I found this wall of text posted to the BlatantMisogyny subreddit, and I really, really, really want it to be true.
Unlike most walls of text, this one will reward you enormously if you read it straight through to the end. If you find yourself troubled by the lack of punctuation just pretend you’re reading Molly Bloom’s soliloquy from James Joyce’s Ulysses.
Ladies, line up for this one. He’s a keeper.
But I am a little confused, because according to the boys in the Semen Retention subreddit, “holding your nut back” for an extended period of time makes you smarter and more confident and magnetically attractive to the ladies. Maybe it also causes farts? Someone needs to do a proper study of this to see who is right, but it’s not going to be me because of all the farting.
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So all the fake ass bitches are sluts, yet he
a) wants a freaky sex girl
b) still doesn’t want the FABs, who are sluts
Yeah, he’s definitely not getting smarter.
Also, he should probably see a doctor if his testicles and colon really are connected like he thinks they are.
New drinking game; take a shot each time you read the word “bitch”.
On a dog breeding forum?
Uh…. D:
Presenting Fake Ass Bitches:
http://i.pinimg.com/736x/38/85/86/388586d084389a0c15f1a5726a81be11–dalmatian-costume-cute-halloween-costumes.jpg
A poodle, presumably:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/729/3098/1600/P1010508.jpg
“[P]ull my dick out of nowhere”: I’m not exactly sure what this phrase means, but as far as I can tell, it’s original. And it has a certain charm. It’s unfortunate that so many, many other words surround it.
Perhaps not calling women sluts and bitches and seeing them only as something to have sex with might make him more successful. Also, he may want to change his diet. I just spoke to someone with balls and they assure me that being horny does not give you gas.
he needs to learn what a fucking period and common is
So much to unpack from this farting fool that no one’s mentioned the part where he says he’s “not in motherfucking jail anymore”.
I am drunk enough that this is one of the funniest things I’ve read and a dramatic reading would be amazing. Good lord.
Hello.
Oh, i did not know that “fake ass” was also used in english.
Anyway, about the semen retention stuff, it is simple. Sometimes, the earned power is so huge that you need something like a safety valve to avoid your bollocks to explode. As nothing must leave your penis outside of pee, the closest safety valve remains the rear door.
So, semen retainers farting in a lift are just using their surplus of power to show who is the boss.
> personalpet
Yeah, that was a thing that appealed to me when i read the article. Wonder what was his case.
Sloths are the only mammal that don’t er, have ‘digestive issues’.
You’d think they might explode but apparently they reabsorb gasses into their bloodstream.
So bear with me, but it makes a little more sense if you assume “nut” is an euphemism for turd.
He’s been holding it in for too long, but for some reason he doesn’t want to go by himself, he wants a girl to do shit with.
@Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Pretty sure it means he’s got a bit of a thing for Zatanna.
“I am a little confused, because according to the boys…’holding your nut back’ for an extended period of time makes you smarter and more confident and magnetically attractive to the ladies. Maybe it also causes farts?”
{puts on straight face}
It’s an alchemical process. The farts are the humors escaping from the vessel of the body. It’s proof that the operation isn’t going well.
{takes off straight face and puts it away for safekeeping}
I feel like a Venn diagram of various classes of bitch would help enormously with this.
@occasional reader:
Motherfucking, of course.
Makes about as much sense as any other Manosphere theory. I await the follow-up where incels complain how women identify their virginity through their excessive farting.
@Alan
They also defecate only once a week, a process that requires climbing to the ground and doing a little dance. Around 50% of sloth deaths are caused by jaguar attacks during this activity, which may help to explain why they hold it as long as possible. If you knew that there was a strong chance of a jaguar in the can, you’d probably hold it as long as possible too.
Off topic:
Hi David.
Longtime reader(from the start of GG), rarely comment. I’m having trouble reading this site on the desktop.
The mobile is fine. No problems. But if I try to navigate to this site say from Twitter on the desktop, the entire page freezes while things take forever to load. I have had to force my browser closed from command on a couple occasions because everything was freezing.
I have disabled pics and media for this site. It’s so bad, I have to remember not to click the URL. I really don’t think it’s the browsers, but it’s possible (chrome/chromium).
Firefox is slightly better.
Just an FYI in case there is something on your end
Thanks.
Did he escape from jail by building a wall of text and going over it?
OT, but is any other Ontario mammotheer having problems getting a vaccine passport from the government webshite? People born in the months of January through April were supposed to have become eligible yesterday, May through August today, and everyone else not until tomorrow; yet it won’t let me download mine, claiming I was born too late in the year to have become eligible yet. I was born before September, so I should have become eligible by now.
Is this just some bug or glitch, or am I being singled out for some reason here?
Hey Surplus to Requirements, I had the same issue today. I read the website more carefully and I *think* for the first 3 days, you can only download it if your birthday is in the designated months for that day – (October 15, 16, or 17). Then on the 18th everyone can download the QR code. So try again on October 18th. Like, I am in the first 3rd of the year, but I didn’t know about it till today, so I didn’t try yesterday.
That is my best guess about what is going on…
I don’t know why it’s the “females that act like they not sluts” that makes me crack up the most, but it is.
I think it’s because I tend to think of “slut” as an external descriptor of behavior rather than as an inherent characteristic (“I have seen that that person sleeps with lots of people” rather than “that person is poly and may therefore be inclined to sleep with lots of people”), so a slut who doesn’t act like a slut is just a contradiction in terms.
Of course, his definition of “slut” is almost certainly “woman who won’t have sex with me but probably does with other people.”
And I second @Trying’s call for a dramatic performance of this.
@KatInBoots:
That can’t be right. They can’t make someone eligible, then not eligible, then eligible again — that makes no sense at all. And not notifying anyone until the 16th on top of that would mean nobody born in the first four months could, in practice, get theirs until the 18th, so is a move that would make even less sense.
Furthermore, since they caused us both to have the expectation that we’d be able to get it today, they are obligated to let us get it today. To not follow through at that point would constitute fraud, something they themselves have designated a crime.
Last, but certainly not least, it’s a QR code. It’s a couple of kilobytes or so of data, tops. Serving the error page probably uses about as much bandwidth and server resources as serving the fucking QR code itself would. So there’s really no point in any of this staggered-start-days stuff to begin with! Particularly since people who get the error message when they’re expecting that they’re eligible will make at least one more attempt, in case it’s just a transitory glitch, so it’s serve one QR code or serve at least two error pages (and an extra instance of every intermediate page too). So telling people that they’re eligible and then moving the goalposts is just going to waste even more server resources.
Did nobody do the fucking math on any of this?
Surplus to Requirements
Ontario has nearly 15 million residents (nearly 40% of Canada’s 38 million population).
I am sure the province created an entire secondary computer system just to personally single you out.
OT: I’m sure some of you have seen this, since it’s doing the rounds on twitter, but it’s too good not to share. Some self-described anti-SJW posted a twitter thread about “why so many in the radical left participate in speedrunning” (in the games sense). It’s at least twice as ridiculous as that sounds, and must be seen to be believed.
https://twitter.com/bronzeswords/status/1449345260207828995