Let’s take a break from doomscrolling with (another) little visit to the Land of Magic Sperm, also known as the Semen Retention subreddit.
This time I would like point you to a sort of Magic Semen fairy tale titled “The beauty of a man,” originally posted by someone called 93lionman and reposted a year later by another user, Bakoe_, who described it as “one of the most powerful posts of this subreddit of all time,” which sounds pretty promising, eh?
“Think about the beauty of a beautiful woman,” 93lionman begins.
She probably has big hips, big breasts, nice face, beautiful feet, etc.
Er, feet?
She is physically attractive because she represents life itself. She is alive and she can bring life through pregnancy.
Well, that’s enough about beautiful women. What about “beautiful men?”
A beautiful man, is not necessarily a super model.
Ok, fair enough, men are judged less by their looks than women. And apparently that makes life easier for … (cis) women?
Think about this. Women have it easier at the beginning. They can’t lose life force through orgasm, maybe they desensitize a little through masturbation, but don’t lose nutrients through orgasm.
A little man discovers that he can ejaculate and starts losing important brain nutrients since he is pretty much a child. 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21… how much nutrients did he lose, in comparison to a woman, with every orgasm?
Well, to bring reality into this fantasy for a moment, the answer is not really that much, given that the amount of semen in an average ejaculation is really tiny, with your typical money shot containing somewhere from 5 to 25 calories. Indeed, WebMD says that
even though it’s made of many essential nutrients that you need in your daily diet, it isn’t a good nutritional source due to the small amount of semen produced in one ejaculation.
Basically, you’d have to lose (figurative) buckets of cum before it started to deplete your “life force.”
But apparently the folks at WebMD don’t understand the true magic of semen. 93lionman continues, claiming that excessive masturbation
is why young men feel depressed and want to learn “how to be better” to “attract a woman”. Those girls didn’t lose any nutrients and then do better academically. They are faster mentally, while most men are doing some drug to cope with the lost life through his depleted life force.
“Some drug?” Are we talking multivitamins or meth? 93lionman doesn’t say.
But, once in a time, a special man appears. A man that realizes that he has been losing his life through ejaculation. He looks at himself and says: “No more! Now I’m gonna accumulate my life force! And I will become who I FUCKING REALLY AM!”
Apparently this lively new fellow lives life IN ALL CAPS!
So from now on, this man rejects all shame. This man starts working on himself with the newly adquired energy and confidence.
He obviously isn’t using much of this “adquired” energy to improve his spelling.
This man exhudes pure VIRYA, and is so different to EVERY OTHER MAN, even if he doesn’t have certain physical qualities to make him a supermodel or mega star.
As I understand it, virya basically means vitality. I’m not sure if putting it in all caps makes it more vital.
This man exhudes HIMSELFNESS. This man has adquired a new muscle in his brain, that allows him to PENETRATE life, meanwhile other men are penetrating vaginas or their hand, and ejaculating their life force.
I’m really hoping they’re not literally penetrating their own hands. Because ow.
This man becomes beautiful. Why?
Beautiful means: ” pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically”, ” of a very high standard; excellent”
“Pleasing the senses or mind”
Why would a man that retains his vital force be pleasing to the mind?
Ok, why?
Because people can sense the energy we emit. This means that when we are perceived, they sense our energy, which is made of strong life force which we accumulated through days, weeks, months and hopefully years.
Deep down we all can sense a man that retains his essence: he becomes healthier and more powerful.
Why does this all sound like a lost page of the Dr. Strangelove screenplay?
93lionman continues:
What is the highest standard for a man?
Conquering his blind animal energy, and using it to unify it’s energy with his mental power.
What is a man if he just depletes his life force as an animal would?
Wait, are all the animals out there just wanking it continually like a teenage boy? I mean, chimps do that, but they’re pretty similar to us.
Which reminds me, we’re all animals. Even the beautiful man who doesn’t wank it is also a member of the animal community.
“He is just an animal,” 93lioinman acknowledges.
How does he become “excellent”?
The man that retains and accumulates his life force excels in the animal world.
Most male animals spend all their life essence inside the females and become exhausted. Running horses are kept far from females, because their owners know that if they accumulate their male essence, they will run much faster.
In the same way, a man that retains his life force, adquires a divine quality.
He is just not a mere animal. He holds great power.
But can he outrun a horse? If the world’s wanking men knew that giving up masturbation would enable them to outrun a horse — or at least a semen-depleted horse — we’d soon see horse races in which the horses rode their jockeys. The inventor of NoFap would be given an Nobel Prize. If they could catch up with him to hand it over.
Alas, 93lionman doesn’t even deal with this horsey dilemma. Instead, he asks why the Beautiful Man “is Beautiful.”
What’s more beautiful than life itself? And the man that is most beautiful, is the man with the most LIFE within. The man that retains is FULL OF LIFE.
Full of something, certainly.
Thus, is beautiful.
How is this beauty expressed?
Through the glow in the eyes. Through a body that accumulates essential nutrients and hormones, a vigorized body. Through a mind that can create beautiful thoughts, and has the ability to solve complex problems. Through discipline of learning and working, be it to have economic liability or bodily health. Through a voice that speaks without fear. Through a delightful spirit that walks this earth with the intention of good.
Apparently it doesn’t affect his spelling ability, though.
The man that consciously retains is beautiful, he encompasses life itself in a way that women and children wouldn’t understand, because they don’t have the power of the VIRYA lifeforce which animalistically desires to get out of the body and impregnate.
To be fair, it also would be animalistically happy to get out of the body and into an old sock. Semen really enjoys gushing out of the penis.
So the man that tames this beast, and uses his energy FOR HIS GOALS, his divine goals, is beautiful, and divine.
No. not THAT Divine. The other one.
Follow me on Mastodon.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies on support from you, its readers, to survive. So please donate here if you can, or at David-Futrelle-1 on Venmo.
Both 10cc and The Lovin’ Spoonful chose their band names in answer to that question.
At the risk of TMI, not gonna lie, totally get that.
That is a much better film than its reputation might suggest. It has some amazingly talented people performing at their best, both in front of and behind the camera. And also has Patrick Stewart’s first screen kiss; with Steve Railsback.
Probably not. But if he can swim faster than a horse then in a triathalon it would all come down to who was the better cyclist.
[my emphasis]
I do not think that word means what you think it means. Unless being in debt is a state to be longed for . . .
So according to this line of thinking, women (and children) have an advantage over men because we get to keep our life force inside. And I have yet to see this godlike creature you speak of, so I guess that men must be allowing their life force to escape their bodies all the damn time.
I’m guessing he doesn’t know how much iron a person can lose when menstruating.
Think of a (cis) man who is handsome and intelligent. Does this rando mean to tell me that Obama is a retainer? Spare me.
@K.S.:
I’m guessing he doesn’t know how much iron a person can lose when menstruating.
And which humans risk losing their life altogether in the reproductive process, hmm? (I’m assuming that 93lionman isn’t a praying mantis or an antechinus mouse.)
Why am I thinking of a certain scene in A Boy and His Dog now?
God forbid you lose that couple of Cheetos’ worth of nutrients with every orgasm. 🤣
I don’t think that men who don’t even understand how men work can be relied on to say anything meaningful about women.
And then when a man who doesn’t understand men speaks about women for the purpose of revealing “truths” about men… we’re at least three layers removed from reality now.
We don’t “represent life”. We are not symbols, we are people. Some give birth, others not, but, like people of all genders, we were all born. Born to be alive.
Well, in order to bring life in the way mentioned above, one has to menstruate. Which means a significant loss of nutrients, many struggle with iron deficiency. Also, pregnancy has high nutritional demands. In my country there is an old saying that every child costs a woman a tooth.
Men have life and are active participators, women are representations and symbols. An old classic.
Also, some of his rhetoric actually sound a lot like certain gender essentialist variants of witch religion, but for dudes. Do the MAN men want to be witches now?
Ah, the famous brain muscles… let us not encumber ourselves with basic biology (valid for all the post).
A miserable pile of secrets ?
Don’t we have to produce a plucked chicken or something?
No. When breeders keep stallions apart from mares, it’s to prevent unplanned mating and fights.
I wish these guys would learn to retain their opinions instead of their sperm.
So he becomes a dickhead?
It’s amazing how the writer seems to assume that all men lack confidence and all women have it (dubious reasoning aside). As other commenters have eloquently pointed out, his reasoning is breathtakingly out of touch with reality.
He writes as though he has spent more time alone dreaming up internet posts and trying not to think about wanking than interacting with actual humans.
LIFE?! ITSELF?!
Suddenly recalling a character in the move Big Night, who advises Stanley Tucci (iirc) to “jump up and bite the ass of Life!”
@Occasional Reader
But enough talk, have at you! *throws wine glass*
If you exude himselfness for more than forty-eight hours, please consult a doctor.
I’m Not Reading All That meme needed. Woof, that guy is windy.
Aren’t they all?
And even then, all it would take to replenish it is a few buckets of KFC. We all lose nutrients in various ways (sweat, shed skin cells, etc.) and need to replenish them, and as long as we aren’t living in a place with food insecurity, we usually have little difficulty in doing so.
OT: the pox has reached Ontario now, and not even that seems to be able to dent that fuckhead Ford’s lead in the polls. I’m torn between an impulse to vote NDP (though they’re polling behind the Fiberals) and an impulse to go to the store instead, get a giant tankard of microwaveable popcorn, and spend the next few months eating it all while watching the world burn … this fall’s wildfire and hurricanes season should be especially exciting. :/
The upsetting part is that semen retention can lead to actual medical problems. Like testicular and prostate cancer. Plus the added stress can exacerbate the risk of heart disease. Now even if you lack much sympathy for these guys, there’s something to remember. These guys are making themselves a potentially serious burden on the healthcare system. All for the sake of toxic masculine hocus-pocus. Which is why we desperately need better education in this world. So that future generations at least don’t fall for this crap.
I’ve gotten deeply into Wxuia and its close cousin Xianxia in the last year, Chinese genres that are basically about wandering heroes righting wrongs, falling in love, and having really cool fights. Think Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon if unfamiliar. The translations are often a bit clumsy, sort of like anime in its earlier days, and characters will very frequently talk about their vital force/golden core/[insert other cool sounding translation here] meaning the awesome vitality cultivated from one’s native energy that allows you to do awesome flips and battle demons with swords.
Anyway this guy sounds exactly like a more than usually clutzy translation and I can’t unsee it.
Just what are these guys planning on doing with all this magical energy they’re collecting? I mean, for example, monks from assorted religious traditions practice celibacy in part to get closer to their god(s). Are these retainer guys planning on doing something like getting closer to the Divine with this extra essence? Use all this extra energy to create great Works of Art for all to admire? Figure out how to finally create a perpetual motion machine? Figure out the mathematical equation needed to square the circle? Anything besides preening besides their mirrors? Bueller? Bueller?
OT: Does anyone have any recommendations for an uploading site for a PDF document? Ages and ages and ages ago I told Pavlov’s House that I’d upload an old origami document for him (the Napoleon Figurine one), once I relocated the paper copy I had of it and reconvert it to a pdf again. Took me a good while to relocate the paper copy (it wasn’t where I first thought it was), and create the electronic copy. Now I’d like a good spot to store the pdf so I can link to it here and on my long-neglected blog for anyone who wants to download it.
Any recommendations?
VIRYA is not a recognised word in Wordle
@Trying: I was thinking of George Clooney in his prime. Doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who’d pass up an opportunity to, y’know, back when he was The Sexiest Man Alive.
Even now with a couple of kids, he’s still got a smart, hot wife and a great career, and I’m pretty sure the kids came from, y’know.
> Schnookums Von Fancypants, Naughty Basic Horse
Thanks, i feel less alone on that one. 🙂