Straight cis guys have a lot of theories about female breasts, many of which they are happy to explain at length online, even without being asked. Unfortunately some of these theories are incorrect, sometimes wildly so. Here are six that don’t pass the truth test.
Boobs are just sexy treats for straight dudes and serve no other function.
From r/NotHowGirlsWork and r/BadWomensAnatomy
Breast reduction surgery is misandry.
Found on r/NotHowGirlsWork
Breastfeeding girls makes them lesbians.
From r/facepalm
Breast milk is basically the same as pee; real milk comes from cows.
From r/facepalm
Breastfeeding is child molestation.
From r/facepalm
Breastfeeding transfers all your sins to your baby, while baby formula is basically “the Christ of baby drinks.”
From r/BadWomensAnatomy
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That’s the daftest take on milk I’ve ever seen. And I’m part of a community that equates cow milk to Sarin.
And the Lord said,
“Let there be infant formula!”
Good lordt! I wish I hadn’t read some of. The stupidest thoughts I’m going to see all day. Fortunately the day is almost over, so lease don’t post anything else!🫣
Wow. I have nothing else. Except, well, I breast fed all of my kids and they grew up smart and very healthy.
Indeed, that is why the greatest patriarch of all, God, created breasts: for a gentleman’s sexual pleasure.
They have also been used to keep the infants of the human race alive, ever since the beginning of humans. And before.
As to the unusually endowed woman in the picture leading the article?
That’s probably meant to be Eccentrica Gallumbits of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy fame. As the Guide refers to her…
Just so you know.
Gotta love the way these misogynist creeps think women exist just for them.
It’s funny b/c I never think of Eccentrica Galumbits, but this morning I did, and 8 or 10 hours later, David posts this.
Weird.
It’s Mary from Total Recall. Inspired by Eccentrica Galumbits but legally distinct
Straight men, and lesbians, and bisexuals…
Breasts are loved by many, not just dudebros.
Still, though,this is a hilarious and frightening post.
@YYY:
Yeah. Mary barely gets a half kilometer for her E-Zones.
Don’t tell these guys about the Bible verse where Jesus compares himself to a nursing mother. Or the saint who wrote that we “must suck the milk of grace from the breast of Christ.”
Sheesh.
Never understood the american problem with (woman) nipples.
Breast feeding is molestation ? Wow, so all those poor calves are molested by their cow mothers ? I would not have guessed. And same thing for all mammalians, i suppose.
Well, that may explain why we had to send formula milk to US recently : it is to prevent molestation ! (/s, in case it was not obvious)
So before formula was invented, all babies were breastfed and all baby girls grew into lesbians.
How can they be so stupid?
Imagine a world where female nipples are sexualized to the extent that when they are used for their ancient mammalian function of feeding babies, there will be people perceiving even that as sexual.
Ah wait. That’s this world.
@ occasional reader
Generally calves don’t get to suckle from their mothers.
Male calves are an economic liability, so are killed immediately after birth.
Female calves are usually removed from their mothers shortly after birth. Ironically they are reared on formula. Fresh milk is too valuable a commodity to waste on animals.
Some ethical brands make a point that they don’t separate calves from their mothers until they are a few months old. However they are fitted with anti-suckling devices so they don’t steal the milk.
Nice advert.
https://www.joom.com/en/products/60504d8dbe101801066ea0f4
> Alan Robertshaw
Strange, indeed.
Here, standard butchers (not the ones who just sell meats in supermarkets) sometimes have what we call “Veau élevé sous la mère” (Veal raised “under”(by) the mother), because farms are generally specialised : milk or meat. And those which do meat not in an intensive/industrialised way usually let the veal growing up with the mother (at least for a time). Mind, it is even a marketing point to sell it for more.
So, maybe it depends on the place where the breeding is done.
WOW WOW WOW WOW
Well, if my feline masters are correct, the Other Purpose of Boobs are cat pillows.
So, they’re gonna start giving out Similac at communion?
I am not up on original sin dogma, but wouldn’t a baby and breast milk produced by the same woman be presumed to be isosinful. Therefore the breast milk should have the perfect balance of sinfulness for that baby. I am sure how accurately we can measure sinfulness, so not sure if this would apply to feeding babies on other women breast milk, as the precise level of sinfulness would be difficult to determine.
Exactly! And that is why, for all of human history, rights needed to be withheld from women so that their only option was marriage or starvation. Because otherwise the entire female population, being entirely lesbian, would have only shacked up with other women and humanity would have died out.
Baby formula was created as a desperate attempt to prevent the extinction of the human race once women were foolishly allowed to choose their own romantic partners, so that at least some women would not become lesbians.
/sarcasm
I’ve never nursed, but based on what I’ve heard from friends who have, there is a difference in what a baby does and what an adult partner does when their mouth is on your nipple. For one thing, the baby isn’t really reacting to you the same way an adult partner would – the baby is hungry and the adult is horny. Different approach, different result.
@Victorious Parasol
My wife nursed both of our kids, and another factor in this is that the mammary glands are producing milk, and if they’re not drained, it can get pretty painful, so that’s also part of the whole “difference between a baby and a sexual partner” thing (lactation kinks are a thing, but a having sexual partner doesn’t trigger milk production).
@Gaebolga
That fits with what I’ve heard – when you’re nursing, your breasts aren’t sexy. They’re food bags you’re lugging around for your baby, and they need to be pumped on a regular basis. If that’s anybody’s kink … well, you do you, but most kinksters I’ve known don’t insist that everybody have the same buttons to be pushed.
ETA: And not to ignore the other point: Mastectomies! Also not performed because of anything hetero men think. Unless the hetero man is your oncologist.