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Men’s Rights Redditors explain why dating is so difficult for men these days

Hypergamy in action: woman dumps date for the alpha dude in the next booth

So over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, the regulars are debating a perennial question: Why Is Dating So Hard For Men In The Modern World?

Only a handful of commenters take issue with the premise of the question — that dating is especially hard for (straight) men these days. But most of the commenters have no problem with this notion and are happy to provide their own considered explanations, most of which come down on the “women are too picky” side of the question.

Here’s a sampling of some of their explanations.

I leave it up to you to decide just what it is that makes dating so difficult for these particular guys. (I have my own theory, which I will share with you at the end of this post.)

Nayko214 argues that men have trouble dating women because women are unjustifiably afraid of being raped:

Because women have all the power, refuse to give it up, and then cry sexism when you point this out, constantly falling back on the ‘but but but we could get raped!” even though the vast majority of men don’t and never will rape a woman. Its brutally unfair and when men point this out we’re told ‘life isn’t fair, now excuse us as we promote something to make things more fair to women because that’s IMPORTANT damn it!”

Lice138 thinks it’s because women demand that men be tall doctors with beards and dad bods (?). And also because women are stupid.

Because you must be 6 feet tall, dad bod or rent a boy body (whatever is fashionable right now) , a beard, make 100k as a Rocket Scientist doctor and a feminist with political ideas that match mine even though I do not know enough about politics to hold the opinions I have.

I don;t know, Lice138, maybe the real problem is all those lice. (Also, just FYI. the typical doctor in the US makes twice that.)

Kaputz77 think it’s because women only want “flashy” thngs, and flashy men.

Let’s break this down in simple terms. Women like to shop, women are attracted always to new and flashy things and some women see dating choices as infinite when they first start out after the end of a relationship.

Based on that generalization, many women I have spoken to offer a limited amount of effort early on because they are spoiled for choice. … Because they like new and flashy, the flashy dudes rise to the top. Women looking for an ego boost will be attracted to flashy guy and then end up disappointed when flashy guy bangs them and runs away. Then we gwt the whole “men are trash” phenomenon when in reality women make bad choices based on superficial crap, get burned for it and then lack accountability, shift the blame to a faceless “men” and repeat their mistakes.

Coucoupietre blames men for paying attention to women in the first place, thus turning the ladies into egomaniacs.

We are the man screwing our mankind. Dating applications and Instagram give the woman so much self confidence. Think you are getting 50 friend requests everyday from different women. Then you would not give any value to other women you see on street or work. These stupid cocksuckers even not getting any reply from women, still insist following these bitches and even make them earning huge money from followers.

These bunch of idiots are dropping the value of the man to zero. Waste of space.

Coucoupietre isn’t the only commenter to blame dating apps for inflating the egos of women, causing them to raise their standards higher than they really should because they’re not all that.

According to odd_federal34,

Women have much more options resulting they come after better looking guys or with better status. Average guys are needy, they simp and are always accessible. It’s not so hard for women to hookup with top tier guys but he will probably never settle with that women. Because of that women feel they can always do better. There is a huge awakening for them after 30-35 years old. Foucs on yourself, don’t do porn.

Meanwhile, our old friend fiend DavidByron2 wins the Godwin Award for this rather gratuitous Nazi reference:

Feminism is a hate movement that’s being actively promoted by the government. It’s like asking was it hard for Jews to date non-Jews in Nazi Germany.

I don’t know about you all, but I’m pretty sure the current dating marketplace is not very much “like asking was it hard for Jews to date non-Jews in Nazi Germany.”

I would suggest, rather, that insofar as Men’s Rights Redditors are having trouble with women it’s because they are pissy manbabies who hate women.

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Anonymous
Anonymous
2 months ago

And here I was thinking it had to do with the fact we’re still in the middle of a pandemic combined with what you just said. If by some miracle it turns out that some of their number are not pissy manbabies after all, the pandemic point remains.

(Although I could also argue that there are hundreds of other factors involved to the point where someone like me, who could qualify as an incel by their definition, can actually find it easier to say “it’s destiny, you can’t do a thing about it”. My sympathies go out to the few that deserve it, but really, the fatalism route really is the way to go.)

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

or rent a boy body

You can rent bodies now? Groovy. It’s starting to get dark here, so I could rent someone else’s body to fall over into ditches on the way home. Doesn’t have to be a boy; just anyone who doesn’t mind a few scratches.

Also

make 100k as a Rocket Scientist doctor

Ceredwyn Ealanta
Ceredwyn Ealanta
2 months ago

Please. Buckaroo Banzai was a rocket scientist doctor ROCKSTAR. Step up.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
2 months ago

Yeah, a rocket scientist doctor who makes 100k a year needs to ask for a raise.

Full Metal Ox
2 months ago

In short: a guy needs to be Reed Richards to get laid any more?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
2 months ago

What’s a rocket scientist doctor? Is that a doctor who only treat rocket scientists? Or is it doctor who treats rockets?

Teagan Jeanne Andrews
Teagan Jeanne Andrews
2 months ago

Curiously most doctors I know are not rocket scientists, but actually quite average human beings. I may be mistaken, but I believe the name for that is called being a general practitioner? The ones that are notably beyond rocket science are often not in any kind of relationship, because they are essentially married to their jobs. I find it insipid how incel culture is gratuitous in it’s excessive mental exploration and neediness for uncontrolled sexual access. I’d also have a massive allergic attack if one of these guys were to even breath on me. Is it too much to ask if someone is highly selective in their choice of anything or anyone? I mean seriously, would you go to a tasteful and elegant high class restaurant and endure being served low-grade battery raised slop? Ever wonder why when seeking quality, many human beings will actually travel the world over to have brief but satisfying encounters with actual free roaming human beings?

“- Joe: You lost a lot of blood. Are you sure you don’t need more?
– Marie: Don’t worry. You’re not my type.”

I was sad, I was starved. It was time to treat myself. Then I thought, “What about… Italian?”. — Anne Parillaud as Marie in Innocent Blood

Last edited 2 months ago by Teagan Jeanne Andrews
Big Titty Demon
Big Titty Demon
2 months ago

make 100k as a Rocket Scientist doctor and a feminist with political ideas that match mine

How absolutely adorable that’s what he thinks rocket scientists make. ^_^

Daughter
Daughter
2 months ago

As a scientist doctor, I feel qualified to comment. I don’t make anywhere near that. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman, and there’s a systematic pay gap between men and women with the same qualifications, doing the same work? At any rate, our whiny poster is either unfamiliar with the pay rates in academia or he is calculating wages in Turkish Lira.

Nightcore Lion
Nightcore Lion
2 months ago

Oh yes, of course, the classic men bad, women good.

Stop trying to vilify a gender to justify this situation. Dating really is a lot harder for men than it is for women, and it’s not because they are “pissy manbabies”.

It’s because on a baseline basis, men are more attracted to women than women are attracted to men. The value of women within the dating market will always be much higher.
This imbalance has always and will always exist.

However, back when monogamy was the norm, that wasn’t so much of a big deal. Attractive men would get into relationships with attractive women, removing themselves from the dating market, and so average men would get with average women, so on, so forth.

But now that online dating and hookup culture is the new norm, things have drastically changed. Lots of young attractive men are choosing to sleep with as many women as possible instead of getting into a relationship.

As a result, most women are now having short term flings with attractive men. Which wouldn’t be a problem if these women understood that they’re punching above their weight and that these hot guys only see them as fuck buddies.

The problem begins when women start expecting the same level of attractiveness of the men that she can sleep with, for a relationship. Which increases their standards to unrealistic levels.

They keep hoping to get one of these attractive men to settle down for her. Of course these guys are only in for the fun and only consider settling down with women their same level of attractiveness, but they won’t hesitate in sleeping with average women. Men will always sleep with lots of women if given the chance.

So that’s what keeps happening. Attractive men are on rotation having flings with most women. Leaving women disappointed that they can’t get into a relationship with them and leaving average men to compete for a small percentage of women.

Average women only give up on locking down a top tier guy when she’s nearing, or past 30, that’s when they realize they don’t have much time left to waste if they want to start a family, and so they settle for a more reliable less attractive guy.

It’s not really anybody’s fault. Everyone is just playing with the cards they’ve been given, it’s just human nature. If I’d have to point to a culprit, it’d definitely be hookup culture.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
2 months ago

@Alan

I fully expected that video to turn into a “chicks dig jerks” cliche, and I’m very grateful it didn’t.

(Esp. having seen men do that kind of stuff IRL, hitting on women while insulting their husbands and thinking they’re so slick. It’s a very common behavior from male tour guides IME. Newsflash guys, that doesn’t make us attracted to you, it makes us think you’re trash.)

LollyPop
LollyPop
2 months ago

“The only women I don’t display immediate and violent contempt for are 19 year old Insta-models, but they respond badly to my generic creeping and obvious negs. Why is dating so hard?! Wah wah etc”

Moggie
Moggie
2 months ago

A rocket scientist doctor would be one of those who sit at a console in mission control and monitor the astronauts’ vital signs via telemetry. It’s not exactly brain surgery, and you don’t need to make house calls.

Nightcore Lion
Nightcore Lion
2 months ago

Why aren’t you approving comments that disagree with you? Let’s have a healthy discussion.

BigKitty
BigKitty
2 months ago

Wait – I thought the manosphere was of the opinion that it’s women’s fault if they get raped, because they’re too carefree and la-di-da about who they date. They should be more careful!

But at the same time, they also blame women for their dating difficulties because bitchez be too cautious about possibly getting raped.

So, same shit, different day: EVERYTHING women do is wrong.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
2 months ago

I wonder… if it would change the relationship dynamic if we stopped defining “dating” as “getting my dick wet”…?

… just a thought….

Last edited 2 months ago by Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
2 months ago

@ Moggie (re: rocket science doctor)

BlackBloc
BlackBloc
2 months ago

Even if one was inclined to give MRAs the benefit of the doubt, the best case interpretation for their bullshit is “I will only date women under 25, also why are all the women i am dating immature?”.

I didn’t know what the fuck i was doing at 22 and i got into shit relationships.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

OT, but the situation here in Canada is troubling.

  1. It looks based on pre-election polling like our fascist party, the PPC, will do noticeably better than last time. The silver lining being that vote splitting on the right may benefit the center and left.
  2. Some US-style voter discouragement methods seem to have been imported. For the first time in living memory there are hours-long lines to vote in Canada. My own polling location, normally in-and-out-in-2-minutes, had a 15-minute line out the door and down to the street. Disturbingly, there was another polling location actually closer to my home, with no visible line, suggesting that people in my area were assigned to two different polling locations based on some criteria beyond just proximity, and that one of those polling locations was under-resourced or over-subscribed compared to the other. Were those criteria by any chance race, religion, and income bracket? A second, finer granularity: based on some number on the voter registration cards, some people at my polling location got to jump the line.
  3. Pre-election polling points to conservative gains. If the projections are exactly right, in much the way they weren’t in the UK or the US in 2016, then they won’t win, and the status quo (Liberal minority government needing to make a deal with the Tories, Bloc, or NDP to pass each bill) will be maintained.
  4. The PPC might not be the only fascist party. The Tories have been using a 14 words dogwhistle in pretty much all of their campaign advertising. “Secure the future. Vote Conservative.” It’s probably a cynical ploy to keep at least some potential defectors to the PPC in the fold, rather than based on a sincere shift to the far right, but this year’s cynical ploy is all too often next decade’s sincerity, as witness Republican post-Nixon lip service to racism and sexism to pander to the base leading eventually to the Trumpist takeover of their party. The PPC may “win” in the end by pulling the Tories to the right over time, rather than by actually forming a government themselves.

In light of that last, particularly, it’s perhaps appropriate that the election is occurring on a full moon night.

At least last time’s brief but dubious flirtation with e-voting seems to have been abandoned. Probably for all the wrong reasons, though, like Bell Media whining that the usual hours-long vigil of watching election results trickle in was over in only 15 minutes in 2019, and so was the associated advertising revenue stream. “Our raaaaatings!! :(“

GSS ex-noob
GSS ex-noob
2 months ago

“Why is dating so hard for assholes in the modern world?”

FTFY, HTH.

Surplus to Requirements
Surplus to Requirements
2 months ago

OT: the media has begun calling the election for the Liberals here. So, the specter of conservatives in power has receded for the time being …

rugbyyogi
rugbyyogi
2 months ago

Woop, woop! I won the lottery. I actually have a dad-bodied, heavily bearded (thanks lockdown for both of those!), rock scientist Dr. as my partner. Ok, not rocket science. But rock science is pretty great, too. Oh, yes, he’s a pussy magnet. Cats love him – including my cat that I’d had for nearly 13 years before we met, suddenly I was yesterday’s kibble, the unacceptable nubbins at the bottom of the bowl.

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

Speaking of science, I have an ethical dilemma.

I’ve just been invited in for a Covid booster shot. So that would be my third jab.

If there had been an equitable distribution of the vaccines then I wouldn’t have an issue.

But to me it seems unfair that I get three jabs when so many people in poorer countries haven’t even had one.

Of course, if I don’t use my shot then it’s not like they send it to someone abroad.

But even so its like being offered a third slice of cake when there’s people going hungry.

I know in practical terms my refusal wouldn’t directly benefit anyone. But we already hog far more than our fair share of resources; and this just seems to be upholding and supporting that.

https://fortune.com/2021/09/02/scientists-who-rich-nations-covid-booster-shots-criminal-counterproductive/

Maybe if enough people refused then that might force a rethink of the policy?

Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
Threp (formerly Shadowplay)
2 months ago

@Alan

As a person who currently can not be given the vaccine, just take it. The more people get boosters, the less Covid there is around and the faster I get into hospital for my operation.

What, you thought I’d be selfless? 😛

.45
.45
2 months ago

@ Alan

Yes, get the shot. Don’t get it for yourself, get it for the people around you who can’t or won’t get the shot, who have health conditions or just plain bad genetics that mean even with a vaccine they can still get Covid. It’s peachy that you feel bad about people elsewhere who can’t even get one shot, but there are still people around you that you can help by getting a booster. Do it for them.

Without the booster you may pick up and pass who knows what variant. With it… well, you still might, but it’s definitely worth doing.

epitome of incomrepehensibility

Then we gwt the whole “men are trash” phenomenon when in reality women make bad choices based on superficial crap, get burned for it and then lack accountability, shift the blame to a faceless “men” and repeat their mistakes.

Seems a whole lot like projection!! Shifting the blame to faceless women and so on.

@Surplus – On the news I saw lines in downtown T.O. where people were waiting an hour and a half after the polls actually closed. (At least they were allowed to vote.) That area could have more voting stations, given how many people it has.

All in all, the election seemed like a pretty pointless exercise. Trudeau just ended up where he started. I don’t think it was a great idea, calling the election in the middle of the pandemic, but I trust the Conservatives less, so…*shrug*.

Alan Robertshaw
2 months ago

@ threp & .45

Yeah, I suppose that has to be right. I’ll chalk it down to the ‘systemic’ thing.

This reminds me of a time we went to some lecture at the Old Bailey. At the end there were loads of half empty bottles of wine left. We mentioned to the staff that they could now have a nice party. But they said they weren’t allowed to take the wine home themselves, they’d have to pour it down the sink; so we stayed behind to finish them all off on principle. I guess this is analogous.

And of course we now have our own Cornish strain of Covid. They’re calling it the ‘festival’ variant*; which is pretty jaunty.

I’m still very much with the WHO on the general principle though. 2.2 million people per year die from zoonotics anyway. But that never seemed to be an issue until people in rich countries started being at risk.

(*See if you can guess which weekend Boardmasters was)

comment image

Last edited 2 months ago by Alan Robertshaw
moregeekthan
moregeekthan
2 months ago

I am pretty sure dating is “hard” for anyone who cares to engage in it. Just because making your feelings known to someone without knowing if they reciprocate those feelings is very scary. But these guys insist on being the center of everything, so, of course, it is especially hard for them. [eyeroll]

Moggie
Moggie
2 months ago

It occurs to me that I’ve mostly heard about the desirability of “dad bods” from, well, dads, rather than from women.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 months ago

They think women have all the power in online dating, yet these guys are constantly making huge laundry lists of who has “value” in the dating marketplace (no single moms, no pink hair, no one over 25, no past partners, no BMI over a certain value, etc etc, we’ve all heard it 1000 times before) that eliminate about 95% of women from the pool. They’ve already done a lot of weeding out and rejecting even before they get to the stage of initiating contact, but it doesn’t feel like rejection to them because they’re the ones in control of it. I would bet all of them are stampeding the same limited set of women’s profiles and getting angry that they’re just one in a crowd.

A certain percentage of those profiles are fake, too.

Last edited 2 months ago by Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
2 months ago

@Moggie:

No, some women (myself included) definitely go for it*; though as with any other physical type, personality makes the big difference.

*(Half my Tumblr feed is currently thirsting for Alfred Molina)

Jess
Jess
2 months ago

I love how by isolating in my house and sitting at my dining table eating soup instead of giving men a chance, I can actively victimize them with almost no effort on my part. By depriving their fundamental reproductive right to date me it’s sort of genocide, and therefore basically the holocaust if you really think about it.

redmanticore
redmanticore
2 months ago

the dad bod is the opposite of desirable. he might have tried to meant to write “fit body” instead of dad body, but fumbled it up while writing it. brainfarts happen. then he just didn’t notice it. we are sometimes quite certain we did something we just didn’t.
that is why there are double confirmations on critical things procedures, just to be sure, you actually did it.

like @Moggie
says, the dad bod is only used as a derisive adjective by women.

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
well, all singles on any dating platform stay single, when they use a laundry list of things they want. including 40+-year-old single women who “want children one day”, there is a whole army of them on every dating platform. they will, of course, remain so.
single, i mean.

it is like modern employers use robots to handle CV:s, but now they’ve found out, nobody passes them and they don’t have employees, now. simple law of demand and supply is reintroduced in everyone’s private and professional lives, every day, in “surprising” ways.

Last edited 2 months ago by redmanticore