Attention men! Sure, you’re already stretched thin and squeezed out by your rent or mortgage payments. But if you want to be a real man, you’re going to need a second house in which you can be your masculine selt without any interruptions from naggy women trying to make you all girly.
At least according to this dude, a Kenyan health and fitness guru of some sort who has somehow managed to garner himself more than 770 thousand followers on Twitter.
And always remember not to drain your body of its precious bodily fluids.
As it turns out, Eric here has a lot of thoughts on the general topic of women and their allegedly emasculating ways.
ALWAYS GUARD YOUR SEEDS!
And don’t let her beguile you with her carrot.
Be wary of love.
Also, never blink in the presence of a lady.
Eric also has some strong feelings about … tomato sauce.
I don’t think “tomato sauce” is code for anything else — like the woman’s “carrot” a couple of tweets ago — he’s just really pissed off at tomato sauce. I guess I can respect that, even if I respect nothing else about him.
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I recall coming across a terrible book called ‘the alphabet of manliness’. I’m assuming OP meant something like that.
@Once, Twice, Three Times an Otter
Outrageous. These men need their sex on demand.
Unacceptable. Women must be always slender and always hungry.
Preposterous. You’ll follow the patriarchal religion that your father followed.
Out of the question, ladies. You will stick to enduring rape by your husbands.
Nonsense. You are here to serve men. Never forget that.
Certainly. A grown man has no responsibility to anyone other than himself. Responsibilities are for those who are best suited to dull lives: women.
Unseemly and highly inappropriate. Never criticize a man’s choices.
@Full Metal Ox
According to a friend/former coworker who’s seen a lot more posts about it than I have- partly because she’s a mom of three, the Moral Panic coming out of the Conservative Outrage Machine is howling indignation because they claim it’s “grooming” children to be interested in the Furry community, which the outrage-posters apparently think exists ONLY in it’s more sexualized context.
@Otter Troll
By all means, please Go Your Own Fucking Way already and stop whining about women.
@Queen of harpies
I am going my own way, it just so happens to converge where you’re at right now. Going your own way and standing up against the injustices heaped upon men by your sex are not mutually exclusive.
I smell yet another armchair legal eagle. Or maybe it’s a legal beagle. Perhaps it’s a legal seagull?
@A One-time Otter:
@Victorious Parasol:
I smell yet another armchair legal eagle. Or maybe it’s a legal beagle. Perhaps it’s a legal seagull?
…Legal Sméagol? (The Tolkien character, not the South Pacific sea slug genus [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smeagol_(gastropod)]—who show every sign of minding their own business (and, interestingly, manage to get by without sex chromosomes.)
@Full Metal Ox
Either way, we’re talking about a small slimy creature. Though I was probably too generous when I called the One-time Otter an armchair lawyer. On the other hand, he does exemplify the old saying about pounding the table.
Hey, Alan? Does the British legal community have the saying about pounding the law vs pounding the facts vs pounding the table?
@Victorious Parasol
I’ve hardly posted more than three comments on this site, where do you get off with all this “he likes to pound the table” stuff? And where do you get off calling me small and slimy?
@dumbass otter
Because otters are small slimy. Thank you for playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes.
@ Vicky P
I do sometimes reference that one in the advocacy training. Although as a caveat; I’m very much a fan of no drama llama lawyering.
One I use a lot is “A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.”
That obviously has a cynical origin, but I also think it is valuable advice. By which I mean, monitor the judge, watch body language, welcome judicial intervention etc. It’s all useful feedback. You need to build a rapport with a judge and, more importantly, know what approaches do and don’t work with them.
I guess we should be impressed that an otter has access to Julia Roberts films?
Thanks, Alan! I don’t know that I’ve heard the one about knowing the law vs knowing the judge before, but I can see what you mean.
Otter, I’m assuming you’re unfamiliar with the saying Alan and I are referring to, so here’s what we’re talking about: “If you have the facts on your side, pound the facts; if you have the law on your side, pound the law; if you have neither the facts nor the law, pound the table.”
With the comments you’ve posted so far, you’ve demonstrated an ignorance of facts and of logic, but you’ve displayed a good deal of strutting and posturing. Remarkably economical of you, though you may wish to indulge in a little self-reflection. You’ve asserted generalities about women (and indirectly about people) as if they are axiomatic, and portrayed yourself as standing up for “injustice.” You object to how I described you. Consider, please, that whatever ego-prick you felt is akin to what some people feel when they read what you have written.
@Elaine
Otters are not slimy, they are wet, Learn the difference. Have you ever washed your hair before? That’s not slime, it’s water.
@Victoriose Parasol
It’s hyperbolic, but it has some truth in it – if not for women, that movie/book would never have achieved the popularity it did. Men are not the sort for that – they consume media geared towards heroism and saving the day, which is reflective of their innermost characters. Women subsist off of intellectual and spiritual junkfood, most of which is entirely self-serving pap that exists to bolster their fragile egos and fulfill wishes that they don’t deserve to see come true in a million years. It was used as a counterpoint to all the bugwumple about men being bla bla bla because we (the sex that, in all likelihood, built the second house) need space away from the feminizing effects of the so-called “fairer sex” in order to retain our edge and creative juices. Women just want pizza and hotdicks.
@A One-Time Otter
Well. I figured you were going to double down on the posturing and strutting, but I didn’t expect you to add some blatant pronoun without antecedent errors. The “citation needed” errors and heteronormativity were expected, alas. I get the feeling that you’re extremely isolated/sheltered and haven’t met very many people whose backgrounds are different than yours, and you’ve built up an idea of the world based on your own limited experiences.
Honestly, at this point it’s easiest to pity you. But I’ll add in the hope that someday you’ll step outside of your comfort zone and learn that the world is not as narrow or as dull as the inside of your head.
@FMOx: Wouldn’t the arguments between Smeagol and Gollum be like unto the process of lawyering, in a way? Adversarial, dealing with right and wrong. Thank you for the learning about gastropods.
Speaking of legal drama, I am tickled that OG “Law & Order” (dun dun) is back. It is completely, utterly predictable, and that’s really comforting these days. Sam Waterston’s eyebrows continue to give good advice.
Tomato sauce made from tomatoes from one’s garden is the best. Nothing artificial to worry about. As for the rest of this nonsense, I’m not gonna.
@dumbass otter
Bro I’ve fed and held otters before. Their slimy. But nice try.
@swimming mammal, the sliminess of which is currently being debated:
Ah, I see. So “media geared towards heroism and saving the day” is not wish fulfillment to bolster fragile egos. It is meant to inspire men onwards to greater heights of achievement, surpassing anything that puny women can aspire to with their vapid minds and fragile, delicate bodies. Thank you for the elucidation, O mighty intellectual.
@Otter Troll
Damn, you are boring. If you’re gonna waltz into a blog for mocking misogynistic douchebags like yourself, maybe take into account the fact that we’ve already dealt with dozens of your kind before and at least put a little effort into it. If you have nothing to offer but the same tired old sexist cliches that you literally pull out of your ass, then by all means, fuck off to your little safe space away from the mean evil ladies oppressing you with their facts and logic.
Sheds are a thing, a ‘manly’ place where you can pretend to be doing ‘manly’ stuff while actually napping after reading The Sun, while waiting to be told your Sunday dinner is dished up.
@Queen of the Harpies
Otter’s waltz reminds me of an anecdote I heard a few years back. I’m having to rely on memory here, but … Ayn Rand, the novelist self-proclaimed philosopher had been invited to speak at an Ivy League student union – Harvard or Yale, I think. Anyway, she gave her lecture on Objectivism, and sat back, waiting to be hailed as their new hero.
Only, of course, she’d misjudged her audience. The students did what uni students tend to do. They engaged with her ideas and asked for clarifications or asked about gaps in logic that they’d spotted or whatever. Rand was really not prepared to debate her ideas with the students. She’d grown comfortable with interviews by members of the press and with lectures attended by those already interested in Objectivism. When it came to the real rough ‘n tumble marketplace of ideas, she couldn’t really cope. Not that she framed it that way. Nope. The fault was not in her or in Objectivism. The fault was in the students who had the audacity to apply their critical thinking skills to her ideas.
One of these days I’ll probably stumble across the article where I learned about this bit of Rand history, but in the meantime, enjoy the snarking of Cobra Commander, who took aim at Atlas Shrugged:
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/daylightatheism/series/atlas-shrugged/the-cobra-commander-dialogues/
@North Sea Sparkly Dragon
I can never think of sheds without remembering Sir Pterry’s The Shepherd’s Crown, especially since we’re in that time of year when we’re remembering his death and looking forward to the Glorious 25th of May. Pardon me while I wander off to sing about angels and how they rise up.
Having separate houses is a way to ensure even distribution of domestic labor. The illustration in the OP shows what that probably looks like in practice. But the guy who suggested the practice no doubt takes it for granted that the woman would maintain both houses, though.
Can confirm: I dated a man while we worked together and subsequently married him, and he gets terrorismed all the time.