Incels certainly have vivid imaginations, whether they’re looking at the present, reinventing the past or imagining the future.
Today, an old posting from a regular on Incels.is called mericks that sketches out his fantasy of a utopian (for incels) future world of 2050 in which incels are finally given their due, by which he means virgins for “oldcels,” government-issued girlfriends for “youngcels” and Nuremberg trials for Chads.
In merick’s future world things don’t start out quite so rosy for the incels.
The year is 2050. The last four decades have been tumultuous for the west – the isla vista massacre in ’14, the joker riots of ’22, the battle of Tampa in ’30, the incel concentration camps in California. The CHAD act was passed in ’28 declaring that all male virgins above the age of 16 are no longer considered humans, and thus can be legally killed, tortured or eaten like animals.
Dude, trust me, no one wants to eat your stank ass.
Thankfully, the 2040’s turned out to be a decade of understanding as both sides laid down their weapons and instead turned to diplomacy. A mutual understanding was reached and both sides agreed to create a better society through diplomacy, not violence.
A “better society” for merick means one in which incel sexual fantasies all come true at once as girls and women lose their basic bodily autonomy.
Now a new morning dawns as the 2050s begin. Young women allow oldcels the oppurtunity to be the first to defile their pure virginal bodies as reparations for the sins of their parents. It doesn’t make up for the decades of denial and torment, but its the best that can be done and the oldcels are greatful.
I’m sure the virgins are thrilled to be “defiled” by old dudes.
Nuremburg-style tribunals are conducted, not just to mete out punishment for those who participated in the incel concentration camps, but also to decide a fair punishment for all chads for their crimes against humanity dating back as far back as the 1990s.
It’s always about “retribution” for these guys.
Youngcels are put into counseling, not concentration camps, and they’re encouraged to speak openly about their experiences getting friendzoned by stacies.
You know, incels., you can put yourselves into counseling right the fuck now, and talk about the alleged evils of friendzoning all you want, or at least until you finally realize that “friendzoning” is not really a thing.
At the age of 16, all youngcels are given government-issued girlfriends to ensure that the incel crisis never builds up to the boiling point it did before.
The perennial incel daydream of sexual “redistribution.”
It’s a new age of acceptance for the incel. There’s even talk in Washington that America may be electing its first incel president in 2052 – but we won’t know for sure until after the election.
It’ll be Barron Trump, won’t it.
H/T — Thanks to waldorsockbat onn the Incel Tear subreddit for digging out this several-year-old incel fantasy.
Follow me on Mastodon.
Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.
We Hunted the Mammoth relies on support from you, its readers, to survive. So please donate here if you can, or at David-Futrelle-1 on Venmo.
Wait, if everyone gets a government issued girlfriend, how would anyone still remain incel long enough to still be one at age 35?
Ah, I can see a flaw in his plan though.
So that’s 2028.
But, if we killed humans at the same rate we kill animals, we could get through the entire population of the Earth in 17 days.
So to get rid of the entire male population would take slightly less than half of that time; and based on their usual claims about the 80/20 beta/chad ratio, then we’re talking about only four and a half days or so to kill all the non chads.
So how can there even be a ‘both sides’ 12 years later? The other side has all been eaten.
I don’t think he’s thought this through.
Although I am now wondering if there’s a market for plant based incel substitutes?
@Alan
My veggie garden wants to know if it can sue you for defamation. The leeks are being especially loud and indignant.
National Archives Requests DOJ Inquiry Into Trumpās Mishandling of Documents
https://truthout.org/articles/national-archives-requests-doj-inquiry-into-trumps-mishandling-of-documents/
“But her emails!”
Excuse me, I have to throw up…
Also, why is everyone straight in that made-up story? What about the “government-issued girlfriends” who are more into girls? What about the incels who want a boyfriend? Do the government assign them an official partner?
OK, that made me laugh quite a bit. Thank you. The webcomic Oglaf (which is very NSFW) has already provided us with the perfect marketing for plant-based substitutes:
Dudes. Mein Kampf was not meant to be fap fodder.
@Battering Lamb
I still need to get me a Lizard of Guilt plushie.
Won’t happen if it’s a market based culling, because, as David noted, nobody wants to eat incels. Probably not even if there was a vegan revolution* in the 2020s and eating incels became an alternative for conventional animal produce.
(Vegan revolution is the only revolution that doesn’t eat its own)
Yes, of course, Nuremberg trials for Chads. Because Chads have committed genocide against incels. In this case, genocide means “by virtue of good looks and a buff body, made an incel sad.”
Holy shit, people! Because of the boxes of shit Trump illegally hid at Mar-a-Lago, under 18 USC Ā§2071 he can be barred from ever again holding federal office!
The only flaw I can see in this plan is, how do we breed enough Stacies to fulfil the need for government issue girlfriends? For these young men should certainly never settle for a mere Becky. I imagine something along the lines of Saruman’s production line of Urak Hai will solve the problem.
@Alan Robertshaw:
https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2022/jan/30/how-science-is-uncovering-the-secrets-of-stonehenge-british-museum-nebra-sky-disc-
Thank you ever so much for posting that Surplus!
The Salisbury Plain landscape is one of my favourite places. One of the best things about when I did the courts martial work was I could get them listed at Bulford Camp. So as soon as we’d finish for the day I’d be able to head out exploring. And I always drive back from London via the A303; just so I can drive past Stone(notactuallya)henge. Even though I prefer driving at night so I can’t even see it. But I know it’s there.
I love the Nebra Sky Disk too. The main bit of gold came from the Carnon River. You may remember a while back I posted some photos of how polluted it was from the heavy metals, and then that natural clean up scheme using all the plants. My favourite pub overlooks the exact spot where they’re pretty sure the gold was extracted. So it’s nice to sit by the by the river thinking of all those years of continuity with the landscape.
The Disk was also the subject of some art law related litigation. The argument was that, as IP rights last 70 years from the death of the creator, it was probably out of copyright by now. That argument succeeded; but it has been registered as a trademark (you can register a design as a trademark even if you don’t have the IP rights; cf the Banksy case)
@ battering lamb
Oh my! I was looking for a t-shirt for this year’s animal rights march; and I think that has to be it!
Speaking of IP law, I wonder how cool Oglaf will be about be swiping that design?
So this is somewhat OT, but, F**K New Hampshire! Seriously, what do they put in the water? See also the Mensrights Subreddit, Self immolating MRA, and more. Now people are saying out loud, in public, that we need a law putting all rights to abortion in hands of the male biological contributing party.
And SERIOUS F**K bill sponson Jeffrey Greenson, R-Windsor. Please feel free to send him that sentiment yourself!
[email protected]
PO Box 130 Wentworth, NH 03282
603-271-3661
https://www.vnews.com/New-Hampshire-committee-hears-3-anti-abortion-bills-45008650
https://www.yahoo.com/news/social-conservatives-seek-doubling-down-005100607.html
Wow. It’s truly disturbing how this fantasy plays out…and how clearly it reveals that the only two groups that matter to the writer are “incels” and “chads.” Chads, of course, matter less and are due for inhumane forms of punishment. Everything else in society should become the property of incels. Vomitrocious dystopia.
@Alan: Dunno. I bought it from their online store, wasn’t too expensive but I don’t live in a country that brexited. Regrettably, most of the people I hang out with were too young or not internet-savvy enough to be familiar with Soylent Green. They got the gist but not the joke, so to speak. They though it was aboutthose ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’ commercials. š
@Queen: Yes. I need a lizard of guilt. It’s cuter than the Shame Orb (similar concept, different webcomic).
@Surplus: I hope that law is actually enforced, but I doubt it would stop him and his goons from trying again.
I love how in 12 years, the Chadfederacy goes from concentration camps and cannibalism to embracing diplomacy and singing kum-ba-ya, because that is totally how the genocidal mindset works. āWhoops! Sorry, our bad! I donāt know what we were thinking!ā
@Alan
Thereās probably a big market for Swiss Chad.
Which 1990s crimes are we talking about? Mullets? Slap bracelets? Beverly Hills Cop III?
@ battering lamb
I’m envious; I certainly don’t recommend it.
ALDI do an own brand knock-off of that. It’s really good.
I can’t believe it’s not I can’t believe it’s not butter.
But I didn’t realise that shirt was actually real. I thought it was just a cartoon! But I’ve found the store now. If there’s import issues I’ll ask an EU/EFTA friend to order it for me.
@Alan: Oh, good. Not wanting to pay the artist didn’t seem to fit the image I had of you. As for the brexit bit… I’ve heard that it can occasionally more than double the prices if one orders a UK product from outside the UK. I haven’t ordered something from the UK recently, and I don’t know if import to the UK is hit this hard (I expect so, since the EU has a vested interest in punishing the UK for leaving). Anyway, hope you enjoy the shirt!
@ battering lamb
I am so grateful to you for bringing it to my attention. It’s perfect for the march. And yes, I do think people should be properly rewarded for their work.
I was going to go with this one; but now a friend can wear it. (It’s a bit Brit-centric unless Greggs is now international)
@ buttercup
Ah sorry, I missed your comment. I didn’t wish to be rude.
Been a heck of a day though. So was skimming mammoth whilst working and attending an online lecture. Who says blokes can’t multi-task! (Well, no one here I would guess). But I just needed the diversion. It’s been a hectic couple of weeks on some work. My blood pressure even went up; and the other person meant to be doing it with me ended up in hospital with a suspected heart attack. Skiver.
(Hey, if you’re able to text me a picture of your monitors then you’re fit enough to read some bloody documents)
Alan – without commenting further in the marital rape thread, thanks for the latest link you posted there. I found it interesting, and not too difficult to comprehend, as an elaboration of your comments. I’m slowly digesting it and trying to clarify my thoughts on how exactly it applies to the Finnish law proposal.
@Alan No worries! I hope your work pressures ease soon, before there are any more casualties.
Diplomacy really isnāt a synonym for ācaved to our violent demandsā.
Look, the idea that MOST 16 year old kids are already sexually active is just not true, dudes.
Per CDC data, only about 30% of 16 yo dudes have had at least one sexual encounter. The percentage is slightly smaller for the non-dude cohort.*
Thereās no way 30% of us are going to eat 70% of us.
I know this is about the least important thing wrong here butā¦ teens are not nearly as sexually active as their puritanical elders** OR they themselves think they are.
*I donāt know for sure how the cdc ran their numbers, but Iām guessing they either tossed the trans/nb kids out or lumped them in in the bio essentialist fashion.
** the numbers of teen pregnancies and the average age of first intercourse increases with better sex ed so trying to push for puritanical abstinence only? Bad idea (if your goal is reducing teen sex / stds / pregnancy and not Controlling People Like A Jerk)