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MGTOW cooking owning the libs racism the federalist

The Federalist: Own the libs on Columbus Day by cooking this politically incorrect pasta dish

Just be careful you don’t overeat and own yourself by accident

Leave it to the Federalist to offer a literal recipe for owning the libs.

In a post titled “How To Cook The Columbus Day Feast Of Liberal Nightmares,” the inadvertently comical right-wing site offers detailed recipes for “Mama Turner’s Sauce” and “Bedford’s Missing-Capers Veal Milanese” for your C-day “feast.” (I didn’t even know that was a thing.)

The goal here, of course, to trigger the libs with a dinner centering around tomato sauce — because, don’tcha know, it was Columbus who brought tomatoes back from the New World.

“[D]umb people across the very country [Columbus] Discovered are spreading old lies and choosing to honor Indigenous People’s Day instead” of Columbus day, the Federalists declare.

“Honoring,” because no one actually “celebrates” Indigenous Peoples Day. And why would they — there’s no pasta, no veil [I think he means veal], not a recipe for “the sauce” in early America?

But the Italians did invent the sauce. One Italian in particular also had the vision and the bravery to sail over the ends of the earth, amidst tempests, serpents, and cannibals, to discover the New World (and bring back the tomatoes they needed).

This is that man’s holiday, and these are his peoples’ recipes — brought to you by The Federalist’s Chris Bedford and Power the Future’s Daniel Turner.

Wow, I guess you sure showed us.

There’s a nearly-an-hour long video showing you how to prepare the recipes for your “feast.” Needless to say I didn’t watch the thing and neither should you.

This whole “Kitchen Culture War” — that’s what they call it — is more than a little reminiscent of MGTOW cooking, the only real difference is that these guys actually seem to know their way around a kitchen.

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cat of many faces
cat of many faces
1 month ago

Figures they’d think sea serpents were real…

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

Perhaps unsurprisingly, pre-columbian Native Americans had lots of tomato based foods. Tomatoes are one of the ‘magic 8’ foods. See here for more on that.

https://www.unearthwomen.com/2019/07/31/the-chef-revitalizing-native-american-cuisine/

Ironically it was the white colonists who wouldn’t touch the things. They thought they were poisonous. Thomas Jefferson once caused a scandal by serving them at a White House dinner.

This bloke probably did more to popularise tomatoes than anyone though.

https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/from-poison-to-passion-how-the-evil-poisonous-tomato-became-a-staple-of-our-diet/news-story/fad3506781016b0546cc0afe6c8f2a70

Notwithstanding that was in 1820, it wasn’t really until the late 19th/early 20th century that tomatoes took off as a food in Europe. One exception to that was the Italians; who got heavy into tomatoes from the 16th Century. And they do have some nice sauces.

But the fact remains if you wanted to honour/celebrate Indigenous People’s day with tomato based cuisine, you’d have plenty of choices.

Last edited 1 month ago by Alan Robertshaw
Viscaria
Viscaria
1 month ago

I find that I can both enjoy pasta sauce and care about indigenous people in the Americas and elsewhere.

Nequam
Nequam
1 month ago

Frankly, if they’d just own up that Columbus Day is really “Italian-American Heritage Day” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbus_Day#History) I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Eat pasta! Listen to Louis Prima and/or Dean Martin! Watch Scorsese and Coppola movies!

personalpest
personalpest
1 month ago

@Nequam: Indeed. I’m Italian-American, and we can celebrate our heritage without honoring a guy who committed atrocities.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ personalpest

Ironically the most common national holiday in the world is “Independence from Britain Day”.

(52 separate ones)

jsrtheta
jsrtheta
1 month ago

@Alan Robertshaw: You beat me to the punch. Colonel Johnson stood on those steps in Salem, Massachusetts to eat his tomato, not far at all from where I grew up.

The Federalist (a gross misnomer) is likely unaware of the fact that a lot of what we consider “Italian” was not really Italian fare. If you ordered pizza in Rome in the 1960s, you got a round piece of bread with maybe some melted cheese, maybe not.

The Federalist, like almost all conservatives, know nothing from history.

galanx
galanx
1 month ago

Considering Columbus day was invented as a sop to Italian-Americans after eleven Italian immigrants were lynched by a mob led by the KKK.

“Monday we dined at the Camerons; various dago diplomats were present, all much wrought up by the lynching of the Italians in New Orleans. Personally I think it rather a good thing, and said so.”
Teddy Roosevelt

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_14,_1891_New_Orleans_lynchings#Press_coverage

Seth S
Seth S
1 month ago

tbh having a dumb protest with pasta at their homes is a lot better than having a dumb protest with guns, nooses and zip-ties at the Capitol, so maybe we shouldn’t mock this too much. It’d be great if food became their regular mode of protest, actually. I’ll take it.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 month ago

[D]umb people across the very country [Columbus] Discovered are spreading old lies and choosing to honor Indigenous People’s Day instead” of Columbus day

Actually, we’re honoring the day that an Italian man was discovered starving on a beach.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
1 month ago

Isn’t tomato sauce a little too spicy for right wingers? They should be offering up some mayonnaise based dishes instead.

Dave
Dave
1 month ago

I think it was only the upper class British who refused to eat tomatoes.

Robert Haynie
Robert Haynie
1 month ago

@weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee:

Well, since Mayonnaise is French… I honestly don’t know where they’d go with that.

Battering Lamb
Battering Lamb
1 month ago

@Galanx: “Monday we dined at the Camerons; various dago diplomats were present, all much wrought up by the lynching of the Italians in New Orleans. Personally I think it rather a good thing, and said so.”

Just so we are clear here, was he talking about the lynching as a good thing?

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
1 month ago

Lies, smears, and slander: Christopher Columbus may be one of the first targets of cancel culture, and it happened right in his own time.

Fortunately for him, none of his contemporaries believed his loan accuser (who, mind you, wanted his job), but today people are dumber, so now dumb people across the very country he discovered are spreading old lies and choosing to honor Indigenous People’s Day instead.

His loan accuser? What was that about dumb people again?

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
1 month ago

@Robert Haynie just don’t let the Spanish hear you say that, especially not the people of Mahón (or anywhere in Menorca or the Balearics in general … 🙂

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
1 month ago

Frankly, if they’d just own up that Columbus Day is really “Italian-American Heritage Day” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbus_Day#History) I wouldn’t have a problem with it. Eat pasta! Listen to Louis Prima and/or Dean Martin! Watch Scorsese and Coppola movies!

I’ve understood that only some Italian-Americans bothered to celebrate Columbus day until it became a target of anticolonialist critique, and subsequently a cultural war cause celebre for the racist right. And despite the pretense of appreciating Italian culture, the focus seems to be shifting toward celebrating the US-Anglo-American heritage of racism.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
1 month ago

“Honoring,” because no one actually “celebrates” Indigenous Peoples Day. And why would they — there’s no pasta, no veil [I think he means veal], not a recipe for “the sauce” in early America?

Blatant attempt to bait leftist nerds into arguing that Native American cultures did in fact have sauce-like foods (I can only this is true to some extent), which can then be ridiculed as obsessive indignation over something completely irrelevant. More likely than not this ridicule would be expressed with a trollish smirk and the confident assertion, “no, only Italians have invented the True Sauce”.

But the Italians did invent the sauce. One Italian in particular also had the vision and the bravery to sail over the ends of the earth, amidst tempests, serpents, and cannibals, to discover the New World (and bring back the tomatoes they needed).

Perhaps deliberate upside-downing of the basic reality Columbus and his financial backers didn’t get what they wanted and didn’t know to anticipate what they eventually got*. Of course, from modern historical perspective one can always joke that Italians spent their pre-1500 history spontaneously dreaming of tomatoes and vainly searching for them, just to be complete in their Italian-ness.

*Now that I think about it, Columbus getting a load of funding to find pepper and eventually coming back with allspice is a pretty funny and accurate metaphor for my own PhD thesis project.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
1 month ago

cat of many faces:

Figures they’d think sea serpents were real…

No obviously the point is that Columbus braved the sea even though in his day everyone believed you could fall off the pizza if you sailed too far.

Alan:

It wasn’t really until the late 19th/early 20th century that tomatoes took off as a food in Europe. One exception to that was the Italians; who got heavy into tomatoes from the 16th Century. And they do have some nice sauces.

Indeed; though this hardly had anything to do with the fact that Columbus was from Italy. One can imagine that without longstanding Italian influence, other Europeans would’ve been even slower to adopt the tomato. Today, tomato would be (in North America and Europe) known as an exotic fruit popular in Mexican cuisine.

Ohlmann
Ohlmann
1 month ago

@Alan : Tomato are like potatos in that they are close cousin to highly poisonous plants, and also have anything who isn’t the usually eaten part actively poisonous. So while they were stupid to not learn from the natives, they could easily have done tests and concluded the thing is no bueno.

Potatoes similarly did not get immediate european adoption either, for very similar reasons.

LondonKdS
LondonKdS
1 month ago

Yeah, both tomatoes and potatos are related to European plants called “nightshades”, most of which are notoriously poisonous. Even to this day there are some orthorexists who declare that eating “nightshades” is the real cause of all manner of health problems.

ObSidJag
ObSidJag
1 month ago

“Honoring,” because no one actually “celebrates” Indigenous Peoples Day.”
Delurking long enough to ask “And how does this dimrod know this?”

I work for the Chickasaw Nation, and it does *not* celebrate Columbus Day. It celebrates Piominko Day (one of their most important leaders).

Same day, same time and a half paycheck wise, but a much better–and more appropiate–choice, in my not so humble opinion.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ kat

none of his contemporaries believed his loan accuser 

I wonder if this is meant to be a reference to the meeting Columbus had with various other sea captains and potential financiers? It is certainly true that they expressed a degree of scepticism at the project; and they were right to do so.

Columbus was using an estimate of the circumference of the earth that was wildly optimistic. This was because he had conflated Arab miles with European ones; so he was underestimating the distances by around 25%. He also believed Asia was a lot wider than it actually is. There’s speculation that he was aware of the Viking ‘Vinland’ and had identified that with Vladivostok.

There is debate as to whether Columbus was actually that naive; or whether he just used those figures, despite knowing they were wrong, in order to drum up funding.

The irony is, the other sea captains said he’d run out of food by the time he’d got 3,000 miles; and they were right. Lucky for Columbus the Caribbean was in the way.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

Re: Toxic flora

Quite a few people deliberately grow poisonous plants; just as an exercise in horticulture. And a lot of people are doing it without realising.

But this is a nice video on a really good example of a poison garden.

And yes, they have tomatoes!

https://cdn.website-editor.net/dcb2270579134da18d99448109d32e03/files/uploaded/alnwickpoisongarden.pdf

Karalora
Karalora
1 month ago

@Seth S

tbh having a dumb protest with pasta at their homes is a lot better than having a dumb protest with guns, nooses and zip-ties at the Capitol, so maybe we shouldn’t mock this too much. It’d be great if food became their regular mode of protest, actually. I’ll take it.

As long as we all act like it’s the most atrocious thing we ever heard of, they’ll snap it right up.

Dalillama
1 month ago

@OpposableThumbs
Unless it’s a corruption of “Bayonnaise” and is from the opposite end of post-Roman Europe.

rabid rabbit
rabid rabbit
1 month ago

@WWTH:

Isn’t tomato sauce a little too spicy for right wingers?

I dunno, it’s always possible that when he says “tomato sauce” he means “ketchup.”

Full Metal Ox
1 month ago

@Lumipuna:

Blatant attempt to bait leftist nerds into arguing that Native American cultures did in fact have sauce-like foods (I can only this is true to some extent), which can then be ridiculed as obsessive indignation over something completely irrelevant. More likely than not this ridicule would be expressed with a trollish smirk and the confident assertion, “no, only Italians have invented the True Sauce”.

♫ When an Aztec makes sauce
With a chocolatey gloss,
That’s a moooooleeee! ♬

@LondonKds:

Even to this day there are some orthorexists who declare that eating “nightshades” is the real cause of all manner of health problems.

I’m reminded of a Good Samaritan on the city bus who regarded my arthritic gait as a cue to barrage me with unsolicited health advice:

A. Avoid nightshade vegetables.

B. Take capsaicin supplements.

Can you see something wrong with this picture?

Last edited 1 month ago by Full Metal Ox
CrawlingKingSnake
CrawlingKingSnake
1 month ago

In one of their most regular and stunningly obvious bits of projection, these useless, self-loathing, utterly void and desperate shits demand that it is ME who needs to “get a life”!

“Conservatives” today look into mirrors, describe their ugliness and stupidity as best they can (with cliches, the truly laughable “insults” they pass among themselves like magazine porn from the 50s circulates in an Iranian prison, and misspelled assertions pulled most unsanitarily from the same ass they keep they heads in), and then pretend they’re talking about those they hate*.

These are the worst humans ever to have lived – and they do all this just to pretend they can evade the embarrassment of being wrong! They’ll literally destroy the nation and burn the world before admitting to themselves that they are.

*Meaning “envy”

Mrs. Obed Marsh
Mrs. Obed Marsh
1 month ago

Who celebrates Columbus Day, anyway? It’s always been a day off for me.

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
1 month ago

The natives didn’t invent the sauce, but they did invent la salsa. Or whatever they called it in their languages. Probably “mmm, slurp, ahhh”.

I had some local, mostly-foraged Native cuisine (not a tomato-eating people) late in the Before Times and MAN was it delicious. Came with short free history and language lesson from the Native guys who’d gathered and prepared it. Also ate in a Native restaurant in Vancouver once, that was delicious too.

Of course, tomatoes aren’t indigenous to what’s today the US, and White Patriots didn’t consider the Italians to be white for ages. Just look at the KKK.

As a child of part-Norwegian ancestry, I was always guaranteed to be That Kid who piped up “What about Leif Erickson?” every October.

Columbus Day: Honoring that time an Italian guy working for the Spanish missed an entire double continent, washed up on some islands, and thought he was on an entirely different continent. Then he committed genocidal atrocities that raised eyebrows even at the time.

He was using a foreign power’s money, made promises he couldn’t keep, and was lost and incompetent. Perfect for The Federalist, right? Sounds like Cheeto Benito!

@Alan: You could eat Mexican food made by authentic Mayans and Aztecs, etc. for Dia de la Raza, which would be both ethnically native and full of tomatoes. I mean, tamales alone…!

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
1 month ago

@Nequam: Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga have a new album out and they’re both Italian! Swingin’ jazz.

As a True American, I’m going to have a cheeseburger tonight. Because we usually have them on Mondays.

Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
1 month ago

@Nequam, @GSS ex-noob:

Steve Buscemi Day has a nice ring to it.

Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
Kat, ambassador, feminist revolution (in exile)
1 month ago

@Alan Robertshaw

none of his contemporaries believed his loan accuser 

I wonder if this is meant to be a reference to the meeting Columbus had with various other sea captains and potential financiers? It is certainly true that they expressed a degree of scepticism at the project; and they were right to do so.

I understand skepticism on the part of Columbus’s potential financiers. But even in that context, I don’t know what a loan accuser is.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
1 month ago

Well, since Mayonnaise is French… I honestly don’t know where they’d go with that.

Easy. Just change the name to freedomaise.

Jenora Feuer
Jenora Feuer
1 month ago

@Alan:
One argument that I’ve seen in the ‘Columbus knew that his estimate was wrong/ridiculously optimistic but used it to get funding’ is one that I found in Daniel J. Boorstin’s The Discoverers:

Columbus actively lied to his own crew about the distance they’d travelled.

We know he did because his log books included his own calculations of distance, and also included the lower number he had told the crew. (This was before anybody had good enough clocks to calculate longitude directly, of course, so it was mostly dead-reckoning for distance.) He deliberately low-balled his distance estimates with what he told the crew, presumably because he didn’t want to face the mutiny he might have had as they got to the distance he said they would have to travel and still couldn’t see land.

The ‘amusing’ part of it is that, based on the best guesses as to where Columbus actually hit land first (we know the rough area, but that area includes quite a few islands)… the lies that Columbus told his crew were actually more accurate than Columbus’ own estimates.

Boorstin’s book really does Columbus no favours. (And Boorstin was not only a historian, he was actually the Librarian of Congress for a while, and mostly a pretty staunch conservative.) We’re talking ‘threatening to cut off the tongues of anybody who tells his investors that what they discovered was not part of mainland China or that what we now call Cuba was an island’ level of things.

Assuming that’s true, that all lines up a whole lot better with ‘Columbus desperately trying to keep his house of cards from collapsing’ than ‘Columbus made a mistake’. Granted, we know from more recent history that people who started as scammers can end up becoming true believers in their own bullshit, especially after being forced into corners to defend it.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

@ jenora

That sounds like an interesting book; notwithstanding the biases. I am pretty fascinated by accounts of early travel. I do subscribe to the idea that there was a lot of very early, and undocumented travel. Not the China hypothesis or Clovis points, that’s pretty much BS; but there’s archeology round here that shows trade with the Mediterranean and North Africa going back at least 8,000 years!

And I find the idea of Columbus just overhyping the project very plausible. It’s not like that’s an uncommon phenomenon today. Just now he’d be talking about colonies on Mars.

Dalillama
1 month ago

@Alan
The existence of the Mediterranean Bronze age was reliant almost entirely on Cornish tin: the Iberian deposits were insufficient, the Balkan deposits over too long a land route, and nobody west of Hyderabad had even heard of the Southeast Asian deposits.

Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, archaeological evidence indicates trade routes linking both the Atlantic and Pacific seaboards to the Great Lakes and South beyond the Rio Grande.

Lumipuna
Lumipuna
1 month ago

One argument that I’ve seen in the ‘Columbus knew that his estimate was wrong/ridiculously optimistic but used it to get funding’ is one that I found in Daniel J. Boorstin’s The Discoverers:

Columbus actively lied to his own crew about the distance they’d travelled.

I don’t know how realistic his own private estimate was, according to the best science of the day, but he did endanger his own life, among others. I get the general impression he was quite eager to get rich and famous, or die trying.

Assuming that’s true, that all lines up a whole lot better with ‘Columbus desperately trying to keep his house of cards from collapsing’ than ‘Columbus made a mistake’. Granted, we know from more recent history that people who started as scammers can end up becoming true believers in their own bullshit, especially after being forced into corners to defend it.

Meanwhile, Amerigo Vespucci and others began exploring the “West Indies” in Columbus’s wake. Around the time of Columbus’s death, Vespucci published his reports that proved wildly popular, not only making European scholars finally fully aware of West Indies, but convincing everyone that it was in fact a new world. Soon, the name America was proposed to honor Vespucci.

Alan Robertshaw
1 month ago

Seems everyone is talking about tomatoes these days.

MV96
MV96
1 month ago

Can you imagine that if Amerigo Vespucci had another name, America wouldn’t even be called America? XD

Moggie
Moggie
1 month ago

@MV96:

Can you imagine that if Amerigo Vespucci had another name, America wouldn’t even be called America?

United States of Dave.

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
1 month ago

The United States of *waves hand* That Part Over There.