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The proper way to drink your girlfriend’s Diet Coke

Ok, so the best case scenario here is that, despite the “Serious” tag, this is some kind of joke, because if not, what the hell, man?

Can I drink diet coke out of my girlfriends womb? 
Okay so the cervix is water tight right? So if the womb if filled with diet coke. and I insert a straw inside, and it pokes out on the outside. Could I legit drink diet coke out of my girlfriend? Is it like a water bladder?

Pardon me a moment while I scream. (Much like this.)

Ok, now. The second least worst interpretation is that Diet Coke boy has confused the vagina and the uterus. That is, he doesn’t want to fill up her literal womb with diet cola, just the vagina.

I’m not sure that’s much better.

Maybe this gif of a famous Diet Coke fan drinking like a normal human will help to quiet your mind.

That didn’t help? Sorry, I’m just ruing everyone’s internet today, huh?

H/T — Terrible screenshot courtesy of the BadWomensAnatomy subreddit.

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26 Comments
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Tabby Lavalamp
Tabby Lavalamp
2 years ago

If you care about her health no soft drinks should ever get anywhere near that area.

Aron
Aron
2 years ago

As an avowed Diet Coke drinker, I solemnly swear that Not All Male Diet Coke Drinkers Are Like That. NAMDCDALT, for short.

gijoel
gijoel
2 years ago

There’s an ultrasound technique called sonohysterography whereby water is injected into the uterine space in order to better visualize the endometrium and Fallopian tubes. Bubble water can also be used to increase contrast with the endometrium wall, so I guess diet coke will do the same thing.

However the procedure can be quite painful, and the fluid in the uterus can empty into the abdominal cavity via the Fallopian tubes, which could lead to infection, and endometriosis. Also the taste would be horrible.

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
2 years ago

That sound you heard is all the women* of WHTM having their legs involuntarily slamming shut. Followed by the sound of all of them screaming like the lady in the picture.

I’m very much afraid this guy is indeed serious, and can only hope he has no access to actual vaginas.

(*To include AFAB men who have or had those parts, and AMAB women in solidarity with their cis sisters, of course.)

Banananananana dakry: still fat and deranged
Banananananana dakry: still fat and deranged
2 years ago

@GSS ex-noob

I screamed on the inside.

Gerry Sherry
Gerry Sherry
2 years ago

I have no mouth and I must scream

Gerry Sherry
Gerry Sherry
2 years ago

Always wanted to say that iconic line, haven’t said it since I quit moderating r/mrpresidentthebutton

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
2 years ago

Mentos

Acid Kritana
2 years ago

Ew

Acid Kritana
2 years ago

I actually put water down there once, to see how it would be, and it burned.

TB Tabby
TB Tabby
2 years ago

Is this based on the urban legend claiming Coca-Cola is an effective spermicide?

Full Metal Ox
2 years ago

Zero. It’s my favorite Coke flavor and the degree of contact I want with this prize specimen.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

I had a hysterosalpingogram once. The nurses had to practically scrape me off the ceiling afterwards. I can’t imagine adding carbonation and phosphoric acid to that scenario. (Let alone inserting a drinking straw through the cervix…catheters are painful enough).

Also no, the cervix is not water tight except during pregnancy.

This guy’s been watching too much hentai.

Ten Bears
2 years ago

I’ll bet she bought him that sweater …

Battering Lamb
Battering Lamb
2 years ago

Seeing the image at the top my first thought was Daniel Day-Lewis screaming ‘I drink your milkshake’ at the top of his lungs.

That was significantly more innocent and entertaining than that which followed. How is that an idea that someone has. Ew. Ow.

Angie
Angie
2 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants even if the cervix was watertight, the fallopian tubes are open on the non-uterus end, so you’d end up with an abdomen full of Diet Coke, which sounds extremely painful!

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

@Angie – Not to mention septic!

Don’t give this guy any more ideas, though…next he’ll be wanting to know if he can quaff Fireball through the Fallopian tubes.

Robert Haynie
Robert Haynie
2 years ago

At one time, if I recall correctly (and I’m getting old, so I might not– then again, being old is how I heard of this) it was believed that shaking a six-ounce bottle of Coke and using it as a sort of pressure fed douche after sex was an operational method of birth control. Apparently, some ingredient in Coca-Cola was believed to be a spermicide.

It’s the only close to sane reason I can think of where this insanity could have started in the first place. The thing with the straw, however… I got nuffin’.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
2 years ago

If there’s any spermicidal effect in Coke, compared to a plain water douche, I bet it’s the carbonic acid. I understand the sperm generally have a hard time surviving the naturally acidic vaginal environment long enough to swim through the cervix into uterus and further.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
2 years ago

Yet another reason for me to hate diet coke

IgnoreSandra
IgnoreSandra
2 years ago

Jesus christ. I don’t even have a uterus and I felt my legs superglue themselves together.

Jazzlet
Jazzlet
2 years ago

Slamming legs together and clenching as tighty as possible.

Definitely “just say No!”

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 years ago

OT, but this might interest the blockchain skeptics around here:

https://moxie.org/2022/01/07/web3-first-impressions.html

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 years ago

What is this world coming to?! Mass shootings, fascists marching all over the place, climate disasters, and respected peer-reviewed astrophysics journals accepting and publishing articles that say “comprised of”:

https://iopscience.iop.org/article/10.3847/1538-4357/ac3f3a

headdesk

Original Badass
Original Badass
2 years ago

Brettyboy isn’t that bad