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conspiracy theory reddit

Reddit’s conspiracy-mongers are running out of conspiracies to monger

Scented shoes?

In this age of COVID and QAnon, you might not think conspiracy theorists would have any trouble finding new things to theorize about.

But inspiration seems a little lacking on the Conspiracy subreddit.

Exhibit One: A posting with the all-too relatable title “Everything annoys me now” by someone calling himself tjsurvives.

“Since being awakened,” he writes,

not only do I feel the anxiety of knowing more about what’s going on, I am questioning everything. And being annoyed by the shiny objects that they try to distract us with.

Well, at least we know this guy isn’t a cat. Cats are all about shiny objects.

Sorry, I think I distracted myself with that.

I met someone today who had scented shoes. Shoes. Funny yes the joke of let me smell your feet I get it but this stuff is just distraction.

Er, what? Scented shoes are proof of some vast conspiracy? What are scented shoes, anyway? Just shoes with a scent? (A presumably nice scent, and not just regular foot odor.) What is even going on.

Oh, ok, after a little Googlng I learned that Melissa brand shoes are scented like bubblegum to “to add to the Melissa experience … it is one of our most talked about features.”

I guess so!

But how on earth are scented shoes part of the vast globalist conspiracy to annoy Reddit user tjsurvives?

There’s no explanation for that, because he’s moved on to a new subjct.

And passing a car lot I saw they now have the ‘22 models in stock. The car is not really a ‘22 model. It was made either this year or prior. It’s just a label. Who knows when it was made!

I think the real questions might be “who fucking cares?”

Honestly, so far tjsurvives’ post reads like the transcript of the world’s worst comedy set.

What’s the deal with 2022 Buicks?

But it’s just little games to make us feel like we have power.

We think we have power wearing our scented shoes in a brand new 2022 Buick?

Everyday the veil lifts more and I see the constant nonsense around us.

Are you sure you’re not just looking in a mirror?

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Rachim
Rachim
3 years ago

Is it not common knowledge that that’s how naming models of car *works*? The latest car is the one named for next year the same way that the 2022 Guinness World Records book will be published in 2021, 2022 calendars can be bought in 2021 etc
I’ve known this for 20+ years?

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
3 years ago

@Elaine The Witch:

I’m sorry to hear that. Hugs if needed.

StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
3 years ago

@Elaine

I’m sorry and send love and light.

Moggie
Moggie
3 years ago

So before he got woke, he assumed the car industry had time travel?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ elaine

Oh so sorry to hear that; but I’m sure things will come right for you in time. In the interim I’m keeping everything crossed for you.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ Brimmicombe-Wood Lee

I’d only just got used to the idea that the year letter was at the beginning, not the end, of the plate when they changed to the ‘new’ system. It still confuses me. But that’s ’cause my maths skills are so bad I have trouble working out the formula.

But yeah, there used to be all the adverts every August.

And now I have “The S plate specials coming off the line!” jingle stuck in my head.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ elaine

Oh so sorry to hear that; but I’m sure things will come right for you in time. In the interim I’m keeping everything crossed for you..

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ Brimmicombe-Wood Lee

I’d only just got used to the idea that the year letter was at the beginning, not the end, of the plate when they changed to the ‘new’ system. It still confuses me. But that’s ’cause my maths skills are so bad I have trouble working out the formula.

But yeah, there used to be all the adverts every August. 

And now I have “The S plate specials coming off the line!” jingle stuck in my head.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
3 years ago

@StaceySmartypantsTwiceRemoved:
I know somebody over in Montreal who actually built costumes with articulated wings; he did one as a gryphon, and one for somebody else to look like a gargoyle. (The somebody else in question was another Montreal-local friend who had actually worked on the comic book based on the Disney Gargoyles cartoon, so it was a gargoyle in that particular style.)

Granted, he would probably feel a bit twitchy about attempting to do flying on wires with the wings; the mechanism for opening and closing the wings was a bit finicky and wouldn’t handle too much bumping or stress in unexpected directions.

I don’t know if you have ever checked out Costume-Con, or anything similar, but starting from old-school science fiction fandom costuming and continuing through anime and furry fandoms there are a lot of people doing some pretty impressive costume work these days. To the point where there are conventions specifically for just the costumers, and ranking grades based on technical work.

StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
3 years ago

@Jenora Feuer

Thank you so much, those are all great thoughts! I was saying in one of the other threads that I have had some articulated motorized wings before but although I liked them the back part was too substantial to work truly right with what I was wearing. But you’re right that there are great companies and costumers out there and I know it’s possible if I have the right one and my sponsors are willing to pay for it. I haven’t been to CostumeCon and probably wouldn’t go myself but it is probably something we should send my assistant to, you’re right. Mostly we’ve been dealing with companies over the internet, phone and WhatsApp and Skype so that’s cool. And so far the advice I’ve gotten about being on a wire with wings is similar to what you suspect. I did one time put on a flying harness and then get into my latex over it but it was a lot of work. Definitely worth it but it would be difficult to do every day.

So even if I can’t be on a wire with them I am looking into motorized remote control wings that I could eventually commit to as part of what I wear everyday (well most days!) so that I’m seen by the people around me regularly enough with wings that it gets worked into their expectations of who I am. That’s going to be a big commitment (and will take the right wings) but will be worth it.

One company that I looked into already for articulated tails has some where a phone app controls the motor. I’ve got someone looking into how we can get a system that uses motion detectors and possibly (though this is more difficult) biofeedback sensors that I wear to connect with the app so I can control my tail more naturally and at will. If I could do that with wings too it would be awesome. I’m not techie at all so my sponsors are finding consultants. I just have a vision of the awesomely tyrannical bitch goddess I want to be! ?

Fabe
Fabe
3 years ago

Yeah. Car model years are pretty tame compared to some of the kooky shit Microsoft has done. For example, Windows 1, 2, 3, 3.1, 3.11 for Workgroups, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10, 11. Or XBox, XBox 360, XBox 1.

Alien,Aliens,Alien 3 ,Alien Resurrection .

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

Predator, Predator 2*, Predators, The Predator, Prey

(*Ok, that one makes sense)

Mind you, if this is confusing, check out Popes. I’m looking at you Pope Steven II; yeah, both of you.

Last edited 3 years ago by Alan Robertshaw
Lumipuna
Lumipuna
3 years ago

Stacey wrote:

That’s going to be a big commitment (and will take the right wings)

You should include both the right wing’s and the left wing’s POV in order to look fair and balanced in your costume.

(sorry)

StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
3 years ago

@Lumipuna

You know what I meant!!

I should have said the “correct wings”!

As for costume, yeah technically it seems that’s what it is when I talk about it in places like this so I get you but for those close to me in what I do, they’ll know that if I wear them regularly the purpose will be to craft a consciously constructed reality in our internal world where it’s not a “hot little blonde girl domme in a sexy costume” at ALL but an actual divine feminine entity ruling over Her (my) domain.

…..which is why it’s so cool!

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
3 years ago

Yes, I know. I very much meant “fair and balanced look” to be a double entendre.

StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
3 years ago

Clever!

In my real life when I’m holding court or even just working with my assistant if an onlooker said that casually making a joke about something serious (my wings) my wrath would be invoked.

But here in WHTM comment-land there’s too much cleverness not to appreciate it, which I do!

TyrantBitchGoddessStacey
TyrantBitchGoddessStacey
3 years ago

Also, everybody sometimes when I feel like it I’m going to be this nym. Not all the time but sometimes. Other times I’ll still be StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved

Last edited 3 years ago by TyrantBitchGoddessStacey
.45
.45
3 years ago

@ Elaine

To echo everyone else, sorry to hear that. Maybe next time.

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
3 years ago

Car models have ALWAYS been listed that way, I think. Certainly since well before this bozo was born. Don’t tell him about the 1964 1/2 Mustang, he’ll never get over it.

I guess he isn’t old enough to remember the 70s and “let’s scent everything/scratch and sniff”. And I mean, not to kink-shame, but he’s sniffing shoes? Does he really want to admit that on Reddit?

@Snowberry: what you said.

@Elaine: sorry.

@Stacy: You MUST check out Costume-Con! I have friends who are heavily involved, and they can build anything you want for much less than retail. Many of the International Costumers Guild have a kink or two, so I daresay someone would be thrilled to help. They had jointed folding/unfolding wings by at least 1984, for instance.

StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
3 years ago

@GSS ex-noob

Most of the companies we’ve been in touch with already and are now have mentioned CostumeCon at some point so I see what you are saying. I’ve got my awesome assistant looking into it.

I want hooved feet too but that’s easier than articulated remote controlled wings and a tail obviously.

All this is inspiring me to come up with a very extended piece where I commit to wearing all that every day for some period of time whenever I’m not alone except for whomever is helping me get in and out of it (maybe a few weeks?), preceeded by a formal announcement to my circle of supporters and fans who I interact with in our art community that I’ve decided to go ahead and reveal my true divine-demonic form. It means I would have to limit being around people for only a few hours per day (can’t stay in all that too long) and it would be exhausting physically. But so worth it if I could pull it off performatively, spiritually, physically and emotionally.

Kereea
Kereea
3 years ago

Yes, mindless consumerism is annoying once you see it for what it is. But it’s not a conspiracy. It’s a combo of companies and their advertisers trying to make money. Very obvious.

Full Metal Ox
Full Metal Ox
3 years ago

@Stacey:

I want hooved feet too but that’s easier than articulated remote controlled wings and a tail obviously.

I’m unfortunately failed to find pictures of this guy, but a (near-literal) dark horse of at least two 2019 Upper Midwest SF cons was the Black Unicorn Chess Knight. He was slim and splendidly fit, wearing unrelieved black spandex with an Art-Deco stylized unicorn head, a horse tail, and hooves on his feet and hands, and maintaining absolute silence; it was a Statement, and one that drew spontaneous gasps of awe.

StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved
3 years ago

Ooh. I want one. ?
I would have a nice stable all ready for such an impressive being.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
3 years ago

Thank you everyone who brought some word of comfort. I’m just really not okay right now.

Contrapangloss
Contrapangloss
3 years ago

Elaine, I somehow managed to miss it, but my condolences as well.

It’s okay to be not okay for a spell.

I know we’re kind of limited to well-wishes and thoughts on an open Internet forum, but folks are here for you. Best of luck to you and your spouse.