I saw this in the Men’s RIghts subreddit the other day and I almost wept with joy. Because here, in the wild, was a man mansplaining mansplaining.to feminists.
Naturally, he gets it wrong.
Feminists did not mean by that men explaining “things” to woman “as if women can’t understand”, but men explaining on behalf of women what it’s like being a woman and specifically what’s good for women. Please advise new recruits of the feminist cult (in response they will tell you, “now you are mansplaning again!” you will answer by explaining again they are using it wrong, “again mansplaining”, “again using it wrong”, and so on – keep at it until she gets tired).
In fact, “men explaining ‘things” to woman ‘as if women can’t understand'” is basically the dictionary definition of “mainsplaining.”
As the dictionary dictionarysplains it:
Now, the Reddit mainsplainer’s example of mansplaining isn’t altogether wrongheaded. “Explaining on behalf of women what it’s like being a woman and specifically what’s good for women” is indeed a form of mansplaining, but it doesn’t encompass the entire meaning of the term.
The concept of “mansplaining” — if I might mansplain for a bit myself — was inspired by an essay by Rebecca Solnit called “Men Explain Things to Me.” Her classic example: a man a party who insisted on explaining a book she had written to her.
He was … telling me about the very important book–with that smug look I know so well in a man holding forth, eyes fixed on the fuzzy far horizon of his own authority. …
Mr. Very Important was going on smugly about this book I should have known when Sallie interrupted him to say, “That’s her book.” Or tried to interrupt him anyway.
But he just continued on his way. She had to say, “That’s her book” three or four times before he finally took it in.
Anyway, that’s kind of the ur case of mansplaining (from an essay you should definitely read if you haven’t already).But the word is so perfect a distillation of how a certain type of man communicates with women that the definition has widened a bit since then. Which is how language works; usage changes, dictionary definitions change.
But that’s a whole other can of worms. Are there any linguists here I could explain linguistics to?
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I’ve run out of fingers & toes to count the number of Redditors – who, remember, average 15-25 yr old boys (excuse me, “manbabies”) – who mansplain to me, and then when confronted with that fact, promptly say “That’s not what mansplaining is. You’re too stupid to know what mansplaining is” but, somehow, cannot define what they think it is..
“Men Explain Things to Me” really resonated with me as a woman who works in healthcare IT. There are a lot of men working in healthcare IT. Some of them are great to work with. Some of them can’t resist the urge to mansplain, which is especially annoying when they work for another vendor and by definition do not know how some part of our system works.
Sometimes the mansplaining isn’t even IT-related. I once had one guy try to get me to do something that I was not allowed to do and suggested that it would help us get business if I’d just do what he wanted. Except that our contract wasn’t with his hospital – it was with his corporate overlords, who were the ones who’d said, “Thou shalt not do this.” He also was a lousy testing partner. Perfect example of the kind of man who mistakes his penis for a magic wand or a scepter or something … I dunno. The older I get, the less patience I have for that kinda man because he’s just getting in the way of getting the job DONE.
I’d love to read that essay in case I haven’t before, but the link to the essay isn’t a link.
Or men that “explain” to me what makes me wet, what and who I’m attracted to or what I want. Assholes
Confession: I like mansplaining. Other men interrupt me before I even get to my point, but women let me talk more and feel smart. Of course, unlike many examples of mansplaining, I tend to pontificate on subjects I am somewhat familiar with and know the women in question aren’t, but we can’t all be superheroes.
(One of my male coworkers years ago kept trying to explain the rules of softball to a woman who not only played softball in her youth, but had two daughters who did as well, one of which was involved in competing with teams from other countries. Yeah, it was entertaining, because she wasn’t really having it.)
“Men Explain Things To Me” was linked and forwarded to/by most of the women I know or follow online, and the non-mansplaining men liked it too.
This boy’s post is mansplainception (BWOOONNNNGG).
Hey, griffon8: try this here.
I got a second hand bike with external gears that broke pretty quickly. On the 20 min walk home I had 4 men mansplain that I had to keep pedaling to change gears ?
The definition widened, and yes that is how language works, but that doesn’t make it a good thing or even an okay thing. It feels like a lost opportunity to talk about how masculinity works, as if nobody really cared about WHY men do this more often, a lot of women were just excited they had a word for it. I bought a collections of essays of the same name and in the intro Rebecca Solnit mentions that she doesn’t like how broadly the term is used, she meant for it to mean something more specific and extreme. The definition above could be applied to anything that is both condescending and said by a man. Even in a hypothetical society without sexism that is a significant percentage of words spoken.
If there was a conversation about WHY men are condescending towards women, I didn’t see it at the time. There were some men who pointed out that men do that to other men and it is just as annoying, but I remember feminists being surprisingly dismissive of that detail. It seemed like another situation where a lot of feminists thought that it was enough to simply be aggressive when you encountered the behavior.
I suspect that men feel a greater need to prove themselves. Smugness is more likely to be rewarded in men and punished in women. I’ve heard of women who play dumb on a first date, as if intelligence was unattractive to some men. Maybe their is an association with masculinity and expertise.
It isn’t mansplaining in the truest form and I have no problem with it when it comes from sheer enthusiasm for a subject, but I’ve noticed some men seem to have more social confidence to explain things the listener has no interest in or frame of reference for, simply to demonstrate their superior knowledge. Like you mention you don’t know about a particular subject area as a conversational cue of “let’s move on” and they take it upon themselves to educate you out of your ignorance?
Well, okay then. I guess I’ll get started on the popcorn!
I am very leery of defining mansplaining as going on about a subject that the listener has no interest in, rather than Solnit’s original definition of explaining things that the listener already knows.
Because here’s the thing: I, and a lot of other people I know, will talk at length about a subject we are interested in while completely oblivious to all those subtle “I don’t care” cues, and we’re not being smug, or sexist.
We’re being autistic.
@ Allandrel
I’m sorry if I didn’t make this clear in my original comment, but I was relating to experiences where someone is trying to flex intellectual superiority (a phenomenon much more common in men than in women, in my experience), not discussing a subject they are very interested in or enthused by. It’s about intention.
*Editing to add that I am genuinely sorry for not communicating properly, just in case that sounded trite or offhand.
“keep at it until she gets tired”
“Keep at it until she gets tired and goes away, after which you can blame her for canceling you.”
Fixed that.
Okay, but you can’t expect these “Mens’ rights” supporters to believe the dictionary definition. Most dictionaries also say that feminism is some variation of advocating for women and men to have equal rights.
“No conversations about why men are the way they are.”
“MRAs won’t accept reality”
“Maybe he’s just really enthusiastic.”
Paraphrasing, but y’all get the main idea. Not only is mansplaining Not Really A Thing®, if it were a Thing®, it would be up to women to fix. Because gawd forbid men tell other men to just shut up sometimes. Or hell, men shutting up on their own accord. Women need to get to the bottom of why men are, address those underlying issues, then, and only then, can we actually talk about the concept of mansplaining.
Oh I know, some people will rush to say “Not all men” or “That’s not what I was saying” or some variation. But that is what you were saying.
@LollyPop
No offense taken. My comment was not specifically directed at you, either, but to the general expansion of the definition.
I’m with QuantumInc (and Solnit) here – while the noted MRA’s definition is ‘wrong’ in either case, I’ll argue that there’s a use for a word with a narrower and non-subjective/less-subjective definition (condescension is in the eye of the beholder, while relative expertise is a bit easier to judge in most cases, especially those like the establishing anecdote where Solnit literally wrote the book), and common use has robbed us of that, to the point that the term is now pretty much just an ideograph to indicate that a woman doesn’t like the way a man is talking i.e. interprets it (quite likely accurately, I don’t mean to imply it’s wrong) as condescending (and we already had a word for that: “condescension”).
Because it’s sexism. It’s not really that mysterious.
There were some men who pointed out that men do that to other men and it is just as annoying, but I remember feminists being surprisingly dismissive of that detail. It seemed like another situation where a lot of feminists thought that it was enough to simply be aggressive when you encountered the behavior.
From our Manatee-in-Chief:
Yep!
Hear, hear!
QuantumInc the Splainer says:
You don’t own the language. Other people including women get to decide what’s an okay thing. And when it’s women’s words and language they get to say what’s ok. I don’t know your gender but it doesn’t matter because your point is just wrong.
So now you’re explaining women’s excitement to them. That really infuriates me. This “excited” bullshit is just the same old sexist misogynistic trope about the hysterical little woman. I’m not having any of it. I know what excites me and it’s not calling any man a mansplainer. “Excite” me?! Really?! Jerk. I get excited by a man who isn’t talking but who has a hot ripped tall body that looks fucking hot in the harness and bit and bridle I make him wear and reacts exactly the way I want him to react to the crack of my whip.
Yes we are dismissive of that detail because it’s irrelevant to us as feminists. Our focus is on women and our rights. The fact that this “surprises” you shows your sexist presumption that everything should always be about what men want.
I don’t care why men are condescending to me. I actually don’t care about men at all unless they are tall, ripped, obedient and worship me or are helping make it possible for tall, ripped, obedient men to do that. If men care about WHY they act condescending they can and should go work that out with each other.
I’m on team TyrantBitchGoddessStacey.
Mansplainer JohnT blathers
Eye of the beholder? I see through this bullshit too. Whether a person feels treated condescendingly that’s up to that person to decide but here you are mansplaining women’s feelings.
So you owned the term and had a right to it but other people, probably women, robbed it from you? Bullshit. You don’t own the term or any particular word and especially not one that is about women and women’s point of view.
That’s sexist presumptive speech control. “Oh little woman use the right word! I’ll so graciously use my manly knowledge to explain English vocabulary to you.”
You are a sexist jerk. I won’t assume your gender but you have the nym John so maybe you are a man and that makes you a mansplainer of mansplaining if you are.
Men like you are the reason I’ve chosen the challenging artistic path I have so that I can be free of your bullshit.
@Crip Dyke
Thank you, coming from someone as intelligent as you, I’m honored.
I’m still stuck on “why are men mansplaining” as if that’s at all relevant. Why can’t men figure out why they mansplain and in the meantime, just shut up?
Sorry but this has really stuck in my craw today. “Why are men?” Don’t know, don’t care. Just stop being like that at people. Women do it all the time.(Clarification: woman manage to not be like that at people all the time.)