“Ejaculating outside a vagina is cheating against nature,” and other uninsightful insights I found in the Semen Retention subreddit

I‘ve been rooting around in the Semen Retention subreddit again, and the insights I’m gaining about the wondrous power of my precious bodily fluids … well, they’re actually pretty terrible and I’m fairly certain that none of them are true.

But what do you think? Here are some of the I’m -pretty-sure-untrue things I learned today from the subreddit I’m still a little addicted to.

From this post:

The orgasm is a physical sacrifice that requires you to temporarily sacrifice your own higher mental faculties for the creation of another life. Mother nature never intended for it to be anything other than a tool for creating new life. It’s a massive nervous shock to your system and should not be looked at as a fun-button. 

To be fair, it’s a lot more like a joystick than a fun button.

There’s something to be said for the connection and intimacy of sex with other people, but there’s absolutely nothing to be gained from masturbating. It’s like watering your driveway instead of your garden.

I don’t know about you, but I go to great lengths to avoid watering anyone’s garden (so to speak) when I have sex. That’s what condoms are for. Well, one of the things.

[W]e’re at the point in our evolution now where we don’t need to focus on reproducing as furiously as possible because we might get eaten by tigers or something.

Speak for yourself. One of my cats is definitely trying to eat me. Or at least my hair.

[E]very orgasm that doesn’t result in the creation of a life is theoretically nothing more than a waste of vital fluids that could have gone to better use … .

As what? Like glue?

Various other illnesses and negative events in the world can also be traced back to people who have chosen to waste their vital fluid as often as they’ve felt like it.

Big [citation needed] for these claims.

I’m not saying every single negative event is a result of this, but when you look at the benefits of sexual abstinence, it only makes sense that wasting your vital fluid would have the opposite effect on people, and it does. It makes us less than we can be. …

Orgasm is the polar opposite of human optimization. It’s giving away your vital resources to create another life.

Don’t worry, buddy, you can make more. Oh so much more. But we’ll get to that in a minute.

Next post:

The male fruit flies expend lots of their resources (energy and time) in pursuit of virgin female fruit flies. As a result, they have less energy for self-maintenance and growth/development. The trade-off is the benefit of sexual success and the cost of a shorter lifespan.

I suspect that this ecological principle of “trade-offs” is not much different with humans.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that the main thing I have in common with fruit flies is that I like eating fruit.

Your body may keep telling you that … frequent sexual pursuit is necessary and rewarding, because your endocrine system doesn’t know the difference between your hand and a vagina.

Luckily my brain does. Isn’t that enough?

Another post:

Semen is the human equivalent of creation unmanifest, the key to our godly nature.

It doesn’t only manifest itself as a fluid but with it is our spiritual essence. In a sense, it is something magical or divine.

Yeah, dude. I don’t think I’m going to be attending your church any time soon.

You will notice that everything around you craves to have this cosmic force. …

You will be contacted, harassed by supernatural entities, you are more likely to have confusing sleep paralysis and perhaps succubi will come to steal your precious seed through nocturnal emissions.

“Perhaps succubi.”

There are powers working against humanity, who want people to be apathetic, lazy, addicted, sleepy, fearful, hateful, uncontrollable, lustful, perverse, degenerate. People like me want you to realize that you actually have the power to control and change yourself for the better. But they don’t want you to know that. They want you to think that you are an animal with urges and feelings that shouldn’t be suppressed or changed. So that they can manipulate and keep you in prison.

The masturbate-from-time-to-time prison.

Low spirits and demons will be attracted to you for they feed from your sperm vapors like food. With your depressed mind and weak condition, these entities will slowly gain the power to influence you.

Really hoping I’m not reeking of sperm vapors. That would be embarrassing!

I am not recommending you become celibate. It is not that bad if you ejaculate in your wife. Because at the moment of ejaculation your are not focusing on a fantasy, wasting your energy creating an addictive thought form. But you are actually exchanging energy with your wife.

As long as your penis is in her vagina, it is not nearly as worse as masturbating to fantasies.

So should dudes just stick their dicks in the wives and leave them there? It’s a lot harder to masturbate when your dick is completely inside of another person.

But if we do masturbate, apparently we should use only softcore porn, like Playboy, and none of those nasty videos you can find so easily online. Or so I’ve heard.

When you succumb to the sexual desire replace the filthy fantasy by a picture of some beautiful naked woman. Be in high spirit, just focusing on her beautiful body and keep your mind clear from any other fantasies. It will be boring but it is highly beneficial that you stop losing your life force to the sick fantasies that addict you.

When you simply ejaculate to a photo of a boring naked woman, you still suffer loss of your creative sex force, but prevent yourself from feeding your addictive fantasies and moral degeneration. 

This seems like kind of a big loophole in the whole NoFapping/no porn philosophy. But who am I to judge?

Anyway, here’s Wonderwall one more post:

[E]jaculating outside a vagina is cheating against nature, I mean think about it, we want to get the pleasure and reject the purpose for it, we take our dicks off before ejaculating, the pleasure of orgasm is meant to mean that your body is happy achieving it is Mission of spreading its genes,

What was that bit about taking your dick off? I really hope I don’t have to do that.

animals do not do that it is not wasting there seed like this but rarely.

Uh, monkeys masturbate. Dogs hump legs. Dolphins apparently enjoy getting jerked off from time to time. (Or so I’ve read.) I knew someone in college who once had a summer job jerking off, I think it was pigs. Plenty of animals out there “wasting there seed,” sometimes with human help.

Also, what about all the countless sperm cells that don’t make it to the egg? Are they wasted too? And what about anal sex and gay sex and blowjobs? Is the only way to avoid “wasting seed” to have unprotected vaginal sex with a human in which you only let loose one sperm cell at a time? Because I’m pretty sure you can’t do that.

And what if the one hypothetical sperm pooped out and failed in his mission? Heck, what if you send a giant army of sperm swimming up her hoo-ha and none of them get into the egg. Because that’s what happens most of the time, even without birth control.

I’m pretty sure the reason that evolution gave us male animals the ability to create so, so much seemingly excess sperm is because it’s planning for this sort of failure. It’s not against nature to spill some seed on the ground; it’s basically expected.

Sperm is plentiful and cheap; there’s no benefit to hoarding it. Whatever “gains” no fappers get from not fapping are alnost certainly nothing more than the placebo effect at work, and virtually everything posted on the assorted semen retention forums you can find online is simply wrong, if not an outright lie. There are more things in heaven and Earth, semen retainers, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

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