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Story time: Men’s Rights activist oppressed by friendly Hooters waitress at the age of five

Nice hooters!

Men’s Rights activists are so desperate to paint themselves as victims that they will seize on almost anything as proof of their oppression at the hands of women. Take the case of one fellow called 808JUMP_SUIT, who recently turned to the Men’s Rights subreddit with this tale of woe. Let’s call it Cutiegate.

Er, why exactly is dad taking a five year old to Hooters? Is he so eager to enjoy their hot wings ogle waitresses half his age that he can’t think of anywhere else to go? Shouldn’t they be a Chuck-e-Cheese or something? Or any place else, really. I mean, seriously, any city large enough to contain a football stadium is large enough to have more than one restaurant in it. Dad just couldn’t think of anywhere else but the House of TIts That Dudes Can Stare at Without Anyone Getting Mad.

But no, in the mind of Mr. 808JUMP_SUIT — whose very name is an insult to the memory of the Roland 808, the greatest drum machine ever made — isn’t looking askance at dad; he’s mad at a waitress who is basically just doing what she’s paid to do — flatter the customers while delivering up plate after plate of hot wings.

Sometimes MRAs don’t even bother to dredge up a personal story to demonstrate the oppression they think they face. They just make up hypothetical scenarios and get mad about them. Consider the case of MRA and aspiring novelist qupOqup, who recently came to the Men’s Rights subredddit with an idea for a book.

The real victims here are those who forced themselves to read this whole muddled mess.

Our aspiring author had some critics. One, a fellow called EzzyLight, thinks it’s just not plausible for feminists to carrry out a revolution.

Most feminists never lifted up anything heavier than chihuahua. So to have a violent Rev they need an army wich they can get only if they take over government.

And most soldiers are men, so any riot made by feminists, and doing something violent will be brutally stopped at the same moment they damage something, that belongs to rich people. …

Feminists are unable to create major government force, because they are unable to find common ground among themselfs even. Just look up on TERFs.

Therefore, all event chain is falling apart.

Yeah, that’s the problem with the story.

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bumblebug
bumblebug
2 years ago

Loads of problems with that story. But I like how he actually realized that law enforcement not believing rape victims would be terrible. Now he just needs to realize that this happens to women all fucking the time.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

@ David F

the Roland 808, the greatest drum machine ever made

Please accept this song as a thank you for all your hard work in writing this blog, and keeping it running.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
2 years ago

Is it oppressive to call a five-year-old child “cutie?” To assign any sexual overtones to that is creepy. But these are MRAs, so… Anyway, the miggie at least admitted the post was dumb.

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
2 years ago

Gotta admit, my first thought was “Brah, anyone who’s wearing a jumpsuit in the 808 is going to be widely regarded as a loser/weirdo/not-ohana.”

Perhaps he was cute as a child (and “cute” is not only non-gendered, it’s also applicable to animals and inanimate objects!) but took up the unusual fashion choice so women wouldn’t be interested in him and thus became a miggie.

In any case, he was badly parented. Dad should have gotten him a Happy Meal — McDonald’s can be found anywhere, even at interstate exits miles from anywhere, and they’re much thicker on the ground than Hooters.

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
2 years ago

So the protagonist realizes that slaughtering men is a bad idea? And then he comes to the same realization about the slaughter of women? Whoa. That is some deep thinking there.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
2 years ago

I’ve never been to a Hooters. Is it something like this?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

@ gss ex-noob

McDonald’s can be found anywhere

There’s quite an interesting reason for that.

I was put onto this book by the decolonising diet people.

https://www.pulitzer.org/winners/marcia-chatelain

It’s well worth a read; but in essence the story is this.

After the assassination of MLK the Nixon administration was concerned about the rise of black activism. So they entered into an “unlikely collaboration” with fast food companies and black community leaders.

The agreement was that the government would fund the building of fast food franchises in black communities.

That would create a bunch of entry level jobs, but more importantly the deal was that the new franchises would be black owned.

It was believed that the creation of ‘black capitalism’ would draw people away from MLK’s more socialist based approach to fixing society.

As to whether that is working is left as an exercise for the reader.

Ten Bears
2 years ago

I didn’t make it past where the dude got raped and wasn’t taken seriously …

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

All book or movie pitches should conclude with “fight me if you don’t like that”.

Full Metal Ox
Full Metal Ox
2 years ago

And how the hell was the waitress supposed to react to a small child brought into an adult space, where a lot of her job description consists of performing a 1980’s frat-com model of sexiness (while carrying out the usual duties of a server?) As little as he belonged there, the kid was a customer, dammit, and she was doing her best to welcome him on age-appropriate terms.It’s pretty clear who was the adult in that situation.

@Lumipuna: That kind of Hooters could be an edifying field trip: plunged into a realm that has to be experienced on the locals’ terms, with the knowledge that they regard you as an interloper and that the Something About To Happen isn’t even remotely for or about you: the key to escaping without being eaten by the owls and foxes and the ghost maiden riding the boar (homage to Disney’s “Night on Bald Mountain”?), much less accomplishing your quest, is humility. (Disclaimer: this has the air of being from an anime or video game, but I’m not familiar with the source.)

Most feminists never lifted up anything heavier than chihuahua.

According to Wikipedia, the desirable weight for a Chihuahua is
1.8–2.7 kg./4–6 lb.; last a heard, a lot of newborn human babies were heavier than that.

@Moggie:

All book or movie pitches should conclude with “fight me if you don’t like that”.

Story Slam Night at Fight Club?

Last edited 2 years ago by Full Metal Ox
Malintzin
Malintzin
2 years ago

First of all. Neither for men nor women is saying “hi cutie” to a 5 year old at all considered wrong.5 year olds of both genders are very cute! This dude is lying his butt off. About going to Hooters at 5. Well, I am old school and I do think that children should learn to understand their sexuality (cis, trans, straight, gay or otherwise) at an older age, and it’s wrong to take them to adult themed restaurants etc. when they are very young. That being said, going to Hooters isn’t a crime. It’s not even that sexual in comparison to places like Twin Peaks. And he doesn’t think at rape victims should be believed. He’s just mad at the Hooters waitresses. Lol.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 years ago

Yay, the quote button’s back!

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
2 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw

That is fascinating and disturbing; thank you. And I would say it’s working beyond its envisioners’ cruelest dreams, as attested by vast food deserts in US cities that tend to follow the same boundaries as Black neighborhoods.

@Full Metal Ox

The apple didn’t fall far from the tree I guess. Zero awareness dad, zero awareness son.

And TBH as someone who’s survived actual women abusers, I find this kind of talk from MRAs incredibly offensive and gross. “OMG a Hooters waitress called me cute when I was a kid, LOL isn’t that creepy hehehe” oh fuck off dude. Fuck all the way off, then fuck off some more, and then keep on fucking off right into the sea. You’re not oppressed, you don’t want to be oppressed; you just want to claim any kind of victimhood you can get your grubby little hands on.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

He’s oppressed because someone called him cutie??? Many kids get called way worse things at a young age.

I wonder if he still feels oppressed because waitresses call him honey and cutie but don’t put out.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 years ago

I don’t remember the first time a restaurant server called me “cutie,” but I’m sure it happened. What I really remember is the waitress who first called me “ma’am” while I was still very much a teenager. I felt very grown up at the time.

The other big benchmark of how to address me came a few years later, before Mr. Parasol and I were engaged much less married. A co-worker instructed her small child to call me “Miss [Victorious].” This is an American Southern convention I’d never had applied to me before, and my first reaction was, “I’m not old enough to be a Miss!” I’d called my grandmother’s best friend “Miss Betty” because that was what I’d been taught to do, so “Miss [First Name]” was something reserved for the friends of parents or grandparents. I’d been called Miss or Ms [Parasol] throughout university, but hearing a parent tell their child that I was “Miss [Victorious]” left me thunderstruck.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
2 years ago

@VP, that brought back a memory – it comes as a bit of a shock the first time someone categorises you as an official Grown Up Person 🙂 (I was in my early 20s. In the metro going up the steps from the platform, and a whole bunch of schoolkids aged about 10 or so were coming down with a teacher; the steps were crowded … when I heard one say to another “eh, laisse passer la dame” (hey, let the lady get past). Once heard never forgotten :-s

And yes, calling a 5-year-old “cutie” is obviously not sexual in the slightest (unless you’re an MRA desperately conjuring up a bit of victimhood). Jeez but this stuff is on a fine line between sad and repellent.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

I went to a DnB thing once. Security was really tight. Almost cavity searches. As I got to the entrance I assumed the position; but security just waved me through. “It’s all right mate. It’s just these young uns you have to keep an eye on.”

I was 35!!!

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 years ago

@opposablethumbs

I understand completely!

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
2 years ago

Full Metal Ox – I just recently found Kokia on YouTube. Apparently, some of her songs are anime soundtrack pieces, but not all. I think this video looks like some sort of fan illustration.

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
2 years ago

I was 19 — and looked younger — when I first got “ma’am”.

It was an existential crisis. It was one for my mom when I told her, too! She was only 55 (and looked younger), so obviously her youngest kid couldn’t possibly be a ma’am!

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
2 years ago

@Cyborgette: and then he can keep fucking off right into the center of the sun.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw:

DnB

What?

Meanwhile, World War III looms ever closer. Rumors of Russia possibly fucking with undersea transAtlantic network cables and amassing forces in the Black Sea.

The capital strike by a bunch of butthurt racist truck owner-operators in Canada continues to pollute the capital region. The fumes have rendered homes close to Parliament Hill uninhabitable, and the noise continues even late into the night (don’t they have noise bylaw enforcement in Ottawa?) … would that we had our prime minister’s father around to invoke the War Measures Act to disperse this rabble.

And my phone has a bug in its bonnet about something again. After a spate of random messages popping up saying “Failed to download multimedia attachment” (even when the phone was literally three feet or so from the router in my apartment and everything network-reliant on it was rock steady) and then a period of apparently normal functioning, as of when I woke up this afternoon it’s been randomly nagging “Software update ready to install”. At some point I got around to my daily checking of the app store for updates, and there was a tiny 4MB update to one little Google component or another, which I dutifully had it download and install. I continued on about my business, and not too long after, “Software update ready to install”. sigh

Usually when there are updates there is, at most, a single notification in the normal notification area, and it doesn’t nag and nag and nag seemingly every five minutes if you carry on doing other things rather than drop everything and go install the updates. This new behavior seems rather rude to me; I’ll install updates to things in my own good time, thank you very much, and if I don’t do it right away it doesn’t mean I didn’t see the notification, it means I’ve chosen to prioritize other things for the time being. There’s no point telling me again something you already told me. I’ll get to it when I get to it.

What idiot programmer thought it would be nifty if our gadgets could get impatient?

Last edited 2 years ago by Surplus to Requirements
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
2 years ago

[T]he girl taking our orders gets to me and said what’s this little cutie getting which yes I realize now it’s her job but to a 5 year old really?

So at the time you thought she was hitting on you?

Plenty of servers and sales clerks smiled at me and called me “hon” when I was a kid. I’m pretty sure none of them was hitting on me.

You can relax.

Queen of the Harpies
Queen of the Harpies
2 years ago

Oh, David, you have the cutest hooters. I love them.

>thinking an adult would be “in jail on a list” for calling a 5-year-old “cutie”

Sure, kid. Get your mind out of the gutter. Clearly you had a crappy dad with little (no?) respect for women, but you don’t have to follow in his footsteps.

>incoherent textdump from guy who wants to be a writer

(Not so) cool story, bro.

he is discriminated against, raped, tries to get the rapist arrested for rape, isn’t taken seriously , accused of rape by his rapist

Yeah, I read that book, it was called Disclosure, and it still probably had fewer straw feminists than your story will (provided you can write more than a run-on, half-assed summary).

its anti extremist


we should simply try to better the flaws of our current society


fight me if you don’t like that

They… really have no self-awareness, do they?

Most feminists never lifted up anything heavier than chihuahua.

I am tiny and weak. I can still shove our big-ass couch around the living room, if properly motivated, and have dragged, pushed, or hefted around many other heavy objects when needed. I bet you’d strain yourself lifting anything heavier than a candy bar.

moregeekthan
moregeekthan
2 years ago

When I lived in Jacksonville in the 90s, the local parliament of Hooters advertised themselves as a family restaurant, and would have kids’ activities at holidays and other family-attracting promotions.