Natural News describes itself as “a science-based natural health advocacy organization” dedicated to “empower[ing] consumers with factual information.”
In reality, it’s a conspiracy theorists dream site, running endless alarmist headlines about the “globalists” who (allegedly) want to depopulate the world — basically kill off most of the human race. Some typical headlines:
TYRANNY ALERT: Houston Health Department’s door-to-door COVID-19 vaccine “census” begins
So basically, I’m saying don’t go there for advice about melatonin. Or, really, anything.
Yesterday I ran across a headline at Natural News that was even more hysterical than the site’s usual fare:
Naturally, I went to take a look at the article, which is (the site boasted)
a bombshell that needs to be understood by anyone hoping to survive the vaccine holocaust, because it’s really a “genetic bomb” against humanity.
Well OK then, I’ll bite. What are the world’s evil overlords planning this time?
It seems that they’ve (allegedly) designed COVID vaccines that “disintegrate” your healthy DNA, so that
the body can no longer repair its damaged DNA, and cells mutate out of control, devastating the entire body and bringing about genetic disintegration of the organism. …
That sounds bad.
Adding insult to injury, the vaccine (allegedly) makes it impossible for those with vaccine-tainted blood to have little disintegrating kids (allegedly).
The spike protein vaccine is an attack on the genetic integrity of humans, and those who take the vaccine will be largely unable to reproduce because their babies will self-abort due to genetic mutations.
But wait, there’s more! The “depopulation globalists” are (allegedly)planning a deadly nuclear “accident” to “accelerate the mutations among the vaccinated,” killing millions.
Importantly, once the beings on a planet are widely injected with the covid vaccine, globalists can unleash a nuclear accident (or nuclear terrorism) to distribute radiation across the planet. …
All they need is another Chernobyl, Fukushima or nuclear explosion somewhere in the Northern hemisphere — almost anywhere — and the winds will spread the radioisotopes across half the planet, achieving the low levels of ionizing radiation necessary to turn vaccinated people into cancer-ridden mutants with accelerated deaths.
BUT ARE THEY FAST ZOMBIES OR SLOW ZOMBIES? I need to know to prepare my defenses.
Oh crap, I’ve already gotten two COVID jabs. I guess I can look forwarf to being one of the cancer mutants.
So now we’ve got mutants, nuclear “accidents” and disintegrating DNA. You might wonder how this could get any worse, but Natural News is up to the challenge.
Meet the vaccine vampires!
[O]nce it becomes obvious that vaccinated individuals cannot tolerate sunlight without suffering genetic mutations, they will shun daylight and become creatures of the night.
Dude, I am way ahead of you here. I got to sleep at 6 AM this morning.
In cultural mythos, vampires are creatures of the night who suffer instantaneous disintegration when sunlight touches their skin. In reality, the disintegration will take much more time, but it’s a similar idea:
Covid vaccines + sunlight = genetic disintegration.
At this point it all sounds so terrible I’m not sure I can take much more. But Natural News isn’t done yet.
Those who reject covid vaccines are known as “purebloods.”
Yeah, that’s not how we refer to them in my neck of the woods.
They are the only ones who will be able to maintain genetic integrity for generations to come, which means the future of the human race belongs to those who reject covid vaccines.
Well, I wasn’t planning on having any kids anyway, so I guess I can survive this indignity.
[W]e are about to see an explosion in worldwide cancer due to covid vaccines. This will really accelerate in 2022, and we will easily see over one million cancer deaths in the USA during 2022 …
Any radiation release by globalists will only accelerate these numbers and cost more lives. (That’s the goal of the globalists.)
Damn those (alleged) sneaky bastards (allegedly).
Meanwhile, those who took the mRNA spike protein injections will be giving birth to mutated babies who lack genetic viability, even if they survive their own mutations.
I guess I should have known that mutant babies would play a role in this very advanced conspiracy theory.
Currently about half the human population has taken covid jabs of one kind or another, which means the depopulation globalists may have already achieved their goal of destroying fertility / genetic viability for a significant portion of the human race.
The die-off has now begun. This winter, cancer deaths will explode across America, and they will skyrocket for the next decade in those who were gullible enough to be injected with deadly spike protein bioweapons. Get ready to see a tidal wave of cancers in America, Europe, Australia, Canada and every other nation where gullible people have committed vaccine suicide.
Basically, we’re already dead (allegedly). Damn those (alleged) globalists and their (alleged) depopulation agenda!!
Yours (allegedly).
David
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Could have done without the gift that’s from the movie that is the vain of existence for ever person from Kansas.
The truth of the matter is that the vaccine is capable of altering one’s sexual preferences. I know this to be a factually-robust conclusion to draw, given my knowledge of people who have received the vaccine, especially the Pfizer; I know someone who has received both doses of said toxin, and for some significant period of time afterwards, they developed a fetish for male-on-male activities. This WAS a straight man, but now, he’s been chemically or genetically altered in such a way that he has gained the ability to experience sexual attraction to men. I don’t know what’s really in the juice they’re all trying to load us with, but whatever it is, it can’t be good for the long-term survival of our species.
I really with these conspiracies could tell us what the point of the conspiracy is. Why kill so many people? What is the long-term plan here? Just killing people isn’t going to do anything for the (alleged) creators of the plot.
Only two? Time for your third probably!
(I’d say more but the page keeps deleting it all.)
Worked All That Out: the vaccine certainly does affect sexual preferences. Most profiles on OKC include information about vaccination, and I only want to meet vaccinated women.
THE SMALLPOX BIOWAR, LOL! Wasn’t the last known case of smallpox more than 40 years ago? I think there’s a few vials of virus kept in a lab, somewhere.
I don’t know what drugs the folks at Natural News are on, but they must be good. I’m envious.
Seriously, I know someone who’s been in the hospital for more than 2 months with COVID. He’s only in his early 30s. He has several small children. No vax for him or his family?
My spouse is active in the local Catholic church. The priest has caught COVID twice. There are at least 4 other people who have caught it twice.
Let’s not forget who these mysterious “globalists” always turn out to be in these conspiracy theories. (It’s Da Jooz.)
There is a certain truth to what they are saying, in that cancer deaths will likely rise or remain at an elevated level for some time, with the medical system struggling with the “purebloods” and their Covid.
@ Worked All That Out
Hmmmm… it certainly couldn’t be that these people were in the closet and decided to come out now, figuring they may as well be true to themselves in a dangerous world where they might die of a freaking plague at any time.
(Discounting random chance or just you didn’t notice until after they got the shots. You aren’t exactly publishing peer reviewed studies here and seem to have some slight bias.)
I’ve heard a religious version of this on Twitter, but according to THAT particular person, the re-writing of our DNA will prevent God from resurrecting us. Allegedly.
Oh, and I’ve received 2 Pfizer doses, and I still only have eyes (and other body parts) for Mr. Parasol, just like I have over the past 25 years. Both of us are vaccinated, unzombified, and still very much in love. Plus I just learned that I’m getting a $2/hour raise starting tomorrow, so obviously the Pfizer vaccine has made me more marketable.
(Well, more seriously me being vaccinated means I’m more likely to keep my job, ‘cos … y’know … that tends to be a plus when you work in healthcare.)
So half the population of the Earth will be disintegrated? Did this guy fell asleep watching the Avengers?
I think I managed to cover all the squares in my Conspiracy Bingo card!
@Worked All That Out:
What proof can you present that you’re not a pompous white lab mouse speaking in a conflated Orson Welles/Vincent Price/Paul Frees impression?
@FullMetalOx: Because that would make him far more interesting than he’s shown himself to be so far?
I’m having my third jab in the morning (The Oxford, cause it’s the posh one) so in case I disintegrate I’d just like to say how much I love everyone here. Glad to have met you all.
Radiation hormesis is good for you!
Well, I hope so bearing in mind how much of it we have round here.
@worked all that out
I’m challenging you to say one thing that is even slightly intelligent and is not just dumbass incel bullshit. like really? do you even have a brain little man?
Funny how I got my vaccine I still wanted my husband to have sex with me just as much as I did before.
@Worked All That Out
Taking a COVID vaccination changes sexual preferences?
Hmm. Maybe for once you are right?!
Before I got my vaccine shots my sexual preferences were that I was preferred tall, hard-bodied, ripped men with short hair and handsome faces who worship me as a living goddess while I look amazing in metallic silver latex bodypaint and stand on a pedestal and command them into positions or worship at the crack of my whip.
But…SINCE I got my vaccine shots my sexual preferences are that I was preferred tall, hard-bodied, ripped men with short hair and handsome faces who worship me as a living goddess while I look amazing in metallic gold latex bodypaint and stand on a pedestal and command them into positions or worship at the crack of my whip.
Uh oh! Evidence that you might be right? Oh no, how did I ever doubt you?
@ TyrantBitchGoddessStacey
Ah, well if the vaccine gives you alchemy powers then I’m gonna get jabbed like it’s a hedgehog roller derby!
@Wanked All That Out:
Really? Cool. Twice as many potentially attractive partners as before certainly sounds, on the balance, good.
@Victorious Parasol:
What kind of self-respecting omniscient and omnipotent god would be so easily thwarted by a little code obfuscation and a dash of DRM? And even if they were, they could always call upon Brian Krebs or the good folks over at the ISC to deobfuscate it and any of a number of release groups to crack it, surely? Those guys have had decades of experience in breaking assorted copy-protection schemes. 09F9, baby!
And as for the original conspiracy theory: anyone intelligent who was ruthless enough to solve our carrying-capacity problems by unleashing a sterility plague would surely be smart enough to target the countries with the highest per capita birth rates, not the lowest. <smh> Not to mention, the elites in every society were all the first in line to get the jab themselves. I doubt they’d want to make themselves sterile, let alone give themselves some sort of Prometheus/Alien: Covenant type horror show.
@.45
I know for a fact that this person was heterosexual prior to acquiring the shot. They almost never had any sort of homosexual inclination or fantasies in their life, and then BOOM! They got the shot and turned bisexual.
@Elaine
I challenge you to learn how to capitalize letters and develop at least a 6th grader’s understanding of punctuation before you start questioning whether or not I’m the empty-headed one.
@Stacey
I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume that “too much information” is something people tell you quite often. Do you have any personality outside of your fake S&M goddess with a whip at all? Vomiting up info to people who didn’t ask about your sexual proclivities – er, sorry- “””art””” is such a cringe-pilled move.
@Surplus
Personally, I’m willing to bet that the elites didn’t get the same shot that they’re trying to force everyone else to get. If anything, it’s probably some sort of substance which will halt ageing and prolong their lives, allowing them to assume indefinite control over our us. I strongly recommend that we start keeping physical records of these people over time, in order to determine whether or not my theory is accurate. They could well be gatekeeping the antidote to senescence, and we would be none the wiser. Think about it.
That’s adorable that they think unvaccinated people will somehow be immune to Chernobyl levels of radiation. And that thousands of healthy babies haven’t already been born to fully vaccinated parents.
According to Twilight, vampires + sunlight = sparkle.
Therefore, those of us who’ve had the shot will be shedding glitter.
@Alan
I love it!
Although you know seriously that the real alchemy is what we make with our minds and hearts in the light of creativity.
@Wanked All That Out
You have no idea of my reality.
And you definitely have no idea of the work behind it.
The pandemic has been pretty big for LGBTQ+ people coming out. I expect that being jolted out of normality, having more free time, and being alone with your own thoughts more often tends to result in some deep personal reevaluations.
The start of this phenomenon predated the vaccine by a long while, though, and is still in progress. Humans are bad with cause and effect, and some people ignore chronological order of events, so of course it’s going to get associated with the vaccine. By idiots.
Before the “it was vaccine” it was “people are spending more time on the internet, so now they’re being corrupted by left-wing social media”.
Note that this also means that there’s going to be a drop in coming out post-pandemic, because people who would have come out sooner or later mostly did so earlier than they would have otherwise, which of course is going to be misinterpreted as well.