Natural News describes itself as “a science-based natural health advocacy organization” dedicated to “empower[ing] consumers with factual information.”
In reality, it’s a conspiracy theorists dream site, running endless alarmist headlines about the “globalists” who (allegedly) want to depopulate the world — basically kill off most of the human race. Some typical headlines:
TYRANNY ALERT: Houston Health Department’s door-to-door COVID-19 vaccine “census” begins
So basically, I’m saying don’t go there for advice about melatonin. Or, really, anything.
Yesterday I ran across a headline at Natural News that was even more hysterical than the site’s usual fare:
Naturally, I went to take a look at the article, which is (the site boasted)
a bombshell that needs to be understood by anyone hoping to survive the vaccine holocaust, because it’s really a “genetic bomb” against humanity.
Well OK then, I’ll bite. What are the world’s evil overlords planning this time?
It seems that they’ve (allegedly) designed COVID vaccines that “disintegrate” your healthy DNA, so that
the body can no longer repair its damaged DNA, and cells mutate out of control, devastating the entire body and bringing about genetic disintegration of the organism. …
That sounds bad.
Adding insult to injury, the vaccine (allegedly) makes it impossible for those with vaccine-tainted blood to have little disintegrating kids (allegedly).
The spike protein vaccine is an attack on the genetic integrity of humans, and those who take the vaccine will be largely unable to reproduce because their babies will self-abort due to genetic mutations.
But wait, there’s more! The “depopulation globalists” are (allegedly)planning a deadly nuclear “accident” to “accelerate the mutations among the vaccinated,” killing millions.
Importantly, once the beings on a planet are widely injected with the covid vaccine, globalists can unleash a nuclear accident (or nuclear terrorism) to distribute radiation across the planet. …
All they need is another Chernobyl, Fukushima or nuclear explosion somewhere in the Northern hemisphere — almost anywhere — and the winds will spread the radioisotopes across half the planet, achieving the low levels of ionizing radiation necessary to turn vaccinated people into cancer-ridden mutants with accelerated deaths.
BUT ARE THEY FAST ZOMBIES OR SLOW ZOMBIES? I need to know to prepare my defenses.
Oh crap, I’ve already gotten two COVID jabs. I guess I can look forwarf to being one of the cancer mutants.
So now we’ve got mutants, nuclear “accidents” and disintegrating DNA. You might wonder how this could get any worse, but Natural News is up to the challenge.
Meet the vaccine vampires!
[O]nce it becomes obvious that vaccinated individuals cannot tolerate sunlight without suffering genetic mutations, they will shun daylight and become creatures of the night.
Dude, I am way ahead of you here. I got to sleep at 6 AM this morning.
In cultural mythos, vampires are creatures of the night who suffer instantaneous disintegration when sunlight touches their skin. In reality, the disintegration will take much more time, but it’s a similar idea:
Covid vaccines + sunlight = genetic disintegration.
At this point it all sounds so terrible I’m not sure I can take much more. But Natural News isn’t done yet.
Those who reject covid vaccines are known as “purebloods.”
Yeah, that’s not how we refer to them in my neck of the woods.
They are the only ones who will be able to maintain genetic integrity for generations to come, which means the future of the human race belongs to those who reject covid vaccines.
Well, I wasn’t planning on having any kids anyway, so I guess I can survive this indignity.
[W]e are about to see an explosion in worldwide cancer due to covid vaccines. This will really accelerate in 2022, and we will easily see over one million cancer deaths in the USA during 2022 …
Any radiation release by globalists will only accelerate these numbers and cost more lives. (That’s the goal of the globalists.)
Damn those (alleged) sneaky bastards (allegedly).
Meanwhile, those who took the mRNA spike protein injections will be giving birth to mutated babies who lack genetic viability, even if they survive their own mutations.
I guess I should have known that mutant babies would play a role in this very advanced conspiracy theory.
Currently about half the human population has taken covid jabs of one kind or another, which means the depopulation globalists may have already achieved their goal of destroying fertility / genetic viability for a significant portion of the human race.
The die-off has now begun. This winter, cancer deaths will explode across America, and they will skyrocket for the next decade in those who were gullible enough to be injected with deadly spike protein bioweapons. Get ready to see a tidal wave of cancers in America, Europe, Australia, Canada and every other nation where gullible people have committed vaccine suicide.
Basically, we’re already dead (allegedly). Damn those (alleged) globalists and their (alleged) depopulation agenda!!
Yours (allegedly).
David
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@ moregeekthan
I think I remember seeing a film critic on YouTube talking about that, as it happens. I want to say it was first done for the Lugosi Dracula as it makes for a dramatic performance on screen. The Coppola Dracula film had the Count able to go out in London during the day, as long as he was wearing a good hat and sunglasses.
Fred Saberhagen’s version of Count Dracula (for those familiar with the books) could go out during the day, but Dracula specified that this was because he was a “tough old nosferatu,” and a more recently turned vampire would be more sensitive to sunlight. Barbara Hambly had a similar approach with her vampires – a vampire turned during the Elizabethan period could handle sacred things if he wore gloves, whereas another vampire turned during the Edwardian era (the setting of the books) could only handle sacred things if the gloves were good leather, specifying that kid gloves were inadequate protection.
It sounds like really poorly written science fiction.
Imagine accusing “globalists” of what amounts to a worldwide eugenics programme… and calling yourselves “purebloods” and suggesting you’ll thrive. That’s some seriously mixed messaging.
I’m reminded of a science fiction short story (whose title and author I won’t mention, to avoid spoilers). A forensic scientist testing DNA samples finds anomalies, and gradually realises that someone is genetically engineering humans to use four different nucleobases in their DNA/RNA. The result is that they will be immune to all viruses, even future mutations. Even engineered, deadly viruses, such as might be created by an elite group with that level of genetic engineering tech, in order to cause an adjustment to the worldwide population…
There’s nothing new about the idea of a shadowy elite planning to murder billions. It’s a common trope. But I think it’s a little unusual to see the people sounding the alarm show signs of glee that it will only kill people they’ve decided to hate.
@Alan:
Check out Tom Scott’s latest youtube video, “the tunnel where people pay to inhale radioactive gas”.
@LouCPurr:
Come now, you can’t seriously argue with a study with N=1 in the prestigious Journal of Trust Me, Dude.
I’m proud of my own brazen kinky polyandry and take utter joy in any discomfort or disturbance it causes to any NiceGuy, incel or MGTOW but this from Victorious Parasol
is the sweetest and most beautiful thing I’ve heard in a long long time
@Wanked All That Out
So you are MGTOW? Good, go. You won’t be missed.
Although I am riding a high knowing that you don’t like who I am or what I do. All the misery you can possibly feel from women is misery that you deserve.
I sooo love male tears like yours! What a joy!!!
@moregeekthan: Not to mention they tended to not be the aristocratic person of fine taste. More like walking corpses that would feed on pigs in a pinch. The canines being the fangs is an invention for stage plays. Easier to understand the actor when it’s not their two front teeth that are protruding. There’s also interesting regional differences, same as with werewolf myths. Count Count for instance is based on a folkloric notion that you could distract a vampire by tossing grain or rice on the floor. The vampire would be compelled to count them all.
@ TyrantBitchGoddessStacey
Aww, thank you kindly.
I still remember when I really realized that he was The One. Shortly after we were married, I had a dream where a RL friend and I were in a setting where we could go off and cheat on both our spouses – no chance of getting caught, thanks to dream logic. But in the dream, I couldn’t go through with it. My subconscious kept throwing up obstacles.
The next morning I related the dream to Mr. Parasol, who was rather bemused, but pleased when I excitedly told him, “Don’t you get it? You’re the only man for me, even in my dreams where anything can happen.”
The elites may not care much whether the rest of us live or die, but given how much they’re hand wringing over the “labor shortage” I don’t think they want us all killed off. They need workers.
Also, these conspiracy theories tend to ignore that the elites pushed themselves to the front of the line to get vaccinated before the rest of us.
@ moggie
I did! Thank you. Only Tom could make a ten minute video about whether or not he should make a video.
I certainly don’t rule out Radon therapy. Chemotherapy must have seemed pretty weird when it was proposed. I like the idea of a double blind trial though. I would like it to be true. Not least because there’s loads of Radon down here; so I could turn a few friends’ basements into money spinning clinics! (Just need that German accent for credibility)
I see WATO has added vaccines to subjects he’s willing to embarrass himself in public about..
If vaccines could really affect the changes anti-vaxxers insist they can, we could more effectively treat a whole host of diseases and conditions. But we can’t. Because they can’t.
Seriously, if you want to tell the public you failed high school biology, you can just say that.
Also, do these people know that it was the villians that referred to themselves as “purebloods?” I mean, seems a bit too on the nose for that crowd. But maybe they’re becoming self-aware. “Yes, we are the bad guys of the story and we’re ok with that.”
@ elaine
Oh yeah, that’s why I have no objection to opting out. But if your god won’t accept you because you have a bit missing, then he also won’t accept you if you have someone else’s bit added. So you can’t object to being excluded from treatment.
Any god who would punish you for donating an organ should be opposed, not worshipped.
@Battering Lamb:
A folkloric detail I desperately wish someone would incorporate in a vampire movie is the Romani belief that brother-and-sister twins born on a Saturday have a special power to detect and destroy vampires. Oh, and they’re supposed to go vampire-hunting in their inside-out underwear.
@Alan Robertshaw; @Elaine:
That insistence on the purity and integrity of the body has been an obstacle to organ transplantation in Japan—which is one reason that Osamu Tezuka’s superheroic vigilante surgeon BlackJack is a walking PSA for the lifesaving power of organ donation. (BlackJack himself has a weirdly patchwork appearance (http://animeggroll.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/02/816726021102_anime-young-black-jack-blu-ray-primary.jpg-791×500.jpg) because his own life was saved using skin grafts from an Afro-Japanese donor, which inspired him to
pursue a medical career.) This attitude also ties into Tezuka’s devout Buddhism, and a certain concept of the arbitrariness of the physical packaging of the soul—among other things, BlackJack performed what I’m pretty sure was one of the first gender transition surgeries in popular media.
@Victorious Parasol:
The sunlight thing was invented for Nosferatu, in 1922 — it made for a fun “vanishes into thin air” effect. Lugosi just got staked. Offscreen, so as not to upset people.
@ full metal ox
That does seem a bit weird in a culture where >99.9% of funerals are cremations; and some prefectures even ban whole body burials.
I’m with Diogenes on this. Just take any bits you need, then hoy me over the wall at Battersea Dog’s Home.
Or leave me for the badgers. I’d like that. Give them one last win.
Worked All That Out is amusing, but uninspired in my opinion. Typical Manosphere talking points with the addition of “Waaah, I brought up sexuality, then someone talked about theirs and it was too weird for me!”
In unrelated news, the cancer ridden zombies already walk among us. Vaccinated people have been going on plane flights since a vaccine was developed and thus have been exposed to heightened radiation levels already. No Chernobyl event needed.
In Stoker’s play/novel Dracula is weakened by sunlight; but he has no trouble traveling around during the day.
@.45
Also Wanked All That Out is mad
1. because feminists aren’t supposed to be conventionally attractive petite long haired blonde cis het women
2. conventionally attractive petite long haired blonde cis het women aren’t “allowed” to be kinky and dominant
3. No women are allowed to choose their own partners
4. Women can’t talk about sex except with his approval (like you said)
5. A real living goddess who “disobeys” 1.-4. can’t exist and therefore must be fake!!! Waaaahhhh!!!!
@RabidRabbit: The offscreen staking was a case of the movie sticking *too* closely to its stage-play adaptation.
@ Full Metal Ox:
Jainism, as I understand it, doesn’t actually *require* adherents to volunteer as organ donors, but does consider doing so to be a very virtuous act.
My daughter-in-law gave birth to my grandbaby a few months ago. She had both COVID jabs several months before that. My grandbaby seems healthy. Is it an illusion? LOL
In all seriousness, I visited the Natural News site years ago, because I believe nature has some very effective remedies for certain health issues. After reading the goofy far-right theories that came along with the list of supplements for sale, I decided never to return.
The best adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula that I ever saw pitched?
Someone on Tumblr suggested the Muppets should do it, just so that we could see Mina (Ms. Piggy) YEET Dracula out the window when she figures out he’s been screwing with Jonathan (Kermit)’s head.
I’m not a muppets fan (overexposure to treasure island as a child) but I’d watch the heck out of that version.
@ contrapangloss
Now Disney own the IP to just about everything I’ll be very disappointed if we don’t get Muppet Star Wars.