Everyone’s favorite fallen angel has been busy!
Satan’s week started out with the dark lord getting called out by Newsmax host Emerald Robinson for his dastardly plan to inject hapless brainwashed citizens with a vaccine loaded with a tracking substance called Luciferase, which actually is a thing that exists — some kind of bio-luminescent goop, derived from fireflies, that allows doctors and scientists to see how shit spreads in the body, hence the name, which incorporates the Latin word for “light.” (Lucifer means “light bringer” in Latin. But no one remembers that, and whoever invented Luciferase should have maybe thought that name through a little more carefully.)
Anyway, there’s actually no Luciferase in the vaccines, but that didn’t stop Robinson and others for denouncing it as a “Satanic tracker” that would enable the evil government to see where you are at all times. (Which your phone already does, by the way.)
Robinson got suspended from Twitter (and from her job at Newsmax) for spreading false information. But that didn’t stop her from spreading it around a bit more on her Substack, where she declared that
Under the cover of vaccinating people, we are really preparing to tag and track people. The once free nations of the West are testing a new authoritarian system of total control under the guise of public health. …
This will inevitably lead very soon to biometric ID embedded into your body. You won’t be able to enter restaurants or buy groceries or go to work without it. As the Bible says: no one will be able to buy or sell anything except those that have the mark. You will know the mark by its name, which is the name of the beast: the enemy of all mankind who, before he fell, was an angel of light named …
… Lucifer. That’s why “Luciferase” should send a chill down your spine.
Now, I’m no theologian, just a longtime reader of Chick Tracts, but I’m pretty, pretty sure that Lucifer and The Beast are two separate guys. Might want to fix that in your blog before the End of Days commences.
Now we move from the absurd to the truly tragic: the deaths of eight concertgoers at Travis Scott’s AstroWorld festival, asphyxiated by the crush of an unrestrained crowd packed into too small a space. It’s appalling, and was entirely avoidable had those running the concert looked into similar tragedies before like the Who concert tragedy in 1979 that left 11 dead or any of the similar crowd-crush tragedies that have happened since them.
Instead of trying to understand the dangerous mistakes planners made in setting up this concert, so tragedies like this can be avoided in the future, assorted dipshits, including the folks at Infowars and The Gateway Pundit have decided to blame it on … Satan, or at least his earthly minions.
While The Gateway Pundit described the events as being “like a Satanic ritual,” others left out the “like” and asserted that it WAS a Satanic ritual.
“It was demonic,” claimed one attendee in a video quoted by the Gateway Pundit.
It just felt like we [were] like, literally, like in f***ing hell, bro. … You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t see. … It was so many bodies who [were] laid out. … That was demonic shit. … The whole crowd was going, ‘Help! Help!’ and he just kept going, bro. It was scary – it was so demonic.”
Some, as the Daily Dot pointed out, described the whole thing as an “energy harvesting event,” others as “a public voodoo sacrifice ritual advertised as a music festival.”
It didn’t really help that the sets for he show seemed to have been designed by Hieronymus Bosch.
And then on a somewhat lighter note there was Big Bird, who announced Friday on Twitter that he got his vaccine jab and real life kids should get it too. Ted Cruz called the tweet “government propaganda for your 5 year old” but others thought they saw the hand of … could it be? … SATAN.
Damn. Big Bird was never my favorite Sesame Street character but that seems harsh.
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Apropos nothing really…
The first safety matches were sold under the name Lucifers
Big Bird was intended to fly on the space shuttle, to teach kids about space. But they just couldn’t work out the practical issues with room for the costume. So instead they had to send a regular teacher. Poor old Christa McAuliffe.
Know your WWI singalongs. Such as Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag
….
While you’ve a Lucifer to light your fag,
Smile boys that’s the style
What’s the use of worrying,
It never was worthwhile
So ….Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag
And smile, smile, smile.
Something to jolly you on your way to hellholes like the Somme and its many – far too many – similar places.
It’s amazing to me the things that reactionaries claim are “grooming” Whether it’s encouraging vaccination or the Girl Guides, which acknowledged asexuality and pissed off the TERFs. Yet, they’re fine with actual abuse.
Anyway obligatory,
Wait, what? That’s grounds for being fired at Newsmax?
So, Newsmax is now a fully automated business with zero employees?
That’s some scary Skynet-level shit right there.
A strong case can be made that the latter is Emperor Nero, who would of course have had his face on all of the Roman coin issued during his reign. The horns are the seven hills of Rome, there’s a Kabbalic or similar numerological encoding that yields 666 for Nero’s full name, and so on and so forth — and, most significantly, Nero was a contemporary of John of Patmos, unlike, say, Donald Trump. It makes far more sense for him to have been talking about the politics of his own time than the far future. Obliquely, so as not to immediately bring down the wrath of Nero’s censors.
On the topic of “light bringer”, a very interesting observation is that Revelation uses that phrase, or one very like it, to refer to … Christ.
There are echoes in other mythologies of a fallen god who brought light. Prometheus being perhaps the most obvious (fire), followed by the Egyptian Thoth (knowledge and reason). The Apple was also supposedly conferring knowledge. “We got smart and clever and this opened up a can of worms” seems to be the general thread running through these parts of various creation myths. Made us powerful, but at the same time forced us to confront things like our own mortality. No longer innocent animals of the forest but now apprentice gods, or what-have-you.
Notably, a similar thread is present in the story of Pandora’s Box … which, like Eve with the apple, attempts to blame women, through the proxy of blaming some particular ancient one.
(Even a contemporary mythos got in on this one, with someone literally called the Ancient One tapping into the Dark Dimension to extend her own life, only to end up letting a book full of related dangerous knowledge she’d kept around fall into evil hands. The ensuing mess was severe enough that it took an Avenger armed with an infinity stone to fix it, as I recall, and she did not survive said mess.)
@WWTH:
I believe that’s called “projection”.
Should be read with “Le veau d’or” from the Faust of Gounod…
@ surplus
Yeah; although there’s quite good evidence that originally it was 616. With 666 ether using a different transliteration of Nero’s Latinised name; or it being an update to refer to Domitian in later editions of Revelation.
667 of course being the fax number of the beast.
And then there is 668, the neighbor of the Beast…
Honestly since the beast is the anti-Christ he’s satan in the same way Jesus is God. Some claim there is an unholy trinity of him satan and the dragon, who I do believe JOHN meant as an epithet to one of the other two.
Wait, there’s dragons involved with Satan? Man, if Christians want people to reject Satan for their guy, they should probably stop making Satan seem so cool!
Between dragons and all the depictions of him as a hot guy, the seems like quite the Chad!
I mean (some NSFW content)…
https://hornet.com/stories/timeline-sexiest-satan-ever/
https://www.wikiart.org/en/roberto-ferri
$665.99, the retail price of the Beast
However, incels gave him an average rating of “6.66 low tier normie”.
@ WWTH
Well, I haven’t been able to check out his canthal tilt or wrist circumference but he seems to work out at least.
(That one in the middle is actually called The Number of the Beast is 666)
Here’s Big Bird getting his measles Vaccine back in 1972
/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/640?cb=20190619221748
Sesame Street has always been part of Satan’s evil plan to… stop deadly diseases from killing millions of people.
Luciferase was named during the period mentioned above when matches were commonly called lucifers.
Lucifer has been busy this week.
“‘Better to reign in Hell…’
“Me take me, what the here was I thinking?!? I am so exhausted, I don’t know where in the here I am going to find time to torment the damned this week.”
“Everyone’s favorite fallen angel has been busy!”
Makes sense. If the Devil is to find work for idle hands to do he has to start at the top…or the bottom, as the case may be.
I think if folks want to find some of the cool encounters Jesus had with dragons, they’re going to have to check out the books in the Apocrypha, aka the books that didn’t make the cut when the Bible was first assembled. A fast skimming of a couple of those books still shows Satan turning into a dragon to torment folks, but this passage from The Gospel of Pseudo-Matthew has dragons that aren’t Satan in disguise:
Book 18, from here. I think Jesus was around 2-3 years and old in this chapter.
Some of those Infancy Gospels had some cool stuff in them, even though had they become canon they would’ve created just as many bizarre and twisted theories as what did make it into the official Bible(s).
On the other hand, “Jesus Christ: Dragon Tamer” would’ve been a great addition to the official mythos. Just saying….
@Alan Robertshaw; @weirwoodtreehugger:
How could we leave out this Jean Delville classic?
http://arthur.io/img/art/00017344a61a0a334/jean-delville/the-treasures-of-satan/large-2x/jean-delville–the-treasures-of-satan.jpg
@Redsilkphoenix:
On the other hand, “Jesus Christ: Dragon Tamer” would’ve been a great addition to the official mythos. Just saying….
A famous early short story of George R.R. Martin’s featured a Gospel centered upon a dragon-taming Judas:
https://www.lightspeedmagazine.com/fiction/the-way-of-cross-and-dragon/
@ full metal ox
Ooh I like that; and I’d never seen it before. So thank you.
Seems not only does the Devil have all the best tunes; he also has some nice paintings.
”The Devil went down to Georgia, he was looking for a soul to protect from a deadly contagion” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.
As for the devil “being hot/having the best tunes and paintings”… well, the devil wouldn’t be any good at temptation otherwise.
(And that probably sums up why so much of self-declared ‘Christian music’ is so bland; it’s written by people who think anything that feels good must be worldly and of the devil. And who are quite willing to ignore centuries of evidence of good hymns, symphonies or even more recent gospel music to hold onto that view.)
And regarding the whole idea of ‘luciferase’ being a poor choice for a name… it’s easy to forget just how recent the whole evangelical subculture is given how deeply it has dug itself in. The Scofield Reference Bible which formalized a lot of the Rapture-craze was published in 1909. As Dalillama points out, the naming of Luciferase (by Raphaël Dubois) was earlier than that; his work goes back to 1885.
@ jenora
You can turn any just about any song into Christian rock by replacing ‘baby’ with ‘Jesus’.
@ jenora
You can turn any just about any song into Christian rock by replacing ‘baby’ with ‘Jesus’..
@Alan Robertshaw:
You can turn any just about any song into Christian rock by replacing ‘baby’ with ‘Jesus’..
A principle famously set forth by that great Christian librettist Eric Cartman (one of those characters whose name suffices as a content warning; also has a character’s dismayed realization that the narrative is forcing him into fulfilling a racial stereotype.)
…and in Satan’s spare time: