t you just coddling yourself with that kind of indulgent luxury?
“But they’re also getting free tuition, too,” Compagno jumped in to say. “The list is endless what these kids — kids! — are getting with our tax dollars.”
“It’s also part of the indoctrination,” Fox News contributor Tammy Bruce added. “They’re being trained… and told effectively by the university, ‘No, you need a puppy. This is what you need!’”.
She went on to tell the heartwarming story of how one day she was walking her dog on Wall Street — apparently, she lives next door — and some students asked to pet it. And so she told them that “instead of hugging my dog, you should go back and study.”
BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING ELSE STUDENTS SHOULD EVER BE DOING. No coddling, or cuddling!!1!
“Because it’s training for the real world,” she continued. “No one’s going to hand you a puppy in the real world.”
If you go to a shelter they will.
“These kids are the problem,” Fox News contributor David Webb added.
If you need a cat or you need a puppy, you don’t belong in college. … This is the idea of building a society of betas.
Fox News has become the Red Pill subreddit.
We achieve because we are a society of people that look forward to our entrepreneurs that go out and find something. Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, all of the innovators, Bill Gates, they founded something in a garage instead of petting a cat!
Well, I don’t know if Gates is a cat petter, but here he is “coddling” a dog.
“They programmed a keyboard,” Webb continued.
They whatted a keyboard?
He went on: “Maybe someone started a manufacturing plant with an idea.”
Uh, in their dorm room? What the hell are you going on about? What does any of this have to do with kitties? Or campuses? What is your damn problem anyway? Half of the panelists seem to have pets themselves, so why are they picking on students for wanting to pet a dog or a cat once in a while?
In addition to being dangerous and unhinged and more than a little bit fascist, Fox News is just plain weird. Imagine getting this worked up over the idea of someone petting a cat.
By the way, no cats were harmed in the writing of this post. Indeed, one cat was petted on five different occasions and lavishly praised three times for bringing me wadded-up kleenexes she takes from the trash. She thinks she’s giving me a great gift, so I indulge her. Because she’s fucking adorable, and the panelists on Fox’s Outnumbered are the opposite of adorable. No petting for them!
Here’s the whole segment. I had to pause several times going through it because I kept getting so annoyed.
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Clearly, these classist pricks don’t see students (other than at fancy private schools) as people, rather than a form of farm animal whose job is to learn a useful skill and then use it to make people (i.e., wealthy humans) more money until eventually dropping dead.
This is at the root of the problem with conservatives: only their in-group (well-heeled individuals of the right race and everything) are people to them and the rest are “mere” animals, even if genetically H. sapiens. To be treated accordingly: yoked to the wheel or otherwise exploited, if useful; disposed of, in the event they become threatening for any reason; and otherwise ignored and neglected.
@Alan Robertshaw: How the hell did he get in? Had you left something unlocked?
Mine ex-cat, Cleo was a shoulder cat rather than a lap cat. Always the right shoulder. Which is the one with the collarbone I broke years ago which still allows me to forecast precipitation. Having a warm car laying on it putting was better than any painkiller.
Oh sure! Let’s just replace petting small furry animals with violence…that’ll show those damn kids!!!
Beyond this, I have no words…smdh!
@Mimi Haha
My cat is too big to be a shoulder kitty anymore, but on the rare occasions when he sits on my lap, his forepaws and head are on my left shoulder. A few years back when I came home after a week in the hospital, he saw Mr. Parasol leading me into the house, shot Mr. Parasol a dirty “oh, it’s YOU” look, then realized I was home at last. As soon as I made it to the couch, he hopped up and buried his face in my hair. When I finally made my way to bed, he hopped up and snuggled against me, so as to be instantly alerted if I tried to get out of bed.
Mr. Parasol later told me that my cat had stomped around the house looking for me, beat up the other cats for entertainment, and basically demanded that Mr. Parasol produce me RIGHT NOW.
@ Surplus to Requirements
You’re forgetting the part where they are expected to be happy and greatful for it, looking up to the wealthy with respect and admiration
@ Mimi Haha
I have never had a shoulder cat. I tried to get one of mine to do it, but she didn’t want to and jumped to the computer desk. She dug in her claws to do so and that persuaded me not to attempt it again
@Yutolia My daughter and I had pet rats a few years back. Absolutely my favorite pets. Have rabbits now, which are not quite as friendly, but lower maintenance.
My cats are my little furry
overseerscoping mechanisms. Threaten my cats, you threaten me.@ surplus
It’s a bit of a cliche here that no-one locks their doors. Rural life and all that. At that particular place the front door didn’t even close properly. It got a bit draughty, but at least I didn’t have to worry about Radon.
The most embarrassing man from Porlock type event was once when I’d made some stew. I just used to feed Sassy what I ate myself. (In return I did sometimes nick her dog muesli). So I’d put her bowl on the same table and we were eating together. At which point a girl in the village who I really fancied walked in, looked at us, and said “Oh, do you two want to be alone?”
@Yutulia: I have never known a rattie who wasn’t devoted to their human. And they’d be OK with anyone their human told them was OK. The tiny little hands just slay me, as do the whiskers. Glad you have a smol friend now.
We had a shoulder cat in the 90s. He was half Maine Coon, so the floofy tail sticking out one side was very impressive. He had a special meow that he only used when he saw Mr. xn pull into the parking lot. “Daddy’s home!”
Tempting as it is to conclude that the cruelty is the point, I think there’s actually a method to it. They’re priming their voter base to accept the idea that Real Life (TM) must consist of constant, unrelenting misery, and the ability to endure that misery without any wussy snowflake attempts at relief or comfort is the highest virtue they should aspire to. They need to do this in order to keep that base voting for the misery-mongers. As long as the MAGA voters view every hardship (real or imagined) in their lives as a badge of honor, they won’t be tempted to vote for anyone who promises to do something about it.
Considering how fast they turned to violence as the answer, it’s probably for the best that they hate pets.
When you use a round of Mad Libs to figure out what to be angry about today
Huh. There’s a good deal of whining here about conservative speakers not being wanted at colleges. But it’s not “snowflake-y” when they do it, I guess.
@David, you’re lucky your cat only brings you wadded-up Kleenexes. My parents’ dog simply eats them!
@epitome: if you complain about anything other than the most important thing you are a snowflake. But nothing is more important than complaining about people complaining about things that are not the most important. Therefore when they complain about that they are not snowflakes but are being reasonable and rational.
@SpecialFFrog …ah, I see. Those are definitely facts, which do not care about feelings. 🙂
Also, I like how “founding something in a garage” and “petting a cat” are mutually exclusive.
@epitome of incomprehensibility
Also, I like how “founding something in a garage” and “petting a cat” are mutually exclusive.
Natascha Wille’s cats served as nutritional research consultants for her artisanal cat food business: she ground the mice they brought her into mouseburger, which she then submitted to a food lab for nutritional analysis to determine the ideal nutrient balance for her product:
https://tcfeline.com/nutritional-analysis-of-mice/
Hmm…I actually did make it through four years of college without petting any cats on campus. Does that mean I get to start calling myself a Tough Alpha Male, or do I also need to read Josh Hawley’s book next year?
@Alan Robertshaw
What, just walked in without even knocking or nothing? I… I guess I used to think rural life sounded idyllic but now it sounds like a dreadful invasion of privacy that would lead to me thinking my home was being home invaded.
@FlyingSquirrel
Did you cheat and pet any cats off campus?
There were several probably-against-rules-but-nobody-cared pets in my residence at university, including a hermit crab and a bat. The bat was surprisingly friendly and liked to ride around in her human’s shirt-pocket. During the day she slept in the toe of a slipper.
I think this is apposite
https://www.historyrevealed.com/eras/victorians/what-pet-did-lord-byron-keep-at-cambridge-university/
@flying squriel
I took care of my friend parrot for a while. She would say naughty words she learned into my zoom calls when I had class
I lived close enough to go home many weekends, so I still got to pet my childhood kitty too.
@Moon Custafer: Did the bat ever get to fly around? That’s way more interesting than our part-time cat and wandering hamster.
@Elaine: I used to know a guy who had a small, very colorful parrot (maybe a lorikeet?) that rode around on his shoulder. He had it trained to poop on command into a Ziploc, which was fairly impressive.
Couldn’t train it not to spill seeds all over when eating though; he had to pick them up. 🦜
I have subsequently been mansplained at several times that you can’t potty-train birds. I used to see this guy and his birb about 3 weekends a year for at least 10 years, but since I’m only a gurrrl, obviously the evidence of my own eyes was wrong compared to their knowledge from websites. 🙄
Why would anyone ever be like this? Why is it cool for you to walk your dog if it’s not cool for a young adult to pet it?? It boggles the mind.
@moregeekthan, GSS: Ratties are the best!!! I’m glad others understand!