Vaginas can be a bit confusing, for those who don’t have them and even for some who do. That doesn’t stop some of the most confused men from confidently offering up their dubious wisdom on the subject, often in online conversations with actual vagina-havers. Call it Vaginasplaining.
Here are a few recent examples of this curious phenomenon; I found them by perusing Reddit’s BadWomen’sAnatomy and NotHowGirlsWork subreddits.
Vaginas can detect when a new dick enters them, and each one causes her to age six months.
Dude, the clit and the vagina are NOT THE SAME THING. Also, vaginas don’t work like that.
Dudes with big dicks knock a woman’s “pleasure spot” into the farthest reaches of the vagina, where no small dick can go.
Women can simply squeeze themselves like a toothpaste tube to push all of their icky period stuff out. Ts da! No more period.
Vaginas adapt themselves to the shape of every dick that enters them on a regular basis, like memory foam.
Dudes, is it too much to ask for you to just shut up when you clearly know nothing about the subject at hand? I guess it is.
Follow me on Mastodon.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies on support from you, its readers, to survive. So please donate here if you can, or at David-Futrelle-1 on Venmo.
Wow! According to a couple of these dudes, vaginas are TARDISes. Bigger on the inside and a time machine to boot!
The world is rather sucky today, but don’t worry, women can excuse themselves while they go shag into next week.
I’m reminded of the ex who I had this conversation with:
Me: I have a cold *sniffle*
Ex: Aww, is your vagina snotty?
Me: No, I just….wait, what?
Anyway, I’m really curious about that #SEXO hashtag. Typo? Weird new MRA hashtag? Dude simply too immature to write the word “sex”? It’s a mystery!
Whoever made the memory foam comment deserves an internet.
I think I’ve seen all of these cliches in hentai. On the one hand, misinformation isn’t good, but on the other hand, I suppose anything that keeps these weirdos away from real vaginas (and their owners, and women without vaginas) is a net positive.
@kupo
The post with the #SEXO looks like it was auto-translated, so maybe the hashtag just didn’t get translated by the auto-translated software? I know “sexo” is sex in Spanish, for instance.
@Muscovy Duck
That makes sense. Twitter doesn’t translate hashtags, so Facebook (I assume by the look?) probably doesn’t either.
I think the memory foam vagina guy may be telling on himself.
Is this sex, or the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald?
Lucky me, I have never put eggplant anywhere but in my mouth.
May I recommend the Scarleteen site for genuine information about bodies, sex, relationships etc to anyone reading this site who maybe didn’t get any sex education at school or who wants to check out something they have been told about bodies and sex that doesn’t seem right to them.
Buttercup – Clearly a reference to the movie Titanic.
OT: Has anyone read the latest Basic Instructions yet? It covers seeing things in a new light, with an example I’m all too familiar with: realizing something presented as romantic in a work of fiction was actually really creepy.
https://www.basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2022/3/1/how-to-see-something-in-a-whole-new-light
@TB Tabby
Urgh, all too familiar.
I know vaginas smelling of fish is a thing, see eg. traditional blues songs, but picturing the clitoris/vagina as a hunk of dead fish is taking another step in proving you don’t have a clue what any of them are like.
@Lumipuna – These are indeed the sort of guys who proceed full steam ahead, heedless of iceberg warnings.
I think we should all start referring to the bottom of the sea as “Davy Jones’ G-spot”.
I saw this one today
@LouCPurr:
…her clothes expose[d] her buttocks and [cervix] area.
It’s well within physiological possibility for her clothing to have exposed her neck. (A thought prompted by the time I visited a chiropractor complaining of pain in the cervical area; her initial response: “New boyfriend?” Ma’am, think a moment: if it’d been that cervical area, would I have brought it to you or a gynecologist?)
#3: Yet another case of a dude starting out a statement where he seems to have caught on to the truth, and then turning around to find a reason why the fact she doesn’t like having sex with him* isn’t his fault.
*And seriously, dude, why are you having sex with her if she doesn’t like it??? Fine, I know why, it’s because having a small dick (in your own estimation) doesn’t protect you against being a huge one.
@LouCPurr: I LOL. That’s a really bad prolapse if true. Or, more likely, the cop was also one of those guys who doesn’t know female anatomy. (I wonder if the Vagisil Bandit I met was more clued-in) (see Nick A thread for those details)
@Jazzlet: IIRC, they only smell like fish if they’re infected. And Mr. SEXO wasted a lot of perfectly good salmon to get that terribly inaccurate picture.
@TBTabby: ugh, too true.
Man, I wish that toothpaste idea was true. I bet every woman in the history of the world would have wished it was true.
For something they want to get inside of so badly, they sure don’t know a lot about it.
I think “vagsplaining” has a better ring to it and is shorter.
BadWomen’sAnatomy is both a great source of humor and a horror show. And I thought I used to be ignorant. Some of those entries give me nightmares.
Does “Reverendo” just go down a list of random ladyparts and pick one out? Not only is what he’s trying to say stupid, he can’t even get the right body part. (Yet he talks about the “devil’s bell” as if he has some idea… Does he think they’re fused together into one… flesh thingy?)
Dear Twitter Moron (#2), still having trouble finding the mythical g-spot, eh? Here’s a hint: Go up, not forward.
@Banananananana dakry
IKR? They’d be super indignant if we started “dicksplaining” to them, but they don’t even know the names or proper locations of any ladybits beyond “wet hole I can shove my sausage into” while calling themselves “experts”.
Reverendo’s interpretation of cis female anatomy makes sense if he’s been dating hyenas (although hyena pseudophalluses still aren’t made of sardines.)
Christian anti-masturbation weirdos sometimes identify the clitoris as “Devil’s doorbell”. However, in fact Devil doesn’t answer the doorbell any more due to frequent pestering by Jehovah’s Witnesses.
@Lumipuna: Considering how much more visible penises are, they must be… I dunno… the Devil’s doorknocker? 🙂