I sort of wrote the whole post already with that headline, huh. Anyway, here’s someone’s dating profile I found on r/facepalm.
Actually I’d like to hear more about that dog. He sounds interesting. Certainly more interesting than his owner.
Anyway, as promised in the tags above, here’s a dating tip:
Do not date this guy.
You’re welcome, ladies!
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Well now we have to talk about vegetables. WTF?
I think we found an unfeeling vegetable of a guy. But I see that the party of family values and morals is just seeking one night stands. Typical.
If you’re going to put down someone else’s IQ, maybe don’t have a glaring typo in the middle of your rant.
And actually, a brief sexual encounter with you sounds much, much more bearable than something more long term.
Oops. Another typo. I’m sure you’re just way too busy to proofread.
Error aside, this statement is fascinating. Ect. must mean “etc.” But what does “etc.” stand for in a list that includes only “feelings” and “vegetables”?
The female orgasm? Basic decency? The tackiness of bragging about your supposed wealth?
“I have unpleasant feelings when I think about Biden, plus-sized people and vegetables. I don’t want to know about your feelings.”
No comment.
The need to wash your ass and other ’emasculating’ basic hygienic practices?
@Kat:
It’s a reference to the famous George Lakoff book,
Always think it’s weird when people use dating profiles as a laundry list of demands. Both men and women can be prone to it and it seems to be a no-self-awareness thing.
Back when I was on Internet dating the one that really stuck out to me was a average looking guy in his forties saying that “Only Way Is Essex types (for those across the pond, a UK version of The Hills/Jersey Shore style program) need not apply”. As if they WOULD.
What’s a normal sized female? Who judges what size is normal for a feeemale? Perhaps there’s a dudebro guidebook with helpful measurements inside, and anything over a certain size is deemed abnormal. No Abby Normal ladies need apply
Only attracted to biological women? Good news, I’m a woman and I’m biological. Or do you mean cis women? Cause now I wanna know how your chromosome detecting senses work, and how you deal with androgen insensitivity and other chromosome weirdness
@BlakeW:
I suspect “normal-sized” means skinny and “skinny” means anorexic. That’s the usual for these types, anyway.
It costs zero dollars to edit one’s own dating profile.
One concerning aspect is the lack of posting their occupation and average annual earning. Entrepreneur of what exactly? What is their business? What products and services do they offer? Where is their website? If one is going to use his profile to scan for men with great financial prospects the lack of information doesn’t provide enough to go for.
For all anyone can know they can range from business owner to stock broker to someone merely claiming to be a businessman. One a second read was the “self emplyed” a typo? Googling that name does not give a company name.
@BlakeW – is Abby Normal a Marty Feldman reference??
Welp, the above fellow is about 93% appalling, datewise, or so I suspect.
The 7% that isn’t appalling is due to the fact that I too have little interest in vegetable discussion, under most circumstances. Especially highly vegetable focused people. (I have yet to personally meet a vegan that I didn’t eventually wind up wanting to throttle.)
Actually, that 7% would have been 14% or so, except that I am very into fermentation, and am perfectly willing to discuss the best ways to scientifically rot plants for future consumption at length.
Is part of the reason this guy’s such a jerk is that — with no feelings or veggies — he hasn’t had a decent crap in years?
Okay so what’s the funniest vegetable? I’ll start with leek. Its very existence is hilarious.
Don’t know about funniest. But celeriac certainly has a classic “face only a mother could love”.
When I was a kid, I would purposefully mispronounce vegetable as “vedjer-tah-bibble”. Also spinach as “spin-dance”, tomato as “tomate-omate”, squash as “squish-squarsh”, banana as “buh-ner-ner” and strawberry as “stramberlee”. Because I was like six and that was somehow funny.
@Snowberry: I guess skinny means easy to push around in their minds. It’s always some crap power game. I’m not sure why they feel the need to dominate all the time
@Lizzie: Yes, Young Frankenstein. Werewolf? There wolf lol
Now now, cut the poor guy a break: it is not uncommon for insecure men to feel very uncomfortable about having anything but the most fleeting involvement with someone whose IQ is much higher than theirs.
(I think using the category “Biden voter” as a proxy for “IQ high enough to make me feel inadequate and uncomfortable” is a bit oversimplistic, but maybe that’s just the pattern he’s noticed in his own experience. Also, let’s face it, if this guy were smart enough to figure out statistically meaningful forms of operationalization, he wouldn’t be feeling so intimidated by the higher IQ of the average Biden voter in the first place.)
@Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Let’s not forget the “Entrepreneur at Self Emplyed”. It is always good to emply yourself in your job.
And also “pleasant personnalities” ? Does his date must have a Dissociative Identity Disorder ?
Did a vegetable hurt this guy?
@Marianne: Maybe he’s holding a petty grudge because at least one of his parents forced him to eat vegetables he didn’t like? I mean, Paul Elam holds a lifelong grudge against his mother for forcing him to take some medication when he was 13, so there are definitely people who are that petty.
@William 46:
Please indicate on this doll where the vegetable touched you.
I’m trying and failing to find the Smithsonian Magazine back issue that described this phenomenon, but in eighteenth-century France, there were vegetables cultivated solely for their prank value: they were small, shaped like worms or snails, and you’d stick them in your guests’ salad for the lulz. (Word must rapidly have gotten around, of course—if their use continued, I imagine it would’ve been as whimsical decorative garnishes.)