Here’s a fellow with new take on the old slogan “gas, grass or ass.”
The one thing that makes this a little more bearable is the virtual certainty that he has never gotten a positive response to this Tinder profile.
H/T — r/NiceGuys; I disguised the guy’s face in the pic.
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I wonder if any man has responded to this. That would be a big surprise for him.
(Above only applies if he’s straight, of course — or closeted.)
All I can think about is how absolutely unsafe it would be to distract a driver by giving them a blowjob…
@bumblebug:
Also, teeth + speedbump = danger
@bumblebug, @moggie
this is an old reference, but you’ve reminded me of THAT scene in The World According to Garp. Yikes.
Yes, I had Garp in mind (though I didn’t enjoy the book).
@Moggie, I read it a long time ago and honestly I have no idea what I’d think of it now. That specific scene is lodged in my memory though, for obvious reasons.
I’ve also just realised that Tinder guy appears to be from my city, and one of the unis I teach at. How wonderful 🙁
I thought of Garp, too. His passenger wouldn’t be able to wear a seatbelt, she’d be draped over the center console and gearshift, and he’d be distracted and speeding, trying to make it to the destination as fast as possible so he could claim his prize. What could possibly go wrong?
He just wants a really cheap sex worker. Either that, or he has some misguided notion that women should debase themselves in exchange for minimal human decency.
He’s just asking for someone to deliberately use full bite force, isn’t he, speed bumps or no?
@Buttercup: I hope it’s an automatic transmission, although there’s still a shifter and maybe an emergency brake to deal with… so that’s not any better, is it?
@Mish: good thing David gave the guy’s face a swirly so you won’t recognize him if you see him. Hopefully he’s graduated and won’t bring his ickiness back to campus.
Why choose just one, when you could ride an ass that frequently stops to eat grass and release gas?
Bumpy ride but that cat is the cutest driver ever. Also, very focused on the road.
Things Which Should Be Kept Between You and Your Significant Other.
Someone is unfamiliar with “American Gods.”
@GSS – And who knows what else the front of his car is littered with…sticky Slurpee cups, gross used tissues, chip wrappers, stray Legos, mall swords, extra pointy WoW figures. Probably a good idea to be up to date on tetanus shots.
He might get some attention from those curious about cannibalism?
Keep your mind on the driving and your hands on the wheel 🎵🎶
I bet that is his favourite fantasy, and he REALLY enjoyed putting out into the public. And I will give him marks for creativity as it is open-ended and he can explore all the various endings in his musings. I don’t think speedbumps or traffic safety have much room in his fantasy world.
But still, keep it in your own brain, as a random stranger I don’t like being used as an audience for your sexual fantasies.
Yuck!!
Nor is it even an original fantasy (very few are); I remember an old junior-high “gotcha” joke about a (male) hitchhiking hippie who agreed to fellate the trucker who picked him up; the truck hit a bump and he banged his head on the…uh…uh…(At which point the listener would supply something like “steering wheel?” and the teller would retort, “Oh, you blow truckers too!”)
@Covered in Cat Hair (love your nym!) – The unwillingness of the audience is probably part of the turn-on, for him. It’s verbal exhibitionism.
What makes it especially gross is the way it starts off semi-reasonably, as a Nice Guy(tm) altruistically offering to help women in need, and then quickly turns into a Penthouse Forum letter. These guys see women in a vulnerable situation and don’t think “how can I help them be safe” but “how can I turn this to my advantage?” (See: frat house parties since time immemorial)
I’m sure he got matches with at least one of the crypto/gold/Forex scammers.
Ew. Just advertize your kink on a hook-up app, dumbass.
I am unfamiliar with “Gas, grass, or ass”, what does that refer to?
@Trying
Dammit, beaten to the American Gods reference.
@ Queen of the Harpies
The idea is that the hitchhiker or person getting a ride has to trade one of the three things: Gas, as in gasoline/petrol, or perhaps money for the vehicle, Grass, as in pot/marijuana, or Ass, some form of sexual favor.
Commonly said as some variation of “Hey, nobody rides for free in this car. Gas, grass, or ass.”
In this case though, our friend has announced his particular preference.
I don’t know where I first heard it, but I do recall a movie with Lucy Liu as a vampire who offers a ride to a hitchhiker, references the saying and tells him he is lucky because he is getting ass, then kills him. (She was a “good” vampire, who questioned him to see if he had a family first and felt bad about killing him.)
“Gas, grass, or ass. No one rides for free” was a bumper sticker I saw a lot in the ’70s.
As long as that tabby can see over the dashboard and has pedals modified so his adorable back feets can reach them, I’m riding with Fluffikins instead.
@.45
Thanks for explaining. Guess it’s just an older saying that isn’t really common around here. Coincidentally, I spent most of my life begging rides from people. Otherwise I’d just have to hike everywhere, or occasionally take a bus, not sure which was worse. The vast majority of people who gave me rides were friendly and even accommodating, such as turning down their music a bit so I wouldn’t go deaf before I reached my 20s. Of course, I was smart and relied on people I knew or were close to my age group, instead of taking rides with murdertruckers, so nobody ever propositioned me.
@GSS
I think we would all rather ride with Fluffikins than this sleazebag.
I am constantly amazed by men who want (cheap) sex worker services but never from actual sex workers themselves.