So over on the Antifeminists subreddit, I found this guy, with a very specific set of worries about contemporary women, all of which seem to involve the specter of a man with a large penis and six-pack abs.
A man with a large penis and six pack abs, huh?
In a followup comment, AntinatalismTrue reaffirmed his man with a large penis and six packs theory of female sexuality.
You have to understand that women are far more sexual than men are. Also, you have to understand that women are far more sexual when it comes to men with six pack abs and a decent size penis. If a woman is at a bachelorette party, she is going to cheat, especially if the man in question has a six pack abs and a decent size penis.
Dude, who hurt you? Was it a man with six pack abs and a large penis?
What is this preoccupation with men with six pack abs and a large penis?
Damn, now you’ve got me saying it.
Anyway, I’m now being told this whole “women giving bjs and handies to strippers at bachelorette parties” is a thing in porn. One of the commenters in the thread explains:
I think you’ve been watching that weird Dancing Bear bachelorette party porn too much because they don’t all go out and have sex with dudes …
I wonder how AntinatalismTrue feels about women who order “sausage pizzas” (nudge nudge, wink wink say no more). Or call up plumbers to come by with, er, a big “pipe” (hint, hint) to “fix her plumbing” (say no more). Or when a computer technician comes by her cubicle to “swap out her RAM.”
Wait, that last one might be a real thing. I mean, he may actually swap out her RAM. Or maybe it’s a woman technician, did you think of that you sexist. I can’t operate on that RAM. It’s my son.
In any case, AntinatalismTrue does seem to be an object lesson in what happens with people who think porn clips, even the very silly ones, are documentaries.
I also have a sneaking suspicion that he might be a troll, though a quick glance at his comment history suggests he’s probably at least mostly sincere, maybe.
Either way, fellas, keep a eye out for men with large penises and six pack abs, because obviously they’re up to no good, especially if they’re delivering “sausage pizza” to your RAM.
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The main thing I take from this, besides the apparent inability of Mr. AntinatalismTrue to separate fact from fiction, is that he greatly bemoans his lack of either a set of six-pack abs or a large (or even, as he puts it, ‘decent size’) penis.
You know you’ve lost the plot in these subreddits when even the commenters are all, “Dude. WTF?”
Misogynist types have also argued the opposite, with just as much evidence. From my knowledge/experience, it doesn’t seem likely that any gender is “far more sexual.”
Okay, if he’s still comparing women to men, and assuming there are more straight people than bi/gay/queer ones on average…sure? But who cares?
Ah, I see. He cares. Enough to repeat those words, anyway (I cracked up at David’s commentary) and to add more unfounded claims.
What is the point of this post?
So that’s what I’ve been missing by not getting married? who knew?
Where even are those bachelorette parties? Asking for… let’s say myself.
Now I feel robbed. I played board games with my friends and ate pizza. I had no idea if a man with 6 pack abs and a large penis showed up he’d be forced by the code of the female bachelorette party to have sex with me due to my insatiable desires. Now that I put it like that, his premise either sounds rapey or like men are incapable of being around a woman and not having sex.
Implicit $64,000 question: how do female strippers at bachelor parties get treated?
I have obviously been attending the wrong bachelorette parties.
I think we’re missing the key issue about this party.
Will there be cake?
Remember, Porn gives some very unrealistic ideas to people. For example, how quickly you can get a plumber to arrive…
Mr. Parasol and I didn’t do the bachelor/bachelorette party. We had a potluck with all our friends the day before the wedding. It was fun. They all signed a big poster wishing us a happy marriage. Guess it worked. 🙂
I’ve been to several bachelorette parties in my day, and at absolutely none of them has there been any sexing. Even when strippers were involved. they had six pack abs, but I cannot testify to the largeness of their penises, because they kept their skimpy shiny bikini undershorts on — G strings at minimum. And those can be padded.
You can tell the incels get all their ideas from porn, not from actual women — because they can’t talk to women.
Mostly bachelorette parties are for talking the bride down from her stress over the upcoming wedding, and getting her to not be Bridezilla for a night. Pizza, music, just hanging out being girly (before or instead of the strippers)
What if you’re a girl/woman who hasn’t ever dated anyone? If you attend a bachelorette party, and you hook up with a hot well-hung dude who has an awesome sixpack, who could you have hypothetically cheated on?
@BigKitty
You have cheated on your future husband. I am not making that up.
Based on experience working in a place that had male strippers and hosted a lot of bachelorette parties, sex acts do occur but the majority of the parties go on without them.
@Full Metal Ox
Commonly they have a “driver” who comes with them from the agency or is a friend who helps out freelance. The driver’s main job is to be burly and waiting just outside, which helps to ensure that the punters respect the stated boundaries.
I’m old enough that the first time I heard that “I can’t operate” joke was a real puzzler. You using it like that tickled the hell out of me.
Of course! Beefcake! Sorry I’ll see myself out.
The idea that you would spend thousands on a wedding and then celebrate it by doing something that would cause pain to your partner is bizarre to me. I can’t imagine that most people in a closed relationship would go have sex with a stranger at a bachelor/bachelorette party. I refuse to believe that most people would be that callous and insane.
Webster’s has no entry for p*nises. It suggests “pennis,” which is the plural of a Finnish term:
It also suggests Adonis:
Onelook.com (a dicitonary of dictionaries, yay!) suggests pactum donationis;
And Collinsdictionary.com suggests paganize:
I’m gonna have to go with Adonis, because I can totally see my future wife doing the sex with him (sob).
OK, even by incel standards this Reddit post is gibberish.
I’ve only been to one hen do, when I still thought I was a woman. We four (including the bride) went to a Chinese buffet and then strolled along the seafront to a pub for drinks. I think I fell asleep from exhaustion and boredom. The rest of the party threw crumpled up bits of paper at my cleavage. I’m not really into going to the pub, they’re hot, noisy and often feel unhygienic. The bride did have sex with someone, but that someone definitely didn’t have a six pack abs and a large penis. Her future husband cheated with the same person about six weeks after their wedding…
As far as I can tell, hen dos/bachelorette parties often seem to involve alcohol and suggestive games, but not all of them. I think a game of Settlers of Catan (I’ve just learnt how to play!), pizza, and alcohol-free lime and strawberry cider sounds like much more fun. Especially if leaving early and getting a good night’s sleep in my own bed is acceptable.
Cue “anyone got wood for my sheep?” …
@BigKitty:
What if you’re a girl/woman who hasn’t ever dated anyone? If you attend a bachelorette party, and you hook up with a hot well-hung dude who has an awesome sixpack, who could you have hypothetically cheated on?
@Allandrel:
You have cheated on your future husband. I am not making that up.
But what if you then marry Chad the Chippendale?
@Full Metal Ox
You’re not understanding the incel line of reasoning. Your scenarios could never, ever happen, not in your lifetime and not in anyone’s lifetime.
This is in contrast to the incel assertion: “[T]he woman in question [the bride] is going to have sex with the nearest male who has a big penis and six pack abs.” This line of reasoning is unquestionably correct. As incels say, “AWALT” (all women are like that).
I hope my explanation prevents you from positing any more contrarian, smarty-pants scenarios.