Categories
conspiracy theory reddit

Reddit’s conspiracy-mongers are running out of conspiracies to monger

Scented shoes?

In this age of COVID and QAnon, you might not think conspiracy theorists would have any trouble finding new things to theorize about.

But inspiration seems a little lacking on the Conspiracy subreddit.

Exhibit One: A posting with the all-too relatable title “Everything annoys me now” by someone calling himself tjsurvives.

“Since being awakened,” he writes,

not only do I feel the anxiety of knowing more about what’s going on, I am questioning everything. And being annoyed by the shiny objects that they try to distract us with.

Well, at least we know this guy isn’t a cat. Cats are all about shiny objects.

Sorry, I think I distracted myself with that.

I met someone today who had scented shoes. Shoes. Funny yes the joke of let me smell your feet I get it but this stuff is just distraction.

Er, what? Scented shoes are proof of some vast conspiracy? What are scented shoes, anyway? Just shoes with a scent? (A presumably nice scent, and not just regular foot odor.) What is even going on.

Oh, ok, after a little Googlng I learned that Melissa brand shoes are scented like bubblegum to “to add to the Melissa experience … it is one of our most talked about features.”

I guess so!

But how on earth are scented shoes part of the vast globalist conspiracy to annoy Reddit user tjsurvives?

There’s no explanation for that, because he’s moved on to a new subjct.

And passing a car lot I saw they now have the ‘22 models in stock. The car is not really a ‘22 model. It was made either this year or prior. It’s just a label. Who knows when it was made!

I think the real questions might be “who fucking cares?”

Honestly, so far tjsurvives’ post reads like the transcript of the world’s worst comedy set.

What’s the deal with 2022 Buicks?

But it’s just little games to make us feel like we have power.

We think we have power wearing our scented shoes in a brand new 2022 Buick?

Everyday the veil lifts more and I see the constant nonsense around us.

Are you sure you’re not just looking in a mirror?

Follow me on Mastodon.

Send tips to dfutrelle at gmail dot com.

We Hunted the Mammoth relies on support from you, its readers, to survive. So please donate here if you can, or at David-Futrelle-1 on Venmo.

51 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Mexican Hot Chocolate
Mexican Hot Chocolate
3 years ago

This guy is just easily annoyed by things that literally have no affect on him. And by the way, pal. The model year refers to the sales year, not the year it was built.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Scented Fucking Candles 2: Scented Fucking Shoes

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
3 years ago

Do shoes with Odor Eaters insoles count as scented shoes?

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
3 years ago

dude sounds like he sniffs a lot of shoes

epronovost
epronovost
3 years ago

@Elaine The Witch

Sounds like he smells a lot his own farts too in my opinion.

StaceySmartypantsTwiceRemoved
StaceySmartypantsTwiceRemoved
3 years ago

There are sooooo many other things in the universe to concern oneself with but…this?! Really?

Snowberry
Snowberry
3 years ago

Congratulations on your belated journey to discover that The World Was Not Made For You℠℅℗! TWWNMFY℠℅℗ is the universal phenomenon where the world is made for everyone and no one, it is full of things which are for you and things which are not for you, and where some things sort of make sense to you people like you and some things sort of make sense to people who are not like you! It is and always has been a chaotic mess which makes no one truly happy! Most people figure this out by the time they’re a teenager, and after a bit of pain, learn to deal. Others ascribe purpose and agency where none exist, and become conspiracy theorists. But hey, better late than never! It may be mildly comforting to think you’re extra super aware while everyone else is disconnected from reality when the actual situation is the opposite, but in the long run you’re better off not being that way.

Unless this is a “so close yet so far” moment, in which case disregard.

Gerry Sherry
Gerry Sherry
3 years ago

I’m sorry I missed the manboobs boat what happened with scented candles, misandrist hard chairs and female wh@re penguins?

Full Metal Ox
Full Metal Ox
3 years ago

@Mexican Hot Chocolate:

The advance-dating of car model years has been going on since the FDR administration (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Model_year), and this guy only just noticed?

(See also the advance-dating of magazine, particularly comic-book, publications: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cover_date)

personalpest
personalpest
3 years ago
  1. Worst Seinfeld imitation ever.
  2. Followup to mexicanhotchocolate: Indeed. Cars have been dated the year after they first went on sale for decades. Not sure why companies do this, but it’s a long-standing tradition.
StaceySmartypantsTwiceRemoved
StaceySmartypantsTwiceRemoved
3 years ago

@Full Metal Ox

Thank you so much for the note two posts ago and the video in the last post. I wrote you back! Sorry to run behind. It was a busy weekend!

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ personalpest

Not sure why companies do this, but it’s a long-standing tradition.

It’s not uncommon here for cars to sit on the forecourt for a few years before they sell. If during that time there have been modifications to the model, then the earlier models get retrofitted. That’s usually cosmetic stuff like taillight configuration.

Once a car is actually sold then it gets a number plate and the plate indicates the year. In fact the plate indicates which half of the year the car was put on the road.

That was at the behest of the car industry so they had two major sale points each year.

comment image

List of year identifiers
comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by Alan Robertshaw
Full Metal Ox
Full Metal Ox
3 years ago

@StaceySmartyPantsTwiceRemoved:

My honor and pleasure to have been of service, ma’am (even if it’s not that kind of service and I don’t fit your devotee profile.)

Hypatia's Daughter
Hypatia's Daughter
3 years ago

Mexican Hot Chocolate

And by the way, pal. The model year refers to the sales year, not the year it was built.

So you are telling me they don’t build thousands of new cars on New Years Eve (after midnight so they are OFFICIALLY manufactured in 2022) to fill the showrooms on Jan 2 2022?
I haz been deceived!

StaceySmartypantsTwiceRemoved
StaceySmartypantsTwiceRemoved
3 years ago

@Full Metal Ox

In a place like this where our privacy is maintained and we use pseudonyms, yes, I enjoy creative ideas from all. But I really like how in what you just wrote you more or less acknowledge that for a guy to be in my presence then absolutely there is a 6′ minimum height and a body type that I approve of beforehand as physically attractive to me. Everyone who knows me or even reads what I say about what I do here knows what great joy I get from being so insistent about that! (Preferably in a physical space where the verbal delivery can be accompanied with a whip crack!)

Oh now I so want to be winged and fly around while I do a rant on how important that is to me!

I really need to get a space where I can fly on wires! Inspiration!

OK everyone sorry for being off-topic!

Full Metal Ox
Full Metal Ox
3 years ago

@Snowberry:

Congratulations on your belated journey to discover that The World Was Not Made For You℠℅℗! TWWNMFY℠℅℗ is the universal phenomenon where the world is made for everyone and no one, it is full of things which are for you and things which are not for you, and where some things sort of make sense to you people like you and some things sort of make sense to people who are not like you!

In fact, a reliable measure of your privilege is the amount of time it takes you to realize that.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
3 years ago

Whoa. This guy isn’t afraid to call out other people’s super annoying habit of talking about things that aren’t interesting to him. Since he’s long lost in conspiracyland, his automatic default diss to other people’s talking points is “that’s a distraction”, though he may not remember or care what the words actually mean any more.

Elaine The Witch
Elaine The Witch
3 years ago

Period showed up about an hour ago.

Contrapangloss
Contrapangloss
3 years ago

@Gerry Sherry

Those are near ancient in-jokes from other manosphere tirades that some of the cohort had a lot of fun with.

A collection of the old in jokes can be found at this welcome package from the olden times.

A lot of the links are broken, but recoverable with the way back machine or by replacing the old site name with wehuntedthemammoth, as one does with a name change.

Also, apologies if you actually know all of this and were just making a joke. Reading back, it might have been a joke that went wooooosh over my head.

Last edited 3 years ago by Contrapangloss
Full Metal Ox
Full Metal Ox
3 years ago

@Elaine:

Period showed up about an hour ago.

Damn—Aunt Flo was the last one you wanted to hear knocking! My condolences; cry or rage or withdraw or however you need to react.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
3 years ago

@Elaine:

🙁

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
3 years ago

The car is not really a ‘22 model. It was made either this year or prior. It’s just a label.

Yes, car models are labels…?
So, this guy has only just discovered the notion of marketing? Well, he’s in for a wild ride, then.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
3 years ago

Yeah. Car model years are pretty tame compared to some of the kooky shit Microsoft has done. For example, Windows 1, 2, 3, 3.1, 3.11 for Workgroups, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10, 11. Or XBox, XBox 360, XBox 1.

Brimmicombe-Wood Lee
Brimmicombe-Wood Lee
3 years ago

Alan Robertshaw, I remember the days when the UK number plate registration updated once a year, so around August (IIRC) there was this massive rush on sales, followed by an increasingly fallow period for the remainder of the year.

Ten Bears
3 years ago

Sounds to me like he’s becoming [gasp!]… woke

1 2 3