I saw this in the Men’s RIghts subreddit the other day and I almost wept with joy. Because here, in the wild, was a man mansplaining mansplaining.to feminists.
Naturally, he gets it wrong.
Feminists did not mean by that men explaining “things” to woman “as if women can’t understand”, but men explaining on behalf of women what it’s like being a woman and specifically what’s good for women. Please advise new recruits of the feminist cult (in response they will tell you, “now you are mansplaning again!” you will answer by explaining again they are using it wrong, “again mansplaining”, “again using it wrong”, and so on – keep at it until she gets tired).
In fact, “men explaining ‘things” to woman ‘as if women can’t understand'” is basically the dictionary definition of “mainsplaining.”
As the dictionary dictionarysplains it:
Now, the Reddit mainsplainer’s example of mansplaining isn’t altogether wrongheaded. “Explaining on behalf of women what it’s like being a woman and specifically what’s good for women” is indeed a form of mansplaining, but it doesn’t encompass the entire meaning of the term.
The concept of “mansplaining” — if I might mansplain for a bit myself — was inspired by an essay by Rebecca Solnit called “Men Explain Things to Me.” Her classic example: a man a party who insisted on explaining a book she had written to her.
He was … telling me about the very important book–with that smug look I know so well in a man holding forth, eyes fixed on the fuzzy far horizon of his own authority. …
Mr. Very Important was going on smugly about this book I should have known when Sallie interrupted him to say, “That’s her book.” Or tried to interrupt him anyway.
But he just continued on his way. She had to say, “That’s her book” three or four times before he finally took it in.
Anyway, that’s kind of the ur case of mansplaining (from an essay you should definitely read if you haven’t already).But the word is so perfect a distillation of how a certain type of man communicates with women that the definition has widened a bit since then. Which is how language works; usage changes, dictionary definitions change.
But that’s a whole other can of worms. Are there any linguists here I could explain linguistics to?
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@Prophet 309
You’re right, experiences differ but I find that to be true too and appreciate the sensitivity with which you bring up this nuanced point.
@ .45
Good. Thank you.
@stacy
If I had to guess I would assume it’s a similar kind of thing i have with my husband during play. Even though I’m a sub and your dom I have found with women or afab people in bdsm there is an underline similar drive. There is a peace, an excitement and a hunger to be in control of a situation that you could easily be out of. For me even when my husband is dominating me or we are in a role play situation I get a lot of power high knowing that I’m really the one in control of everything that is happening to me. That all it would take from me is a single word and it would all stop and he would have to stop. I have this strong beautiful man doing the things i want him to do to me and he really is the one at my mercy.
As for your partners I also assume they get the similar feeling and connection of subspace which can be emotional intense but also extremely addicting. There is also something freeing about entering subspace. Trusting the person or persons you are with enough to just float away like that and that they will take care of you. Not cross your boundaries. I go completely nonverbal during subspace and can barely even move.
My husband on the other hand gets this high and i would probably say an ego boost when I go into subspace because it shows how deep my trust is for him. I have had a lot of things happen to me and because of some of them my outer reproductive parts have been slightly damaged. It’s a lot harder to have an orgasm because I don’t have feeling in a lot of it because of nerve damage. So for me subspace is a lot of the time better then a orgasm because I am filled with this intense euphoric feeling of joy and love.
Assuming that is what your followers go into then I would describe that very similar to a religious experience. If someone can give you that feeling and provide for you exactly what you want it can make the person feel like some sort of sex deity
I don’t think at all women over use the word mansplaining, I just think men like to mansplain everything from purpose in the universe, to how to properly breath because they really do assume they are smarter then every woman they come across.
I know this has been covered. But if five people of any persuasion are having to explain things to you on a daily basis all before noon, it’s probably because you’re an idiot, a willful, I’m guess. Try not being an idiot and see if fewer people explain things to do.
@Elaine The Witch
Yeah, that’s my guess as well, based on personal experience.
@Elaine
That is such a beautifully-written expression of really beautiful and deeply profound thoughts. What a beautiful gift you give by your willingness to share your thoughts and experiences and insights into this part of your relationship. Many of us have long been inspired and moved by the depth of you and your husband’s awesome relationship.
And as I read your beautiful expression, yes, very certainly I can tell that you truly “get it.” I’m so deeply sorry for the horrible crimes against you that an evil person committed and it makes sense and is inspiring that you find freedom and fulfillment both when you are in that subspace.
You are right about how my partners describe their feelings when we are together and they are in that subspace and I’m in what I think of as domme-space. It takes SO much trust and so sooooo much careful, deep and compassionate communication up front and continually. That applies not just to them and me but includes my assistant because of her role in recruiting and screening (not the initial screening because so many are ruled out there but the more serious screening as we get closer to my taking a new guy). And that’s how you get to that place where I just know I’m giving them something they want and that our being there in the first place at all is under their control as much as mine.
You are also right that the emotion and spiritual part of the intimacy is shared whether you are dom or sub. My guys are all so very fit and strong there is no way I could be with them and not be reminded just even by looking at them that they are strong masculine beings. And although I’m a goddess now yes I started as a sub and I get what it means to feel in that space.
Thank you again soooo much for the deep and beautiful sharing and I wish you and your love all the best passion and prosperity!
I just love how WATO said “It’s actually quite off-putting, and decreases my willingness to engage with you in any meaningful way” when his use of schoolyard insults straight outta the gate indicates his total lack of willingness to engage meaningfully. Manchild’s not even bright enough to lie convincingly. Thanks, WATO. I needed that hearty laugh at your expense this morning.
@Stacey
Thank you! You’re very kind.